This breakup is horrible

[Spikey]

Breakup that's hard to get over.,...

My ex GF text me a few weeks before Xmas to say that she felt it wasn't working out and that we should end our relationship

 

Initially I mutually agreed. There were concerns that I had about how she was, if I may just list them;

 

* I graduated from Uni a few months before we split. She was invited to come to my ceremony 10 weeks before it was due to happen. She told me a week before my graduation that she didn't get the time off and that it's too late. Whilst I was upset that she couldn't come on the day,I said that she was invited to come to the evening meal my Parents arranged. She said she would 'come back to me' about it. In the end she didn't come, blaming on the fact that she was on call (she's a Vet nurse) with work and despite me arranging to have a meal in the same town that she was on call so that if she needed to go out, she could do so easily (plus my family knew her work so they were, of course, accepting) - she said she couldn't.

 

I then said we can celebrate the next day (being a Saturday). She cancelled, blaming it on a headache. So this all together did annoy me as it was a pretty special day,and if she ever graduated then i would have made every effort to be there.

 

* Occasion 2. My mums 60th birthday. She was invited to come to her suprise birthday party. Something she knew that I'd been arranging for months. On the day of it ... she said she couldn't come as she had to look after her horses. Later when I spoke to her she let it slip that she'd been at home most of the day.

 

Anyway, back to the split.... we split but I kept on talking to her. She text me that it was over - she didn't ring, or visit me - it was a text. She refused to meet up to discuss anything as she 'didn't like to talk about things like this'.

 

At the end of about a week or so, I got some garbled 'reasons' for our breakup

 

1) because we weren't intimate. She said she tried to get intimate recently and that it was 'thrown back in her face'. Quite the opposite happened in reality. I was very much game to take our relationship further in the bedroom but she always pushed me off and said things like 'what the hell are you doing'. She seemed so against having sex that I thought she was anti sex. We fooled around, but every time I went to take it further it was rejected.

 

2) because I didn't talk to her about any of my exes. She wanted to know all about my history and exes in the past. Now, i'm sorry but the past is the past and i never talked about them to her because it was just not appropriate. Why bring it all up. We should be concentrating on us, not our past experiences. She didn't quite get that.

 

After long texts and STILL not meeting up, we just stopped talking.

 

But now I start to miss her so much. She said that she wasn't ready for a relationship. Yet,and this is what kills me the most, I see her online on plenty of fish. It's like a slap in the face.

 

I can't stop thinking about her. I think about her when i wake up, when i fall asleep and all the times in between.

 

My friends say to forget about her - especially how she didn't support me in the 2 pretty big life events I had during our relationship (explained above). I can't get her out of my head. All I can think of is her with a new guy, and it's killing me inside.

 

She still won't meet up to talk. We've never ever talked properly about what's happened. I just don't know how to get over her, as she seems to have some sort of power over me, a power that I can't seem to shake off.

 

I know this sounds nuts but we were together for only 4/5 months. Not very long. But to me, this seems to be the worst break up I have ever experienced.

 

It's starting to get me very down . Has anyone else got any tips on how to sort this out? I feel like i love her, my heart glows when I see her pic on facebook etc. But she's made it clear that she is talking to other guys and it's so painful to know that.

 

I feel like i'm the only person this is happening to,but I know i'm not. Help

[smellysocksuni]

I'm going through a rough break up too, and the one thing I'm glad I don't have is any access to her social media accounts. I think you need to delete and block her on any you're connected on, for a while.

[Mi7522]

What are you trying to sort out? We can try giving better advice if we know what answers you're trying to look for.

[Spikey]

You're both right

 

In my heart I want to sort out the real reasons as her reasons don't seem to add up. She's told me that she's now talking to a new guy - bearing in mind that we only split up just over a month and a bit ago because of, one of her reasons, being that she doesnt want a relationship. she's changed her pof from 'wants to date but nothing serious ' to 'wants a relationship'. It's like a huge slap in the face. Yet she told me that she does like me

 

My head says No but my heart says yes. I've never been in this situation before

 

I just need to know from her, why the sudden text saying it's over - what's the real reason and can we actually talk and not text. If you text, sentences can be misunderstood and taken the wrong way.

[smellysocksuni]

You're both right

 

In my heart I want to sort out the real reasons as her reasons don't seem to add up. She's told me that she's now talking to a new guy - bearing in mind that we only split up just over a month and a bit ago because of, one of her reasons, being that she doesnt want a relationship. she's changed her pof from 'wants to date but nothing serious ' to 'wants a relationship'. It's like a huge slap in the face. Yet she told me that she does like me

 

My head says No but my heart says yes. I've never been in this situation before

 

I just need to know from her, why the sudden text saying it's over - what's the real reason and can we actually talk and not text. If you text, sentences can be misunderstood and taken the wrong way.

 

Girls can be very hard work during break ups. They say one thing, do another. I have been at the receiving end of the same kind of thing for a month - it's confusing and messes with your head so much.

 

My advice would be to either:

 

Go full NC, get closure from yourself and try to move forwards with your own life.

 

Or send her a message asking to talk, although as I've said, she'll probably tell you a bunch of stuff that just confuses you further.

 

If I could go back in time to my own break up, I'd just go full NC. It'd save a lot of pain.

[Mi7522]

She was doing the slow fade trying to ween you off of her. Not showing up to 2 life events for you should have been enough to show that she did not want to spend time with you and your family. She would have felt guilty by going especially if she knew it was already over in her mind. She knew you liked her and she didn't want to reciprocate those feelings to you. Not much you can do right now but be a ghost to her

[gnick]

I'm in a very similar situation. My relationship was only 7 months.she just told me she wasn't feeling it.I tried on and off for 3 months to get answers. All I did was make it worse every time. She completely ignores me now. I k ew better but I felt compelled to try to talk to her. Do yourself a big favor and leave her alone

[mightycpa]

In my heart I want to sort out the real reasons as her reasons don't seem to add up.

 

Your heart will never make sense of this. She probably doesn't know the real reasons exactly either. She just knows she doesn't feel the same.

 

First, your heart will respond to every reason with one or more of the following:

 

a) Not true (I don't believe it)

b) True, but fixable (I can change!)

c) True, but no big deal (ie, not a valid reason)

d) True, unfixable (I'm not good enough)

 

Second, consider the four following scenarios:

 

a) she met a new guy

b) she is angry and is punishing you for a perceived slight

c) she woke up one day and had zero feelings for you

d) she still loves you, but has decided not to pursue a future

 

In the end, what difference does it make which one is true? If she sticks to her guns, she's gone, and she will eventually be with someone else.

 

What I'm getting at is forget the reasons, or hear her stated reasons and believe her. Focus on the facts rather than her motives, and you'll get by it sooner rather than later.