lostsoul2014 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I am the WS aged 34 , i am from a south east asian country and had an arranged marriage at age 27 ( no not forced marriage, but meeting my H through family , had few dates and got married within 8 months of meeting each other) my H now aged 35 is a nice man, hard working and driven. he never dated before marriage . I however was more open in my life style and had ended a serious relationship that lasted from age 20-24 . I was heart broken and i really wanted to settle down with someone i was in love with, yes i am the hopeless romantic . i had a great career and my H fit the bill of being handsome, kind and from same cultural back ground. i however was depressed 1 month prior to wedding, and my family dismissed it as cold feet . we both moved to USA 3 years ago, ( prior to that we were long distance due to our studies and school being in different states in home country) . we do not have kids. I never thought in a million years, that i will fall in love with my AP. it occured 1 year ago, the typical co-worker, but one felt an instant connection and within a month of this, i told my H , i am unhappy and this is what has happened. he was heart broken and moved out. i was still with my AP , not living together however, but was dying of guilt . divorce is a huge taboo in my home country. I could not justify in my mind, the affair and the pain i caused to my H. i moved back in with my H and ended the affair. it was really hard on both of us, I could not get myself to be intimate and i relapsed after 3 months of no-contact. it was unavoidable due to the place of work, and no , i cannot change jobs as i am on a visa. this time the contact was not physical at all. but my emotions are so overwhelming that i feel lost. I have stopped contact again. I do not know if i can ever forget my AP. i know and i have read all books on infidelity and i try to shrug it off as limerence, as a sinful act but i just cannot move on. I care for my H, which sounds so hypocritical. i know culturally i am different from most of people here and i know having a love marriage does not make it affair proof. i have so many friends in arranged marriages like mine who truly are happy. please help me move on.
Author lostsoul2014 Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 my AP is white. despite the glaring cultural differences, we feel like we have known each other since eternity.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 please help me move on. What kind of input are you looking for? If it's magic advice on how to forget someone you're in love with, no can do. If it's guidance on how to stay married for the wrong reasons, you're already there. If it's sorrow for your husband, a "nice man, hard working and driven... handsome, kind" married to someone who neither loves him nor is faithful, he has my sympathy. Is your AP married? Mr. Lucky
Author lostsoul2014 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Posted February 5, 2015 Mr Lucky Thanks for replying, i know my post is so absurd that no one except you cared to reply. my H and I have always been poles apart, in our thinking and our dreams . I never felt validated or wanted( i guess this is the number 1 reason for women's affairs) I never had the being in love feeling , it cannot be in the arranged marriage setting but the expectation is to grow and love with time. we lived like room mates since we came here. my AP is single. yes i feel i am in love. I hate myself every moment and wished this never happened. i want to keep NC . and will work hard on it. how do i detox from this A ? thanks for your time
Mr. Lucky Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 It's not about being a terrible person, it's about making bad choices. You're affair isn't the central issue here. Right now the state of your marriage impacts two people - you're never going to be happy and your husband is never going to be loved in the way he deserves. Cultural barriers or not, you're going to have to deal with this situation. Everything else is secondary ... Mr. Lucky
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