Hulahoops88 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 After weeks of NC and me crying and longing for my ex, she has finally come around to the idea of us being together. There is one problem though: Now that its come to the time of us re-kindling, I find that I cant forgive her for some things. When we broke up she was with another guy and lied about it. I feel now my trust has been betrayed and dont know what to believe now or not anymore. She doesnt seem like the lying type. I know we were apart when it happened but what lie about it? She also gave me the total cold shoulder for the longest time. I was blocked on FB and never heard from her until I initiated contact. Now that she sees me doing well etc - does she only want what she cant have i.e dumpers remorse or does she still have feelings for me?? I am so confused because for the longest time i wanted her, now i am worried that I should just forget about it?
HowWillICope Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 If she did all of that to you then I hope you didn't just jump at any chance she gave you at reconciliation! She dumped you, dated another guy and lied about it then came back? I know you are the dumpee and obviously longed for reconciliation but you should have still made her WORK FOR IT to prove herself and feelings she has to work to regain your trust but if you ultimately can't move past this then i'd reconsider this relationship. My ex didnt do half the things yours did...but he still dumped me. That breaks my trust. If he was to come back, you BEST BELIEVE he has to WORK. 1
Jimmyjackson Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 After weeks of NC and me crying and longing for my ex, she has finally come around to the idea of us being together. There is one problem though: Now that its come to the time of us re-kindling, I find that I cant forgive her for some things. When we broke up she was with another guy and lied about it. I feel now my trust has been betrayed and dont know what to believe now or not anymore. She doesnt seem like the lying type. I know we were apart when it happened but what lie about it? She also gave me the total cold shoulder for the longest time. I was blocked on FB and never heard from her until I initiated contact. Now that she sees me doing well etc - does she only want what she cant have i.e dumpers remorse or does she still have feelings for me?? I am so confused because for the longest time i wanted her, now i am worried that I should just forget about it? Difficult to tell what she wants to be honest. But your gut instinct is telling you not to pursue this by the sounds of things. If my ex was with someone else when we were apart, well that wouldn't bother me, I can see why the lieing would though. I mean when people break up, it's inevitable both parties are going to sleep with someone else eventually, right? Dumpers often give the cold shoulder, but it's to help you move on more than anything, rather than string you along and feed you crumbs. You could write down the pros and cons and make a logical decision, but it seems to me that there's some doubt in your mind that won't disappear anyway so.
The Poster Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 How long have you been broken up for? Sometimes reconciling too early can spell disaster. You might just need more time to heal before trying again.
Blaqwynter Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Don't do it.. once a cheater always a cheater. She obviously didn't care how you felt then, what makes you think that has changed? been through this game too many times to know better.
erklat Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 (edited) Dumpers often give the cold shoulder, but it's to help you move on more than anything, rather than string you along and feed you crumbs. They give you cold shoulder because they want you out of their lives. Nothing they do is for your benefit but theirs and it always has selfish reasons. Don't do it.. once a cheater always a cheater. She obviously didn't care how you felt then, what makes you think that has changed? been through this game too many times to know better. She didn't cheat. They were not together. Understandably, op grew to hate her. I see too short period of NC for this to function because of this resentment. Edited February 6, 2015 by erklat 1
Satu Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I am so confused because for the longest time i wanted her, now i am worried that I should just forget about it? I think you already know that it can never be the same as it was. The question now is do you want it as it is. 2
Jimmyjackson Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 They give you cold shoulder because they want you out of their lives. Nothing they do is for your benefit but theirs and it always has selfish reasons. Well yeah, but that's the advantage. If someone breaks up with you and goes missing, it might seem cruel and but it's actually the opposite and helps you heal as they're out of sight. Call dumpers selfish, but you have to look out for yourself don't you? sick and tired of reading about dumpers being selfish and this and that on here. Everyone has to do what's in their best interests, you dump someone, why prolong their suffering by remaining in touch? 1
central Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 She came back because you're the backup plan. The guy she really wanted didn't work out, so you're back in until she decides she can do better. She probably doesn't want YOU, just someone, and you're a known and adequate quantity. 2
JustDeadInside Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 After weeks of NC and me crying and longing for my ex, she has finally come around to the idea of us being together. There is one problem though: Now that its come to the time of us re-kindling, I find that I cant forgive her for some things. When we broke up she was with another guy and lied about it. I feel now my trust has been betrayed and dont know what to believe now or not anymore. She doesnt seem like the lying type. I know we were apart when it happened but what lie about it? She probably assumed you would be upset about it and didn't want to deal with the fallout in case she got back with you. She also gave me the total cold shoulder for the longest time. I was blocked on FB and never heard from her until I initiated contact. Now that she sees me doing well etc - does she only want what she cant have i.e dumpers remorse or does she still have feelings for me?? To be honest I think this is impossible to really know without more time - and you would probably know better as you know her better than all of us. How was your relationship and BU? How long were you guys NC? How was contact re-initiated?
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 You should just forget about it. You wanted her back because you were remembering the good times. You were thinking with your heart. Now that she's back you are thinking with your head & you know you can't trust her because she is a cheater & a liar. The mistake was wanting her back. Don't make a bigger one by actually taking her back. 1
erklat Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 you dump someone, why prolong their suffering by remaining in touch? Because you don't care for their pain and suffering and you don't contact them because you resent their pestering which makes you feel guilty. I agree, every man for himself. However after breakup dumper does nothing for the dumpee. Damage already can't be undone.
Jimmyjackson Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Because you don't care for their pain and suffering and you don't contact them because you resent their pestering which makes you feel guilty. I think they do care, they just don't see any reason to stay in touch which is fair in my eyes. And if someone was pestering you, you wouldn't want to contact them either would you? I agree, every man for himself. However after breakup dumper does nothing for the dumpee. Damage already can't be undone. Exactly, because they don't have to do anything for the dumpee, by staying away they're doing the dumpee a favour. Dumper breaks up with someone and they're selfish, dumper doesn't break up because they don't want to be selfish, and then they're selfish for stringing someone along.
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Never go back. Always move forward. If the relationship doesn't feel new, then it is too soon.
lolablue17 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 In the stock market, It is always best to exit when the value is high. When she dumped you, your value went down to a very low point, yet you chose to stay emotionally IN your investment. Now, what a surprise - she wants you back! Your value is up again. You're at maximum level and from now on it can only go down. That's the time to sell. leave now! 1
erklat Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 (edited) \snip Bottomline they are not doing anything for you. They benefit you Inadvertently. Edited February 6, 2015 by erklat
Kinetica84 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 After weeks of NC and me crying and longing for my ex, she has finally come around to the idea of us being together. There is one problem though: Now that its come to the time of us re-kindling, I find that I cant forgive her for some things. When we broke up she was with another guy and lied about it. I feel now my trust has been betrayed and dont know what to believe now or not anymore. She doesnt seem like the lying type. I know we were apart when it happened but what lie about it? She also gave me the total cold shoulder for the longest time. I was blocked on FB and never heard from her until I initiated contact. Now that she sees me doing well etc - does she only want what she cant have i.e dumpers remorse or does she still have feelings for me?? I am so confused because for the longest time i wanted her, now i am worried that I should just forget about it? Move on dude and forget about her. She cheated, for me that is the ultimate betrayal. She does not deserve your time or effort!
Jimmyjackson Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Bottomline they are not doing anything for you. They benefit you Inadvertently. Nor should they do anything for you.
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