Rejected Rosebud Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 No, they get divorced all the frick'n time. And they usually have ten others standing in line waiting for the judge to pound the gavel and sign the papers. The ones that want to remarry, can do so by the very next day. Most are already living with the OW long before it's final. My point is if a physician is single, it's for a reason. They aren't sitting at home bored and lonely on Sat nights because they can't get a date. Physicians have more marriage options than rock stars. Chicks no rock stars are players and perverts and aren't marriage material. Women will line up down the street to marry a doctor. Even fat, hairy disgusting slobs have women more than happy to marry them even they wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole in bed. Oh pfui, that is just crazy talk, my dad is a doctor, I know lots of doctors, no, they are not like rock stars generally speaking!!
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 I guess it really is over. By now, he would have asked me out for the weekend.
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I guess it really is over. By now, he would have asked me out for the weekend. See, if you had an open and sincere conversation with him instead of wanting to make a big dramatic exit on 2 words, you would have gotten the closure you need to move on. He would have told you he cannot commit the way you wish and you would have said proper good byes. Instead you opted to surprise him with 'goals something, moving on something' and left. You got to see a surprise on his face, you got the big surprised reaction you were wishing for but it got you nothing else tangible. That is why now, you are still waiting for him and waiting for answers. Do you handle all aspects of your life with this absence of communication? Cause your life must be in turmoil.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 See, if you had an open and sincere conversation with him instead of wanting to make a big dramatic exit on 2 words, you would have gotten the closure you need to move on. He would have told you he cannot commit the way you wish and you would have said proper good byes. Instead you opted to surprise him with 'goals something, moving on something' and left. You got to see a surprise on his face, you got the big surprised reaction you were wishing for but it got you nothing else tangible. That is why now, you are still waiting for him and waiting for answers. Do you handle all aspects of your life with this absence of communication? Cause your life must be in turmoil. No. Only him. Guess I just accept it.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Instead you opted to surprise him with 'goals something, moving on something' and left. You got to see a surprise on his face, you got the big surprised reaction you were wishing for but it got you nothing else tangible. That is why now, you are still waiting for him and waiting for answers. I didn't want a big surprise for either of us. I wanted it to be an open door for him to express his feelings but he didn't. He said, okay, I understand. Bye. He knows how I felt already due to convo 1 in November.
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I didn't want a big surprise for either of us. I wanted it to be an open door for him to express his feelings but he didn't. He said, okay, I understand. Bye. He knows how I felt already due to convo 1 in November. I give up. You really don't want to understand. You could have told him: Lets talk and have a real face to face conversation about your relationship. Not about convincing him to give you the type of relationship you want but about terminating it properly and finding some type of closure and the satisfaction that everything had been said.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) I give up. You really don't want to understand. You could have told him: Lets talk and have a real face to face conversation about your relationship. Not about convincing him to give you the type of relationship you want but about terminating it properly and finding some type of closure and the satisfaction that everything had been said. I have never dealt with a man this concrete in his emotions. Prior to him I was in a relationship with a man my own age for over a decade who wouldn't shut the F up about how his feelings, while I was the one sitting there wanting to plug my ears. Any time there was any ambiguity we would sit down and have a 3-hour conversation mostly going in circles, and it drove me nuts and destroyed our relationship. Now I find (found) myself with doc1 who is completey opposite of my ex. Stoic and hidden emotions. It's a bit refreshing but I simply don't know how to handle him and he scares the crap out of me!! So quit berating me about how I handled this. I did what I thought would work, and it didn't. Now I have to figure what I'm going to do about it. My work life and social life are actually pretty sweet and charming. Being thrown back out into the dating world at age 40 with little experience is not. The last time I dated I was 28!!!! Edited February 19, 2015 by PumpkinLumpkin 1
oldshirt Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Oh pfui, that is just crazy talk, my dad is a doctor, I know lots of doctors, no, they are not like rock stars generally speaking!! Maybe not like rock stars in the sense of women lining up to screw them but they do have women lined up to marry them. Any male doctor isn't completely and totally broken that wants to be married - is. I'm not saying they are players or womanizers any more or any less than any other profession, just that they boundless options of women wanting to date and marry them. 1
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 on't know how to handle him and he scares the crap out of me!! So quit berating me about how I handled this. I did what I thought would work, and it didn't. Now I have to figure what I'm going to do about it. My work life and social life are actually pretty sweet and charming. Being thrown back out into the dating world at age 40 with little experience is not. The last time I dated I was 28!!!! I believe if you had asked Doc 1 for an honest conversation before leaving he would have told you the truth and nothing but the truth. He never lied to you, you just simply never asked clear questions. I got thrown back into the dating world at 45 with no experience at all because I met my ex-husband at 17. I am on your side even if you don't see it. I feel you don't put yourself as a priority in all of this. Asking clear questions is putting yourself as a priority, and having a decent and honest conversation when we break up is putting yourself as a priority. 2
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 I feel you don't put yourself as a priority in all of this. Asking clear questions is putting yourself as a priority, and having a decent and honest conversation when we break up is putting yourself as a priority. You're right. So if he asks to meet up again, I will initiate this convo. If not, then F- it. I'm done. 1
oldshirt Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 What about women doctors, ie doctors who are women? Every little girl grows up dreaming about marrying a doctor. It just doesn't work that way with boys. Becoming a physician makes a man desirable in the marriage market. It just doesn't work that way for women. Men typically are either ambivalent about women physicians and for some it's even a negative. If a woman is a physician and is hot, she will have roughly the same opportunities as a similarly hot chick of her age range. If she is unattractive she will have roughly the same opportunities or lack thereof as a similarly unattractive woman of her age range. It is common however for med students and residents to marry each other though because of the time they spend together and any only fellow students/residents will fully understand the stresses and time constraints that the programs impose.
Gary S Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I only read the first two pages of this, but... I am sorry to say this, but if you two aren't in love after a couple months, you probably never will be. And a man adding pics to and sprucing up his online profile after 5 months is not in love. If you don't have love after a couple of months, you are just casually dating a friend. 4
oldshirt Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I only read the first two pages of this, but... I am sorry to say this, but if you two aren't in love after a couple months, you probably never will be. And a man adding pics to and sprucing up his online profile after 5 months is not in love. If you don't have love after a couple of months, you are just casually dating a friend. This ^^^^^^ This relationship is what it is now. No future plans, no discussing things beyond next week, no talks of where the relationship is at vs where you want it to go, no discussions of exclusivity or even simple boundaries etc etc all equal up to......wait for it................here it comes..........drum roll please........ - status quo. She's not wanting the status quo so her options are either try to change it and push for advancement or walk away and find someone with the same goals and values and temperaments. She has stated several times she doesn't want to be the one pushes and drives the relationship or to change him into something he's not so that leaves making the break. I don't know why people are having an issue with her calling it off. People dump people for far less reasons millions of times a day throughout the world. 3
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Now that I have all you middle-aged men in a group, do you find it unattractive or appealing when a woman pushes for something further instead of letting you take the lead or letting the relationship naturally take its course?
oldshirt Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Now that I have all you middle-aged men in a group, do you find it unattractive or appealing when a woman pushes for something further instead of letting you take the lead or letting the relationship naturally take its course? The part that I'm not sure you are getting completely is the relationship was naturally taking its course and that course lead to where you were on Friday Feb 13th 2015. Up untill when you pulled the plug on it, there was nothing artificial or forced about it. It simply wasn't where you wanted it and it wasn't going where you wanted it to go. Everyone is going to say that they want a relationship to go naturally and no-one is going to say that they want anything being forced so that is kind of a misleading and kind of a trick question. As far as do men prefer to to take a lead role or have the woman take the helm, that is is up to each individual and there will always be a lot of variation on case by case basis. There are some men that are control freaks to a pathological degree and there are some lazy sacks of couch sitters that you practically have to tell to breathe and there's everything in between. Generally it's women that get frustrated and restless if they find themselves in the role of where it feels like they are the ones making everything happen and are the ones initiating everything. In your case it sounds like he was the initiator and the one calling most of the shots, you just didn't like where it was going (or not going) and you felt he wasn't doing enough. I don't think in your case your dissatisfaction was a matter of content, it was a matter of degrees and intensity. You simply want more than what he was wanting or was capable of delivering. I think your decision is quite simple, either live with chronic frustration and disappointment and always have a have a degree of wanderlust. Or move one and find someone that is more to your liking. There is nothing wrong or complicated or unusual here. 5
BluEyeL Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Congratulations on calling it off. It had no future and you'd have wasted years. 3
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Congratulations on calling it off. It had no future and you'd have wasted years. Thank you. Still feel like crap though. I've since taken down my profile and my GF who's also online say he hasn't logged in for days. Go figure.
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Thank you. Still feel like crap though. I've since taken down my profile and my GF who's also online say he hasn't logged in for days. Go figure. Hmm... Doesn't sound like a man in a hurry to find a replacement.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Hmm... Doesn't sound like a man in a hurry to find a replacement. A replacement hip, maybe. 3
oldshirt Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) A replacement hip, maybe. Maybe he took down his profile on that site to sign up on 'Our Time' instead LOL Edited February 19, 2015 by oldshirt 3
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Maybe he took down that his profile on that site to sign up on 'Our Time' instead LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!! Screw this! I'm going to throw on my good shawl and strut around closest assisted-living facility to look for another old geezer to date! 1
BluEyeL Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Thank you. Still feel like crap though. I've since taken down my profile and my GF who's also online say he hasn't logged in for days. Go figure. It doesn't mean anything. People have their demons. He was keeping the relationship at a level he wanted, on his terms, and what he gave you was a half-assed thing, because that was comfortable to him. It still wasn't a full relationship for you. At your age, and at any age, you generally want more. You'll feel like crap for a while, it's normal. I've felt like crap before and now that I'm in a happy, no, blissful relationship, looking back I see why those guys weren't right and why it didn't work out. You'll find someone much better, who will adore you. Now you're free to look for him, before you were tided up in a dead end thing. 4
writergal Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!! Screw this! I'm going to throw on my good shawl and strut around closest assisted-living facility to look for another old geezer to date! HAHAHAHA! Hit up the senior living apartments for an able bodied geezer with his own pad...I meant, apartment (ba dum tsss, get it? Haha)! Glad to see you have your sense of humor back Pumpkin! Old Shirt, you crack me up sir! Lol! Maybe he took down his profile on that site to sign up on 'Our Time' instead LOL 1
writergal Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 It doesn't mean anything. People have their demons. He was keeping the relationship at a level he wanted, on his terms, and what he gave you was a half-assed thing, because that was comfortable to him. It still wasn't a full relationship for you. At your age, and at any age, you generally want more. You'll feel like crap for a while, it's normal. I've felt like crap before and now that I'm in a happy, no, blissful relationship, looking back I see why those guys weren't right and why it didn't work out. You'll find someone much better, who will adore you. Now you're free to look for him, before you were tided up in a dead end thing. BluEyeL can I hire you to be my life coach?! Haha! You give such great feedback and advice about relationships. I always feel better after I read your input on other people's situations like Pumpkin's.
BluEyeL Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 BluEyeL can I hire you to be my life coach?! Haha! You give such great feedback and advice about relationships. I always feel better after I read your input on other people's situations like Pumpkin's. Thanks a lot, that's so nice of you to say. I enjoy your posts too, I really do. And on the life coach thing... if you pay well...sure 1
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