Jax12 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Today I told a girl whom I've been friends with for 7 years that I liked her. I thought that she knew to some extent, but it turns out she didn't know at all. But prior to that, we we're always hanging out and were great friends. A couple months ago we watched Big Hero 6, always texted each other, and even got a little close, which I assumed that if it were ever to get that close (body contact) that would either tell you whether like you or not. To me, we were more than just friends, just by how we acted around each other. So moving forward. After I told her, she responds by telling me that she isn't ready for a relationship. She has told me about her past 2 relationships, so I can understand if she doesn't want one at the moment. She isn't in the best position right now, with school adding into her problems. So my question is, is she saying "maybe when I'm ready" or "I'm not interested in you in that way"? How can you tell between the two?
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I'm not ready for a relationship always has the silent phrase "with you" at the end. It's not a timing thing. She doesn't fancy you. After 7 years you are firmly in the friendzone. Sorry. 4
Erised Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 So my question is, is she saying "maybe when I'm ready" or "I'm not interested in you in that way"? How can you tell between the two? I disagree (knowing my personal self) that there's always a silent "with you" at the end. It can be said and she can stay out of relationships with anyone. I mean, you've known her a long time... is she very honest or the type to soften the blow to avoid the conflict or pain? That helps your answer. I CAN say, either way, DO NOT WAIT ON ANYONE. Pursue others, and if it happens later, great. But do not wait and do not pressure because that's just going to end up with ou both being hurt. So whether it's with you, or honesty, you need to move onward in the same way. 1
lovexocoach Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 You are definitely in the friend zone. Date other women and don't get hung up on this woman - you'll only hurt yourself and cause a rift in the friendship you have with her if you try and pursue a relationship with her. 1
PaperCrane Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I have to agree, it just means "with you" she doesn't want one. Because, let's be real here, if Bradd Pitt or Norman Reedus or Mads Mikkelson or whomever walked up and asked her to be their girlfriend or to start dating, she'd say yes. Everyone is ready for a relationship at any time. It is just at certain times the requirements can fluctuate a little bit. Don't let it get you down. 2
kendahke Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 So my question is, is she saying "maybe when I'm ready" or "I'm not interested in you in that way"? How can you tell between the two? Give her some space and get next to another girl. The way she acts will tell you what you need to know. 2
Erised Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I have to agree, it just means "with you" she doesn't want one. Because, let's be real here, if Bradd Pitt or Norman Reedus or Mads Mikkelson or whomever walked up and asked her to be their girlfriend or to start dating, she'd say yes. Everyone is ready for a relationship at any time. It is just at certain times the requirements can fluctuate a little bit. Don't let it get you down. This is so not true. For me or people I've known. 1
Author Jax12 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 Thanks for the responses guys. @Erised She tells me a lot of things, but it could be a friend-to-friend thing. I honestly don't know if she's an honest person or not, because I would have very much appreciated if she told me the truth and said that she wasn't interested in me that way. Words cannot express the amount of hate I have towards girls who get all touchy and close with me and then say that they don't want to go out with me in that way. If I see a girl get close to anyone (myself included) then it's obvious at that point that is who she is, and I won't misinterpret it. This was what I was worried about, if she said no. Now I don't feel like talking to her anymore, now that she knows how I feel. I know it'll take time, but how do I forget about her? How do you move on, so to speak?
Erised Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Words cannot express the amount of hate I have towards girls who get all touchy and close with me and then say that they don't want to go out with me in that way. o ? Hate? Really? That sentiment you expressed is more than a little disturbing. Friends for 7 years to hate? With nothing more than that? Even worse. 1
Author Jax12 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 (edited) Hate? Really? That sentiment you expressed is more than a little disturbing. Friends for 7 years to hate? With nothing more than that? Even worse. I'm exaggerating it quite a bit, so my mistake if I took it too far. Disturbing or not, I don't like girls who flirt with every guy they meet. It just poses more confusion in the guy that might actually be interested in her. It does get me upset, I'm not gonna lie. Edited February 6, 2015 by Jax12
irresolute Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 She's not interested in a relationship with you. I'd freak out honestly if my friend of 7 years told me he has a crush on me yikes
Satu Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Today I told a girl whom I've been friends with for 7 years that I liked her. I thought that she knew to some extent, but it turns out she didn't know at all. After I told her, she responds by telling me that she isn't ready for a relationship. All you have, is what you have today. The past is gone, and the future is unknown. What you have today is a friend.
Author Jax12 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 She's not interested in a relationship with you. I'd freak out honestly if my friend of 7 years told me he has a crush on me yikes Never thought of it that way. Haha true that. I suppose it'll take some time to forget it all. Looking forward to it lol All you have, is what you have today. The past is gone, and the future is unknown. What you have today is a friend. Oh well, the truth hurts.
fifipheebs Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 first off, kudos for gathering courage to tell your friend how you feel. It was a risk telling her. unfortunately, she didn't tell you what you were hoping to hear. I think the 7 years being friends has nothing to do with her putting you in the friend zone. I secretly like my best guy friend and we've been friends for just as long. i just can't bring myself to tell him how i feel. Your friend may come around. I have a friend who rejected her guy friend only to realize she regretted saying no and begged for them to be a couple. Give it some time and don't make things awkward. She may come around and realize you are an amazing person and things will fall into place.
Satu Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Never thought of it that way. Haha true that. I suppose it'll take some time to forget it all. Looking forward to it lol Oh well, the truth hurts. Sometimes the truth hurts, thats true. Stay in the present - that's the only place where you influence events.
LoveRefreshed Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 She's not interested in a relationship with you. I'd freak out honestly if my friend of 7 years told me he has a crush on me yikes Why? Is it unreasonable to spend seven years with someone, being emotionally close, and then developing feelings of love towards that person?
kendahke Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Why? Is it unreasonable to spend seven years with someone, being emotionally close, and then developing feelings of love towards that person? because by that time, you've invested in a plantonic, brother-like affection for them, not a lover-like affection for them. It's like your brother telling you he fancies you as a lover. Ewww. 1
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I'm wondering why it took you seven years to own up to your feelings. Did it take that long for her to grow on you? That's pretty unusual. If she was ever interested in you, you missed your opportunity and got friend-zoned a long time ago. I think you just got confused by the way she is with male friends. I've known a lot of women like that... they hang on your arm, they're not afraid to put their hands on you, but it is platonic affection, it is not "come-hither" signaling. Next time, don't wait so long. Get that all cleared up at the beginning. 3
preraph Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 (edited) I don't understand why so many guys think there should be some payoff for pretending like they're only friends with a woman they actually want to have sex and a relationship with. Because of their own fear, instead of being honest and straightforward, they sneak around hiding their real intentions and deceive them into trusting them like they trust their girlfriends, all the time hoping someday the woman will magically decide they're suddenly attracted to them and jump on them so that they don't ever have to take a chance and make the move. If they ever finally get up the nerve to make the move, all this knowledge is running through the woman's mind: OMG, I told him personal information as if he was my brother or girlfriend, and the whole time he's probably been fantasizing (and more) about me. I had no idea he was so sneaky. I'll never be able to trust him again. The only reason I can think of why he'd creep around like that is if he was too scared to ask a girls out. I'm sorry that's harsh, but that's the reality. 7 weeks is one thing. 7 months or 7 years -- there's just no excuse. You're the one who was dishonest here, not her. Edited February 6, 2015 by preraph 2
fifipheebs Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 If they ever finally get up the nerve to make the move, all this knowledge is running through the woman's mind: OMG, I told him personal information as if he was my brother or girlfriend, and the whole time he's probably been fantasizing (and more) about me. I had no idea he was so sneaky. I'll never be able to trust him again. The only reason I can think of why he'd creep around like that is if he was too scared to ask a girls out. I'm sorry that's harsh, but that's the reality. 7 weeks is one thing. 7 months or 7 years -- there's just no excuse. You're the one who was dishonest here, not her. perhaps he couldn't get a good read on her cuz she was sending mixed signals. give the chap a break. At least he finally fessed up. 2
elaine567 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 perhaps he couldn't get a good read on her cuz she was sending mixed signals. give the chap a break. At least he finally fessed up. He couldn't get a good read on her for seven years ???!!!! I agree with preraph here, he sneaked around her, no doubt accepted hugs and sat close to her, listened to her innermost thoughts as her "friend" for years and never said a word as to how he felt. Yes it was dishonest. She will be shocked. 1
callingyouuu Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 He couldn't get a good read on her for seven years ???!!!! I agree with preraph here, he sneaked around her, no doubt accepted hugs and sat close to her, listened to her innermost thoughts as her "friend" for years and never said a word as to how he felt. Yes it was dishonest. She will be shocked. That's unfair. I don't think he wanted to be dishonest or sneaky. He thought she was expressing interest in return by getting more physical with him. Just a case of misinterpreted signals. If she does feel that way, I can see where she's coming from, but she'd be wrong. 2
you_can_not_see_me Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Today I told a girl whom I've been friends with for 7 years that I liked her. I thought that she knew to some extent, but it turns out she didn't know at all. But prior to that, we we're always hanging out and were great friends. A couple months ago we watched Big Hero 6, always texted each other, and even got a little close, which I assumed that if it were ever to get that close (body contact) that would either tell you whether like you or not. To me, we were more than just friends, just by how we acted around each other. So moving forward. After I told her, she responds by telling me that she isn't ready for a relationship. She has told me about her past 2 relationships, so I can understand if she doesn't want one at the moment. She isn't in the best position right now, with school adding into her problems. So my question is, is she saying "maybe when I'm ready" or "I'm not interested in you in that way"? How can you tell between the two? Its very likely that she knew you were interested or at the very least had a hunch. she's saying she didn't know so that you won't get upset thinking you were lead on. And you maybe she didn't mean to lead you on, she liked what was going on between you but doesn't want to take it to the next level. As frustration as it might sound being wanted feels good even when you don't want a relationship with that person. In 99% of the time, not ready for a relationship is just a place holder for not interested, its intended to soften the blow and make it not feel like a rejection. I have a question though. How strongly did you come on when you told her you like her? if you make it seem really serious sometimes it can scare girls away. Preferably you should have simply suggested a date kinda think where you made it clear you were romantically interested but not super serious . . . yet.
you_can_not_see_me Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) I don't understand why so many guys think there should be some payoff for pretending like they're only friends with a woman they actually want to have sex and a relationship with. Because of their own fear, instead of being honest and straightforward, they sneak around hiding their real intentions and deceive them into trusting them like they trust their girlfriends, all the time hoping someday the woman will magically decide they're suddenly attracted to them and jump on them so that they don't ever have to take a chance and make the move. If they ever finally get up the nerve to make the move, all this knowledge is running through the woman's mind: OMG, I told him personal information as if he was my brother or girlfriend, and the whole time he's probably been fantasizing (and more) about me. I had no idea he was so sneaky. I'll never be able to trust him again. The only reason I can think of why he'd creep around like that is if he was too scared to ask a girls out. I'm sorry that's harsh, but that's the reality. 7 weeks is one thing. 7 months or 7 years -- there's just no excuse. You're the one who was dishonest here, not her. lots of shaming in this one post. Sure its a good idea to make your intentions clear before too long, but some men just can't, it takes some time for them and in many of their cases there is no malicious intent, they are just afraid/shy, and shaming them for that is BS. they should be encouraged to be more aggressive/proactive, but only a paranoid narcissistic would construct an innocent crush that takes too long to surface as some trickery and deception. Most of these guys have no intention of becoming a girl's girlfriend or brother, they just don't know any better. Edited February 7, 2015 by you_can_not_see_me 3
preraph Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 ^ Well, they always shame and blame the woman for it: "Words cannot express the amount of hate I have towards girls who get all touchy and close with me and then say that they don't want to go out with me in that way." And then end up bitter about it, when it's them who was hiding their intentions, not the woman. They need to learn to make themselves step up and take a risk. Life just passes them by because they let it. As I said, I understand a few weeks, but seven years of not asking someone out and just hoping she'll drop into his lap is just not realistic. I'm not saying it's only guys who do this. Women do it too. 1
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