cgf636 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 (edited) My ex and I have officially been broken up for 1 month today. I'm not taking it very well. In fact, I have never been in a situation before where I cared this much post-relationship. Obviously, breaking up was not my idea but I do admit that we weren't great together... he was the closest I've gotten to perfect. Even today, post-break up I would admit that he is a kind and loving person. His mother should be proud. And he has re-aligned my expectations for what I deserve in a relationship. I want to be wanted... I want a guy that will plan a wine & cheese picnic in a nearby park when I've had a bad day, or that will surprise me with concerts to my favorite band on a random Friday night. Now, I am lost. I have these expectations for what I want in a relationship, but I'm clearly not ready to date. I compare everyone I meet, every online consideration to him (yes, my friends signed me up on Hinge). I understand the no contact thing... but I want so badly to contact and I'm teetering back and forth on whether that's because I want to be his friend or if I'm almost convincing myself there's a chance for something when I clearly know there is not. I talk myself out of texting him almost daily. I find out about nearby concerts or events that I know we'd both love to do and I want to text him. I hear a band we love and I want to text him. I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure how far or how long I need to continue with no contact. I get it, that we do not work together. I do care about him though and I want to be his friend. I want to be part of his life. I feel like the longer I am silent, the more likely it is that there is nothing here at all... On the other hand, he broke up with me and has not contacted since a week after the break up, even to be friends (and when he did contact 1 week post-break up, my response was snippy and short; I was still very upset). Any advice, any insight or experience is much appreciated.... Can I text him? Should I? Can we be friends? Edited February 5, 2015 by cgf636
Jimmyjackson Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 First of all, 1 month is nothing...it's still raw. Give it a couple more months and you'll feel a lot better, trust me. Those things you mention about how he's perfect, the things he did for you; there are plenty of other guys out there who would and will do the same. It's a cliche, but time does heal. I know you'll probably read this and think it's the same old garbage, it's all nonsense, it means nothing to you right now as all you want to do is go back to your ex. I wouldn't blame you, I used to read advice on here and just think that's not what I want to read, if that makes sense? but it is all true. Remember, 1 month is nothing, give it time. You'll be fine ps, no you can't be friends and don't contact him.
Author cgf636 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Posted February 5, 2015 Why can't we be friends? I'm friends with most of my exes... all of which I ended things with... but why is that different? His last relationship before ours lasted 4 years and he never contacted her after. I feel like I would need to initiate to be friends.
smellysocksuni Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 The fact that you dumped the exes you are now friends with makes a huge difference. With break ups, the dumper is the one who is in control. The dumpee can't say "I want to be friends", "I want to get back together" - the dumper holds all the cards. You can be friends in the future but right now it's not possible because of all the feelings that are flying about.
Jimmyjackson Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Why can't we be friends? I'm friends with most of my exes... all of which I ended things with... but why is that different? His last relationship before ours lasted 4 years and he never contacted her after. I feel like I would need to initiate to be friends. You can't be friends with someone you still have feelings for. Down the road at some point? Maybe. But honestly, why would you want to stay friends with an ex anyway ? Usually when exes are friends it's nothing more than the odd hello every now and then, it's more acquaintance at best, rather than 'friend'. 1
smellysocksuni Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 You can't be friends with someone you still have feelings for. Down the road at some point? Maybe. But honestly, why would you want to stay friends with an ex anyway ? Usually when exes are friends it's nothing more than the odd hello every now and then, it's more acquaintance at best, rather than 'friend'. Exactly. You will never be close or best friends. Just someone on your contact list.
maryça Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I don't believe in being friends with your ex, I mean for myself it's not possible. I am going through a break up and i haven't seen my ex in 3 months as I moved abroad to my family. It hurts so bad to not see him, we had contact over the last 3 months which I know I was wrong doing. But the last 3 weeks we had no contact at all, I just texted him in order to get my stuff back and I am sure that I will never be friends with him. It will only give you the hard time moving on and maybe seeing him with another person will hurt you even more.
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