Topaze Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 I have been reading the threads on this board, reflecting on my own experiences as well as those of friends and relatives. My question is in earnest. This is not intended to bash anybody. Between the guys who monoplize your time for months and then play the "just friends" card, the plethora of severe charachter flaws and I am not talking about minor stuff (depression, bi-polar disorder, panic attacks, alcohol problems, jail time, abuse of ex-spouses), no show wonders, and players just interested in sex dating seems to be a HOPELESS business. Are there no men out there looking for a serious relationship? If there are, where the heck are they hiding? Am I wrong in thinking that this shouldn't be so difficult.
sami Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Yes. They are either looking for OW or FWB whatever is more convenient for them.
Author Topaze Posted April 2, 2005 Author Posted April 2, 2005 What is OW? Sami, why do you think that men aren't into serious relationships? Is it a case of "Why buy a cow if you can get milk for free?" Have women shot themselves in the foot by not sticking with old fashioned values?
sami Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 True. In some African countries they say :" a goat" instead of a cow. See!! it alldepends on what you're getting your milk from.
alphamale Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by Topaze Between the guys who monoplize your time for months and then play the "just friends" card, the plethora of severe charachter flaws and I am not talking about minor stuff (depression, bi-polar disorder, panic attacks, alcohol problems, jail time, abuse of ex-spouses), no show wonders, and players just interested in sex dating seems to be a HOPELESS business. The one thing all these men have in common is that you chose them for some reason or another. Maybe you need to reassess your criteria for the men you choose to go out with. I have a number of male friends who are fairly normal and yet have trouble finding women to date.
moimeme Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 No. When you weren't looking, all the men on the planet got together and had a meeting and decided that from then on, they only want sex and to mess with women's heads. Sorry.
faux Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 What would give you the silly idea that almost no men in the world are looking for serious relationships? It sounds as though you have just been running into the wrong type of man, no doubt because you have been actively seeking out those types of men. Most women do not want the nice guys who are interested in providing caring relationships. As to where they have been? All around you, the entire time.
alphamale Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by faux Most women do not want the nice guys who are interested in providing caring relationships. so true FAUX. I know some men who are sorta nerdy "nice guys" who would give their left testicle to have a relationship with a decent female. Unfortunately very few average women are interested in these guys. And forget about the attractive women, they are all running after good looking, rich, bad boy types.
moimeme Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Unfortunately very few average women are interested in these guys. Gee. The BS detector just went off again.
sami Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Not just heads I believe. Downthere too. The HH (head of the hood)
d'Arthez Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 These men are everywhere. But you can't expect them to knock on the door everyday. You have to open your eyes, and be willing to accept one of them. Simple as that.
Author Topaze Posted April 2, 2005 Author Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by faux What would give you the silly idea that almost no men in the world are looking for serious relationships? It sounds as though you have just been running into the wrong type of man, no doubt because you have been actively seeking out those types of men. Most women do not want the nice guys who are interested in providing caring relationships. As to where they have been? All around you, the entire time. I am DEFINITELY not into the bad boy type so I am not seeking such losers, turst me. I didn't talk about all the men in the world. Let's just stick witih North America. Have you read some of the threads on here?
Author Topaze Posted April 2, 2005 Author Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez These men are everywhere. But you can't expect them to knock on the door everyday. You have to open your eyes, and be willing to accept one of them. Simple as that. Well I don't see them...they must be invisible.
d'Arthez Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by Topaze Well I don't see them...they must be invisible. There is your problem. It is not hard to live in a city of 3 million people and only notice a few hundred of them.
tokyo Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by Topaze Well I don't see them...they must be invisible. You can't see them, because they are all on your ignore list like Moimeme, Alphamale, me, etc.
d'Arthez Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by kooky You can't see them, because they are all on your ignore list like Moimeme, Alphamale, me, etc. Since when are you and moimeme men, kooky?
tokyo Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Since when are you and moimeme men, kooky? We are not men, I just put us up as as examples.
alphamale Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by kooky You can't see them, because they are all on your ignore list like Moimeme, Alphamale, me, etc.
Author Topaze Posted April 2, 2005 Author Posted April 2, 2005 d'Arthez, I am not trying to be difficult although, based on your comments, it seems that you THINK I am trying to be difficult. To begin with, I am not 22 years old so it is not viable for me to be accepting dates from bus boys, construction workers, guys who wash dishes in hotel kitchens, or other men who are not established. If a man is not settled into something by the time he hits his mid thirties, then that is a HUGE red flag. At any rate, I would not be compatible with a guy like that. Most of the single men I run into fall in that category. I run into relatively few educated or professional men who are single. Most of the educated single ones who have taken me out fall into the categories I listed in the opening poste for this thread. and are just not worth dating a second or third time. I hardly ever run into any Black single men who are educated or professionals. The White ones, for the most part won't date Black women. While I am open to meeting and dating men of ANY race, I do think I need to hang out some places where I can meet more Asian men. So far, those dating experiences have been positive. But my question is in earnest, I really don't run into a lot of men who are interested in pursuing a serious relationship just a bunch of players, head cases and "just friends" junkies.
alphamale Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by Topaze But my question is in earnest, I really don't run into a lot of men who are interested in pursuing a serious relationship just a bunch of players, head cases and "just friends" junkies. If it is that big an issue TOPAZE then why don't you move to another city that is more "singles-friendly" like Atlanta, San FRan, Chicago, Boston, etc.... get out of Canada! there are certain cities that attract a lot of single professionals. MOVE!!!
tokyo Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by Topaze To begin with, I am not 22 years old so it is not viable for me to be accepting dates from bus boys, construction workers, guys who wash dishes in hotel kitchens, or other men who are not established. Sorry, I've never dated bus boys, construction workers, etc. when I was 22. Did you? And are you still getting offers for dates from them? I don't mind if someone says I have a certain preference about men, I expect them to have this and that, but please, don't assume so much about other people and their dating preferences. Alpha, she doesn't want to/can't move because of her kid and because she's already established there, I think. Anyway, she can't read us.
Author Topaze Posted April 2, 2005 Author Posted April 2, 2005 There is a small matter called a GREEN card Alpha.... one can't just pick up and move to the US. Plus until my kid finishes school I am stuck here. There is the need to be near the FATHER thing you know or are you not aware of the fact that you can't just pick a kid up and move them away from a parent who has visitation rights? And yes Alpha you are on ignore but I unblocked you for a second by mistake so I won't see whatever nasty response you choose to fling my way.
moimeme Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Since you're not reading my responses, I am free to speculate that you're not the sort that exudes a cheerful, open, and loving personality and therefore you're not exactly a man magnet. I once saw a couple who had been married a long time. I couldn't take my eyes off them because they both had truly nasty, sour expressions on their faces. So it's possible for everyone to find someone that they need. It's about attitude, Topaze. Change yours and your life will change. D'Arthez, feel free to paraphrase if you like since you're the last living Shacker she hasn't got blocked.
d'Arthez Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 In all seriousness, well-educated and single professionals, are in short supply. From a certain age, say 38 years the following is true: most of them are married, or confirmed bachelors. You have no interest in the latter category, and no interest in the former category; so that leaves you only the few people that get divorced or lose their partner to death (cancer for instance). That leaves you only relatively few people to pick from. But what are these few men interested in? If they have their career on track, they can attract a lot of women. Some prefer to date the young girls of say 18-25. Other men will have other preferences; but bottomline is, that the men make the demands. So unless you have an attractive package on offer, you will have a hard time finding such a man, and getting him interested in you. The more and heavier demands you make, the more you need to have the qualities and the attributes to back the reasonableness of these demands up. I certainly won't deny that all sorts of prejudices play a role in the dating game. I dress terribly by nature. It has saved me a lot of conversations with women I would not be interested in. But unlike the clothes I wear, there is no way you can change your physical appearance; I have read your threads. And it is frustrating of course, to be not even considered because of that. It has happened to me once, and I found out months after asking a woman out. I was rejected, because I was less than an ince shorter than her. But would you really want to be such a closed-minded man? Don't bother with them, and don't let yourself be bothered by them. You can't control the men. The only thing you can control is yourself; and a self-confident and cheerful woman, who is conscious of her achievements and shortcomings, is a very attractive woman. It is not about having a man in your life or not, it is about being happy with yourself.
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