FrostBlaze Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Why do women play hard to get? I get it sometimes, but often most women that do, ask for to much. Chase chase chase, give nothing in return, chase me more. Show a little interest. And then they wonder why i move on and go for someone else. From my experience, when the chasing stops, they always defend themselves with "he wasn't for me, he would of tried harder". >.> really? Why waste your time on someone like that, i never understood. What if you don't match? Even after chasing all that time just to get toghether. Irelevant right now. Can you please share with me, why do you play hard to get, if you do.
PegNosePete Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Why bother wasting your energy thinking about this? Why bother with someone who plays games? They are doing you a favour, showing you what is in store in the future if you stick with them. Just move on and find someone more mature who can communicate openly and honestly. 3
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I have never played hard to get but I am hard to get.(Now I'm impossible because I'm happily married) I have a busy life: job, friends, volunteer obligations, family responsibilities & a need for quiet "me time." It takes some scheduling & planning to fit into my life. If a guy couldn't be bothered to carve out time in advance for me it was unlikely that we were going to get to spend time together unless I happened to coincidently have a free moment. 1
Author FrostBlaze Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 What can i do, i seem to only run into such women XD. I got tired of chasing one. I told her "idk what self-respecting man would play along with these games, at least for a longer paeriod of time?". "what you actually want is a dog." Perhaps i should not have said that. Still, i'm kinda regreting it now, i did like her. So i am still wondering why people play hard to get.
PegNosePete Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Because they like the attention and ego boost of being chased, probably by multiple men, and enjoy discussing it with their friends and comparing stories of how many hoops they have made their guys jump through over a tequilla sunrise. 3
katinlc Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I played hard to get with my current FI, but it was completely unintentional. I was swamped at work and very stressed out when he messaged me for the first time online. I was also very burnt out on online dating and not too excited. I agreed to a date but then it was 3 weeks later before I was able to go on a second date. I was also talking to a couple of other guys who faded when I wasn't available. Luckily, my FI was patient and just checked in every few days without giving up. I tell him how grateful I am he was patient and waited on me because I could have easily lost the best thing that's ever happened to me. This is why I would NEVER play hard to get on purpose. You may end up losing out on something good. The ones that do either aren't that interested in something serious or have read to many crazy relationship books. It's funny because if he had come here and posted the situation, I know the advice would have been she's not interested, she's just stringing you along, move on... 2
Standard-Fare Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 A girl who plays hard to get isn't always some manipulative b*tch who needs men to chase her. It can be a defense mechanism for someone who's been wounded in love a few times. You don't want to invest too much in anyone, you don't want to get your emotions riled up prematurely. You need to see that other person is for real. I've made this mistake myself before. I keep a real distance at the start of relationships. Unfortunately this behavior has been reinforced a couple of times, by finding out that the guy loses interest once I let down my guard and became "easier to get." Some guys do seem to enjoy the challenge of the chase. For someone you're seriously interested in, it might be worth putting in that extra effort in the beginning and breaking down their walls. If the act continues for long time, though, there's no need to put up with it. 1
StanMusial Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I don't think it's bad altogether but some girls IME just EFF it up royally. I was trying to set up my friend years ago with a friend of my gf. We met up in a club somewhere and after some initial introductions we separated a little bit. I was keeping my eye on my buddy and this other girl and I noticed she would say something or answer his question and then totally turn her back on him. This went on for about 10 minutes and I went in and pulled him out. Later on my gf said "she likes him" while my buddy was saying "what the hell is the matter with that girl" lol. Needless to say, that went nowhere.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I have never played hard to get but I am hard to get.(Now I'm impossible because I'm happily married) I have a busy life: job, friends, volunteer obligations, family responsibilities & a need for quiet "me time." It takes some scheduling & planning to fit into my life. If a guy couldn't be bothered to carve out time in advance for me it was unlikely that we were going to get to spend time together unless I happened to coincidently have a free moment. You took the words right outta my mouth! When I was actively dating around, that was my situation too. I wasn't playing hard to get, I WAS hard to get. A guy had to put some effort in to pin me down and schedule something concrete if he had any chance of seeing me in between 70 hour weeks, a Masters thesis, my voluntary work and my friendships. In addition I was a little wary of commitment again, had been hurt before, the usual story. My now-boyfriend was quite laidback to begin with, he'd have been the type to text a girl and see if she fancied going to the bar that evening, if he was free. He realised very quickly that approach couldn't work with me as I needed to know when I was seeing him in order for it to actually happen, and I don't tolerate cancellations unless there's an extremely good reason (nor would I cancel without an extremely good reason either of course). He did try invite me out with his friends as our first hangout after meeting on Tinder, I refused as a) I was busy but b) I needed him to know that if he wanted to date me, he could ask me out to a restaurant to spend some time together one on one, that I wasn't going to show up awkwardly with his friends when I barely knew him to begin with! He got the knack quickly though, we laugh at our second or third week or dating when he couldn't see me for around 10 days (he was busy some of my free nights too though) and then when he asked for my availability, and I said 'Thursday and Friday evening, this week' he said 'great, I'll see you Thursday and Friday' haha. Looking back he was like oh man, you must have thought I was a clinger already. But I didn't, I was stoked he was into me enough to want to book out two of HIS nights to see me, and I liked him so much I happily gave up my two free nights outta 14 in order to be with him. However, yeah... in my opinion, I was not playing hard to get. I just was hard to get. I didn't mess around pretending not to be interested, I replied to texts, initiated texts, made sure that I showed enthusiasm and interest, I never acted like I wasn't into him. I am sure my actions made it clear I was into him, just that he'd have to put some effort in in order to fit into my life at that time. For reasons beyond my control.
Author FrostBlaze Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 A girl who plays hard to get isn't always some manipulative b*tch who needs men to chase her. It can be a defense mechanism for someone who's been wounded in love a few times. You don't want to invest too much in anyone, you don't want to get your emotions riled up prematurely. You need to see that other person is for real. I've made this mistake myself before. I keep a real distance at the start of relationships. Unfortunately this behavior has been reinforced a couple of times, by finding out that the guy loses interest once I let down my guard and became "easier to get." Some guys do seem to enjoy the challenge of the chase. For someone you're seriously interested in, it might be worth putting in that extra effort in the beginning and breaking down their walls. If the act continues for long time, though, there's no need to put up with it. That. Them walls are not coming down most of the time, i tried for months once xD. She says she likes me but won't show it and let me in. Likes the attention more likeit.
toolforgrowth Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I have a busy life: job, friends, volunteer obligations, family responsibilities & a need for quiet "me time." It takes some scheduling & planning to fit into my life. If a guy couldn't be bothered to carve out time in advance for me it was unlikely that we were going to get to spend time together unless I happened to coincidently have a free moment. This is all true and completely understandable. On the flip side, as a man, I also have a busy life: job, friends, family responsibilities, "me" time, etc. I'm not going to continue to invest what little time I had devoted to dating to running into a brick wall with the same woman. I'll cut my losses and move on. I've done it many times, and I'm glad I did...I met my girlfriend who was perfect. She has a life, goes to school, is a devoted mom, and needed time to run her life. But she always made time for me when she could and never made me feel as though I was unimportant. She showed me she valued me as dating material. That's a two way street: if a woman can't be bothered to carve out time in advance, or ever reach out to me to set something up, or even just drop a text to start a conversation if she's interested (but maybe wants me to ask her out or set up the next date), then I go by her actions: she's not interested, so it's time to cut myself loose and move on to the next lady. My time is just as valuable, and I don't spend it unwisely.
loverboy69 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 (edited) Here's my take on it from a gay man's point of view: I've been accused of playing hard to get by someone when in reality I didn't even know I was being pursued? I thought he was just being friendly with me like everyone else. Apparently it was all in his head. I've also been in situations where we both showed interest initially but then he'd grow cold on me; which then prompted me to go cold on him; which led to a vicious cycle of ignoring each other for months. He admitted later on that he was so in love with me but I made him nervous. Even though he was a funny outgoing guy with everyone else he was a complete wreck around me and couldn't be himself. I mistook his avoidance as disinterest and avoided him right back to save what I thought was my last shred of pride. Funny because he accused me of being hard to get but I thought he was playing hard to get. What you also have to understand is that not everyone is emotionally available to take it to the next level. There might be mutual physical attraction but perhaps one person might be having financial difficulties and are too embarrassed for you to see their situation or maybe they are still hung up over an existing or past relationship gone bad. Then you have people who suffer from some form of a Social Anxiety Disorder who often act the complete opposite of what they really feel to protect themselves from getting hurt. You may never know the real reason but believe me we all have our own baggage. For myself I need the guys intentions to be clear. If he's pursuing me I need to know that he's romantically interested in me in more ways than "just a buddy." I'm attractive but too many guys label me as unapproachable or taken even when I'm not either. I'm currently working on my demeanor because some mistake my semi-shyness as being cold when in reality I'm the coolest friendliest guy you'd ever meet once you break down my walls. Edited February 5, 2015 by loverboy69
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