markthemango Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 i've spent time thinking abou this and this is what i came up (this about girls who dont cheat when you truly like/love someone they become a big part of your life. when they try to seperate themselves from you, your first instinct is to fight to keep her/him. A part of you is leaving and you panic and it feels like your world is crashing down on you. You just wanna make everything alright and you fight to keep her. Say you been with a girl for a year, then one day she says that you guys need to break up. how many guys are truly gonna go "ok have a nice life"you might say that at first but you willlikely end up asking her why? what i do? we can work on this...lets try it again its like your first car.no matter how much of a clunker it is you always remember it because it was a big part of your life.hell old video games i still play sometimes because i remember how much fun i use to have with them! she has become a part of your ife and you wanna keep her around. you cant imagine her not being in your life so thats why you fight.sure you may look beta but its gonna hapeen to alot of guys thats my feeling on the matter
Zahara Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Unfortunately it takes two to fight. You can't fight for someone that doesn't want to fight. Yours is not fighting, yours is staying in denial and fearing letting go. 5
Satu Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 (edited) In most instances, the person you think you're 'fighting' for will perceive your actions as being you pressuring, pestering, and bothering them with unwanted attention. Next stop Stalkerville. Edited February 5, 2015 by Satu 4
Invictus01 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 (edited) That's all good except that the examples are a bit flawed. Your girlfriend is a living breathing human being. She can do whatever the hell she wants, whether you fight for her or not. Your car can't tell you to f@ck off and drive off on its own. You win that fight by default. Your video games can't tell you to stop bothering them and disappear from your life. You win that fight by default too. Your girlfriend can do all that whether you fight or not and NOTHING you do will get her back unless she wants to be there. You might sweet talk her into coming back temporarily, but if she doesn't want to be there, she will be gone again. So, dude, I'm telling you as a guy who has fought before and has seen what you win in the end (nothing) - 98% of the time, the second you disrespect her wishes and start fighting, you have lost no matter what great stuff you had in mind. If a woman has shown you the door, you need to walk out and keep walking. She might realize she made a mistake and come back (and if she does, she will be SPRINTING after you). She might not. If you treated her right, she will remember that. She will also ALWAYS remember you as the guy who had enough confidence and balls to walk away... and maybe one day will stat to wonder if she missed out on a great guy. But if she isn't afraid to lose you, you got nothing. Edited February 5, 2015 by Invictus01 4
sober and dry Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Girls or boys who cheat or not, trying to get them back by that line of though, with all that emotion behind is just not gonna work... It's not because they were a part of your life that's now ripped off and you are in panic that you have a good, solid reason to get back together again. People may want try to fight and get their ex back because and only if, after healing, growing up and absorb their lessons, their parter had done the same and still see that there's a chance, not to get back to the old RS but to the same and improved person, to develop a new and better RS.
alexwood Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 i sort of agree with op everybody says walk away but does that truly happen all the time? no 1
sober and dry Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 i sort of agree with op everybody says walk away but does that truly happen all the time? no Yes, it does. I did 2/3 times and I truly loved that girls. The thing for me was, after the pain and FULL NC I just didn't saw things coming back from me or from them, so there really was no point in fighting in any shape or form. True one of them said latter that she was expecting me to do so, but as I said, after healing I just doesn't see it anymore because she were the same person as I, and I don't like how story tends to repeat it self. lol Basically the same reason in my previous post.
Jimmyjackson Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Yeah it's a shame but there's no other way, you just have to do it, walk away. Sometimes people need to stop and think about it, and realise they actually don't have a choice. You can fight for something all you want but if it's only you fighting you're going to lose the battle.
erklat Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Fight for what? Remember that when you fight, you are fighting against her. That is how much sense fighting has. Just turn away and leave speechless. No 'have a nice life' or anything. Your pain makes all fake pleasantries void either way. Oh, I soooo wish I listened to advice I got here when it counted. 3
tikay00 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 (edited) First time ever being dumped a few months back, and had NO IDEA how to handle it. In fact, we were on and off for a while, and man, I was a begging fool every time. I WISH I knew about NC, and just going ghost from the beginning. Ah well, you live and you learn. I think regardless of knowing about NC or not, your natural human instinct is to "fight" for them a little, just so they know you care about them, and really do love them. I think even if you know about the NC rule, a piece of you can't leave thinking your ex thinks you never loved them, and just vanished on them without a word. Basically what I'm trying to say is, a lot of people would rather leave knowing they gave it a shot, then be content with NC, instead of straight to NC, because then there's too many what ifs. "What if she did want me to fight for her?" "What if this was a test to see if I love her?" "What if she thinks I didn't really care about the relationship, and I'm relieved that's it over?" Just a few things that run through your mind. But looking back, I can easily say I'd go the NC route, but I know in my heart I'd still fight just a little. At least tell her one time that I love her with all my heart, and I don't want this, but I'll respect her wishes and leave. Then go NC. Edited February 5, 2015 by tikay00
kendahke Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 i've spent time thinking abou this and this is what i came up (this about girls who dont cheat when you truly like/love someone they become a big part of your life. when they try to seperate themselves from you, your first instinct is to fight to keep her/him. A part of you is leaving and you panic and it feels like your world is crashing down on you. You just wanna make everything alright and you fight to keep her. Say you been with a girl for a year, then one day she says that you guys need to break up. how many guys are truly gonna go "ok have a nice life"you might say that at first but you willlikely end up asking her why? what i do? we can work on this...lets try it again its like your first car.no matter how much of a clunker it is you always remember it because it was a big part of your life.hell old video games i still play sometimes because i remember how much fun i use to have with them! she has become a part of your ife and you wanna keep her around. you cant imagine her not being in your life so thats why you fight.sure you may look beta but its gonna hapeen to alot of guys thats my feeling on the matter Cars and video games are not living, breathing human beings with a right to determine their own destiny and happiness, so that's non sequitur. When my ex and my ex-LDR decided to no longer be with me, yeah, the first few days, I was in shock at their decisions. I did try to see if there was any way to reason with them, but each were adamant about moving on without me. At that point, I had to grab hold of my dignity and grace and let them go. I don't want anyone to be with me just because I'm throwing a fit about them not wanting to be with me. Boy, bye! I want them with me because they do not want to be any other place. Tantrumming like a 5 yr old accomplishes nothing--and that's what "fight for us" is, really: the selfish refusal to come to terms with that other person determining their own destiny and happiness unless it involved me. To me, that's being a bit too self-centered. Yes, one can find themselves in that position until they make the adjustment to life without that person. Yes it hurts like hell, but it won't kill you. I've long since come to terms about it and have moved on. Some relationships aren't meant to last forever; some are meant as a life lesson and they're supposed to move on.
gnick Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I'm a guy that fought on and off for 3 months.she really liked and respected me when she dumped me but just wasn't attracted anymore. 3 months later she refuses all contact and I'm sure has a completely different opinion. I just couldn't keep myself from trying to fix it
mightycpa Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 That's how I always did it. You didn't have to tell me twice. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes it was hard, and once it was the hardest thing I ever did. But I did it. Nothing else really makes sense to me.
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