fronk Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I think I know what the response will be but I will ask it anyways... Do you all think the NC rule applies to family members of the ex that you were friends with before you met? I have been friends with my ex's Aunt for many years before we met (and yes she introduced us). I have talked to her regularly over the years and yes of course we do talk about "her" often as she is her aunt. However we talk about other things as well. She has been very understanding through the recent breakup and has been a source of support to get over her as any friend would. She has reaffirmed to me that I did nothing wrong and that I am still a great guy. She has even encouraged me to date other people. I would hate to lose her as a friend as well. What do you think? Anyways TIA...
Satu Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I'm a fairly keen advocate of the value of NC, but I don't think of it as a rule. I see it as a tool for healing, like going for therapy. In this case, I wouldn't cut contact with this person, because she is a pre-existing friend who supports you in your healing. Others will have their own opinions, but thats mine. 5
organizedchaos Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I think I know what the response will be but I will ask it anyways... Do you all think the NC rule applies to family members of the ex that you were friends with before you met? I have been friends with my ex's Aunt for many years before we met (and yes she introduced us). I have talked to her regularly over the years and yes of course we do talk about "her" often as she is her aunt. However we talk about other things as well. She has been very understanding through the recent breakup and has been a source of support to get over her as any friend would. She has reaffirmed to me that I did nothing wrong and that I am still a great guy. She has even encouraged me to date other people. I would hate to lose her as a friend as well. What do you think? Anyways TIA... Keep the friendship, don't talk about the ex. 2
Author fronk Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 (edited) Keep the friendship, don't talk about the ex. Thanks and I wish I could. I guess I'm asking because I know that will be very hard to do if not impossible for me. And she is really the only person I can talk to about the entire situation as she knows it all. I cannot even bring myself to tell my closest friends (and I don't have many) or family the entire story. Heck, I can't even find the strength to post it here anonymously to a group of strangers. Edited February 6, 2015 by fronk
Simon Phoenix Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 You can keep contact with them, but like it's been said, don't discuss the relationship. The relationship that brought me here back in the day was with the sister-in-law of my best friend. I would talk to my best friend about it a bit (he's known me far longer than his wife, much less my ex) under the conditions -- mutually agreed by the both of us -- that he's not to get involved and not to talk to my ex at all about it. As far as his wife (my ex's sister) I didn't say one word to her about anything having to do with my ex. My friend was my confidant, she was my ex's and I had no desire to try to appeal to the sister and get her involved with "my side". My friend and I's relationship wasn't hurt by this, if anything it grew stronger. As for his wife, it was definitely weird between me and her for a bit, but over time it got back around where it was prior to me dating her sister. 1
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Thanks and I wish I could. I guess I'm asking because I know that will be very hard to do if not impossible for me. And she is really the only person I can talk to about the entire situation as she knows it all. I cannot even bring myself to tell my closest friends (and I don't have many) or family the entire story. Heck, I can't even find the strength to post it here anonymously to a group of strangers. If it has to be like that, then just make sure you don't talk about what the ex is doing in the present. Make sure it is all about your experience while with her. There's a difference between talking it out with a friend and using the aunt like she's Facebook. Maybe tell the aunt that your goal in talking to her is for her to help you get over your ex, not to stay in the know. 1
PegNosePete Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Look, calling it a "rule" means you have the whole wrong idea about it. It is not a rule, it is a guideline for helping you get over the relationship. If you can have happy, independent discussions and communications with the family member then go ahead. If it is adversely affecting you, causing you to think about your ex too much, causing you to be stuck in the past and preventing you from moving on, then cut ties. Tell your friends, dude. Seriously what do you think they will do? Laugh at you? Then they are not your friends at all - better to find out now. Any real friend would help and support you. 1
organizedchaos Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Thanks and I wish I could. I guess I'm asking because I know that will be very hard to do if not impossible for me. And she is really the only person I can talk to about the entire situation as she knows it all. I cannot even bring myself to tell my closest friends (and I don't have many) or family the entire story. Heck, I can't even find the strength to post it here anonymously to a group of strangers. Why can you not confide in your closest friends? What kind of friend would belittle you over this? You really do need to confide in an unbiased third party who has no ties (blood or otherwise) to your ex.
Author fronk Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 I don't know why I can't tell my friends but I just can't right now. Maybe because its so fresh (less than a week). No, I don't believe for a second that they will laugh at me or belittle me...but I still can't. Maybe because everyone was so happy for me that I was in a relationship and I don't want to disappoint them. Maybe I am embarrassed that she cheated on me. I was able to tell my sister that we broke up but I wasn't ready to tell her the whole story or even that she cheated on me. I did tell her though that there is more to the story that I don't have the courage to tell her right now. I'm pretty sure I will cave tonight and talk to her Aunt tonight. She is sad that it is ended for us but knows that is over as well. She even understands that I may never contact or see her ever again.
organizedchaos Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I don't know why I can't tell my friends but I just can't right now. Maybe because its so fresh (less than a week). No, I don't believe for a second that they will laugh at me or belittle me...but I still can't. Maybe because everyone was so happy for me that I was in a relationship and I don't want to disappoint them. Maybe I am embarrassed that she cheated on me. I was able to tell my sister that we broke up but I wasn't ready to tell her the whole story or even that she cheated on me. I did tell her though that there is more to the story that I don't have the courage to tell her right now. I'm pretty sure I will cave tonight and talk to her Aunt tonight. She is sad that it is ended for us but knows that is over as well. She even understands that I may never contact or see her ever again. People cheat all the time. Yes, it's a big deal, but this isn't something like she's secretly a man and you'd be embarrassed to tell anyone that. She cheated, that says more about her than you. 1
Author fronk Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 People cheat all the time. Yes, it's a big deal, but this isn't something like she's secretly a man and you'd be embarrassed to tell anyone that. She cheated, that says more about her than you. If it was just cheating I would have shared the story with those close to me already.
Author fronk Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 Talked with the Aunt last night....didn't help only made me feel worse. Last night was a rough one for me. Wasn't really any new news from her which I was hoping for obviously. Probably will need to break off contact with her as well and I told her that last night.
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