RuKiddingme Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 So I'm truly trying to understand this. You don't want to know about the other guys until you begin to talk about sex and/or exclusivity. It is at that point that you want to know that you're not the only one, even though you're only dating one person? Aren't you at least somewhat emotionally invested at that point? Wouldn't this mean that you are a little blindsided by the news? I tend to agree with this. I make it a point right up front that I don't do the whole multi thing and if someone is into that, I'm no the one.
Maleficent Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 So I'm truly trying to understand this. You don't want to know about the other guys until you begin to talk about sex and/or exclusivity. It is at that point that you want to know that you're not the only one, even though you're only dating one person? Aren't you at least somewhat emotionally invested at that point? Wouldn't this mean that you are a little blindsided by the news? I think both you and GoodonPaper are talking from two extremes. If I was on a first date and the guy told me he was dating 1, 2 or 10 other girls, I'd be turned off by it and most people would. But I think that if you're going to see that person again, you should make your intentions clear. And face it, if you haven't decided after 3-4 dates which one you want to try for a relationship with, you are most likely not that much into any of them. Probably best to leave sex out of the equation but I also feel that as long as one's intentions are true and clear, we're all consenting adults you know?
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 If I was on a first date and the guy told me he was dating 1, 2 or 10 other girls, I'd be turned off by it and most people would. Well, no, I agree, it shouldn't come up unless it is important somehow. And I've read more than enough times that it is. I suppose whoever it is important to is who should bring it up on a first date. But that was the part I was trying to understand, he seemed pretty militant about it for someone who didn't want to know. There was (and is) a disconnect there for me. But also, there comes a point when you want this to be clear. You don't want a person you're dating to learn this about you by seeing you out with someone else. You don't want to wait until the other person is starting to fall for you, unless you're falling at the same speed, at which point you might be willing to cut back on your dating. There's a happy median somewhere, probably like at the end of the third date, or as a disclosure before accepting/asking for a 4th date. Depends on how fast things are moving along, I guess.
GoodOnPaper Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 So I'm truly trying to understand this. You don't want to know about the other guys until you begin to talk about sex and/or exclusivity. It is at that point that you want to know that you're not the only one, even though you're only dating one person? Aren't you at least somewhat emotionally invested at that point? Wouldn't this mean that you are a little blindsided by the news? If other guys are still serious contenders after several dates, that will stunt her emotional investment. If I can't sense that, regardless of my emotional investment, then I deserve to be blindsided.
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 He doesn't like that you're having fun. As long as all the men you're dating know you are dating other men, then you aren't doing anything wrong. As long as you are okay with the men your dating, dating other women, you're not doing anything wrong. You don't have to have sex with anyone you don't want. Dating people also doesn't mean they are entitled to sex with you. Just as having sex with someone doesn't mean you're "dating". Some friend, calling you a name. Not cool of him. Not cool at all. You set that crap straight and tell him that if he calls you a name again, you can't be friends anymore. Sometimes you got to set boundaries around how people treat you or how they talk to you. 2
Eaglestar83 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I would say each to their own. I personally would go out on multiple first dates at once, if there is one person I like, I obviously focus on that and stop seeing the others. If am dating a girl I like, after maybe three or four dates I would ask her if she is seeing other people. Basically there is no rule, we all live by different standards, u just have to find a person who is on the same page as you.
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 This is how some (not all, and not even most) men react when confronted with a woman who is mature, self-determined, and capable of evaluating multiple men at once. There is no other way to read "emotional slut" than "Every woman should devote herself completely to one guy at a time because otherwise it's not faaaaaaiiiiirrrrrrr". This guy probably owns multiple fedoras. You're fine. 1
Lernaean_Hydra Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I have never heard of such a term. I didn't even think this term existed. But I told a friend that I am dating a few guys at once. I'm not sleeping with anyone of them just dating here and there. My friend told me I was being a bit of an emotional slut, because I have my finger in each pie and not committing to one guy in particular. He kind of said it jokingly but I could tell there was some sort of seriousness to his tone. Since when did dating several guys at one constitute as "emotional sluttyness"? and since when did this phrase even come about in pop culture? Am I missing something here? I date several guys at once because I think that's okay I don't think I should be condemned for it? Am I write about this? This is weird, I've been called an 'emotional prostitute' before for much of the same thing. I didn't know this was some sort of "thing".
RedRobin Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Multi dating or multi f*cking. All the same to me. Neither practice gives the other person a picture of the real you, nor does it establish the foundation for trust and intimacy. Emotional slut. Yea, I buy that. Don't see why anyone has to juggle anyone. 1
Noproblem Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 The b word and the slut word is used nowadays everywhere It's stupid, but hey, people are becoming so mean and they call everyone slut and B and W but you know what, you really are bothered by his words, because deep down inside you think you did something wrong!
guest569 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 It seems like when women post threads like "we had sex and he dumped me" it's all her fault for not specifically asking the man whether he was seeing others or not. Whether they were official and exclusive. Now we have a woman multi dating and she is being told she must be open and declare her situation. No one deserves to be called a sl**, but OP definitely does NOT deserve this title and needs to tell that "friend" where to go. 2
RedRobin Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 There are lots of ways to prevent over investing in someone you hardly know other than multi dating... Like, having other friends and family... Being secure in your self worth so you don't need to string a bunch of other people along... Having hobbies and a life outside of dating...not having sex too soon... Anyway, all this shows is that the OPs values are not in line with this guy. No big deal. People who don't multi date tend to not like multi daters. Once upon a time before online dating... Multi dating was the exception, and those who did it... Especially for any length of time, would have been judged as dating in bad faith or having questionable integrity. Thanks to online dating, it's now the multi daters who have created situations where you have to have stupid exclusivity talks and get out the polygraph to get people to fess up about their real status, who they are seeing, who they are effing... What a bunch of crap. I find it much easier to avoid the multi daters... Just like the guy in this thread. 1
bathtub-row Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) First of all, I think your friend is either jealous and mean, or he's dating someone who's doing the same thing and it's pissing him off. A lot of guys love to use the double standard. Secondly, I don't think there's anything wrong with dating more than one person at a time, but I do think it's a very bad idea to sleep with more than one person at a time - this applies to men and women both. If I were dating someone that I knew was doing that, they'd immediately be off my list. I never read the book "Date Like a Man" but I saw the author in a couple of interviews. I seem to remember that he was suggesting that women date (not sleep with) multiple people. I find the term interesting -- dating like a man, i.e. it's common behavior for a man. Edited February 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed off topic portion
DRM Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) First of all, I think your friend is either jealous and mean, or he's dating someone who's doing the same thing and it's pissing him off. A lot of guys love to use the double standard. Secondly, I don't think there's anything wrong with dating more than one person at a time, but I do think it's a very bad idea to sleep with more than one person at a time - this applies to men and women both. If I were dating someone that I knew was doing that, they'd immediately be off my list. I never read the book "Date Like a Man" but I saw the author in a couple of interviews. I seem to remember that he was suggesting that women date (not sleep with) multiple people. I find the term interesting -- dating like a man, i.e. it's common behavior for a man. Did a man write the book "Date Like a Man"? No. It was written by women and that's all you really need to know. The book is filled with false stereotypes about men, many which are false for most men. The book makes false claims including men think dating is a game. Men multidating is another claim which is more often false. Women read this book written by women and filled with lies and reason if men can behave like this, so can they. The problem with women is that they prefer to date men who think dating is a game because women think dating is a game. Women enjoy multidating and look for any excuse they can to multidate. Women complain about men who just think about sex yet women desire these men. Ever see women wanting a man who's rarely or ever had sex? No. Women usually want the player who's banged at least a dozen other women. Edited February 7, 2015 by DRM 1
DRM Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 This is how some (not all, and not even most) men react when confronted with a woman who is mature, self-determined, and capable of evaluating multiple men at once. There is no other way to read "emotional slut" than "Every woman should devote herself completely to one guy at a time because otherwise it's not faaaaaaiiiiirrrrrrr". This guy probably owns multiple fedoras. You're fine. Evaluating multiple men or women at once is anything but mature.
bathtub-row Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) Huh, it seems like every time I saw something about that book, they were interviewing a man. My mistake. I never read the book. Maybe I'm thinking of a different one. Unfortunately, men don't do themselves any favors by the reputations many of them create for themselves. Having said that, I've never personally dated a guy that was dating anyone other than me. I think if I did, he would need to make a decision about me one way or another pretty quickly. I definitely wouldn't sleep with him during that time. And if I were sleeping with a guy who was dating more than one person and I found out about it, that would be the end of the line. The majority of the time, a person is going to figure out if they favor one person over the other. I don't think the majority of women see dating as a game. Maybe some do but most of them seem to get too attached too quickly and all that. Seeing dating as a game is different than weighing their options. I think this kind of thing has to have a time limit on it though if any of the guys are showing sincere interest. Edited February 7, 2015 by bathtub-row
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