OrangeParty Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I've been lurking around a bit but thought I'd share my experience. A bit about myself that is relevant. I'm a late bloomer and currently not so much a catch -- age 28, no LTRs, career change set me back a few years, so I'm back in school pursuing my second degree. Self-esteem and confidence could use some work (mostly caused by physical appearance and the whole late-bloomerism), but I generally have no issues meeting people. Dating women, however, is another story. I grew up in a very conservative Asian family which unfortunately viewed relationships as a barrier to success. So I was discouraged from an early age from dating. Only a couple of years ago I decided I needed to move away from that mindset. I started lurking and learning about the dating culture in America (I'm foreign-born). I had one short term relationship so far; it was with a fellow countrywoman whom I was good friends with, but turned out I was just a rebound. We just one day decided that we would hold hands and do couple-y things, and then one other day I found out she had gotten back with her ex, without telling me. So I left. My self-esteem isn't great, but I had to start somewhere. There was a lady working at one of the university offices that I was sort of attracted to. We had talked a few times and knew a little about our personal lives. So last month I decided to just ask her out; something I have never done in 28 years. It was nerve-wracking the night before I planned to show up at her office. I went to her office the next day and just flat out asked her, "Can I take you out on a pie date?". To my surprise, I didn't stutter at all. Everything came out smoothly, I just kept telling myself that I'm really just asking if she had a pencil I could borrow. I caught *her* by surprise, because *she* was stammering for a bit. Sadly she said she was seeing someone, and again I was surprised at how... composed I was. I just said "Ah, okay. I understand." She apologized and we talked for a bit before I bowed out and left her office. I had this stupid grin on my face. A woman said no and I was happy because it was a historical moment for me. It went very well and I like to think I did okay for my first time. Now I'm on OLD for funsies. Saw an attractive profile of a 31-year-old that caught my attention and lots of shared values, except for a couple of yellow-flags. Thought about it for a bit and decided, what the hell, just hit Send. Unfortunately, in a "let's see what pops up" moment, I found her real name and a little bit about her work. In my defense, I'm in the IT field so this didn't take me as much effort to uncover as it sounds. She sounds very successful; doctorate degree, had a couple of media interviews about her work, got featured in museums (she's artsy), etc. I like intelligent, successful, career-minded women, because that's my goal too, but this feels like she's professionally way out of my league. I'm starting to think I should file this one under "forget it, move on". On the other hand, I did get two unsolicited messages -- though from people I don't feel a compatibility with reading their profiles. That does feel nice.
Mif Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Good luck! Remember not to ignore those red/pink/orange flags. Can save you a lot of heart ache in the future. And remember you may need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a good one!
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