My group of friends, which includes a guy friend, would like to take a trip but my bo

[MiaMckenz]

I have a boyfriend who i love dearly, and like most boyfriends, he's not really fond of the "male" friend idea, which I understand. I hang out with my group of friends, which is myself, my male friend, and another friend who's a girl quite often and my boyfriend is okay with it. It took him some time to become comfortable with the fact that I have a friend whose a guy. Fast forwarding to now, my friends want to plan a trip for memorial weekend and I would love my boyfriend to come since we go alot of places together, but he already made plans to go to Miami with his friends, which are all boys. I'm okay with that, but he's not a fan of me going away on a trip when my male friend is going there and i respect that. He's completely okay with me going on a trip with all girls. I think that i would feel the same way if the rolls were reversed and he were to take a trip where one of his female acquaintances were also going. He doesn't really have female friends, but rather acquaintances. So I told my friend (the girl) that i respect how my boyfriend feels and i'll only go on the trip if my male friend didn't go. He may not go because of his budget, but if he does, then i told her i wasn't going to go because i respect my boyfriends feelings.

I don't think she fully understands or respects my decision. She has male friends too, which her boyfriend is cool with, but her boyfriend isn't my boyfriend, which i explained to her. She's saying that my male friend is just my friend so what's the big deal and that my boyfriend is going to Miami with his friends so he's going to be having alot of fun. Am I wrong at all in this situation? Is my friend not being a good friend for not understanding? Am I doing the right thing for respecting my boyfriends feelings? Please let me know your thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated.

[rester]

I suppose you are doing the right thing to be considerate of your boyfriend's feelings, but I think he is being completely unreasonable. He doesn't trust you, and that's not good.

 

I'd go on the trip and reassure him that nothing would ever happen between you and your male friend. Do what you can to alleviate your boyfriend's insecurities but in the end he shouldn't be controlling who you go on vacation with.

 

This would be different if you've cheated in the past or given your boyfriend some other reason not to trust you, but that doesn't sound like the situation.

 

Edited to add that you were right to invite him along and that alone should reassure him that nothing would happen with your male friend. In the end it's his decision to go to Miami.

[pteromom]

You are doing the right thing.

 

Do you know how you KNOW you are doing the right thing?

 

Because you are considering how you would feel if the situation were reversed, and you are making the choice you would hope your boyfriend would make if the situation was reversed.

 

I understand your friend's concern, because in a lot of similar situations, when a person chooses not to do something because of their bf/gf, there is an element of controlling involved.

 

But in this case, you simply trusted your own values, and are making the choice that is best for your relationship. So kudos to you. Explain to your friend that this is your choice, not your boyfriend's, and that you are sticking to it.

[mightycpa]

Am I doing the right thing for respecting my boyfriends feelings?

 

Maybe. Would he respect yours if you asked him not to go to Miami?

 

Here's the thing. Unless you're going to be naked, sharing a bed with said male friend, then what is really the difference between going with your GF and bringing him along? That you're more likely to cheat with someone you know rather than a complete stranger? That sounds a little far-fetched to me.

 

Maybe he doesn't know the friend well, and that's where his discomfort comes from. But he either trusts you or he doesn't. It is a question of IF you'll cheat, not WHO you might cheat with.

 

When you say this:

 

i would feel the same way if the rolls were reversed and he were to take a trip where one of his female acquaintances were also going

you're just as silly about it as he is, so I'm going to vote that you're doing the right thing for you.

 

But your friend is right to be annoyed with you, because that **** is ridiculous.

[Erised]

you do what is right for your relationship, but I would be disappointed in you as a friend, and it is not a relationship I would involve myself in,

 

Still, not everyone will agree with your decisions; do what is right for you

[Satu]

"You know me well enough to trust me, and if you don't trust me, I'm still going to go because I AM a trustworthy person."

 

Bon Voyage, have a nice trip.

Edited February 6, 2015 by Satu