travelbug1996 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Who is taking care of him when he gets out of surgery? He is a grown man and I would think he has worked out the details of his surgery. In other words, not OP problem. 2
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 He is a grown man and I would think he has worked out the details of his surgery. In other words, not OP problem. What kind of attitude is that? You date someone for 3.5 months and you're not suppose to care who's going to attend to their basic needs after a surgery? I did not tell her to go take care of him, I asked who's going to take care of him.
travelbug1996 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 This man is not a child. A man knows most times by now if this is a woman he wants to love and open his heart to. This guy is the typical Mr. Unavailable (google it, tons of info) and he knows who he is and knows its on the OP to determine who he is. OP put yourself and your wants, needs and desires before this man. If he is not FREELY giving you what you need, bounce. A man knows that it takes more than dinner once a week for a woman to feel safe and secure with him. He has successfully managed down any expectation she may even think of having of him. He's not the one and leaving him probably won't open his eyes to how great you are. He has to have an eye to see. 4
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 OP put yourself and your wants, needs and desires before this man. If he is not FREELY giving you what you need, bounce. She never told him what she wants and needs! How is he suppose to provide it? Have you ever been in a situation like this? I have. I had been dating this man for a couple of months. We were in a routine of 1 date a week. He seemed happy with it because he never initiated more. Guess what I did? I did the un-thinkable !! I expressed my desire for more!! OMG how dare I do that huh?? He replied: Gaeta, I'd love to see you more often, actually if I'd see you every night if I could ! 2
travelbug1996 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 She never told him what she wants and needs! How is he suppose to provide it? Have you ever been in a situation like this? I have. I had been dating this man for a couple of months. We were in a routine of 1 date a week. He seemed happy with it because he never initiated more. Guess what I did? I did the un-thinkable !! I expressed my desire for more!! OMG how dare I do that huh?? He replied: Gaeta, I'd love to see you more often, actually if I'd see you every night if I could ! Be sure to come back and let us know how that works out for you. Is this the same guy....never mind. Not trying to get off topic here.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 Who is taking care of him when he gets out of surgery? Not me! I would love to.... That's where I shine brightest, but he's got it all taken care of. Anyway, not my job.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 Wow. I feel like I have a miniature gaeta sitting on one shoulder and a miniature travelbug sitting on the other, only not sure which one is in devil costume and angel costume. 2
Divasu Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 He told me wait until after his surgery and we can revisit this topic of commitment. This brings up an interesting point. What if the roles were reversed and you wanted to wait/hold off on sex (if, lets say for example, you hadn't already slept together)? The relationships I've had haven't been 100% perfect but what has been constant with each is that the man moved the relationship along towards a deeper commitment without any prompting on my part. Their words/actions made me feel secure enough that I knew we were both on the same page. There seems to be a natural synchronization when the timing is, right. Given what he has said (and the timing) it probably makes sense not to revisit the topic. Any decision on his part has to be reached naturally, on his own. After all, commitment is a personal choice. 4
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Wow. I feel like I have a miniature gaeta sitting on one shoulder and a miniature travelbug sitting on the other, only not sure which one is in devil costume and angel costume. I am sorry I did not mean to confuse you lol. 1
writergal Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 So Pumpkin how did your date with Doctor #1 go? Are you still going out with Doctor #2 today?
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 So Pumpkin how did your date with Doctor #1 go? Are you still going out with Doctor #2 today? Wow I just woke up and in no mood to go out on a date in a few hours with Doc. 2. We are confirming plans now. Date with Doc. 1 was charming and lovely, as it always is. I was still debating whether to have that talk, but wanted to get a feel for our dynamics that evening first. He'd been in a lot of pain earlier that week and had a slight emotional setback, and he his spirits seemed uplifted when we saw each other, and it was nice to relax, catch up with each other. I could not bring myself to layer on another stressor. Also I do not get a "player" vibe from him. I get an "I'm old and set in my ways and do things on my time and my schedule" vibe. It was again reconfirmed last night that we're monogamous. The attraction level is pretty crazy. I think I have florence nightingale syndrome. The best thing is to remain realistic about my goals and if this man fits with them. He is very very very set in his ways. At least I got all my stuff back and can take my time deciding now. 1
RedRobin Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) Here's a question... If the tables were turned... if you needed surgery and you were in pain... would he be caring for you? Thinking about you? Wanting to commit to you? I mean, you are healthy and robust... with few expectations... and he is still on the fence. A stubborn mule who seems incapable of feeling any empathy for you and your needs. Why do you insist on giving your love away to a man who only gives you crumbs?? I just don't get it. I've never understood the Florence Nightengale syndrome. It's one thing if you were a real nurse and maybe were getting your emotional needs met elsewhere. It's another thing when you are relying on him to provide some of those needs. You are 15 years younger than him. He doesn't give off the player vibe huh? That's only because he's had a lot of practice and you are relatively inexperienced. He's never committed to anyone. Keep that in mind. Edited February 9, 2015 by RedRobin 1
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Ok so you are exclusive. What is he doing on line? 1
writergal Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 So Pumpkin did you reschedule plans with Doctor #2? Glad you were able to collect your things from Doctor #1's place. So, if Doctor #1 has agreed to be monogamous did he also agree to take down his online dating profile? Have you as well? Yes, you can take your time deciding about what you want from Doctor #1, but do you think he will ever change? I mean, he is, as RedRobin aptly described him (and you as well), "a stubborn mule," who is set in his ways. I don't think I could multi-date if I was already sleeping with one man. That would be too stressful for me. 1
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Well correct me ladies and gentlemen if I am wrong but if they are in a monogamous relationship there shall not be a date with Dr. number 2 !!! 2
travelbug1996 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Well correct me ladies and gentlemen if I am wrong but if they are in a monogamous relationship there shall not be a date with Dr. number 2 !!! She should definitely go out with doctor #2 because like you said Doc #1 is still online. OP at least you got your things now you can give him a slow fade. Poof! lol 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 I am monogamous with doc 1 meaning we are not sleeping with anyone else. I'm on my cell right now. Will update later. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 If the tables were turned... if you needed surgery and you were in pain... would he be caring for you? Thinking about you? Wanting to commit to you? No, no, and no.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Wow. I went out with Doc 2, and, uh, I actually liked him. He is younger than Doc 1, not as refined, but at least he knows how to text. He didn't want to end the date! We have another one scheduled later this week, and he even said he didn't mind taking me out for Valentine's Day. WriterGal!!! This is why you multi-date (but ONLY multi-date if the current guy isn't giving you a commitment.) 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) I don't think I could multi-date if I was already sleeping with one man. That would be too stressful for me. I agree, it is very stressful and I prefer not to do it. But I can't put all my eggs in one basket if that basket isn't giving me a commitment. Edited February 9, 2015 by PumpkinLumpkin
writergal Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I agree, it is very stressful and I prefer not to do it. But I can't put all my eggs in one basket if that basket isn't giving me a commitment. Sounds like you have more potential for something with Doctor #2 already??? Yes, I agree with you that the reason for you to multi-date is because Doctor #1 won't give you a commitment. Crossing my fingers for you that Doctor #2 leads somewhere so that you can end things with Doctor #1.
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 You 2 sound like you are concocting something illegal. Pumpkin: If you are not happy with Dr 1. If you don't want to put your cards on the table and get a straight answer from him then set him free. Keeping someone on the backburner as a back-up plan is beneath you. 4
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 You 2 sound like you are concocting something illegal. Pumpkin: If you are not happy with Dr #1. If you don't want to put your cards on the table and get a straight answer from him then set him free. Keeping someone on the backburner as a back-up plan is beneath you. That is my feeling too, Pumpkin you have gone to some lengths to establish that he is not sleeping with anyone else, yet you are going down the road of dating someone else, without caring about Dr #1's feelings. I know a few weeks ago he said "It is not any of my business", but NOW... now you have had the exclusive talk? I doubt if that is what he wants. You mirror him, you give no indication you want to ramp the relationship up, yet you are blaming Dr#1 for being "set in his ways". He is an older man who no doubt is very grateful for your attention, I guess he doesn't want to scare you off and is waiting for you to show some feeling, BUT you instead choose to go careering off and date Dr#2. 2
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 You and that guy are both the same: you don't want to commit. And you seem both to make it some kind of game of "who will commit first"? You sleep with him but you still date other men. How do you want him to see you as relationship material? He thinks this is OK. How do you think he is relationship material? You are no more grown-up than he is because you sleep with a guy without knowing where you stand. You both come across as immature. What do you want? A serious relationship? A guy to sleep with from time to time without anything else? You behave like you want the latter but you come here saying you want the first and you are irritated because he does not give it to you. But at the same time you behave in a way which would make any serious guy run. You come across as someone who is unreliable. Then don't be surprised if you meet unreliable people. 2
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 I want nothing more than to give my heart to Doc 1, but he is not giving me the green light to do so. The ball is in his court on so many occasions. 1. "It's none of my business." 2. "We will revisit the topic after my surgery." Those two statements were made by him in November after I made myself vulnerable and laid my cards on the table about preferring to date only him. If he wanted to seal the deal, he would be a man and say, "I've gotten to know you better. Let's stop seeing other people." He hasn't. As a man who is highly skilled, organized, a leader who is used to making enormous decisions for an entire hospital, I don't see what is stopping him other than he just simply doesn't want to. I am not a priority. For whatever the reason, it doesn't matter and it won't change and I can't sit here obsessing over "why???" My only concern is: I am not a priority. I have been mirroring him all along, and if he sees a problem with what I do, then he's a big fat hypocrite because he is doing the same. I will not bring up the topic of a commitment a second time. Doc 2 has already asked me what I'm looking for in a relationship and what he wants. In fact, we talked more about this in one sitting than Doc 1 and I have over the course of 3.5 months. The date last night was a huge eye-opener. 2
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