ascendotum Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 He had every right to bow out and break it off when I told him how I feel. Wouldn't that have been fair? When you first started dating didyou tell him it was likely going to be so long before you would feel comfortable to have sex with him? Did he ever question you as to why or complain or ever push to try get something going with you sexually? Will this episode now make you change your approach...even longer before sex or now much sooner?
Author SoulShyne Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 I've always been conservative sexually. I have to make sure I'm in love. As long as I'm sure im in love there is no set time frame but it has to be love. No he never complained. He did try after a few months. 1
ascendotum Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) I've always been conservative sexually. I have to make sure I'm in love. As long as I'm sure im in love there is no set time frame but it has to be love. No he never complained. He did try after a few months. Personally I dont think you need to feel terrible for what happened. I don't think you got duped by the guy (if he was sweet & romantic for 8 mths) and that he was a player or that you were hoodwinked into being a fwb for all that time, With no sex it was more like a lets be friends first and see how it goes type relationship than a FWB. You told him, you have to make sure and be in love before you have sex. I know this guy will come off as an arsehole for having sex with another woman, but a lot of guys will get tested waiting for months in a 'friends first' style relationship where the woman is not sure she loves him enough even after 6 mths. He might wonder if there is going to be a full on sexual relationship come out of this (it depends how the discussions between you two went and if things were escalating sexually even though no intercourse). If you say no sex unless I'm in love, then at 6-7-8 mth mark, it could put doubt into the guy's mind that he you might ever love him back and that he is going to get sexually fulfilled in this relationship with you. I'm just saying if you word it, as I have sex with you when I'm in love and that might take a long time, that its a risk the guy will keep his options open or may say well its less of a big deal if I get a bit of nookie on the side as she doesn't love me yet, so its not a proper relationship yet. Ideally though the guy if he is unhappy with how conservative you are he should just say sorry this not going to work for him anymore and breakup with you rather than screw on the side on the quiet and pretend he's happy. Edited February 7, 2015 by ascendotum
coolheadal Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Long story short. I dated a guy for 8 months. He devoted a few days a week too me, took me out on dates, held my hand, opened doors, everything a gentleman would do. I told him from the get go I wanted a relationship, he said he agreed and wanted to see were it goes. I held out on sex until almost the 8 month mark. Well long story short, I caught him fooling around. When I approached him he told me we were nothin but FWB's. I never agreed to this arrangement and feel terrible. I was led to believe we were something more. I left him no doubt but can't believe this guy would do this for 8 months and leave me out in the cold like that. I've had 2 LTRs prior to this and was led to believe this would be number 3. Just looking for some support... How did you meet this guy? Sounds like player who only interest is himself. You should have old out longer. Women do this also to men don't fooled. Not much you can do with this guy. This is all he knows how to do is fool around. Bad habit but you never know.
Noproblem Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Maybe he didn't like the sex with you and realized he didn't love you after all. I don't think you've been played. If you wanna know what being played looks like, just read my story. Just because you have a different story does not mean this girl wasn't being played or taken as a fool.
Noproblem Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I am sorry this happened to you.. You live and learn I mean this is a proof sex has nothing to do with a guy staying or leaving some guys have sex with the girl from day one and stay with her and others wait for 8 months and still leave the minute they get what they want.. This guy is a cheater and a player!
ascendotum Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 How did you meet this guy? Sounds like player who only interest is himself. You should have old out longer. Women do this also to men don't fooled. Not much you can do with this guy. This is all he knows how to do is fool around. Bad habit but you never know. Holding out for longer is not going to solve this issue for her in future. Waiting 12 mths to weed out the players will also weed out a LOT of decent guys, who would have no idea if she is is using them as a backup option and she maybe even sleeping with other guys hoping one of these hotter options will stick around. That's not the OP's style still lots of guys don't want to go a year with no sex in the prime of their life, unless the girl was really special, like there is no way they would find anyone as good + there was still non intercourse fun going on. There is no way I would stick around in a sexless relationship for say 12 mths while the woman makes up her mind if I am good enough to love.
Author SoulShyne Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 So you truly feel that this is just a relationship that ended because I held out for too long? Who knows like I said this was only my 3rd relationship, I'm 22 maybe I just have a lot to learn.
veggirl Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Why would you date a guy for eight months without him committing?! Hello!!! That tells you right there he wasn't interested seriously. He didn't play you, he didn't cheat...you guys weren't exclusive. Never date more than a month or 2 without commitment.
Author SoulShyne Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) Why would you date a guy for eight months without him committing?! Hello!!! That tells you right there he wasn't interested seriously. He didn't play you, he didn't cheat...you guys weren't exclusive. Never date more than a month or 2 without commitment. I'm not saying I'm not partially to blame. He just led me on to believe it's something it wasn't. And I never consulted to a FWB relationship let alone even talk about it with him, which made me feel like ****. Someone is totally nice, holds your hand, takes you out on dates how would you take it? He told me he wanted it to be a long term relationship after a while, that was one month in. So I just let it go and assumed that were it went since we both seemed attached and emotional towards each other. Truth is I guess I let my heart go this time and paid for it. I really thought we were committed or I would have accused him of cheating, he'll I wouldnt even have slept with him. I personally just think it's messed up that someone would lead you along for 8 months just to sleep with and then after you catch them fooling around they throw you away. Edited February 7, 2015 by SoulShyne
Author SoulShyne Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) Truth is I thought we were both on the same page. I know what I fet. After the fact when I brought it up he even told it was a bad thing to do. Not that it changed anything. He got what he wanted. Edited February 7, 2015 by SoulShyne
Author SoulShyne Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) And if he knew I thought it was something serious why couldn't he say something. Anyways just gonna move on from this. I thought it was love, he led me on to believe it was. I'm glad I have enough self respect to no let some one continue to use me. I'll chalk it up as a learning lesson and find a real man who won't do boyish things. Edited February 7, 2015 by SoulShyne
hudson701 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Wow... You made him wait 8 months for sex. There is no way I'd wait that long. Kudos to him for having an immense amount of patience. If a woman tried that with me? My immediate thought would be her interest in me is luke warm at best. A man shouldn't have to spend x amount on dates, y and z on other criteria in order to get sex. That's negotiating desire and it shouldn't be like that. I want to be with a woman who is so hot and passionate for me she is willing to break her own rules, then I know she's serious. It has nothing to do with her giving it up early and being labelled a slut- far from it. It's all about me knowing this girl wants me sexually. Learn a lesson from this: if you truly liked him (which deep down, I doubt you really did) you wouldn't have made him wait. For 8 months(!). Some of the best, most passionate and devoted relationships I've had were started with sex within the first 3 dates, simply because we couldn't keep our hands off each other. And do you know what? That's exactly how it should be, because anything else is just settling or compromising your desire. 1
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