Medical misdiagnosis ruined my relationship, can I fix this?

[happyocelot]

So this is very long but I have been through a lot.

 

I am young...19. But had mood swings, severe anxiety, depression on and off, insomnia, nausea, abdominal pain, and on and off irritability since I was 14 and was diagnosed with OCD and depressive episodes. By about 20 different doctors.

 

I met my ex(?) online and we started dating 2013. We met a few times. We would have been one year and 11 months next week.

 

He accepted my mental illness at first, but it started getting even worse. I got severely depressed and my OCD became debilitating, I also got abdominal pain and dizzy episodes. I struggled for 7 months from March 2014 going to doctors and psychiatrists who told me I just needed to take Prozac and anti anxiety medicine. By September I was having 3-10 panic attacks most days and was suicidal. Occasionally I would have a good stretch of days but would go right back into the panic attacks and I knew it frustrated him because he couldn't help me and got stressed out.

 

I was on my psych medicine for about 2 months but was not getting better, and then I was diagnosed with mild PCOS. I was put on hormones through birth control as the only intervention. They put me on the kind with a placebo week. I noticed some improvement so figured I had some hormone issues with the OCD.

 

Well I went to visit him and things started off okay, but as the time went on things got way worse. I still had trouble with anxiety but I just tried to hide it. I managed okay for the first week, but then the next week I lost it. I had severe panic attacks for about 4 days. I kept him up because I was basically just completely losing my mind. Crying, panic attacks, even self injury at a very low point. I remember just collapsing to the ground sobbing because my head was just overwhelming me with everything. I yelled and I was irritable and snapped a few times. I lost it over the most stupid things, and had a complete meltdown.

 

I went home early. His parents were there and they said it was stressing them out. So I had a meltdown again because I was really afraid of what my body was doing but obliged.

 

Well when I got home he wanted to break up because of my panic attacks. I was devastated and told him I would do my best to fix it. I asked to stay friends and reassess, he said that'd be okay. I said I'd send him updates and he said that'd be okay but he needed space and I needed time to get better. I agreed.

 

Well, originally my doctor put me on antianxiety meds which seemed to help. She also put me on a few supplements and hormone related medicine. So I tried to treat my OCD and depression. I slowly got better over that week. By a week after the break up/break I was feeling very good and a lot less anxious, so I sent him an update...but I still had some side effects. I felt like I was on a roller coaster still. I tried to adjust some of my medicine and it seemed to work. By the next week I was feeling a lot better...like...actually happy and with energy. I had physical symptoms of something but emotionally I was feeling a lot more stable. I hadn't had any panic in almost 2 weeks and my OCD symptoms had stopped. Sent another update. Read but no reply.

 

I found out the next week that my blood work was horrific. I had a lot of vitamin deficiencies and basically no iron. My doctor tried lowering the dose of Prozac thinking that I was anxious because of vitamin deficiency. We didn't know why but I got put on supplements. Thought it was my stomach. I sent an update saying that. I told him it was looking like everything got worse because of a physical illness. I backtracked a little but was sure not to mention the exact reasons. I also sent some proof I was actually doing all the treatment. He read that, too.

 

This week, I sent him two updates. Because I found out the most devastating news. I never had a mental illness, I had been diagnosed incorrectly for 5 years. The reason I got so ill on the trip wasn't a mental health thing, it was a medical emergency caused by incorrect medications and lack of medication. I have severe hormone issues plus PCOS plus vitamin deficiencies and low iron. Some of my hormones and vitamin values were so low it was a wonder my body was functioning and I wasn't just sleeping all day or not able to even make blood. I was lucky I didn't end up in the hospital. When the placebo week occurred on the trip, it messed up my already fragile balance and sent my body into a frenzy. I was in danger that whole time. :/

 

The new medications my doctor had put me on when I saw her after the trip were supplements and hormones, which is why I got better. The other medicine was doing nothing but giving me side effects as it was too high of a dose. It was actually messing up my hormones more, because I never had a mental illness and it was all hormonal.

 

So I sent him this update and I asked him to please not let something that I was misdiagnosed with break us up because I care about him so much. I explained how it was my fault as much as cancer is, and explained it was like them treating lung cancer with cigarettes...how 20 doctors told me I was mentally ill and I believed them...I don't know what else to do...he hasn't responded or acknowledged it yet. Is there anything else I can do? Has anyone dealt with this before?

[Zahara]

I don't think you can do anything else. He's not responding to your discoveries and maybe he's taking it all in and trying to process it. He has what he needs to make a decision. If he comes back, he does but if he doesn't -- regardless, you need to keep moving forward.

 

You need to start focusing on healing yourself because you've gone through a tramautic experience. It is in your best interest to foster a relationship with yourself now and get to where you're healthy and available to start fresh.

[mightycpa]

The harsh truth is that he has assessed your condition and he's not interested in the particular diagnosis. It is a matter of whether he is more concerned about you or having to deal with your problems.

 

You seem to be of lesser concern to him than your problems. He doesn't want to have to deal with it.

[happyocelot]

I am working on myself, seeing a therapist and such to deal with everything. I figured I would come out OK in the end if I had myself rested, healthy, and not stressed.

 

I figured the update saying "I was misdiagnosed and they are giving me the right treatment now, I am not going to be that sick ever again" would be enough, though. I guess I'm just really confused because he said he cared and wanted me to get better.

[Standard-Fare]

I'm sorry about what you've been through. Being perfectly frank with you, this trail of medical problems and misdiagnoses and unpredictable behavior sounds extremely exhausting for any partner to take. He's come to associate you with stress. And there's been so much of it I don't know if he can have much confidence that this latest diagnosis is the be-all, end-all solution. Especially since you just found out about it this week.

 

I think you need to stabilize for a while, feel out your latest meds, see what your progress is like. I think it's also important that you go through this on your own, without worrying about proving yourself to a partner. You don't know exactly what this process will look like and where you'll end up.

 

It will be wonderful if you emerge from this a new person with a happier life and more mental and physical stability. Maybe this guy will still be around then, maybe he won't. But your priority right now needs to be taking care of yourself.

[todreaminblue]

I believe i was misdiagnosed quite a few times...years of misdiagnosis..and medications that sent me loopy.....made em into a walking unfeeling zombie...made me throw up..gave me rashes...swollen glands.swollen breasts..lowered my immunity ....I gained weight.... lost weight...produced milk like a cow.....so messed my hormones up so badly it was like i was breastfeeding a non existent baby.....they took away memories with ect ....trouble is the bad ones remained....they never left.....because i believe at any one time they were treating a different patient.....i believe a i have a disasociative disorder or multiple personality due to ptsd from a child upwards...so a fractured personality.......they still adhere to the diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder.....i am now unmedicated have been for quite a while and all of me is actually coping....and i actually think and feel i have an inner peace thing going on.....at the very heart of me

 

whether or not you were mentally ill...isnt really the point..you were behaving as if you were.....your bf tried to handle it and in the end he couldnt.....now it might be a hard ask to tell him yeah i was misdiagnosed so forget all that i said and did....i am better now......because all that you said and did cant be forgotten...before you become obsessive over him......maybe a sign of you truly being better is to move on and let him see that you have changed rather than telling him ....dont do it because you want him back ...do it because the misdiagnosis is fixed and now you can take control of your own life...even if you have cancer or mental illness or a misdiagnosis or a multiple in personality..doesnt give us license to squash, quell or excuse past behaviours...especially when it has been to the detriment of another....we need to own what we do...cancer is completely and utterly different...even though if you have it doesnt give you an excuse to blame the world because you have it......deb

Edited February 4, 2015 by todreaminblue

[Zahara]

I am working on myself, seeing a therapist and such to deal with everything. I figured I would come out OK in the end if I had myself rested, healthy, and not stressed.

 

I figured the update saying "I was misdiagnosed and they are giving me the right treatment now, I am not going to be that sick ever again" would be enough, though. I guess I'm just really confused because he said he cared and wanted me to get better.

 

You have to understand that everything that has happened can very easily change one's emotions and views of you. It can grate and drain someone to the point where their emotions almost make a 180.

[happyocelot]

I guess I just feel a little cheated because I tried for 5 years to get a diagnosis, and instead ended up with people putting me in danger, treating me wrong, and saying it was all in my head which then did this to my relationship... Plus other friends and my career were lost in this too. I don't want him to think that it was all my fault, because I was trying to get help that whole time. It kind of feels like he was just ripped away from me because of these problems that I wanted help with. I feel kind of like a two year old: "It's not fair!"

 

I don't know what other diagnosis may come up, but right now I have had every test in the book and that is what it showed.

 

I'm sorry to hear you have been through something similar, Deb. I am definitely trying to better myself but this is kind of like a terrible pit in my stomach sometimes.

[Zahara]

Hun, you weren't cheated. You've been bestowed a wonderful blessing. You finally have answers and you get to strive for a normal life and start anew. You're 19 and you've only just begun. It's just begun! One window has closed but a huge door has just opened up for you. Just because you didn't get to be with a guy you met a few times over a span of two years you feel cheated? You need to start focusing on the bigger picture.

 

You're going to feel the pain of losing him but when you are well and better again, you're going to be available to so many more opportunities.

[todreaminblue]

I guess I just feel a little cheated because I tried for 5 years to get a diagnosis, and instead ended up with people putting me in danger, treating me wrong, and saying it was all in my head which then did this to my relationship... Plus other friends and my career were lost in this too. I don't want him to think that it was all my fault, because I was trying to get help that whole time. It kind of feels like he was just ripped away from me because of these problems that I wanted help with. I feel kind of like a two year old: "It's not fair!"

 

I don't know what other diagnosis may come up, but right now I have had every test in the book and that is what it showed.

 

I'm sorry to hear you have been through something similar, Deb. I am definitely trying to better myself but this is kind of like a terrible pit in my stomach sometimes.

 

 

At least the misdiagnosis is over for you and you can rebuild .....might take some time to rebuild broken friendships but you can do it....misdiagnosis is quite common......happens more than you think with mental illness......or emotional disturbances.....because a lot of the mental illnesses have similar characteristics that blur the lines between one and the other...pms for one.....ever seen someone who suffers with drastic mood change...they can appear mentally ill and do a complete 180 four days later... and its a fine line.....

 

the thing is now....its over for you now happy ocelot, you have a distinct solution to your ills......you can rebuild..create stronger bonds....and stable foundations.........i wish you well.....deb