My Cake.....

February 4, 2015

It's hard to believe a rational thinking person could believe any of what you just said. Cheating has no effect on the kids? Of course it does. Here is the thing: when you cheat on your spouse you risk them finding out, you risk splitting up your family. Therefore, if someone is married with kids? The very act of cheating is not only disrespectful to the spouse, but to the kids as well. They are basically saying "I am willing to gamble with your childhood so I can have sex outside the marriage!". So nope, you don't get to say it has nothing to do with the kids. You are risking tearing the family apart with your actions.

Fact is cheating can cause a drastic change to a child's life. This is not about saying if someone doesn't love their spouse they do not love their kids, this is about saying if someone risks DESTROYING their family for sex with another person? Yeah, you are hurting your kids too. Unless your kids are already grown and raised by the time it happens, otherwise nope.

I disagree! Children should not be involved or told about their mother or father cheating. This is the problem with kids now. They know way too much about adult things. Children do not have brain capacity to process adult situations. This is something that my stepdaughters therapist discussed with us. Unless the affair is deliberately taking time away from the child, I'm not one who believes that cheating is on the whole family. I cheated on my H, not my stepdaughters. Thankfully my husband chose to not involve them into something that doesn't concern them. Cheating only effects children if it's thrown in their face IMHO.

February 4, 2015

I disagree! Children should not be involved or told about their mother or father cheating. This is the problem with kids now. They know way too much about adult things. Children do not have brain capacity to process adult situations. This is something that my stepdaughters therapist discussed with us. Unless the affair is deliberately taking time away from the child, I'm not one who believes that cheating is on the whole family. I cheated on my H, not my stepdaughters. Thankfully my husband chose to not involve them into something that doesn't concern them. Cheating only effects children if it's thrown in their face IMHO.

I disagree with that. Last summer our son (15) had figured out what happened and he had some real question.

You speak of a STEP child, these are my real children. I cheated on their dad and it torn the family apart. So yes I cheated on them. I stole them being with their dad everyday for almost seven years. I cheated them out of that and no matter how much time they spend together now they can't get back that lost time. Yes, my son deserved to know why so I told him. And when my daughter (11) asks I will tell her also.

February 4, 2015

I disagree! Children should not be involved or told about their mother or father cheating. This is the problem with kids now. They know way too much about adult things. Children do not have brain capacity to process adult situations. This is something that my stepdaughters therapist discussed with us. Unless the affair is deliberately taking time away from the child, I'm not one who believes that cheating is on the whole family. I cheated on my H, not my stepdaughters. Thankfully my husband chose to not involve them into something that doesn't concern them. Cheating only effects children if it's thrown in their face IMHO.

He cheated our daughter out of an intact family in one home. She gets to now visit and live in two homes instead of one. No family vacations, no family holiday celebrations etc. Not to mention what an azzzz he was during the end of his affair. So yeah, he cheated on our whole family.

February 4, 2015

Don't underestimate your kids. They know when something's off and will make it their mission to find out what's up.

Make no mistake about that.

February 4, 2015

I'm a MW with a single AP, seeing him for 5 years. I have a wonderful and loving husband with beautiful kids. I have a good life with amazing family. I ask myself constantly why do I continue down this path? Why do I sit on the fence and why not just leave.....This is the million dollar question.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation?

I really don't care about your husband or your kids. You asked a question and I'm going to give you an answer meant for you.

"I have a good life"

No you don't. You are living a nightmare. 2 lives. I feel sorry for you. And I don't mean that in a mean way. You are trapped. It's easy for everyone here to insult you and to tell you to just stop. But if things were that easy, affairs would never happen in the first place. So start seeing things for how they truly are and stop lying to yourself first.

You have a terrible life.

"I have a wonderful and loving husband with beautiful kids"

Yes. But they are as genuine to you as a cheap knockoff. Your husband loves the woman you project to be but deep down you know it's not you. That's why you keep going back to the AP. You're trapped in a vicious cycle unfortunately. The love your husband and kids feel for you doesn't seem deserved thus it means nothing to you.

"I ask myself constantly why do I continue down this path?"

Because you are trying to sate the void that you have created living your lie. You think the AP deals with the real you, but that's also not true. If it were you would've jumped the fence a long time ago. You're really not IN-LOVE with either of them.

"Why do I sit on the fence and why not just leave"

Because you don't know what you want. You don't know who you really are. You are lost. Your husband and kids provide a sense of identity, but you know it's not real. Your AP provides an escape and makes you feel like yourself, but you know deep down he's not worth taking as a husband. You need to free yourself of all external influences to really know what the hell is going on with you.

Once you do that, then you can start making smart decisions.

I will not tell you what to do with your marriage. What should happen. Or what to do with the AP. First get a grip on yourself and your life and then start worrying about the rest. Therapy or Counseling should help.

Good Luck.

February 4, 2015

I'm a MW with a single AP, seeing him for 5 years. I have a wonderful and loving husband with beautiful kids. I have a good life with amazing family. I ask myself constantly why do I continue down this path? Why do I sit on the fence and why not just leave.....This is the million dollar question.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation?

You want what you want and feel entitled to have your cake and eat it too ON the expense of your 'loving husband.' You're risking your beautiful kids lives, the life you have now and the love and respect your husband has for you, all for what?! Selfishness. You've put yourself above your family's needs and about to destroy their innocent lives.

5 years of having an affair and you really don't know why?

February 4, 2015

I disagree! Children should not be involved or told about their mother or father cheating. This is the problem with kids now. They know way too much about adult things. Children do not have brain capacity to process adult situations. This is something that my stepdaughters therapist discussed with us. Unless the affair is deliberately taking time away from the child, I'm not one who believes that cheating is on the whole family. I cheated on my H, not my stepdaughters. Thankfully my husband chose to not involve them into something that doesn't concern them. Cheating only effects children if it's thrown in their face IMHO.

This is like saying that spousal abuse doesn't affect the kids unless they know about it. It makes zero sense.

You're risking the family unit, for one. It has been pretty well documented that children often do not thrive in single parent households. And in the case of an affair an amicable divorce is unlikely. The couple's ability to co parent is probably compromised.

Children internalize what they see in their environment, for two. The entirety of the marriage dynamic greatly impacts the child. A girl who sees one parent being emotionally unavailable to the other is more likely to accept that behavior in a partner. A child who sees one parent cheat on the other is more likely to view that as acceptable behavior in her own relationships. (And believe me, kids catch on much faster than you'd like to think.) A child who sees rug sweeping, conflict avoidance, gas lighting, etc. in the home is more likely to view those behaviors as normal. Good parents model healthy relationship dynamics for their children. Pro tip: Affairs are not healthy relationship dynamics.

February 4, 2015

If you really want to keep your husband and family and think you are capable of loving him and staying faithful, than would you not consider ending the affair, having a complete 'character transplant combined with moral replacement therapy and leaving it in the past and starting afresh?

Of course he deserves to know the truth, but if you confess you will blow his mind, destroy his world, you better make sure the gun cabinet is locked because seriously 5 years??? That's most of your marriage? While you've been out having porn star sex with your lover you've been short changing your husband, and if he finds out, there is no way you could reconcile.

It's obvious you are comfortable with deceit and living a double life. Maybe your a nice person but monogamy and marriage was not for you. That's fine but now your married and have kids and it wound have probably been better if you stayed single.

I am counting down the days until I can get away from my wife, I can count the number of times I had sex in the last 5 yrs on one hand, I feel like I am just waking up from the matrix, it's no fun to realise that you are being used, being fooled, a patsy, someone's second choice, not the object of your wife's affections, that's no way to live and it hurts and breeds resentment and anger.

The thought of being single again and looking for love is abit daunting but at least I will have my integrity and won't be dis-respected. Your husband will feel the sane after you confess or he eventually finds out ( and he will )

Also affairs do of course affect the kids, as in their living situation, relationship with both parents and mental well being. One of the worst things is I believe in marriage and sticking together and kids having a father and mother. I really want that for my kids, but my wife has put me in an unbearable position where I cannot continue with her. Because to do so with sacrifice my sanity. I wish she realized that more than anything.

Edited February 4, 2015 by HurtHusband

February 4, 2015

I'm not saying this out of bias---I have one of the most selfless people in the world as a mother. She was born in 1938. I know that the day she passes, the collective good of the people of the world will feel a minor pinch.

I see so much cruelty, insensitivity, hurt and anguish from people. I know that most often it starts in the home.

What you're doing doesn't need to be exposed. Its presence is felt. For the sake of your children, their psychological well-being and future, end this right now.

February 4, 2015

Some of these posts are a little disturbing. So the consensus for some people on here is that because this affair has lasted so long, she shouldn't own up to it. Does it really matter how long it is? To me the fallout is more than likely going to be the same. If she keeps her mouth, then she needs to leave her husband. I would not wish this type of a spouse on anyone. Her husband deserves better and I don't think she should be the one to give it to him.

February 4, 2015

Why do I sit on the fence and why not just leave.....This is the million dollar question.

You are selfish. You want financial and emotional support from your husband and sex and excitement from your AP

A better question would be...how would you feel if the situation were reversed? Would you want to be kept in the dark or would you want to be informed?

February 4, 2015

I'm a MW with a single AP, seeing him for 5 years. I have a wonderful and loving husband with beautiful kids. I have a good life with amazing family. I ask myself constantly why do I continue down this path? Why do I sit on the fence and why not just leave.....This is the million dollar question.

That's way cheaper than a million bucks. Why would you leave, when everything is at equilibrium? You have an apparently solid home life, as well as a long-term outside relationship, which it seems you are juggling successfully. We don't usually change unless pushed. There's nothing pushing you to change - for the moment, you are at equilibrium.

In math and science, an equilibrium can be "stable", like a small ball at the bottom of a bowl - if it is disturbed, it tends to roll right back to that central equilibrium point. Or it can be "unstable", like a ball balanced at the high-point on top of an inverted bowl. In this equilibrium, if the ball is disturbed even a little, it moves wildly away from its original point. Do you think your situation is a stable or unstable equilibrium? What if the delicate equilibrium were disturbed? Would the system naturally tend to return to normal, or go careening wildly off course?

Wouldn't it get weird for the other man? I mean 5 years he has to have developed feelings for her as well. It must feel like she's cheating on him too when she goes back to duty sex her husband.

Actually, wouldn't this work out quite nicely for a certain type of commitment-avoidant man? He still gets intimacy, and a conditional sort of continuing individual relationship, but without the long-term commitment in an absolute sense ("forever".) Emotional intimacy, sex, and companionship, but then she goes home and someone else is responsible for paying bills and wiping the kids' butts. I would imagine there might be men for whom this would be the ideal relationship.

I disagree! Children should not be involved or told about their mother or father cheating. This is the problem with kids now. They know way too much about adult things. Children do not have brain capacity to process adult situations.... Cheating only effects children if it's thrown in their face IMHO.

Put more precisely - cheating affects children when they become aware of it - having it "thrown it in their faces" is but one way that can happen, and you can't always control the other possibilities.

February 4, 2015

FireandIce2008,

I find it incredulous that you are here asking a bunch of strangers to explain what is going on in your mind!

The short answer (which I think you know anyway) is that you are selfish and insensitive beyond belief. And, like most selfish people in this situation, will continue to have your cake and eat it as long as you are allowed to do so.

February 4, 2015

FireandIce2008,
I find it incredulous that you are here asking a bunch of strangers to explain what is going on in your mind!

The short answer (which I think you know anyway) is that you are selfish and insensitive beyond belief. And, like most selfish people in this situation, will continue to have your cake and eat it as long as you are allowed to do so.

She didn't ask others what is on her mind. She asked others if they've been in her shoes. Unfortunately it's so hard for the people of loveshack to stay on topic when a WS post. I think it makes people feel better about themselves when they call a WS selfish and let them know how horrible they are. Carry on...

February 4, 2015

She didn't ask others what is on her mind. She asked others if they've been in her shoes. Unfortunately it's so hard for the people of loveshack to stay on topic when a WS post. I think it makes people feel better about themselves when they call a WS selfish and let them know how horrible they are. Carry on...

They may not be nasty they havnt murdered anyone but theyve played with peoples lives & emotions destroying trust for other innocent people. Thats why people come on here. Theyre talking from experience to warn others.

February 4, 2015

I disagree! Children should not be involved or told about their mother or father cheating. This is the problem with kids now. They know way too much about adult things. Children do not have brain capacity to process adult situations. This is something that my stepdaughters therapist discussed with us. Unless the affair is deliberately taking time away from the child, I'm not one who believes that cheating is on the whole family. I cheated on my H, not my stepdaughters. Thankfully my husband chose to not involve them into something that doesn't concern them. Cheating only effects children if it's thrown in their face IMHO.

But you realize I was not advocating telling your kids you cheated. I was simply saying how cheating most certainly effects them too, you aren't just betraying your spouse. To which yeah..anyone who thinks that isn't the case is just plain in denial.

It's fine if you want to believe cheating doesn't betray the whole family, you are free to believe that. But on that same notion, I am free to believe 2+2 really equals 5, and yet me believing that wouldn't change the fact that isn't true.

Edited February 4, 2015 by Spectre

February 4, 2015

I disagree with that. Last summer our son (15) had figured out what happened and he had some real question.

You speak of a STEP child, these are my real children. I cheated on their dad and it torn the family apart. So yes I cheated on them. I stole them being with their dad everyday for almost seven years. I cheated them out of that and no matter how much time they spend together now they can't get back that lost time. Yes, my son deserved to know why so I told him. And when my daughter (11) asks I will tell her also.

Don't you dare come at me that your REAL children are more important than my STEP who I have been around since toddlers. That was offensive and I have lost all respect for you as a poster because of that comment. I guess you would consider a child who is adopted as not someone's REAL child as well???

Any trained child psychologist will tell you that's it's not wise to involve children in adult situations. My 15 year old stepdaughter is in a psych ward. Her therapist specifically said she knows too much. She said children especially teens think they want to know, but don't have the tools to process it. Her mother (who is deceased now) like you believed that my daughter or step deserves to know this or that. I don't agree that a child deserves to know, but it's your life do as you please. I just don't agree that cheating is on the family, but it's fine if you do. Yes children are effected from a divorce, but two parent homes are no longer in the norm. In MY opinion, it's more important to teach children coping tools than to dwell on what has or hasn't happened. As long as parents effectively co-parent and keep children out of the middle, a child can still have a happy and healthy life.

February 4, 2015

They may not be nasty they havnt murdered anyone but theyve played with peoples lives & emotions destroying trust for other innocent people. Thats why people come on here. Theyre talking from experience to warn others.

I don't condone cheating and I don't think an affair is healthy for the WS or their family, but the OP has been in the A for 5 years. That's a long time! I doubt the OP cares if anyone here thinks she's selfish.

To answer her question, I cheated, but my situation was not similar. My H and I both were very unhappy with our marriage at the time. He obviously handled the situation better than myself because I cheated and he did not. Good marriages are hard to achieve anymore. I don't understand why a person would risk it all if their marriage was considered good. I'm not saying it's okay to cheat in any situation, but I would like to understand why a person would do it if they consider themselves happily married. That makes no sense to me at all.

February 4, 2015

I don't condone cheating and I don't think an affair is healthy for the WS or their family, but the OP has been in the A for 5 years. That's a long time! I doubt the OP cares if anyone here thinks she's selfish.

To answer her question, I cheated, but my situation was not similar. My H and I both were very unhappy with our marriage at the time. He obviously handled the situation better than myself because I cheated and he did not. Good marriages are hard to achieve anymore. I don't understand why a person would risk it all if their marriage was considered good. I'm not saying it's okay to cheat in any situation, but I would like to understand why a person would do it if they consider themselves happily married. That makes no sense to me at all.

What do you think about multiple cheaters? Can they suddenly stop/change without counselling?

February 4, 2015

I'm a MW with a single AP, seeing him for 5 years.1. I have a wonderful and loving husband with beautiful kids. I have a good life with amazing family. I ask myself constantly why do I continue down this path? Why do I sit on the fence and 2.why not just leave.....This is the million dollar question.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation?

1. And yet you're willing, apparently, to lose everything in the world you claim to hold dear. If your hubby finds out what you've been doing, and even "smart" cheaters who think they're so clever that they'll never be found out, get careless and manage to get themselves caught anyway, what then? Are you prepared to lose him, your family, and your good life.

2. If he's so "wonderful and loving" WHY would you want to leave?

February 4, 2015

To answer her question, I cheated, but my situation was not similar. My H and I both were very unhappy with our marriage at the time. He obviously handled the situation better than myself because I cheated and he did not. Good marriages are hard to achieve anymore. I don't understand why a person would risk it all if their marriage was considered good. I'm not saying it's okay to cheat in any situation, but I would like to understand why a person would do it if they consider themselves happily married. That makes no sense to me at all.

So, your stepdaughter is in the psych ward, you blame it on her dead mother, and we are all supposed to defer to your opinion on child rearing. Riiight.... And for the record, as a stepchild myself I can attest that there is and always will be a difference between step children and biological children. My stepfather took wonderful care of me and did everything that my biological father couldn't and wouldn't do due to his mental illness. He never openly displayed favoritism, but I knew. I resented it as a kid but grew to understand after having my daughter. Dad would have done anything for me, within reason. He would do absolutely anything for my brother, including the unreasonable. And it doesn't make him a bad person. Neither does it make our bond any less valuable. He's hard wired to kill for my brother, but he chose to raise me. Both bonds are special and unique.

(And off on a tangent here... I once had one of my younger friends who just finished a walking dead marathon ask me if I would put my daughter down in the event that she became a zombie or if I would lock her up and keep her alive. I of course answered keep her alive. That silly hypothetical really made me think about the nature of my bond with my baby. I honestly believe that I have it in me to kill for her, which is a surprise. The last time my fight or flight was triggered in a truly dangerous situation flight definitely won. Now, I think the primal instinct to protect her could drive me to choose fight instead. I, a usually middle to low aggression individual, became incredibly protective and aggressive postpartum. Another friend once joked that anyone who tried to take her from me without permission would probably lose an arm.)

How exactly do you define a happy marriage? Why is your happiness more important than your stepdaughter's? And why is mere happiness what you aim for, anyway? Being "happy" does not mean that your life as a whole has been meaningful. I am 99% certain that Pol Pot, Mussolini, etc were happy at some point in their lives.

It's not any harder to keep a marriage healthy and intact than it was 50 years ago, its just that people don't want to do the work anymore. My great grandparents have been married for over 65 years. My grandfather spent about four years occupying Germany while my grandmother raised eight kids, one of whom was very ill, and took care of her mother. There was no internet, no cell phones. They saw each other once every year or two and mailed the occasional letter. He came home from Vietnam/Korea both legally blind and legally deaf, with tremors from agent orange that got progressively worse. So, she took care of him. Whine to one of those two that you're not "happy" for silly little reasons and they'll laugh in your face and explain to you that marriage isn't meant to make you happy. Nor is it easy. It gets old doing the laundry, making the money, cooking dinner, putting up with his farts or her incessant need to keep the house spotless. But you do it anyway, because you put the well being of your spouse and kids above petty wishes disguised as "needs" of your own.

And all this is rather perfectly described by CS Lewis in "The Four Loves." "He [Eros] is notoriously the most mortal of our loves. The world rings with complaints of his fickleness. What is baffling is the combination of this fickleness with his protestations of permanency. To be in love is both to intend and to promise lifelong fidelity. Love makes vows unasked; can't be deterred from making them. "I will be ever true," are almost the first words he utters. Not hypocritically but sincerely. No experience will cure him of the delusion. We have all heard of people who are in love again every few years; each time sincerely convinced that "this time it's the real thing," that their wanderings are over, that they have found their true love and will themselves be true till death." If by "happy" you mean constantly in the throes of passionate, all consuming desire you are sure to be disappointed in any relationship. If you mean not having to work at it, you are going to be disappointed. And that is apparently what you failed at. Rather than putting your family first you decided that you were unhappy and abandoned your spouse rather than work on your marriage. You run the serious risk of always chasing "happiness" to both your and your loved ones' detriment.

February 4, 2015

It's hard to believe a rational thinking person could believe any of what you just said. Cheating has no effect on the kids? Of course it does. Here is the thing: when you cheat on your spouse you risk them finding out, you risk splitting up your family. Therefore, if someone is married with kids? The very act of cheating is not only disrespectful to the spouse, but to the kids as well. They are basically saying "I am willing to gamble with your childhood so I can have sex outside the marriage!". So nope, you don't get to say it has nothing to do with the kids. You are risking tearing the family apart with your actions.

Fact is cheating can cause a drastic change to a child's life. This is not about saying if someone doesn't love their spouse they do not love their kids, this is about saying if someone risks DESTROYING their family for sex with another person? Yeah, you are hurting your kids too. Unless your kids are already grown and raised by the time it happens, otherwise nope.

Great post. The one you responded to is Wayword babble. How in the world can a cheating parent say that cheating doesn't have an impact on the kids unless both partners have agreed to be in an open relationship with other ppl. If your kids are taught honor, respect and a sense of character when they find out that their teacher of those values is betraying their other parent, what does that tell them?

February 4, 2015

Violet1 - post 41#

The OP said

Why do I sit on the fence and why not just leave.....This is the million dollar question.

Now if that isn't asking others to be mind-readers, then I don't know what is

February 4, 2015

So, your stepdaughter is in the psych ward, you blame it on her dead mother, and we are all supposed to defer to your opinion on child rearing. Riiight.... And for the record, as a stepchild myself I can attest that there is and always will be a difference between step children and biological children. My stepfather took wonderful care of me and did everything that my biological father couldn't and wouldn't do due to his mental illness. He never openly displayed favoritism, but I knew. I resented it as a kid but grew to understand after having my daughter. Dad would have done anything for me, within reason. He would do absolutely anything for my brother, including the unreasonable. And it doesn't make him a bad person. Neither does it make our bond any less valuable. He's hard wired to kill for my brother, but he chose to raise me. Both bonds are special and unique.

(And off on a tangent here... I once had one of my younger friends who just finished a walking dead marathon ask me if I would put my daughter down in the event that she became a zombie or if I would lock her up and keep her alive. I of course answered keep her alive. That silly hypothetical really made me think about the nature of my bond with my baby. I honestly believe that I have it in me to kill for her, which is a surprise. The last time my fight or flight was triggered in a truly dangerous situation flight definitely won. Now, I think the primal instinct to protect her could drive me to choose fight instead. I, a usually middle to low aggression individual, became incredibly protective and aggressive postpartum. Another friend once joked that anyone who tried to take her from me without permission would probably lose an arm.)

How exactly do you define a happy marriage? Why is your happiness more important than your stepdaughter's? And why is mere happiness what you aim for, anyway? Being "happy" does not mean that your life as a whole has been meaningful. I am 99% certain that Pol Pot, Mussolini, etc were happy at some point in their lives.

It's not any harder to keep a marriage healthy and intact than it was 50 years ago, its just that people don't want to do the work anymore. My great grandparents have been married for over 65 years. My grandfather spent about four years occupying Germany while my grandmother raised eight kids, one of whom was very ill, and took care of her mother. There was no internet, no cell phones. They saw each other once every year or two and mailed the occasional letter. He came home from Vietnam/Korea both legally blind and legally deaf, with tremors from agent orange that got progressively worse. So, she took care of him. Whine to one of those two that you're not "happy" for silly little reasons and they'll laugh in your face and explain to you that marriage isn't meant to make you happy. Nor is it easy. It gets old doing the laundry, making the money, cooking dinner, putting up with his farts or her incessant need to keep the house spotless. But you do it anyway, because you put the well being of your spouse and kids above petty wishes disguised as "needs" of your own.

And all this is rather perfectly described by CS Lewis in "The Four Loves." "He [Eros] is notoriously the most mortal of our loves. The world rings with complaints of his fickleness. What is baffling is the combination of this fickleness with his protestations of permanency. To be in love is both to intend and to promise lifelong fidelity. Love makes vows unasked; can't be deterred from making them. "I will be ever true," are almost the first words he utters. Not hypocritically but sincerely. No experience will cure him of the delusion. We have all heard of people who are in love again every few years; each time sincerely convinced that "this time it's the real thing," that their wanderings are over, that they have found their true love and will themselves be true till death." If by "happy" you mean constantly in the throes of passionate, all consuming desire you are sure to be disappointed in any relationship. If you mean not having to work at it, you are going to be disappointed. And that is apparently what you failed at. Rather than putting your family first you decided that you were unhappy and abandoned your spouse rather than work on your marriage. You run the serious risk of always chasing "happiness" to both your and your loved ones' detriment.

ITA. I was raised by a step mom who I love dearly and she treated me well. My own mother neglected me but there is a bond between a biological parent and step parent that starts in the womb and continues. My own children to me, are like they are a part of my own body because I carried them and nurtured them from conception. There is a difference.

February 4, 2015

So, your stepdaughter is in the psych ward, you blame it on her dead mother, and we are all supposed to defer to your opinion on child rearing. Riiight....

This kind of low blow says a lot more about the person writing it than the person it is written to

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