SoulShyne Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Long story short. I dated a guy for 8 months. He devoted a few days a week too me, took me out on dates, held my hand, opened doors, everything a gentleman would do. I told him from the get go I wanted a relationship, he said he agreed and wanted to see were it goes. I held out on sex until almost the 8 month mark. Well long story short, I caught him fooling around. When I approached him he told me we were nothin but FWB's. I never agreed to this arrangement and feel terrible. I was led to believe we were something more. I left him no doubt but can't believe this guy would do this for 8 months and leave me out in the cold like that. I've had 2 LTRs prior to this and was led to believe this would be number 3. Just looking for some support...
irresolute Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Maybe he didn't like the sex with you and realized he didn't love you after all. I don't think you've been played. If you wanna know what being played looks like, just read my story. 1
Author SoulShyne Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 Maybe he didn't like the sex with you and realized he didn't love you after all. I don't think you've been played. If you wanna know what being played looks like, just read my story. I can definitely tell you I never agreed to be friends with benefits.
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 FWB don't hold hands in public and go on dates a few times a date. He told you that to hurt your feelings cause you discovered him fooling around. He was not happy with the relationship toward the end and he was too coward to break up with you, he had to find himself a new girl first. I know it does not make it less painful but it's not true you were just fwb for 8 months. 1
stillafool Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Long story short. I dated a guy for 8 months. He devoted a few days a week too me, took me out on dates, held my hand, opened doors, everything a gentleman would do. I told him from the get go I wanted a relationship, he said he agreed and wanted to see were it goes. I held out on sex until almost the 8 month mark. Well long story short, I caught him fooling around. When I approached him he told me we were nothin but FWB's. I never agreed to this arrangement and feel terrible. I was led to believe we were something more. I left him no doubt but can't believe this guy would do this for 8 months and leave me out in the cold like that. I've had 2 LTRs prior to this and was led to believe this would be number 3. Just looking for some support... So basically he was saying he also wanted a relationship but wanted to date and see where it goes. I guess he didn't think what you two had was going the way he wanted it to enough for him to commit. So you just had sex with him at the 8 month mark after dating him for 8 months. I would also say he didn't really like the sex enough to stay with you.
Author SoulShyne Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 FWB don't hold hands in public and go on dates a few times a date. He told you that to hurt your feelings cause you discovered him fooling around. He was not happy with the relationship toward the end and he was too coward to break up with you, he had to find himself a new girl first. I know it does not make it less painful but it's not true you were just fwb for 8 months. That's what I thought. Why would FWB's go on dates 2 times a week for 8 months before sex. This Really made me feel terrible. I'm not that type of woman.
Author SoulShyne Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 Just sucks someone will lead you on until you sleep with them.
Erised Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I'm not that type of woman. First of all, there is no "type of woman" especially in a negative connotation you should distance yourself from. Two, guy is a grade A jerk. You should have told the arse that if you were friends with benefits, you would have expected more... worthwhile... benefits. I'm sorry you're hurt and that you wasted 8 months on a loser. All we can do is move forward, though.
ascendotum Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 (edited) FWB don't hold hands in public and go on dates a few times a date. He told you that to hurt your feelings cause you discovered him fooling around. He was not happy with the relationship toward the end and he was too coward to break up with you, he had to find himself a new girl first. I know it does not make it less painful but it's not true you were just fwb for 8 months. I agree with G. It was not an FWB relationship, but saying it was provides legitimacy to his seeing another woman. He well could have started seeing this other woman at some point during the 8 mths he was not having any sex with you. I don't know if his behavior changed much during those 8 mths but he may have downgraded his desire for a LTR with you, while you were holding back on the sex/affection. Maybe he resented it and got some on the side, stayed on with you since he had become invested in you, but also couldn't stop saying no to the woman that was regularly txting him to hookup. When you started having sex after the 8 mth mark was it good and regular? At what point did you bust him seeing someone else? (this story sound familiar) Him saying 'want to see were it goes' I think is a valid approach when you first start seeing someone. At the same time it can also be a weasel out term as well. For a lot of guys though, getting good sex will help seal the deal on commitment. While sex is being held back, the woman is not all in, and for many guys they wont be all in either. As well, and I'm not saying this was the case with you, but for a fair few people here, crappy sex is not good enough to keep them committed to a relationship either, but they should just breakup with the person rather then cheat on them. In scenarios such as this, the person being dumped will complain of being played when its not really the case. Edited February 6, 2015 by ascendotum 1
Author SoulShyne Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 It happened only for about a week and a half. A few times then I caught him. Thank god.
clia Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Did you ever have a discussion with him about exclusivity, about whether you were boyfriend/girlfriend, or about where your relationship was going? Did you meet his friends and family? Did you go on vacation together?
Author SoulShyne Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 (edited) I did and didn't get a no but it wasn't quite yes. Probably my own fault there. I basically got he wants a relationship with me but wants to see were it goes. I posted that. 8 months. Really why would he even waste my time if it wasn't the case? I pretty much explained it in my original post. Edited February 6, 2015 by SoulShyne
Author SoulShyne Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 Thank you guys for clearing up the whole FWB thing with me. I was pretty confused. Madame feel like I went below my values when he said that.
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I told him from the get go I wanted a relationship First, stop doing this. It sets you up for failure something along these lines: I caught him fooling around. or these: Maybe he didn't like the sex with you and realized he didn't love you after all. These are the two most natural and common ends of most prematurely exclusive relationships. You offered your exclusivity, which is valuable, way too early and you devalued it. It's like selling plane tickets for a nickel... who won't take a ride at the price you've put on it? If the guy doesn't like it, nothing lost. You won't find what you're looking for with most guys you meet. If it were that easy, it wouldn't be special at all. Act like a relationship with you is valuable and you may find your relationships to be more satisfying in the long term. You wasted eight months on this guy when you could have dated a few more guys and been more selective. 2
preraph Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I think I would have thrown a drink on him when he said that. You can't be FWB unless you have a discussion about it. He's a dirtbag. Be glad you didn't waste any more time on him.
Author SoulShyne Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 It's just funny how someone can put a show on for that long.
Eaglestar83 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 He sure sound like a dirt bag. If this is his standard, he must have been sleeping around all along. Surely a guy like that isn't gonna wait around for 8 months. Were there no warning signs? No character slips? Nobody can put on an act for this long without slips especially if u were seeing him twice a week
Author SoulShyne Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 He sure sound like a dirt bag. If this is his standard, he must have been sleeping around all along. Surely a guy like that isn't gonna wait around for 8 months. Were there no warning signs? No character slips? Nobody can put on an act for this long without slips especially if u were seeing him twice a week Told him how I fee about him and got a weird response almost like he sucked it up and gave me thanks. That's the biggest red flag I can see looking back which I should of caught it then. Other than that nothing. Like I said I had 2 relationships prior, so maybe I can just chalk this one up to inexperience. Like I said he was nice to me and was a gentleman up to the end, then the true colors came out. I can at least say I'm happy im a strong enough person to walk away instead of continuing to allow it. 1
Eaglestar83 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Yes walk away and never look back. Strange that he would put so much effort for eight months. Most players would have bailed out after a month or two if they didnt get sex. Who knows w.t.f is his problem, only sure thing is that he was very cowardly and immature. Not only did he cheat but also trying to scar you emotionally by calling it fwb. Don't buy into that, he is a twisted bastard
EgoJoe Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 You also can't be in a relationship / exclusive without having a discussion about it. That door swings both ways. Don't project unconfirmed commitments on to people lest they become unrealistic expectations. Neither of you are blameless; move on. 1
irresolute Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Guys!!! She's not being played for gods sake!! The guy rubbed away because he didn't like the sex with her!!! That's sll, it's not actually too difficult to imagine!
Eaglestar83 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Guys!!! She's not being played for gods sake!! The guy rubbed away because he didn't like the sex with her!!! That's sll, it's not actually too difficult to imagine! Doubt that's the case, when it comes to sex performance it's mostly about the guy unless the girl is too frigid or fussy that she is dictating every bit of it. If he liked her looks then sex is usually good from the guys prospective. Also, I Wundt invest 8 months dating just to throw it all away like that aft a week, at least try to fix it
Author SoulShyne Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 He had every right to bow out and break it off when I told him how I feel. Wouldn't that have been fair?
ascendotum Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Yes walk away and never look back. Strange that he would put so much effort for eight months. Most players would have bailed out after a month or two if they didn't get sex. Who knows w.t.f is his problem, only sure thing is that he was very cowardly and immature. Not only did he cheat but also trying to scar you emotionally by calling it fwb. Don't buy into that, he is a twisted bastard I doubt he's a player if he plays such a long game of 8 mths for an outcome. He's just a young horny guy that's what his problem is. I'd say he really liked the OP if he took her out on dates at least twice a week, but as the months were rolling by with no sex, at some point he took up an opportunity to get some. She only busted him just after they started to have sex, so who knows if he may have had plans to drop the other girl and then go exclusive with the OP, since now his relationship was upgraded to a sexual one. He likely didn't see her as fwb and has no intention to scar her, but it was cover story when she busted him. You really cant call a sexless relationship a fwb one imo. If he was horny and tempted to cheat while waiting he should have said something to the OP, or started to escalate romance to lead up to sex earlier or discussed a timeline or just said he could be in a friends first style relationship for so long and broken up. Lots of guys wont wait for 8+ months for their gf to play it safe that he is worthy to have sex with. (I am not saying she deserved to get cheated).
Author SoulShyne Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 He had every right to bow out and break it off when I told him how I feel. Wouldn't that have been fair? 1
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