How to be dominant with women?

[johan]

Sorry, but watching how Clint Eastwood and John Wayne conduct themselves in movies is going to lead to frustration. Those are artificial, designed personas, constructed to tell stories, about as helpful to someone in need of a father figure as Deputy Dog or Mighty Mouse.

 

Somedude needs real life role models, pilgrim. He needs to be around actual real guys trying to find their way through life.

 

He's just one example of many guys on this site who were never taught (or failed to learn) what it means to be a man. It isn't too late, but real life is where the learning needs to happen. Time to find some friends.

[GemmaUK]

Sorry, but watching how Clint Eastwood and John Wayne conduct themselves in movies is going to lead to frustration. Those are artificial, designed personas, constructed to tell stories, about as helpful to someone in need of a father figure as Deputy Dog or Mighty Mouse.

 

Somedude needs real life role models, pilgrim. He needs to be around actual real guys trying to find their way through life.

 

He's just one example of many guys on this site who were never taught (or failed to learn) what it means to be a man. It isn't too late, but real life is where the learning needs to happen. Time to find some friends.

 

 

I disagree to a certain extent.

I suggested to SD months ago to read up on body language (his own and other people's) but he said it was too complicated.

 

 

This could be an easy way to get an idea of how stance, movement and facial expressions throw out a 'picture' of someone.

 

 

Obviously a person would not mimic Clint or John but watching someone on screen and then looking at your own reflection can show you a lot about what you could adapt to literally look more confident.

 

 

People who don't speak the same language have fallen in love just through body language.

 

 

Around 80% of communication is non verbal.

 

 

EG. There is a guy at work who I've known for several years. He has a nice face and is above average looking but his posture is dreadful and it makes him look unattractive.

He was working in a side office a few days this week and I glanced at the guy sitting there when I walked past but didn't realise who he was as his posture and facial expressions were completely different to normal.

It turned out he was working on a very important quote. He was sitting straight and was very focused on what he was doing.

A couple of others at work asked if I knew the new guy. So it wasn't just me that saw the change in him.

[xxoo]

People have been advising for years that you develop your social circle, make friends with men and women and couples. You need to see firsthand how men act in the stages of meeting, dating, and relationships, as well as how men handle other life responsibilities. You need real life role models. Successful ones.

 

How to make friends? Be a friend. Take a genuine interest in the lives of others.

[NGC1300]

Last night I was talking to a friend over text and she said "...you exude insecurity and don't exhibit a single ounce of dominance."

 

Right away I knew that she's completely right. I also realized that being insecure and not showing any dominance are most likely things that are turning off women that I'm interested in.

 

This is something I absolutely need to change if I want to get anywhere with women.

 

So how do I start?

 

Life is better when you disregard women completely. I just want to live my life and not worry about appearing "dominant" to some woman who can offer me so little.

[somedude81]

Trying to copy the way somebody acts and talks in a movie or TV isn't that realistic. The environment is false and those people are being told how to walk and talk while everything they do is already preplanned by a script.

 

Having guy friends who are successful with women would be nice.

[somedude81]

You're probably right. I mean, even us strangers on the Internet have picked up on that about you. And we've never even met you in person. We've told you over and over and over that women can pick up on this yet you insist this isn't how you are outside of LS. But here's a friend telling you so! We've told you over and over how to become more confident but have you put anything in to practice? you need to make some drastic changes in your life!

 

I have never said that women can't pick up on my insecurities. What I've been saying is that they can't see my depression. The two are not the same thing and have very different symptoms.

 

My lack of confidence is very obvious and it's most likely turning women off.

 

Also I don't really stand my ground when there is something a woman does that annoys me. What's the point in doing so if it could lead to her abandoning me? But in the end, they all leave anyways.

 

At least once I know that a woman likes me or is interested in becomes much easier for me to be assertive with her. But at first I'm dependent on her approval of me first.

Edited February 8, 2015 by somedude81

[endlessabyss]

My lack of confidence is very obvious and it's most likely turning women off.

 

 

How do you believe you are showing a lack of confidence?

 

Also I don't really stand my ground when there is something a woman does that annoys me. What's the point in doing so if it could lead to her abandoning me? But in the end, they all leave anyways.

 

 

Seems like they have abandoned you already, and treat you like scum, if they are calling you out on being a wimp. At least if you stand up for yourself, and they leave, they may have a little more respect for you.

 

At least once I know that a woman likes me or is interested in becomes much easier for me to be assertive with her. But at first I'm dependent on her approval of me first.

 

 

Bad move. You first have to start off not giving a shyt, and just do you. The approval seeking is transparent, and not an attractive trait.

 

 

All this stuff you're trying to figure out is hard. I don't know how your life was, in your high school days, but usually during that time we are placed in the hierarchy/caste, and it's hard to escape that placement. Most of it is mental.

 

 

If you were a dweeb in HS, you missed out on tons of lessons, how to communicate with women, how to be charming/funny, how to be confident etc. etc.

 

 

After reading some of your previous posts, it seems like there are so many other things you should be focusing on, but I know how strong the impulse of wanting companionship is, especially at your age. But, at the end of the day, being successful isn't a requirement for sex. I was hanging out with a guy in his later twenties, has absolutely nothing going on in his life (and when I mean nothing, I mean nothing), average looks, and is sleeping around with some pretty attractive girls.

 

 

The reason he still gets the play is because of the status he built for himself in high school. That reputation follows you forever, and can be damn near impossible to change.

[xxoo]

 

Also I don't really stand my ground when there is something a woman does that annoys me. What's the point in doing so if it could lead to her abandoning me? But in the end, they all leave anyways.

 

Abandonment is a very strong word for the situation being described. You fear abandonment from women you are getting to know?

 

Part of fixing the overall issue is feeling fine by yourself, and about yourself. This removes the abandonment fears, and therefore enables you to stand your ground confidently, and therefore you begin to present as a man.

 

How to feel good about yourself? Practice loving yourself. No, I'm not talking about masturbation I'm talking about taking good care of yourself and pushing yourself to do things that are good for you: eat healthy foods, get in the sunshine, workout 3x a week, get involved in opportunities that will advance your career and help you meet new people, put yourself out there and socialize with new people. Do it because it's good for you. Balance it with time doing things you really enjoy, but only after you've earned those things by doing something you need to do.

[carhill]

Trying to copy the way somebody acts and talks in a movie or TV isn't that realistic. The environment is false and those people are being told how to walk and talk while everything they do is already preplanned by a script.

 

Having guy friends who are successful with women would be nice.

How do you think a father teaches his son how to be a man? By example. The son watches and the behaviors wash over him.

 

On film, of course it's scripted. It's fiction. Why is a film, or actor, successful? Because people identify with them. The behaviors mesh with people's psyches and people 'like' them. Is not your goal for women to like you and find you attractive?

 

In my case, when my style was leaving me home alone at night, what I did was watch men who were successful with women and learn from them. Let their behaviors wash over me. Influence me. Provide value. That wasn't because I was fatherless. In fact I had a really good father. However, he didn't teach me how to dominate or lead because that wasn't his style and one could be attractive to women back then without being dominant or a clear leader in the world. He found a woman who respected his quiet leadership. I wasn't so lucky so turned to men of my generation for guidance, and such was successful.

 

Adapt and overcome, or die. Not much more complicated than that.

[William]

Noting a comment regarding topical content from the thread starter, I'll remind members to address their issue; there are other threads to discuss gender relations in general. Thanks!

[preraph]

Trying to copy the way somebody acts and talks in a movie or TV isn't that realistic. The environment is false and those people are being told how to walk and talk while everything they do is already preplanned by a script.

 

Having guy friends who are successful with women would be nice.

 

Copying would be cheesy and fake. But you are free to be influenced by people. In fact, you should be. Everyone needs some different role models.

[clia]

My lack of confidence is very obvious and it's most likely turning women off.

 

Most likely.

 

Also I don't really stand my ground when there is something a woman does that annoys me. What's the point in doing so if it could lead to her abandoning me? But in the end, they all leave anyways.

 

Not standing your ground only helps you if you are with a woman who wants a completely weak man who they can control. Most women really don't want that type of man. It's really unattractive. Not standing your ground makes you look even more insecure and less confident. And don't think that women can't tell when you are just agreeing to agree or are avoiding standing your ground because you are afraid they will leave you if you do. You might slip it past us once or twice, but when it's happening time and time again...we know. We can absolutely tell. And many of us will lose respect for that kind of guy if that happens over and over again. We want a man who will be himself. A man who knows himself and knows what he wants. A man who has preferences. Not standing your ground is distinct from "choosing your battles," though. You don't have to be picking a fight all the time, but if you are just passive guy who goes along with what she wants all the time...well...that does you no favors and may in fact be why "they all leave anyways." It makes you a bland and unappealing type of guy.

 

At least once I know that a woman likes me or is interested in becomes much easier for me to be assertive with her. But at first I'm dependent on her approval of me first.

 

You talked above about "presenting your case to women" and now being "dependent on her approval." These are both just so passive, but it all ties back to your lack of confidence and insecurity. You simply have to convince yourself that you are worth it and are deserving of dating them because of X, Y, and Z. What are X, Y, and Z? How can you build your confidence? Has any of the advice you've gotten here over the past 6 years given you any ideas about how you can build your confidence? If not, then you should probably start working on this with your therapist. You should be approaching women from the viewpoint of "Of course she would want to date me. Why wouldn't she?" and truly mean it. Not from the viewpoint of "Gee, I hope she likes me."

[Els]

Some suggestions on how to be more self-assured:

 

1) Do something in your life that you are proud of, that has nothing to do with women or sex

2) Make some male friends

3) Achieve financial independence from your parents

 

Sure they don't necessarily lead to women immediately, but that isn't the POINT. The point is to genuinely BE more assured and confident in yourself, instead of just trying to project a fake image. Images eventually crumble and the cycle begins again.

 

Sometimes there are really no shortcuts worth taking, y'know.