Mi7522 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Heartbreak has to be one of the most painful things we have to endure and move on from. During this time EVERYBODY! seeks solace in some way or another! We will do anything that makes us feel better. This person has hurt you and told you no that they do not want to get back together. You essentially were single so "technically" you can do what you want. If anything he should blame himself - He caused this situation to occur. He shouldn't play the victim here! Like others said do not be scared to walk away because I am pretty confident he will be coming back. By that time it may be too late? That part is up to you. Did you actually read the post? Just wondering
HowWillICope Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Heartbreak has to be one of the most painful things we have to endure and move on from. During this time EVERYBODY! seeks solace in some way or another! We will do anything that makes us feel better. This person has hurt you and told you no that they do not want to get back together. You essentially were single so "technically" you can do what you want. If anything he should blame himself - He caused this situation to occur. He shouldn't play the victim here! Like others said do not be scared to walk away because I am pretty confident he will be coming back. By that time it may be too late? That part is up to you. No no no. He said to give him some days to THINK about it. That's an entire different game. She begged him back. He said he'd rethink it. She then instantly slept with another guy. Technicalites are out of the window I'm sorry. 2
SpiralOut Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I would not say it was morally wrong exactly but it shows that you were thinking more about yourself than you were about him. He asked for the weekend to think and instead of waiting to hear his answer, you decided to yourself what his answer would be, then did what you wanted. That's disrespectful. I am wondering if maybe you even told yourself that so you could sleep with the guy guilt-free. You asked your ex for another chance but then you wouldn't even give him one.
Standard-Fare Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 OP, some other people pointed out that in previous posts you talked about cheating on your BF or at least temptations to cheat. In one case you kissed a guy on NYE (just a month ago) and maintained contact with him. In another case you were nursing a crush on a guy in another city and wondering whether to leave your BF for him. Are either of those guys the one you hooked up with during this past weekend? If your answer is "yes," that changes things here. Because that would make this more premeditated and less casual than a thoughtless one-night stand. Either way, though, it seems like you've been having doubts about this relationship and problems with fidelity for a while. You haven't been fully satisfied and your eyes have been wandering. You need to question yourself on whether you actually DO want your BF back, and whether you're willing to work on this and commit to him. Unless you can be sure of that, it's not worth fighting for this.
Ducktape Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I guess I'll have to retract my post as well, with the new informations coming out. I'd think twice about giving you a second chance as well. And in these infidelity circumstances, maybe sleeping with another guy while your ex boyfriend is wondering if he ever can trust you again wasn't such a good idea.
Mi7522 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I guess I'll have to retract my post as well, with the new informations coming out. I'd think twice about giving you a second chance as well. And in these infidelity circumstances, maybe sleeping with another guy while your ex boyfriend is wondering if he ever can trust you again wasn't such a good idea. Not sure why people are retracting their statements. If you don't read the OP's original post you are just giving them baseless advice.
beach Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I like to have sex, and the oppurtonity arose. I don't think theres anything wrong with THAT. Theres nothing wrong with having sex. Some people view it as a very intimate thing, and some dont. neither is right or wrong. I never had sex with anyone else but my bf while we were together. But i do see your point of view And that is your right and your mindset. But it obviously doesn't work for him. So know and respect that and consider yourself single.
Ducktape Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Not sure why people are retracting their statements. If you don't read the OP's original post you are just giving them baseless advice. And if you read my post correctly, you'll see that I'm talking about infidelity, a subject that wasn't brought up in the OP's original post, but in her other threads. Zahara's findings. Seems like you didn't read my post and are giving me baseless advices.
Mi7522 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I really don't understand how people claim she made a mistake and taking the guy's side. HE broke up with her and then said "Well I'll think it over the week end" after she begged for him to come back? What the hell? She's being held hostage by this guy, and she's the bad person here? Her vagina, her life, her choices. If he cared so much, he wouldn't have dumped her. He wouldn't have said "I need to think about it over the week end" while he probably attempts to go after another girl, sees it won't work and then attempts to come back. If he can't deal with his own choices, that's his own problem. Not hers. ^^^^^ that's why
ManyDissapoint Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 After my ex dumped my ass, I became deranged. I instantly sought company of others to talk about it and yes I killed pain with booze. Later she accused me of going on the town and sleeping with people. It was extremely hurtful, and showed just how little she knew / thought of me. I couldn't sleep with another woman in the middle of my grief--I doubt I could even get an erection. I would very much lose respect for someone who acts in such a way. 1
Trimmer Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 (edited) I actually agree with points from most every poster so far. You were broken up. Your vagina, your life. You were entitled to make a decision about what you wanted to do with them. However, it's like your voice: you have every right to speak freely, but how you use your voice - what you say - reveals much about you, and affects the perceptions of those around you. You may have felt entitled to have sex while you were broken up, but I completely understand how that action affected your ex-BF's perception that you were not taking the prospect of a renewed relationship with him seriously. At the same time as I support your right to do what you wanted while broken up, given the context of you guys discussing getting back together and him being in a very short-term period of consideration, I also very much understand how he would have come out with the perception that he did. My only problem with anyone's actions here is that I'm not real impressed with his name-calling (slut, etc...) But other than that, you did what you were entitled to do, and he is just as entitled to draw a conclusion about what that reveals about you, and whether he wants to continue considering getting back together. It's kinda like a negotiation: you showed your position, and he has the choice to respond according to whether that works for him or not. I like to have sex, and the opportunity arose. I don't think there's anything wrong with THAT. There's nothing wrong with having sex. Some people view it as a very intimate thing, and some don't. neither is right or wrong. Maybe neither is objectively right or wrong, but each of us has an opinion and a position somewhere on that spectrum. It seems that you have now learned that you and your boyfriend have significantly different positions on this topic. In keeping with what I said above, I believe you are both entitled to your different positions; however, it seems you have discovered that those positions may not be compatible with continuing the relationship. Edited February 4, 2015 by Trimmer 2
Radu Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Technically you did nothing wrong. OTOH if you managed to do this very intimate act with a new person after a short split with your bf ... it probably means : - you don't love him - sex is not the intimate event to you that is to others I'm a guy and i have never cheated nor have i slept with another after a break. I was too much involved with the loss to do it. PS: He should not have called you names for it.
giblesp Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Don't have a relationship with someone who calls you a gross slut. 2
Light Breeze Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Don't have a relationship with someone who calls you a gross slut. And her ex musn't have relationship with someone who cheats on him.
Standard-Fare Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I couldn't sleep with another woman in the middle of my grief--I doubt I could even get an erection. That's a good point above that I think most of us who have been through a breakup with someone we love can relate to. Seeking intimacy with a new body is almost unfathomable in that state of raw grief. Still, everyone handles pain their own way. But hold up for a second. Seriously, everyone commenting here is glossing over some big facts that were brought up. In previous posts on this board, the OP: - Said she kissed another guy on New Year's Eve (you know, a month ago) and has maintained contact with that guy through Facebook, etc. - Seriously questioned whether to leave her BF for another guy she was in touch with in another town. You just can't ignore that backdrop when commenting here. OP has yet to address it. Not that she's required to.
michael-034 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I disagree with most people, who say that you did nothing wrong. I personally think its kind of disgusting that you slept with 2 guys within a week (I would have too if it was a guy sleeping with 2 girls within a week).. What I do like is that you told him the truth immediately.. You were hurt? Not really a good excuse to be sleeping around.. You want to be back with him, but you sleep with another guy? Very contradicting.. Just really shows him you don't give a f*ck about him, or in the future wouldn't take a relationship seriously.. or see love as this sacred thing.. I mean are you going to do that, if lets say the 2 of you get married and get in a big argument and dont talk for 2/3 days.. are you going to screw a guy then? I'm asking because he might be asking that to himself too.. Think about how it comes across to him. You slept with another guy (which is a hughe intimate personal thing, even if you disagree, your ex does think so that it is) just within a week of breaking up.. He can't take you seriously after that as in serious girlfriend material and nor should he.. That's my honest opinion. I'd say you 2 are different, from what I have heard.. Let it go, move on, find a guy who wouldn't mind or stick with the guy you slept with.. I completely entirely agree with how your ex responded, I just would have never contacted you ever again instead of name calling, that's the only thing I would have done differently.. but he probably resorted to name calling because you hurt him, and let me tell you that pain ****ing SUCKS! knowing a girl you love did that you know.. but again I hope he doesn't contact you again.. just would be a waste of time in my opinion.. sorry..
Elle1975 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Whatever you do is your business. While I agree that sleeping with someone probably wasn't the best move concerning this specific guy and his mindset, I don't see anything wrong in the act itself, because it's your body, your life, your choices. Beside, like another poster said earlier, after a break up some people drink, some shoot up, some go find someone to have sex with. What I want to say is this.. if you feel like you did nothing wrong, then stop asking him for a reconciliation, because it only cement in his mind that you indeed did something unforgivable. Back up your decisions, stand by them. If you like to have sex, then meet someone who feels the way you do. This guy doesn't seem to be it.
sober and dry Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Overall and no judging you or anything else, I just hope this dude does not accept you back, not at least until you sort out what you want. For his and your own good.
Mi7522 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Maybe it's just me but these comments that it's your vagina or your body do what you want because you were single are despicable. Have you no love for yourself that can't wait for a weekend before you get your answer. Just blows my mind. OP how old are you just for arguments sake?
EgoJoe Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 We've established the vagaries of the situation from our perspectives based off limited information. No need to bash the OP again and again. OP. What do you want from all of this? Do you care how he feels? How do you feel?
stillafool Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I like to have sex, and the oppurtonity arose. I don't think theres anything wrong with THAT. Theres nothing wrong with having sex. Some people view it as a very intimate thing, and some dont. neither is right or wrong. I never had sex with anyone else but my bf while we were together. But i do see your point of view Why does everyone continue to say she was vulnerable and hurt and this is why she had sex with these guys when the truth is above.
sober and dry Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Why does everyone continue to say she was vulnerable and hurt and this is why she had sex with these guys when the truth is above. That's your opinion and all of the other persons opinion, but it doesn't matter because only th OP can know what she was feeling at the moment and by what you quoted from her it's not obvious. 75% of the replies in this topic are just rants and off-topics basically... That's a shame...
Mi7522 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 That's your opinion and all of the other persons opinion, but it doesn't matter because only th OP can know what she was feeling at the moment and by what you quoted from her it's not obvious. 75% of the replies in this topic are just rants and off-topics basically... That's a shame... I think the majority of the replies deal specifically with her actions. I may be wrong
sober and dry Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I think the majority of the replies deal specifically with her actions. I may be wrong They do, but not in a neutral/impartial perspective. Must of them have their personal felling underneath. Because of that it just turns in to a kind of rant filled with their personal feelings. Nothing wrong with that, but it is useless to the OP in my opinion. PS: maybe 75% is too much but there are a lot of this clearly...
SycamoreCircle Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I think this relationship needs to end. Maybe what you did wasn't wrong, but it was not borne out of ideal or positive conditions. I would argue that it was an act of desperation and validation. The fact that he slept with you, then devalued you is a show of his emotional immaturity. I'm afraid the two of you will only continue to hurt each other. You both need space from each other. Maybe in a few months, after NC has been enacted, you can be on better terms and possibly reevaluate what you mean to each other. Though, I'm doubtful. 1
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