jd890 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I have been lurking this forum for a couple weeks and only just decided it might be time to write out and try to make some sense of what is going on in my head. I was with this girl for just over 2 years. The biggest 2 years of my life, i built a house, started a business, had some great holidays and she was right there with me every step of the way. After a few speed bumps i felt life was falling into place, I had begun to really give this girl my all. She moved in 6 months ago, we even bought a kitten and had started to plan for the future. I had always felt at times we weren't really connecting like we should be but she would reassure me and i would put it down to my insecurities or maybe i would just turn a blind eye to it because i was so ready for this to be it. 3.5 weeks ago, One day out of the blue she went totally cold, couldn't get a word or a kiss out of her. The next morning i txt her telling her there is obviously something we need to talk about? She came home, told me she hadn't been feeling it for a few months, that she has fallen out of love with me. And that was that, she left. Off to start her new life while i am stuck with the bills and surrounded by memories. It was brutal. My world was turned upside down, i have had breakups before but this shook me to my core as we had such a great relationship, we were both such level headed people and this was not the way i had imagined us to ever break up (If at all!) I just wish she had said something to me months before when she started feeling it, maybe we could have worked through it together or at least she could have humored me and made me feel like we had at least tried. Started drinking pretty regularly for the first couple weeks and figured out that was not doing me any good at all. Emotions are running wild, from depression to anger to absolute hysterics and then strange moments of clarity :S I'm on a rollercoaster at the moment and i need it to stop!!! Any advice from you guys would be so much appreciated. Already feels good to get some of these thoughts out!!
Light Breeze Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 She checked out of the relationship long before she physically left. She was slowly detaching in her head until the time the process was complete, then she breaks it off. You, on the other hand, is surprised and confused, asking yourself wtf went wrong? Classic blindside breakup. First, Go total and complete NC, remove any reminders of her from your place. Second, get busy, go to the gym (work those stress out of your system, plus you'll look damn good). Learn new things, acquire new hobbies, go out with friends and family. Love yourself and be strong, you're not alone. P.S. It really sucks, when you invest in a relationship and your partner just up and leaves after the honeymoon phase. Stay strong, brother. 4
elaine567 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I had always felt at times we weren't really connecting like we should be but she would reassure me and i would put it down to my insecurities or maybe i would just turn a blind eye to it because i was so ready for this to be it. 3.5 weeks ago, One day out of the blue she went totally cold, couldn't get a word or a kiss out of her. The next morning i txt her telling her there is obviously something we need to talk about? She came home, told me she hadn't been feeling it for a few months, that she has fallen out of love with me. And that was that, she left. Off to start her new life while i am stuck with the bills and surrounded by memories. It was brutal. It is not uncommon, it happens. Be glad that she had the courage to end it before you got married and had kids. Your gut told you there was something not quite right, but your heart went on regardless. do not beat yourself up, we have all been there too. Get out and do stuff, go meet with friends, clean the house, wash the car, go for a walk, just do anything to take your mind off her, exercise is good. Sitting around moping will make you feel 10o x worse. Go to the gym. You are now free to do exactly what you want to do, go do some of the stuff you always wanted to do, but didn't because she wasn't interested. You will survive. Did she take the kitten with her too? If not, play with the kitten. It will know something is wrong and it deserves your attention. 1
Author jd890 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Posted February 5, 2015 (edited) Thanks guys, really helps to hear from people that know how it feels. Yes, I went NC on about day 4. Have had a couple slip ups though, I went on her facebook page late one night (Big mistake) and she txt me about some logistical things last week in which i replied with a few paragraphs telling her how i felt about the way she ended it...Have since blocked her on all social media and have asked her not to contact me and told her that she will hear from me about a couple small financial issues when I am in the right head space. It just seems so selfish, for her to give herself months to come to terms with ending the relationship but not saying a word to me about it. Being kept in the dark about the issues she was having and then just dropping them on me like a tonne of bricks. She's out of my life but consuming it completely at the moment and it is torture! Have cleaned out the house of all her stuff but have been finding it very difficult to stay there on my own. Have been sleeping at my parents house off and on (Which is where the kitten is staying by the way and getting alot of attention!) I am lucky to have a great support network of friends and family though. Going through something like this has really made me appreciate those people in my life. Edited February 5, 2015 by jd890
mightycpa Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 It just seems so selfish, for her to give herself months to come to terms with ending the relationship but not saying a word to me about it. It does seem selfish in hindsight, but I'm willing to bet that she fought that feeling and lied to herself for quite a while. She only wanted to tell you she was done with you when she was sure. Up until that time, I'm confident she was in doubt. This is very common.
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