losangelena Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Pumpkin thinks that she detains some kind of power by not talking and playing mysterious and mirroring men. On the contrary. A mature, confident, independent woman talks. She is clear on what she wants, she expresses it and she moves along when she is not getting reciprocation. Men love women that know what they want ! It's not at all perceived as being needy. It's simple. I am looking for A B C, do you have it? No ok then, good luck good bye. Simple as that! Gaeta, my therapist would love you. He is always telling me that asserting myself is neither pushy nor needy, and is in fact a more honest and direct way of living, and, more than likely, getting what you want from life. Sigh. It's no so easy for everyone, but something to aspire to! OP, you have nothing to lose in telling this man how you feel. You're already broken up, so if he does not step up, you simply carry on being broken up. Vulnerability (and assertiveness) can be quite attractive. 3
hudson701 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 So "charismatic, wealthy, intelligent, good looking Alpha is blowing hot and cold" shocker. He's gaming you well girl- and your falling hook, line and sinker. But based on your description of him, it doesn't surprise me in the slightest. What is he waiting for? That hot 20-something to enter his sphere. You are not his first priority- understand that. Otherwise, things would be very simple between you two. And they are not. This man understands game very well and is obviously red pill aware. 2
elaine567 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 So "charismatic, wealthy, intelligent, good looking Alpha is blowing hot and cold" shocker. He's gaming you well girl- and your falling hook, line and sinker. But based on your description of him, it doesn't surprise me in the slightest. What is he waiting for? That hot 20-something to enter his sphere. You are not his first priority- understand that. Otherwise, things would be very simple between you two. And they are not. This man understands game very well and is obviously red pill aware. READ the thread, it is not that simple. 2
hudson701 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 READ the thread, it is not that simple. I HAVE read it. The man has options. He knows it. She knows it. There's nothing more threatening, nor simultaneously attractive to a woman than a man who knows his own value to other women. Just look at OPs emotional outbursts...."I'm SO friggin..." Etc etc. He's not on a dating forum creating a multiple page thread asking for advice is he? OP- wake up! Put YOUR needs first before his. 2
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) I HAVE read it. The man has options. He knows it. She knows it. Wrong. By default, I am the one with more options by the simple fact I can leave the house and walk five steps without wincing in pain. Nor do I need an ambulance to go to the grocery store to buy metamucil. Edited February 22, 2015 by PumpkinLumpkin
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 He's not on a dating forum creating a multiple page thread asking for advice is he? . No, he isn't...but that's because he doesn't know how. The man can barely text and one time he kept saying the word "twixter," when I realized he meant "tweeting" on Twitter.
ascendotum Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Wrong. By default, I am the one with more options by the simple fact I can leave the house and walk five steps without wincing in pain. Nor do I need an ambulance to go to the grocery store to buy metamucil. Correct. 10-20 yrs ago this doctor might have been a mcsteamy having plenty of nurses doing after hours rounds at his place and whoever else, but he is getting on now and has health issues. He might be red pill aware, but it can only work so well if you are a good catch and vibrant in passion or ambition. Doesn't matter if he has macho attitude like john wayne & charm of richard gere, a shuffling older guy in pain with maladies is not going to be getting the PYTs wiggling in their seat with excitement.
contact1 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Wow you're really sounding like such a great catch by how you are describing him and how not having a medical condition makes you in a better position for having more "options". I'll echo what some of the other posters have said, put on your big girl pants, and tell him exactly what your expectations are, or just cut all ties. Or just continue doing what you are doing now, over-analyzing every little thing to have some kind of significant meaning, getting nowhere except making this thread go into the hundreds in pages. Oh, and the you bringing up "not wanting to date other men" was just pussyfooting around the wanting to be exclusive, that's not being direct. He said it can be looked at later, so do that now, directly, not hinting at it, be direct. If he dodges it now, than yes leave him and move on. 2
travelbug1996 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) The facts you missed: 1. He has never been married, relationships usually last one year. 2. He has never LIVED with anyone. 3. He knows I am dating others and knows that I don't want to, yet does nothing about it. 4. He has never expressed his desire to take the relationship further. 5. He does 90 percent work in the relationship but when we are together he gets treated like a goddamn king...meaning I have been extremely accomodating to his situation. And yet I get called selfish. I don't think you're selfish enough. Please don't go and see him. He said take some time out and revisit after his surgery. Once again, his needs before yours. He already let you go and said he understood why you wanted to go. He knows he's giving scraps now you just have to decide if you want scraps or a man that thinks you are the most amazing thing walking this earth. Edited February 22, 2015 by travelbug1996 3
Robert Z Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Met in October. He's 56 and I am 15 years younger. His dating history consists of mostly short-term relationships lasting under a year, and that makes me weary. He's sucessful, wealthy and handsome, but very level-headed and clinical. This is all that you have to say about him in your opening post? Gee, I am overwhelmed. No wonder he doesn't want to take it further. 1
hudson701 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Wrong. By default, I am the one with more options by the simple fact I can leave the house and walk five steps without wincing in pain. Nor do I need an ambulance to go to the grocery store to buy metamucil. if you have so many options then why are you not taking them up? And his physical disability has absolutely nothing to do with his allure to women... He's kept you at arms length for a reason. Both in the present and previously. Assuming a successful surgery and recovery he certainly won't be hanging about. You said it yourself- he enjoys being a bachelor. I am a bachelor and I often think 'why wouldn't I be single when I have plenty of options?' His train of thought has probably gone the same way at some point. But as you shot me down in flames for offering a brutally honest potrayal of where this man is at, then perhaps you really do know best? After all this time he might change and step up to the plate and make an honest woman of you? Well in that case keep doing what you're doing, as you've done for months and months, and see if anything changes... You know that famous Einstein quote... 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 if you have so many options then why are you not taking them up? And his physical disability has absolutely nothing to do with his allure to women... He's kept you at arms length for a reason. Both in the present and previously. Assuming a successful surgery and recovery he certainly won't be hanging about. You said it yourself- he enjoys being a bachelor. I am a bachelor and I often think 'why wouldn't I be single when I have plenty of options?' His train of thought has probably gone the same way at some point. But as you shot me down in flames for offering a brutally honest potrayal of where this man is at, then perhaps you really do know best? After all this time he might change and step up to the plate and make an honest woman of you? Well in that case keep doing what you're doing, as you've done for months and months, and see if anything changes... You know that famous Einstein quote... Of course, I don't know best. That's why I'm here seeking your thoughts. And my answer about where he's at health-wise was a tongue-in-cheek response. He's not well physically, but no, he really does not need an ambulance, nor metatmucil, I don't think. As for my options, I don't want them. I can already feel myself becoming attached and feel half-hearted when meeting new people. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Wow you're really sounding like such a great catch by how you are describing him and how not having a medical condition makes you in a better position for having more "options". I cannot believe so many people giving me crap about my response to his medical condition. It was meant to be tongue-in-cheek but intonation gets lost in text. I get it. His condition and age has been the butt of many of our jokes, many initiated by him. Yes, surgery is serious, but he has a very positive attitude and we are able to find humor in his situation. A huge part of why I like him. He even told me I can find someone old and cripple just like him at the Veteran's Hospital if we break up. I'll echo what some of the other posters have said, put on your big girl pants, and tell him exactly what your expectations are, or just cut all ties. Or just continue doing what you are doing now, over-analyzing every little thing to have some kind of significant meaning, getting nowhere except making this thread go into the hundreds in pages. Oh, and the you bringing up "not wanting to date other men" was just pussyfooting around the wanting to be exclusive, that's not being direct. He said it can be looked at later, so do that now, directly, not hinting at it, be direct. If he dodges it now, than yes leave him and move on. I like your last option. People here are advising me to do so many different things...talk to him, leave him, break up, reach out. It's making my head spin.
Ruffian1 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 "I HAVE read it. The man has options. He knows it. She knows it. There's nothing more threatening, nor simultaneously attractive to a woman than a man who knows his own value to other women." For what's it's worth, if this guy is a medical doctor, I don't care how old or unhealthy he is, he will always have women after him. I have worked in healthcare for 35 yrs. Seen it with a lot of docs. It just seems to me that you want him more than he wants you. He knows this. The one that cares the less holds the power. 1
MidwestUSA Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 He's not well physically, but no, he really does not need an ambulance, nor metatmucil, I don't think. Metamucil is good for all ages, anytime, FYI. Brought to you by your resident regularity nurse. 5
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 It just seems to me that you want him more than he wants you. He knows this. The one that cares the less holds the power. Ugh. BUT....he keeps texting me after I broke up with him! He still holds the power in this case?
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 This thread is like watching an episode of General Hospital. When is the new development !! ;-) 2
hudson701 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Jezzzz... You're just trolling now. You've been given sound advice and are choosing to ignore it hoping someone will say " yes he really likes you, more than you like him and it will all work out in the end, sunshine, rainbows and marriage." What part of 'move on' don't you understand? 2
Buddhist Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 This thread is like watching an episode of General Hospital. When is the new development !! ;-) I thought is was rather like a train wreck in motion. But the circular logic here is entertaining. 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Wow this is confusing, I can't quite understand where it took a turn?? So you got up in the wee hours of the morning on Valentines day and told him you were through, he accepted it, then he asked you to watch a movie "platonically" and now you think you have him by the balls and you're ready to have a heart to heart about your relationship, except I think that you already said goodbye to him?? How did everything get all switched around like this when nothing has changed?? I bet he probably does care about you and he knows that there is not really anything to the relationship, that's why he changed his mind about seeing you, and I'm hoping he is going to let you go It's a big waste of time for both of you in different ways, sorry to say that. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Jezzzz... You're just trolling now. You've been given sound advice and are choosing to ignore it hoping someone will say " yes he really likes you, more than you like him and it will all work out in the end, sunshine, rainbows and marriage." What part of 'move on' don't you understand? I'm not trolling! I already told him I'm moving on!! He keeps contacting me despite having told him I'm moving on....and this is making me doubt my decision. Not sure if this is my opportunity to reveal my cards.
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'm not trolling! I already told him I'm moving on!! He keeps contacting me despite having told him I'm moving on....and this is making me doubt my decision. Not sure if this is my opportunity to reveal my cards. Allow me to refresh your memory. Here is a part of your post when you got back from his place: ____________ on VD super early in the morning, I said, "I have a nice time with you but I'm losing focus of my goals, so i'm moving on." He was shocked and kept whispering "i understand...I understand. I want you to be happy. Can we still be friends?" I said of course. He said, "Can we talk about this tomorrow?" I said "Yes, but I am not spending the night." _____________________ He texts because you said Yes to remaining friends so that means he has the go ahead to talk to you. Second: He asked you if you could talk and you said YES. He has been contacting you to get that conversation going but he got no reciprocation from you even if you agreed you would talk about this. NOW you interpret this as him going after you?? You had an agreement, you remain friend and you will have a conversation about this. You nip pick information from your own story to make it sound as you wish.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Allow me to refresh your memory. Here is a part of your post when you got back from his place: ____________ on VD super early in the morning, I said, "I have a nice time with you but I'm losing focus of my goals, so i'm moving on." He was shocked and kept whispering "i understand...I understand. I want you to be happy. Can we still be friends?" I said of course. He said, "Can we talk about this tomorrow?" I said "Yes, but I am not spending the night." _____________________ He texts because you said Yes to remaining friends so that means he has the go ahead to talk to you. Second: He asked you if you could talk and you said YES. He has been contacting you to get that conversation going but he got no reciprocation from you even if you agreed you would talk about this. NOW you interpret this as him going after you?? You had an agreement, you remain friend and you will have a conversation about this. You nip pick information from your own story to make it sound as you wish. Not picking information from my own story to bolster it. Why would I do that? Except for that one night where he said "Can we talk about this tomorrow" and I said "yes," well, tomorrow came and went and he's never brought it up again. I don't think he's going after me at all. I think he misses the sex and my company, and he wants to see me again...and maybe that's my opportunity to voice how I feel and end it properly. Anyways I don't text my friends and ask them to cuddle with me. He's full of BS.
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'm not trolling! I already told him I'm moving on!! He keeps contacting me despite having told him I'm moving on....and this is making me doubt my decision. Not sure if this is my opportunity to reveal my cards. That is game playing, there aren't cards and the opportunity to be honest and true to yourself is ALL the time! You seem to be so committed to that "mirroring" thing that you can't even just be yourself and speak up for yourself unless you get the cues you want from him and they are not forthcoming so then you try to kind of maneuver him into giving you the cues you WANT to "mirror," this is not working at all!! 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I don't think he's going after me at all. but what about having him by the balls?? I think he misses the sex and my company, and he wants to see me again...and maybe that's my opportunity to end it properly. what's wrong with the way you ended it? Just consider it ended already!! 1
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