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How to be dominant with women?

somedude81

By somedude81
in General Relationship Discussion

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
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Last night I was talking to a friend over text and she said "...you exude insecurity and don't exhibit a single ounce of dominance."

 

Right away I knew that she's completely right. I also realized that being insecure and not showing any dominance are most likely things that are turning off women that I'm interested in.

 

This is something I absolutely need to change if I want to get anywhere with women.

 

So how do I start?

Frank2thepoint Established Member

Frank2thepoint

Posted
Posted

That's a really emasculating thing for a woman to say to a man. She doesn't sound like she even respects any man, but the content of her message does have some weight if you know you are insecure and lack a backbone.

 

First off, there is no such thing as dominating a gender. Sure there are some people out there that want to be used, abused, and dominated, but those people are mentally off balanced.

 

What you are looking for is being respected as an equal, as a human being. This requires boundaries and discipline. If there is something a person does that you don't like, you communicate your disapproval. If the person changes their behavior toward, then you have their respect. If they don't, they don't respect you. That's when discipline comes into play. When you are disrespected, you walk away from the person. If you find yourself making excuses for them, you are doing it wrong. You are not practicing discipline to now allow your boundaries to be crossed. What your boundaries are, you have to figure out. Every person has a different amount of patience, and they change with time.

 

Concerning your insecurities, you have to learn to trust yourself and others. It's a challenging endeavor, and the basis for overcoming insecurities. Overcoming, or at least minimizing the impact of an insecurity, requires effort, time, patience, and discipline.

  • Like 8
slizl Established Member

slizl

Posted
Posted

Pull hair and smack ass, light choking, repeat.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted
Last night I was talking to a friend over text and she said "...you exude insecurity and don't exhibit a single ounce of dominance."

 

Right away I knew that she's completely right. I also realized that being insecure and not showing any dominance are most likely things that are turning off women that I'm interested in.

 

This is something I absolutely need to change if I want to get anywhere with women.

 

So how do I start?

 

Jeez, we've been over this before. By doing things to improve yourself and your self-esteem so that you gain confidence. I still think dating a girl you're maybe not all in lust with would be a good start because then maybe you'd relax enough not to overthing everything and not care so much if something went wrong. But you need to be focusing on making yourself accomplished at something so that you're proud of yourself and feel worthy.

  • Like 6
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

You graduated mate. Parade it!

 

Well done btw.

StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
Posted

Next time you're with a girl, look around for the smallest guy you can find and go over and kick the shlt out of him.

  • Like 8
BlueIris Established Member

BlueIris

Posted
Posted

Security and dominance result from achievement. Become financially self-sufficient and secure and emotionally and socially self-sufficient and secure, and you will not longer exude insecurity. You waste too much time trying to appear to be something - and not enough time doing and achieving so that you actually are the things you want to appear to be.

 

Start with the job. Then build the career and develop positive social relationships through that.

  • Like 6
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

Things to do more:

 

Flirt easily

Interact with the guys as peers

Be light and breezy

Lead

 

Things to do less:

 

Care

Focus on one woman, or just women

React, other than with humor and wit

Follow

  • Like 3
autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

Posted
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This won't work unless it is real. And it won't be real unless you really are dominant. BTW, dominant is VERY different from domineering or dominating or just plain asshat.

 

It's all about being sure of YOURSELF.

 

Don't try to formula your way into Christian Grey. It won't work.

  • Like 10
Sassy Girl Established Member

Sassy Girl

Posted
Posted
This won't work unless it is real. And it won't be real unless you really are dominant. BTW, dominant is VERY different from domineering or dominating or just plain asshat.

 

It's all about being sure of YOURSELF.

 

Don't try to formula your way into Christian Grey. It won't work.

 

This...You dont BE dominant, you just ARE dominant...and that comes with being confident and courageous.

  • Like 3
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Dominant is the wrong word. You need to be more confident. That means being secure in who you are; proud of your own accomplishments & excited to see what adventures await you in life. Dominant to me means exerting your will over somebody else's & subjugating them. I don't think that you mean the latter but even if you do, you are going to have to learn to be confident before you can be dominant.

  • Like 6
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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
  • Author
Posted
That's a really emasculating thing for a woman to say to a man. She doesn't sound like she even respects any man, but the content of her message does have some weight if you know you are insecure and lack a backbone.

 

Yeah, it was emasculating and rude. But it still was true.

 

First off, there is no such thing as dominating a gender. Sure there are some people out there that want to be used, abused, and dominated, but those people are mentally off balanced.

 

I don't think it's about using and abusing. I think it's about completely taking charge and not giving a damn. And yes it is completely about dominating a gender.

 

I'm sure you've seen women post that they want to feel dominated in bed. I'm pretty sure they want to feel that outside of bed as well.

 

When it comes to women I don't have a commanding presence and I'm always seeking their approval.

 

 

 

What you are looking for is being respected as an equal, as a human being. This requires boundaries and discipline. If there is something a person does that you don't like, you communicate your disapproval. If the person changes their behavior toward, then you have their respect. If they don't, they don't respect you. That's when discipline comes into play. When you are disrespected, you walk away from the person. If you find yourself making excuses for them, you are doing it wrong. You are not practicing discipline to now allow your boundaries to be crossed. What your boundaries are, you have to figure out. Every person has a different amount of patience, and they change with time.

 

Yeah that makes sense. Though is there anything more to it than just walking away?

 

Concerning your insecurities, you have to learn to trust yourself and others. It's a challenging endeavor, and the basis for overcoming insecurities. Overcoming, or at least minimizing the impact of an insecurity, requires effort, time, patience, and discipline.

 

My insecurities are completely focused on women. I feel that things only happen when they want it to. I'm trying so hard to please women and to try and get them to like me, and I think I'm just doing everything completely wrong.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

I think it's about completely taking charge and not giving a damn. And yes it is completely about dominating a gender.

 

I'm sure you've seen women post that they want to feel dominated in bed. I'm pretty sure they want to feel that outside of bed as well.

 

 

Good luck with that...

  • Like 6
thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
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I think people forget that we are just more advanced forms of our animal ancestors..

 

 

Even our closest relatives(primates such as chimps and orangutans) have social hierarchy that is set up where there are dominant and submissive members of their kind...I dont even think its something that is learned or can be achieved through general awareness or life achievements...Its just one of those things that is established very early in life and is carried on to adulthodd..

 

 

I know a lot of "dominant" guys that would be considered complete losers by standards of society-yet they can converse easily and confidently to women......I also know very accomplished men that are quite meek and understated and would likely be very awkward when talking to a strange woman..

 

The dominance thing isnt gender exclusive, btw....It exists for males and females..

 

Why this woman actually said this to you is puzzling...She seems like an idiot...But she may be confusing dominance with just "awkwardness" in talking to a woman....That you can likely overcome with experience and life accomplishments...

 

When you talk to them next time just envision yourself with a 12 inch dick or a trust fund with 8 figures....They'll get the idea...:laugh:

 

But in all seriousness...I just think you need more reps...You'll come across as more confident and self assured...I think you are just socially awkward around women...And thats OK, btw....there are plenty of socially awkward women as well...so perhaps thats where you need to start, so you are on a more level playing field...Who knows??

 

Good luck

 

TFY

  • Like 2
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

I think what donnivain said was true there's dominance and then there is confidence....a confident guy will stand true and steadfast ...sure of his place in the world and can take leadership positions without a blink for the progression of all around him and the love of leading people.....a dominant person will do everything in "spite" of others and be more concerned his will is followed than actually leading anyone anywhere not interested in the input of possible good ideas and plans from those who follow him.....

 

 

theres dominance in bed....to take control...and then theres confidence...which is to simply lead and show the person following a massively good time......dominance is ok in bdsm role play....i will not let any man dominate me however, ill rebel against that in the bedroom or out of the bedroom....and i am actually a submissive at heart.........cant say for sure if i really trust dominant men to deliver.....its all show........but i follow quite easily to a guy who knows how to take the lead.....i am not fond of dominating men......i however love a confident guy who knows how to lead with respect and thoughtfulness ...deb

  • Like 1
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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think people forget that we are just more advanced forms of our animal ancestors..

 

 

Even our closest relatives(primates such as chimps and orangutans) have social hierarchy that is set up where there are dominant and submissive members of their kind...I dont even think its something that is learned or can be achieved through general awareness or life achievements...Its just one of those things that is established very early in life and is carried on to adulthodd..

 

 

I know a lot of "dominant" guys that would be considered complete losers by standards of society-yet they can converse easily and confidently to women......I also know very accomplished men that are quite meek and understated and would likely be very awkward when talking to a strange woman..

 

The dominance thing isnt gender exclusive, btw....It exists for males and females..

 

Why this woman actually said this to you is puzzling...She seems like an idiot...But she may be confusing dominance with just "awkwardness" in talking to a woman....That you can likely overcome with experience and life accomplishments...

 

When you talk to them next time just envision yourself with a 12 inch dick or a trust fund with 8 figures....They'll get the idea...:laugh:

 

But in all seriousness...I just think you need more reps...You'll come across as more confident and self assured...I think you are just socially awkward around women...And thats OK, btw....there are plenty of socially awkward women as well...so perhaps thats where you need to start, so you are on a more level playing field...Who knows??

 

Good luck

 

TFY

 

Yes I am very awkward with talking to women as well.

 

It's a combination of not being sure of myself, not knowing what to say to women, and trying to win them over.

 

I just feel that any woman I'm interested in can walk away at a moments notice so I have to try to keep them happy. And in the end they still end up leaving.

 

For once in my life I want the woman to be concerned about trying to keep me happy so that I won't leave.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

You don't have to dominate them. Just don't let them dominate you.

  • Like 9
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
Yes I am very awkward with talking to women as well.

 

It's a combination of not being sure of myself, not knowing what to say to women, and trying to win them over.

 

I just feel that any woman I'm interested in can walk away at a moments notice so I have to try to keep them happy. And in the end they still end up leaving.

 

For once in my life I want the woman to be concerned about trying to keep me happy so that I won't leave.

 

Having a woman stay somedude...depends on how engaging you are.....not how dominant......be interested in them and interesting to talk to ....have insightful things to converse about.....news or passions that you have...to incite passion you have to have passion to give...and not just about getting a woman to stay and talk...but love what you are talking about not just to whom you are talking with.................deb

  • Like 1
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
This won't work unless it is real. And it won't be real unless you really are dominant. BTW, dominant is VERY different from domineering or dominating or just plain asshat.

 

It's all about being sure of YOURSELF.

 

Don't try to formula your way into Christian Grey. It won't work.

 

I agree.

 

This isn't something one can pretend to be. You're either that way or not. Or if you become that way it will be a process for it to be genuine but it's not a matter of following superficial tips.

 

It's like someone asking how to be shy or submissive or smart....I mean...you are that way or you're not and if it should change it will have to be some kind of organic process and not something you simply put on.

 

Dominance in particular is such that it isn't something one can fake convincingly. But if you exude insecurity, the opposite of insecurity is not dominance, it's confidence. I think dominance may not be the thing you're looking for here. There are ways to be more confident and secure, but again it's not just a matter of superficially acting in different ways it's about genuinely becoming a more confident and secure person, which takes work and isn't a quick process.

  • Like 3
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

'Dominate' is quite a funny word when used in this context :laugh:

 

'Personal power' is a more interesting term.

 

Power over others?

 

Worthless.

 

Power over oneself?

 

Priceless.

 

Its all about being comfortable in your skin, and trusting your own judgment and decisions.

 

Self-assured, you could say.

  • Like 7
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted
I feel that things only happen when they want it to. I'm trying so hard to please women and to try and get them to like me, and I think I'm just doing everything completely wrong.

 

How about starting with changing this:

 

"Would you like to come to see (movie) with me sometime. If you're not too busy?"

 

Into:

 

"I've got two tickets for (movie) on Friday. Do you want to come and see it with me?"

  • Like 2
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
'Dominate' is quite a funny word when used in this context :laugh:

 

'Personal power' is a more interesting term.

 

Power over others?

 

Worthless.

 

Power over oneself?

 

Priceless.

 

Its all about being comfortable in your skin, and trusting your own judgment and decisions.

 

Self-assured, you could say.

 

Self-assured is it! :bunny:

 

I love a self-assured man.

  • Like 2
Got it Established Member

Got it

Posted
Posted

How are you with men? I really don't see the difference. Again, you make the female gender out to be these alien creatures instead of just other humans so you make interacting far too difficult.

 

I like self assured people. I don't want to hear hemming and hawing, stuttering, too many pauses, wishy washy, or indecisive. I also don't want to hear dictating, domineering, insulting, or minimizing. I want collaborative, self assured, self comfortable, and knows what defines them.

 

This is for all genders, friend or romantic. One doesn't need to be dominant or alpha to be the above. They just have to know what they bring to the table and know that they deserve a seat at it.

  • Like 8
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted
Sure there are some people out there that want to be used, abused, and dominated, but those people are mentally off balanced.

 

With all due respect, I heartily disagree...

  • Like 5
Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

Posted
Posted
And yes it is completely about dominating a gender.

:eek::eek: Really!?!? You're serious?!! Your goal is to dominate all of womankind?! It's never gonna work, you should give up now!! I think you always seem to get the same advice, "develop yourself," but that is the one thing in the whole world you seem 100% determined to never try!! Why?:confused:
  • Like 8
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