Contacted him today after NC successfully completed....I need all of you, heartbroken

[Azulianheart]

I see trouble ahead, sorry.

I am guessing he is contacting you as he has no date at the moment or she is perhaps out of town.

Potential problem scenarios for you.

1. He doesn't come to the dinner - he has another date or just flakes and makes up some lame excuse.

2. He is not particularly wowed by your new look or worse still he puts you down, as he is still bitter.

3. He is wowed, you have a great dinner, it is almost like old times, but he

leaves and you don't hear from him, not a word.

4. He is wowed, he manages to seduce you, you end up flattered and you have sex - next day he is uncontactable or cold or says he cannot see you again because of his gf and asks you not to contact him.

5 He is wowed you have sex and then he gives you a booty call at 11pm the next night... he sees you as a FWB or his new mistress...

6. He wants you back, you resist and then you give in and take him back... 3 weeks later he is acting weird again...

 

All these situations leave you vulnerable and will set you back for months.

Be very careful here.

Yesterday he "broke your heart" just by being cold, goodness knows what he is capable of if any of the above scenarios come to pass...

I just do not think you are in a stable enough place atm to see him.

 

Started to worry for myself already......

[Simon Phoenix]

You left me speechless. Wow, do I sound that desperate?

 

A bit. You are so eager to show him how much better you look that you are chasing him right now. It's not going to have the effect you want it to have on multiple levels.

 

First of all, he's not going to see you and think "Oh boy, I screwed this one up." He's going to look at your changes, think that they were to impress him, and get a huge ego boost from it. For him to go into the "oh boy, I screwed this one up" mode, he needed to be the one to discover your changes on his own. You running around going "Look at me, look at me" will backfire in this quest.

 

Also, if you are trying to teach him a lesson about being a player, you will fail at that. I mean, the guy cheated on you and left you out to dry and here you are, clamoring for his attention. You are playing into the reason why players become players in the first place! By him treating you like crap, you are trying to run him down and "tame" him and making fundamental rookie mistakes. He has you jumping through hoops to try to impress him, and better yet, you don't even know you are doing it. Even if you did pull the rug out from under him somehow, he'd just chalk it up to you being "flighty" than anything on this end.

 

It's clear you haven't thought any of this through at all and you are letting your emotions supercede basic judgement. You need to stop this train before it careens off the tracks.

[Azulianheart]

A bit. You are so eager to show him how much better you look that you are chasing him right now. It's not going to have the effect you want it to have on multiple levels.

 

First of all, he's not going to see you and think "Oh boy, I screwed this one up." He's going to look at your changes, think that they were to impress him, and get a huge ego boost from it. For him to go into the "oh boy, I screwed this one up" mode, he needed to be the one to discover your changes on his own. You running around going "Look at me, look at me" will backfire in this quest.

 

Also, if you are trying to teach him a lesson about being a player, you will fail at that. I mean, the guy cheated on you and left you out to dry and here you are, clamoring for his attention. You are playing into the reason why players become players in the first place! By him treating you like crap, you are trying to run him down and "tame" him and making fundamental rookie mistakes. He has you jumping through hoops to try to impress him, and better yet, you don't even know you are doing it. Even if you did pull the rug out from under him somehow, he'd just chalk it up to you being "flighty" than anything on this end.

 

It's clear you haven't thought any of this through at all and you are letting your emotions supercede basic judgement. You need to stop this train before it careens off the tracks.

 

 

Ok, the meet up is two weeks from now. He said,yes. How and when do I cancel it, if I were to? What kind of message I could send now, that I am freaked out by him? That I am playing? Can I not just meet him for two hours and that's it, at this point? It has been almost 6 months I am not as raw as I do sound. I was just very emotional when I first posted here. Now I slept a bit over it.

 

 

You make valid points but please understand, this is the first time ever I have suffered a major break up like this. I am not that young but never was involved with such a player.

[Cailinsona]

I agree with all the other posters that it would be a mistake to meet him.

 

As to what you say to him, does it really matter what he thinks?

 

Do you think he went through this degree of mental anguish when he broke up with you? Highly doubtful!

 

The great thing about this forum is that sometimes dispassionate observers to your situation can see things more clearly than you can whilst you are in the thick of it.

 

You will gain greater clarity over time, don't worry

 

All you should be working on right now is you. You still sound very emotional and it is clear that you will need more time to heal. There is no timeline, it will take as long as it takes.

 

We are all supporting you, even if sometimes the advice may appear a bit harsh to hear.

 

Stay strong, cancel the meeting and keep moving forwards as best as you can.

 

((Hugs))

[Satu]

You're playing games now.

 

Or maybe just thinking about it, I hope.

[Zahara]

I believe you my dear will need to learn the hard way. Sometimes people have to get beaten over the head several times before they finally say ouch.

 

"It has been almost 6 months I am not as raw as I do sound. I was just very emotional when I first posted here. Now I slept a bit over it."

 

No, you just go your fix (contact from him) and that is why you feel better. You got an ego boost, the attention you needed, the validation and it's subdued your emotions temporarily. You're fooling yourself.

[Ieris]

Well my confession being, I want to see my ex. Why? Out of a stupid reason but it is MY reason knowing our dynamics. To show off. I am certain, knowing him that he will be blown away. This guy used to shake around me and he hasn't even seen the best version yet.

 

Again, why do I do this? Because "revenge" is sweet. And because I know that "one on one" I have the upper hand. He told me I was not the woman of his dreams when he dumped me and replaced me like an old battery.

 

Now, I thought, it is my turn to show I am the woman of my own damn dreams, because I am, excuse my arrogance!

 

You have me laughing, I like this and I see where you're coming from. You want to show him what he is missing and that you've surpassed him, an ego boost. I can see why others are warning you against it and I would too if there's a possibility that you can get sucked back in. Only do this if you know for sure you're strong enough to go through with it without falling under his spell.

 

If you do meet him in 2 weeks, keep it short, your time is precious. It actually made me think of this scene from Sex and the City so do check it out:

 

 

Don't let you efforts go to waste after spending time getting ready and looking fabulous, you can plan a date after him so he knows you're dressing up for your date and not him, he is just a pit stop!

 

Maybe nearer the time, you might decide he's not worth the effort but don't call to cancel. Let him contact you and say you forgot you had plans with him and leave it as that ;p x

[BC1980]

He's only agreeing to meet you in the hopes of getting laid. That's if he even shows up at all, which I doubt. I can see this falling through. Why in the world are you pursuing someone who cheated on you?

[Simon Phoenix]

Ok, the meet up is two weeks from now. He said,yes. How and when do I cancel it, if I were to? What kind of message I could send now, that I am freaked out by him? That I am playing? Can I not just meet him for two hours and that's it, at this point? It has been almost 6 months I am not as raw as I do sound. I was just very emotional when I first posted here. Now I slept a bit over it.

 

 

You make valid points but please understand, this is the first time ever I have suffered a major break up like this. I am not that young but never was involved with such a player.

 

Just don't follow up on it. I bet that if you don't send a thing he won't follow up with you about it. He's agreeing to it because he thinks it's a chance to get an easy lay. If you didn't follow up with him about it he'd just find someone else.

 

But since you are inexperienced, you are making the mistakes that every girl makes with a player. Guys like him thrive on girls like you trying to convince them that they are wrong about them. He's using your ego and insecurity against you and you are making it really easy for him.

 

Do not meet up. You will get destroyed if you try to fight fire with fire. You are going into a gunfight with a plastic butter knife.

[Azulianheart]

You have me laughing, I like this and I see where you're coming from. You want to show him what he is missing and that you've surpassed him, an ego boost. I can see why others are warning you against it and I would too if there's a possibility that you can get sucked back in. Only do this if you know for sure you're strong enough to go through with it without falling under his spell.

 

If you do meet him in 2 weeks, keep it short, your time is precious. It actually made me think of this scene from Sex and the City so do check it out:

 

 

Don't let you efforts go to waste after spending time getting ready and looking fabulous, you can plan a date after him so he knows you're dressing up for your date and not him, he is just a pit stop!

 

Maybe nearer the time, you might decide he's not worth the effort but don't call to cancel. Let him contact you and say you forgot you had plans with him and leave it as that ;p x

 

 

Thank you for the fun clip. Cheered me up. Wish I could do that walk and walk away.

 

 

I will leave the two weeks pass, the ball is in his court now to contact me with a follow up, as to where we meet. If he does not, I have my answer.

 

 

I read the log of our chat with a clearer mind. He was fishing hard to find out if I am seeing someone at the moment and asking a ton of questions whilst I was asking him the bare minimum and kept it mysterious. He was very eager to chat longer, firing up messages but I cut the conversation at the right time, I am proud of it.

 

I appreciate all the input all of you on LS have for me. I know that you are the ones who observe me and think with a neutral cool head. I am aware of it. I didn't chose my posting here for the first time randomly. You will be a part of my decision process. maybe not decisive but very very helpful.

 

 

Like some of you said, he might not even bother to follow up and all the fuss will die itself.

 

If the meeting will occur, it will be just dinner. That, at least, I have very clear in my head. I am not wasting my body and soul on him.

 

 

For the time being, all I do is go further with my daily life, keeping thoughts about him at bay and let him take the next step. I am still working on myself as we speak, on all accounts.

 

 

Another thing you guys say that is for sure a cheater, but like I said myself I have no real proof that he cheated on me. He started dating her a few weeks after he dumped me. I do not even know anymore.

 

Yes, I have my doubts about what happened and I want to see him, that's what my heart wants at the moment. I will let him do the talk mostly, I do not intend to chat about anything other than my own happy little events occurring at the moment.

 

We used to have a relationship for almost a year, I was not just a **** buddy to him, this guy also did things for me, moved in, helped me renovate my house, went on a lot of vacations together in a very short space of time, had great laughs most days... I believe that at first, he thought I was the one, then he freaked out and thought the grass will be greener.

 

Our story finished extremely abrupt, me kicking him out without him even expecting it and not talking to him for straight 5 months. I might look desperate to all of you here, but he has no clue of what I went through, he can only guess but has no proof, all he had from me was SILENCE at all his attempts, messages, e-mail, wanting to call me. All my friends told me that I have been nothing but an ice queen to him.

 

None of you have EVER had a moment when you rekindled with a past lover and things turned for the better? Because the more I date, the more I realize the chemistry we had was special. Sad but true.

[Azulianheart]

Just don't follow up on it. I bet that if you don't send a thing he won't follow up with you about it.

 

Now you made me curious, I will let you know how it turns out.

[Simon Phoenix]

None of you have EVER had a moment when you rekindled with a past lover and things turned for the better? Because the more I date, the more I realize the chemistry we had was special. Sad but true.

 

This is what I'm talking about when I say you are all over the place. You talk about how he's a player and how he's bad one moment, then you say something like this the next.

 

And yes, sometimes rekindling works, but only when the person who does the breakup does the vast majority of the makeup. You pursued him, so that does not apply.

 

I think you're wise for backing off and letting him make the move to confirm the date. If he doesn't, just drop it. If he does, then we'll figure out the next move.

[Azulianheart]

 

I think you're wise for backing off and letting him make the move to confirm the date. If he doesn't, just drop it. If he does, then we'll figure out the next move.

 

 

 

Haha, thank you, I almost feel you are rooting for me.

[Azulianheart]

 

I think you're wise for backing off and letting him make the move to confirm the date.

 

 

He already confirmed it, 5 minutes after I told him I accept his offer. You mean if he comes and asks me about what time do we exactly meet on the already confirmed date, don't you?

[Azulianheart]

You pursued him, so that does not apply.

 

 

When have I EVER pursued him? Have I not stated clearly that I have never initiated contact with him nor answered it since the BU? Do you call that pursuing?

 

I also kicked him out of my house the moment I discovered he lied and made sure I am not at home when he came back to take the rest of his stuff two months later. And he DID WANT TO SEE ME AND TALK THAT time as well.

 

 

So which part is it pursuing on my part?

 

You make a lot of valid points but I don't know on what you base this one on really.

 

 

The ONLY contact I initiated was last week, within a decent reason, an official letter on his name came to my house. I asked him if he needs it, and then the usual "how are you". That is it. After he initially ignored me for few hours he came back chattier than ever.