How to be dominant with women?

[eye of the storm]

I'm sure you've seen women post that they want to feel dominated in bed. I'm pretty sure they want to feel that outside of bed as well.

 

ummm no. In the bedroom I am a submissive. My guy is totally in charge. But if he tries to boss me around outside the bedroom we have issues. He is confident in himself and knows that I am my own person and he respects me enough to mind his own business about my personal choices.

 

Are there some women who want to turn over all of their choices and will to a man? Yes. There are some.

 

But not all women want to dominated, in or out of the bedroom. Not all women like chocolate either.

 

Confidence is sexy, Work on that.

[Radu]

Things to do more:

 

Flirt easily

Interact with the guys as peers

Be light and breezy

Lead

 

Things to do less:

 

Care

Focus on one woman, or just women

React, other than with humor and wit

Follow

 

This ... you need to do this.

[Radu]

Yes I am very awkward with talking to women as well.

 

It's a combination of not being sure of myself, not knowing what to say to women, and trying to win them over.

 

I just feel that any woman I'm interested in can walk away at a moments notice so I have to try to keep them happy. And in the end they still end up leaving.

 

For once in my life I want the woman to be concerned about trying to keep me happy so that I won't leave.

 

That won't happen as long as you try so hard.

 

Care less and look after your own life ... get some value that can be displayed [not money ... other things ... happiness is one].

[dichotomy]

Being very successful (job/career/money) does not always translate into dominance or confidence with women specifically. Its a darn good base, really important base, but its not going to make you into a alpha male automatically. Plenty of successful beta males. Also plenty of alphas who have basic jobs and money. You need to work on both things.

[elaine567]

Yes I am very awkward with talking to women as well.

 

It's a combination of not being sure of myself, not knowing what to say to women, and trying to win them over.

 

I just feel that any woman I'm interested in can walk away at a moments notice so I have to try to keep them happy. And in the end they still end up leaving.

 

I think "trying to win them over" is the root of your problem.

A "trying to win them over" approach to women will be so apparent that it will actually be a big turn off.

If I try to "win someone over", I agree with them enthusiastically, I compliment them, I am overly pleased to see them, I laugh at all their jokes, I make sure nothing they do upsets me, I cannot do enough for them, I go out of my way to help them...

 

BUT do we all really want a close friend like that?

Probably not, because they do not come across as being real, as being truly honest. A friend like that comes across as superficial with no depth, someone who is up to no good, someone who wants something from us and we instinctively shut down.

 

We don't usually want friends to be brutal in their criticism of us, but we want to be told when that joke was crappy, we look for honest appraisal from our close friends, we want honest communication; not sycophantic nonsense designed to "win us over".

 

Women are just people, forget treating them like another species and get more real in your interactions with them; see them as friends first and not all as potential gfs.

I am not saying negging is good, it definitely isn't, but there needs to be some honesty behind the conversation, otherwise it all comes across to us as very false and we naturally become suspicious.

[gaius]

I'd say job title is one of the least important things for a guy, unless you're looking to get married and have kids. It's helpful on the level that the higher you go, the more female employees and partners of your male underlings want you, but it's just an extra pond with fish that will jump in your boat really.

 

It's something women who want to get married focus more on but you can be on welfare and be a stud. =/ As long as you're not ashamed by it.

[Kamille]

Ever noticed how insecure people tend to be focused on themselves? What they can do, how they should act, what they are doing wrong? Their focus on themselves gets in the way when they interact with others.

 

 

People who command a room tend to be focused on others, not themselves. They pay attention to what people say, are good at reading a room. They make others comfortable (being dominant often means gaining trust). They know and notice things about the world around them. They don't have that constant self-evaluating inner dialogue.

 

How does one minimize the self-evaluating the inner dialogue: by being interested in what others do and say.

Edited February 6, 2015 by Kamille

[autumnnight]

Ever noticed how insecure people tend to be focused on themselves? What they can do, how they should act, what they are doing wrong? Their focus on themselves gets in the way when they interact with others.

 

 

People who command a room tend to be focused on others, not themselves. They pay attention to what people say, are good at reading a room. They make others comfortable (being dominant often means gaining trust). They know and notice things about the world around them. They don't have that constant self-evaluating inner dialogue.

 

How does one minimize the self-evaluating the inner dialogue: by being interested in what others do and say.

 

This. Is. Perfect.

[Frank2thepoint]

I don't think it's about using and abusing. I think it's about completely taking charge and not giving a damn. And yes it is completely about dominating a gender.

 

I'm sure you've seen women post that they want to feel dominated in bed. I'm pretty sure they want to feel that outside of bed as well.

 

When it comes to women I don't have a commanding presence and I'm always seeking their approval.

 

Concerning the comment about dominating a gender, that is a really angry and oppressive thing to say. You seek women's approval, but at the same time want to oppress them. That's some weird passive-aggressive phenomenon. That is the core of your problem, you probably feel women owe you something, and you want to exert control. You are allowing your insecurity of your limited power overtake you to the point of unreasonable anger toward a gender. Imagine meeting a woman that thought like you and vocalized her desire to dominate men. It would not be attractive at all.

 

As for why you seek women's approval, you need to resolve whatever abandonment you have suffered. You have to make peace with yourself, before you can make peace with women. You keep mentioning your ex that left you in various threads. Granted you are probably offering comparison and shared experience with other posters, but I have not read any sense of you moving past it. Yes it sucks it happened, but there is a positive that it happened, you just have to realize it for yourself.

 

 

Yeah that makes sense. Though is there anything more to it than just walking away?

 

Walking away from a bad situation is a guaranteed method of displaying your lack of tolerance for bad behavior. It is a clear example of confidence. Since you are obsessed about dominance, think of it as dominating the situation. Seeking approval from another gender just means you have little self-respect. If you don't work on nurturing your self-respect, your life and experiences with women will just be a downward spiral.

 

 

My insecurities are completely focused on women. I feel that things only happen when they want it to. I'm trying so hard to please women and to try and get them to like me, and I think I'm just doing everything completely wrong.

 

It's Newton's Third Law. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. You are trying so hard to please women, get their approval, that they see your desperation. They see you as an emotional anchor. You are aware that you are doing it wrong, so why not make the change. You know, just like Michael Jackson sang in "Man in the Mirror". If what you are doing is not working, then try doing it differently.

[thefooloftheyear]

This. Is. Perfect.

 

 

Yeah....

 

Unfortunately its not really true....

 

Some of the most narcissistic men are almost always successful in life and with women..

 

Go figure.....

 

TFY

[preraph]

Yeah....

 

Unfortunately its not really true....

 

Some of the most narcissistic men are almost always successful in life and with women..

 

Go figure.....

 

TFY

 

Yeah, but narcissistic doesn't mean they aren't outgoing. Doesn't mean they are either, but they can be either way. I have a close female friend who is diagnosed narcissistic and she's the most social outgoing person I've even known and very popular.

[SteveC80]

You got it!

 

We can be PC here but most women want a man who's better then her in some way and to lead and make all the decisions

 

Even the rare "alpha" women I dated behind closed doors were extremely vulnerable and needed me to do everything including order food for her

 

Women for the most part can't make decisions for themselves

[d0nnivain]

You got it!

 

We can be PC here but most women want a man who's better then her in some way and to lead and make all the decisions

 

Even the rare "alpha" women I dated behind closed doors were extremely vulnerable and needed me to do everything including order food for her

 

Women for the most part can't make decisions for themselves

 

Oh puh-lease.

 

I am an alpha woman & while it's occasionally nice when DH takes charge, as a general proposition if I'm not in charge I'm miserable.

[MidwestUSA]

Oh puh-lease.

 

I am an alpha woman & while it's occasionally nice when DH takes charge, as a general proposition if I'm not in charge I'm miserable.

 

 

 

Hmmm, same here. My man is CONFIDENT and self assured, but far from dominant. SD, I don't think that's what you're looking for at all. Dominance over an entire gender? No.

[serial muse]

You got it!

 

We can be PC here but most women want a man who's better then her in some way and to lead and make all the decisions

 

Even the rare "alpha" women I dated behind closed doors were extremely vulnerable and needed me to do everything including order food for her

 

Women for the most part can't make decisions for themselves

 

This is hilarious.

 

Anyway. People have strengths and weaknesses; there are things I am supremely confident about and things I am less so. It's nice to feel like my H is there to balance those out, but I don't see that as him "dominating" me. And I'm damn sure he wouldn't see the places where I'm more confident as me "dominating" him. Because it isn't really about him at all. Life doesn't actually have to be a competition in every freaking way.

 

Frank2thepoint has it right, IMO. Confidence in yourself is not at all the same thing as dominating another human being. As he said, a better way to frame it - and perhaps, OP, this is really what your friend was getting at? - is to think of it as dominating the situation, not the person. I think that's brilliant.

 

And I suspect a lot more was said in that text conversation that would help elucidate that comment. It sounds like the answer to a question, not a spontaneous dig at you.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

We can be PC here but most women want a man who's better then her in some way

Don't you think that most successful relationships are when people have complementary strengths, like where you are weaker I am stronger and vice versa?? I mean for both men and women equally??

and to lead and make all the decisions

What does "PC" have to do with that, it's just plain nonsense!! Sorry, but it really is.

 

Women for the most part can't make decisions for themselves

Wow, I can't stop being surprised at the insulting things some of you guys love to say about women on here, it makes me feel bad. :(

[Rejected Rosebud]

Hey SD concerning yourself with how to dominate a gender and planning on how you're gonna get that done is giving your power away just as bad as if you are groveling at women's feet, what you need to do is stop concentrating on women and letting us be the be-all and end-all of your entire life, that is a problem in itself.

[thefooloftheyear]

Its meant in fun....I think...but some of this stuff is actually kinda good..

 

How To Keep Your Pimp-Hand Strong

 

 

TFY

[somedude81]

OK, the line about dominating the gender came out wrong. I don't want to dominate all women, that's just ridiculous.

 

I want to be able to be dominate with women. To be able to take charge, to be self-assured, be respected by them etc.

 

The one pattern I've had in my life regarding women was that they have all the power. I present my case to the woman and she says yes or no. It's a crappy way to live.

 

There is no doubt in my mind that women see me as weak and insecure. Absolutely somebody that they do not want to date.

[d0nnivain]

You need to work on your self esteem. What makes you feel proud of yourself? Do that more. Channel that feeling when you talk to women.

[CarrieT]

You can't have this:

I want to be able to be dominate with women. To be able to take charge, to be self-assured, be respected by them etc.

Until you are able to get over this:

There is no doubt in my mind that women see me as weak and insecure. Absolutely somebody that they do not want to date.

 

You have all these DOUBTS and are convinced that women see you as weak and insecure. When it is probably not true... You are projecting onto there what you assume and as long as you maintain those assumptions, you will never progress.

[BlueIris]

 

Some of the most narcissistic men are almost always successful in life and with women..

 

That doesn't make sense.

 

But anyway, I often don't even know what some people mean by "success with women." Lots of women or the best woman? Both? And then what constitutes the best woman? What traits are being selected?

I think true alphas, the ones that prevail over time and end up leading, tend to choose to mate and bond with strong women, and strong women can tell what's real or not. So they often choose each other. At least that's what I've seen.

Edited February 6, 2015 by BlueIris

[elaine567]

The one pattern I've had in my life regarding women was that they have all the power. I present my case to the woman and she says yes or no. It's a crappy way to live.

 

That is because, I think it is sooooo important to you that she says yes, your desperation will be obvious to her. I guess your voice and your whole demeanour shouts lack of confidence, stress and nervousness, and that is not a comfortable place to be for her, so she says no.

 

People who are confident start from the mindset;

if she says yes that is cool;

if she says no then that is cool too.

They haven't built up a story in their head about this women.

Yes she is attractive. Yes, it may be good to go on a date, but if no then c'est la vie.

 

Whereas you read too much into everything, you have a story in your head, she is the focus of that story of romance, that story builds up over weeks. So it becomes increasingly imperative that she says yes, and when she says no, your world comes tumbling down.

[GoodOnPaper]

But anyway, I often don't even know what some people mean by "success with women."

 

Being able to actively choose who to date, have sex with, marry -- feeling like you have options as opposed to feeling like you have to take the one woman you meet in the space of several months who shows a hint of attraction toward you.

[Woggle]

Women for the most part don't want to be controlled but respect is a very important part in a woman's attraction for a man. For the most part they need to respect their man and the emasculated wimps who carry themselves as if they are apologizing for being born with a penis just do not inspire respect. In order for others to respect you you need to respect yourself and many of these so called new age men don't in the least.

 

The smart and healthy women can tell the difference between a strong man and a player who uses and abuses women but some women can't and they mistake narcissism and aggression for strength.