How to be dominant with women?

[GemmaUK]

I think it's about completely taking charge and not giving a damn. And yes it is completely about dominating a gender.

 

 

 

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

 

It's not that at all!

That is being controlling and narcissistic.

[organizedchaos]

How about starting with changing this:

 

"Would you like to come to see (movie) with me sometime. If you're not too busy?"

 

Into:

 

"I've got two tickets for (movie) on Friday. Do you want to come and see it with me?"

 

An even better mindset is:

 

"I've got two tickets for (movie) on Friday. Come and see it with me!"

 

This isn't a question. It's direct. It says "Come with me if you want to have some fun"

[Imported]

Being able to actively choose who to date, have sex with, marry -- feeling like you have options as opposed to feeling like you have to take the one woman you meet in the space of several months who shows a hint of attraction toward you.

 

 

I was going to post earlier about socializing on romantic levels with a lot of women and knowing there are always options for you, as this puts you in a good frame of mind that will have you behaving as you should without trying.

[GoodOnPaper]

I was going to post earlier about socializing on romantic levels with a lot of women and knowing there are always options for you, as this puts you in a good frame of mind that will have you behaving as you should without trying.

 

Yes, it is much more of a frame of mind rather than the actual number of women you attract in a given period of time.

[GemmaUK]

Women for the most part don't want to be controlled but respect is a very important part in a woman's attraction for a man. For the most part they need to respect their man and the emasculated wimps who carry themselves as if they are apologizing for being born with a penis just do not inspire respect. In order for others to respect you you need to respect yourself and many of these so called new age men don't in the least.

 

The smart and healthy women can tell the difference between a strong man and a player who uses and abuses women but some women can't and they mistake narcissism and aggression for strength.

 

 

 

Smart and healthy women also need to see respect in return.

[MissBee]

Yeah....

 

Unfortunately its not really true....

 

Some of the most narcissistic men are almost always successful in life and with women..

 

Go figure.....

 

TFY

 

Narcissists are good at feigning interest in other people is the thing though, so even though they may be egotistical it isn't the same kind of turn inward that insecure people exhibit. Narcissists are often good at reading social cues and knowing the script of how to act, on other words they are good at impression management, and since their end is bringing attention to themselves and feeding their ego, they are often good at at least pretending to care about other people and tend to be charming as charming people are likeable and narcissistic folks need others to like them and pay attention to them. Narcissists have fragile egos and are deeply insecure but their insecurity is usually masked and on the outside they can often be charming confident people who rope others in easily into their company then later on is when you figure them out. Whereas the more obviously despondent insecure person who for example is constantly hedging, apologizing, having a whole inner dialogue about if they are doing things right or wrong and grasping at approval looks different.

[BlueIris]

Being able to actively choose who to date, have sex with, marry -- feeling like you have options as opposed to feeling like you have to take the one woman you meet in the space of several months who shows a hint of attraction toward you.

 

So wanting a bigger pool of women who want a man that other women want. To be desired by many, popular, so you have choice. I wonder how big that pool is and what it’s comprised of. I don’t know. I’d think the pool would be bigger for just sex than for marriage/bonding. But I reveal too much…. haha.

[thefooloftheyear]

That doesn't make sense.

 

But anyway, I often don't even know what some people mean by "success with women." Lots of women or the best woman? Both? And then what constitutes the best woman? What traits are being selected?

I think true alphas, the ones that prevail over time and end up leading, tend to choose to mate and bond with strong women, and strong women can tell what's real or not. So they often choose each other. At least that's what I've seen.

 

 

It makes all the sense in the world...in English anyway..

 

The point is that they have options...Just like strong and attractive women have options, too...More options means a greater chance at getting what you want out of life...whereas many others take whatever they can find..sometimes its off the scrap heap, unfortunately..

 

Its as simple as that...

 

TFY

[xxoo]

The one pattern I've had in my life regarding women was that they have all the power. I present my case to the woman and she says yes or no. It's a crappy way to live.

 

Can you recall any advice you've been given over the years to change that pattern?

[elaine567]

The smart and healthy women can tell the difference between a strong man and a player who uses and abuses women but some women can't and they mistake narcissism and aggression for strength.

 

Not always, some narcissists, players and abusers are pretty good at what they do. Assuming a person who is "smart and healthy", is not going to be taken in, is naive.

[GoodOnPaper]

So wanting a bigger pool of women who want a man that other women want. To be desired by many, popular, so you have choice. I wonder how big that pool is and what it’s comprised of. I don’t know. I’d think the pool would be bigger for just sex than for marriage/bonding. But I reveal too much…. haha.

 

Feeling like you have options isn't necessarily about the size of the pool but more about relieving the pressure that can cause a guy to appear desperate and invest himself emotionally in a woman before they've even had a first date.

 

For most guys who struggle, the pressure point is at the initial attraction stage. Finding the right one for an LTR will take care of itself if a guy has confidence or experience that he can attract first dates on a semi-regular basis. Most women can take the initial attraction stage for granted -- "struggling" usually means problems in going from casual dating to a committed relationship.

 

I don't know about the pool being bigger for just sex -- I could never attract anyone for casual sex. It's like their interest was more well-rounded or comprehensive but in a way that the sex aspect was diluted. Kind of strange.

[Maleficent]

Step 1: stop seeing women as

 

a) required for you to be happy/content/satisfied

b) predominantly for sex

c) something you feel you should 'dominate' or 'won over'

 

This should keep you busy for a few weeks though...

[GravityMan]

Somedude, you don't need to "be" dominant, you just need to lose your insecurity. You need to take charge of your own life and start respecting yourself more.

 

Also, while others are correct in stating that you need to care less, it is vital that you don't misunderstand what they mean. "Not caring too much" does not mean "treat women like sh*t".

[Woggle]

Feeling like you have options isn't necessarily about the size of the pool but more about relieving the pressure that can cause a guy to appear desperate and invest himself emotionally in a woman before they've even had a first date.

 

For most guys who struggle, the pressure point is at the initial attraction stage. Finding the right one for an LTR will take care of itself if a guy has confidence or experience that he can attract first dates on a semi-regular basis. Most women can take the initial attraction stage for granted -- "struggling" usually means problems in going from casual dating to a committed relationship.

 

I don't know about the pool being bigger for just sex -- I could never attract anyone for casual sex. It's like their interest was more well-rounded or comprehensive but in a way that the sex aspect was diluted. Kind of strange.

 

Also let's face it but the more options a man appears to have the more desirable he is to a lot of women. If it appears he can find another woman very quickly if things were to go wrong it does tend to be a game changer.

[elaine567]

Also let's face it but the more options a man appears to have the more desirable he is to a lot of women. If it appears he can find another woman very quickly if things were to go wrong it does tend to be a game changer.

 

But surely men with many options are also men who are seen as desirable to women anyway.

Desirable man => many options.

Undesirable man => few options.

[carhill]

How to be dominant with women?

 

Watch a lot of John Wayne movies. Sounds hokey but pay attention and ignore his stature.

[endlessabyss]

If you really want to overcome this, you need to have success with women, point blank. Look what that guy from RSD did. I personally don't like his act, but he went out years and years and just cold approached until he got good with women.

 

 

Confidence is nothing but having a ton of practice at something. The first step to confidence is courage. You have to keep exposing yourself to what you fear.

[endlessabyss]

Somedude, you don't need to "be" dominant, you just need to lose your insecurity. You need to take charge of your own life and start respecting yourself more.

 

Also, while others are correct in stating that you need to care less, it is vital that you don't misunderstand what they mean. "Not caring too much" does not mean "treat women like sh*t".

 

Could you explain how to completely lose all insecurity?

 

 

We are human. Do you think this female who made these brash comments doesn't feel insecurity when she is caking make-up on in the morning.

[somedude81]

Having a woman stay somedude...depends on how engaging you are.....not how dominant......be interested in them and interesting to talk to ....have insightful things to converse about.....news or passions that you have...to incite passion you have to have passion to give...and not just about getting a woman to stay and talk...but love what you are talking about not just to whom you are talking with.................deb

 

Unfortunately that's not it.

 

Most of the women I've liked I had many things in common with and I was always interested in them and what they had to say. I also enjoyed giving my input and there was never a shortage of things to talk about.

 

And they all left.

 

Most of them wouldn't let me move beyond friendship.

[somedude81]

I agree.

 

This isn't something one can pretend to be. You're either that way or not. Or if you become that way it will be a process for it to be genuine but it's not a matter of following superficial tips.

 

It's like someone asking how to be shy or submissive or smart....I mean...you are that way or you're not and if it should change it will have to be some kind of organic process and not something you simply put on.

 

Dominance in particular is such that it isn't something one can fake convincingly. But if you exude insecurity, the opposite of insecurity is not dominance, it's confidence. I think dominance may not be the thing you're looking for here. There are ways to be more confident and secure, but again it's not just a matter of superficially acting in different ways it's about genuinely becoming a more confident and secure person, which takes work and isn't a quick process.

 

I'm not trying to fake, hell I don't even know how to fake being dominant. As you said it's not something can pretend to be. But it is something I can learn to be as I practice and become more sure of myself.

 

Most likely I'm not even think of dominance in the right way. It just sounds like something powerful which I'm not. I want to be more assertive with women, more confident, and just overall caring less about what they think.

 

My big fear is that if my friend picked this up about me, most likely other women did as well and it didn't exactly help them become interested in me. I'm pretty sure that Busy Girl who I have now completely given up on, saw me as insecure and not worthy of her respect.

[organizedchaos]

I'm not trying to fake, hell I don't even know how to fake being dominant. As you said it's not something can pretend to be. But it is something I can learn to be as I practice and become more sure of myself.

 

Most likely I'm not even think of dominance in the right way. It just sounds like something powerful which I'm not. I want to be more assertive with women, more confident, and just overall caring less about what they think.

 

My big fear is that if my friend picked this up about me, most likely other women did as well and it didn't exactly help them become interested in me. I'm pretty sure that Busy Girl who I have now completely given up on, saw me as insecure and not worthy of her respect.

 

You're probably right. I mean, even us strangers on the Internet have picked up on that about you. And we've never even met you in person. We've told you over and over and over that women can pick up on this yet you insist this isn't how you are outside of LS. But here's a friend telling you so! We've told you over and over how to become more confident but have you put anything in to practice? you need to make some drastic changes in your life!

[johan]

Last night I was talking to a friend over text and she said "...you exude insecurity and don't exhibit a single ounce of dominance."

 

Right away I knew that she's completely right. I also realized that being insecure and not showing any dominance are most likely things that are turning off women that I'm interested in.

 

This is something I absolutely need to change if I want to get anywhere with women.

 

So how do I start?

 

Start by not having your identity handed to you by a woman. When the next woman comes along and hands you some other equally insensitive and irrelevant observation, are you going to blow in that wind like a feather, too?

 

Maybe your problem isn't that you aren't going around thumping your chest and dominating people, it's that you don't have a strong sense of yourself. You're constantly fishing around asking people to tell you how to be, because you don't already know. You take to heart (always the negative) comments about who you are.

 

When you find your path in life, and you have confidence it's the best one for you, then you'll be stronger. Dominant? Who exactly are you going to dominate? Strong and sure enough of your own identity and purpose in life is enough. Then when a woman throws a cheap criticism your way the only decision you'll have to make is whether to associate with her anymore.

Edited February 7, 2015 by johan

[GemmaUK]

Going right back to what your friend said I think it was badly worded.

 

 

The opposite of insecurity is confidence, not dominance.

 

 

However, none of the three, insecurity, confidence or dominance will guarantee you a relationship. Life just isn't like that.

 

 

If you are exuding insecurity then that's going to be in all areas of your life.

It will be in your stance, your facial expressions and your vocal tone.

 

 

If you are still job hunting then if I were you I would be seriously looking at body language and find a recruiter who you can practise interview techniques with.

[preraph]

Watch a lot of John Wayne movies. Sounds hokey but pay attention and ignore his stature.

 

Or Clint Eastwood. How to be intense and alpha by just walking in a room.

[carhill]

Good point. Also, watch outtakes of how Clint directs actors in his films. Watch the tone and cadence of his communication and how he shows respect as well as leadership in the same interactions, both in words and in body language. Having been married, I can't say enough about respect, and being respected starts with self-respect, IMO. In order to lead, one must be respectable and respected. I think lead is a healthier word here than dominate, or leadership versus dominance.