den5567 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 She wanted to date with me for three years (since 2011), but i didn't care about her at all. In 2014 we started to date. I was her first serious boyfriend. When she broke up with me for the first time, we had a talk (i did't begged at all) and she changed her mind. She said that she wanted me to change (i was a cynical person, she always said it). Three weeks later she broke up with me for the second time. It was absolutely devastasing. I realized that i treat her badly, and she was completely unhappy with me. I was awful. It was all my fault. I begged and pleaded for a month, asked her for forgiveness (several times). The worst thing that when she broke up with me i said "i love you" for the fist time and it didn't change anything. I was such an idiot. Last time we talked 5 weeks ago and i got closure. Now i'm in a NC, and i know that i'll never contact her and she'll never contact me. Her bithsday is coming up and i'm not going to send her anything. Funny that this girl was available for me for three years and i did't care about her. Now she broke my heart completely. I feel guilty every day and often have urges to break NC to ask her for forgiveness. How can i get rid of feeling guilty? Sorry for my english, my writing skills are very bad.
mightycpa Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Almost everybody disappoints their first love. Welcome to the club. All you can do is to remember, and try to not make the same mistakes over and over again. That way, late in your life when you're feeling all sentimental and you wind up contacting her, you can tell her that you learned a lot by losing her, and you used what you learned to improve your life. She'll like that.
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