Biere123 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 This is frustrating. She said no more contact, but he has initiated texts and emails that she has responded to. What does this mean? She also told him she loved him.
VeryBrokenMan Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 This is frustrating. She said no more contact, but he has initiated texts and emails that she has responded to. What does this mean? She also told him she loved him. Any contact after telling my wife not to, regardless of who initiated it would lead to immediate separation and implementing the 180. Read up on it. You have to set clear boundaries if you intend to remain married and going N/C is one of them. 8
Sticky Fingers Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Then she is lying about the NC and wants to fence sit. Perhaps you should contact the OM and tell him to come pick her up, along with her stuff. If he truly wants her, then he should go pick up his trash. 6
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 This is frustrating. She said no more contact, but he has initiated texts and emails that she has responded to. What does this mean? She also told him she loved him. I would tell her to pack her bags and GO to the OM immediately. Tell her you're filing for divorce and that the OM can have her all to himself now. Then, back off and don't talk to her, avoid calls. It won't be easy to do but IF there's ANY chance of your wife waking up from the selfish affair fog she's in, she has to see what life is like without you in it. Doesn't mean you actually have to file, but the threat of actually really losing you might make her see what she's about to lose. She has to hit her rock bottom and suffer consequences of her choices, then maybe she'll change and fight hard to prove to you she's worthy of that chance. Right now she's playing both sides and thinks she can continue having her cake and eating it too. 7
Be_Strong Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Biere123, You need to spell out clearly and firmly to your wife exactly what "no contact" means. She may consider no contact to be limited to physical contact only. You also need to convince her to take every possible measure to prevent the OM from being able to contact her. She may claim, "I can't control his actions and if he wants to get in touch with me he'll figure out some way to do it" in order to take any responsibility off of herself. But that's her just avoiding any actions on her part because she wants to be contacted by OM. Make her play this little mind game--if a terrorist captured our child and held a knife to his/her throat and told us that if OM is able to contact her in any fashion, the terrorist would instantly slice the child's throat. In that frame, what steps would she take to ensure that OM couldn't reach her when her child's life is on the line. It can be done.
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I read your older threads. So she has had an affair and you had a 6 month affair. Both of you are at fault for allowing your marriage to fall apart. You even said you loved her as a companion not a lover. She probably feels the same way towards you. The best thing that could happen is, be friends and be the best co parents to your child. Divorce and put your kid first. Your marriage is over, neither of you have invested in it for many years and you both have had affairs. The trust (on both ends) is gone, respect and honour is gone as well.
Author Biere123 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Posted February 5, 2015 I know we're both at fault. Does this mean she can't make up her mind if she responds to his contact after telling him no more?
harrybrown Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 It means she does love him. Time to tell you to go walk to him. today.
violet1 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Are you two marriage counseling? There has been so much damage to your relationship, I don't see it working out without a little 3rd party help. It honestly doesn't sound like either one of you truly love each other, but I could be wrong. Either way, MC could help you figure out if the M is worth saving. 1
violet1 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I know we're both at fault. Does this mean she can't make up her mind if she responds to his contact after telling him no more? Anything is possible. Have you asked her why she can't make up her mind? 1
Author Biere123 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Posted February 5, 2015 We are in MC. It seems as if she has feelings for two men. Is that possible for women? Or maybe she loves me but is not in love with me. Have no clue.
road Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Did you spell out what NC is? Not only in person but by phone, text, email is still contact. Also there is indirect contact that must not take place such as looking at OM's FB page. Your WW must have the OM blocked so no electronic contact can happen. Another layer in addition is to change WW email and phone #. Did your WW send a NC letter? What did the letter say? Have a copy to post here? 1
Friskyone4u Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 This is not difficult.'it means she wants to have a husband and boyfriend and that she is still lying to you. And if you don't do something to draw a line in the sand that you will not allow to be crossed, you will remain in an open marriage. 3
Sticky Fingers Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Ask her if its ok for you to resume your affair with the OW.
autumnnight Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 We are in MC. It seems as if she has feelings for two men. Is that possible for women? Or maybe she loves me but is not in love with me. Have no clue. Take away the chemicals, and love is a CHOICE. If she would actually GO NC and make it stick I believe her "love" for this loser would dry up. She is doing that hair splitting thing where SHE is trying to get you to believe she is NC just because she isn't the one initiating contact. She needs to change her number. He needs to be blocked. She needs a dumb phone (no smart phone). You need all passwords, and there should be a keylogger on your/her computer. All of that is IF you want to give her another shot at doing it right.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 What does this mean? It means she's a liar. I'm guessing you're not surprised... Mr. Lucky 2
dental Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 We are in MC. It seems as if she has feelings for two men. Is that possible for women? Or maybe she loves me but is not in love with me. Have no clue. That's true, you have no clue. Or is it denial? From an outside point of view, your marriage is over. Make peace with this situation and get your house in order.
Be_Strong Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Let me just add that a typical WW has a hard time with NC because of entitlement issues. In your case, Biere123, those entitlement issues are multiplied by a million because you also had an affair. When she is missing the OM and is arguing with herself about whether or not she should contact him, she'll justify the contact by reminding herself how you had an affair and she is entitled to keep contact with him. 1
Author Biere123 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Posted February 5, 2015 Be strong, can you elaborate on a WW having entitlement issues?
Be_Strong Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Be strong, can you elaborate on a WW having entitlement issues? Read the article at this link: Reconciliation and Entitlement - ChumpLady.com. It pretty much sums up my exact feelings on the topic. 2
HelenaHandbasket Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 We are in MC. It seems as if she has feelings for two men. Is that possible for women? Or maybe she loves me but is not in love with me. Have no clue. Can't say for sure, but for me, if I'm in love with a man, there is no way in h4ll I would even THINK of sleeping with someone else. 2
WomenWubber Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Affairs thrive on secrecy and your wife seems unwilling to end it. If you want to have any chance of keeping and fixing your marriage, then you will have to expose the affair to everyone (family and close friends). If this doesn't work to stop the affair, then nothing will and there's nothing else you can do. If you want to divorce, then do the 180 and keep contact to a minimum. Get an attorney and start focusing on yourself. 1
beatcuff Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 This is frustrating. She said no more contact, but he has initiated texts and emails that she has responded to. What does this mean? She also told him she loved him. seriously, you are asking this? i don't need to stick a fork into an electrical outlet to know what the outcome is... 2
Author Biere123 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 I guess she's a cake-eating fence sitter. The limbo situation is discomforting. Is she just going through MC to say we tried and is secretly hoping I break? It feels like a game of chess. Who makes the next move?
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