Mcscooter Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I've been dating this young lovely women for 6 months about now. Simple story. We started off strong we enjoy each others company. I ended up getting deployed overseas. The less communication I had the more she started to depart herself. She started to talk to me less and showed less interest. I saw those signals and immediately took action. I played her little game and a couple weeks later she's all interested in me again as if the spark was lit again. Anyways same old thing happens she does it again. Instead of playing her game I give it to her as an honest man telling her that I find her attitude towards the relationship unsatisfying. She doesn't take it too well, so I decided to cut her off. Now after I come back home. She is once again all interested in me. Also she does the same thing. She is really starting to upset me. Let me mention now that she suffers from a disorder of being bipolar, father problems, and previous relationships. I take that in consideration in giving her space, but there comes a time when enough should be enough. A relationship to me is how both partners can deal with each other, solve any problems, and making your significant other a better person. I want to hear the communities output on this. What would you do? What would you recommend. No opinions will negatively impact me. I'm just a person looking for the best advice. I would like to hear someone who has similar experience of her situation too. I don't clearly know what she's going through and I try to understand.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 All of this push/pull is unhealthy and something that doesn't happen in good relationships. Decent relationships don't make you feel insecure, upset and worried like this is doing to you. I understand you really like her, but I don't think she is going to bring you long-term happiness. Just when you get happy and snug and close with her, she'll pull away. Then you'll have to modify your actions artificially to try and get her back, panicking the whole time in case it doesn't work. She'll come back, safe in the knowledge there are never any consequences to her actions, and after a while do it again. Maybe she can't handle you being overseas for work and not seeing you, but as this is your life, she needs to accept it. Sounds like you've done your best to be understanding, to work with her existing issues, and to be a decent partner, and that she hasn't given you the same determination and respect in return. Don't bother with this one. 1
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I agree. It's great that you recognize the dynamic and are trying to remove it from your relationship. Perhaps have another chat with her about your concerns, and see if the pattern resolves after that. If it doesn't, you may have to accept that you won't be able to build a healthy, stable relationship with her. I hope things work out! 1
Downtown Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 She suffers from a disorder of being bipolar.Scooter, if she has bipolar-1 disorder, there is a 36% chance she also suffers from co-occurring BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Moreover, therapists have difficulty distinguishing between these two disorders in a 50-minute meeting held every week or two because it may take them two years to witness the dysfunctional behaviors you see all week long. It therefore is common for BPD to be misdiagnosed as "bipolar." I mention this distinction because, whereas bipolar usually can be treated quite successfully by swallowing a pill, BPD is very difficult to treat and medications will not make a dent in it. I therefore suggest that you protect yourself by learning how to spot the warning signs for both disorders. An easy place to start reading is my post at 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences, which is based on my experiences with a bipolar-1 sufferer (my foster son) and a BPDer (my exW). If that description of BPD traits rings many bells, I would suggest you also check out my list of red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. Finally, if you ever get really serious about wanting to marry this young woman, I would suggest you see a psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is you are dealing with. Importantly, if BPD is involved, you cannot rely on HER therapist to be candid with you. Therapists routinely withhold the name of the disorder from BPDer clients -- and from their partners and insurance companies -- for the protection of those clients. If you're interested, I explain that in greater detail at Loath to Diagnose BPD. Take care, Scooter.
Author Mcscooter Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 I don't enjoy adding fuel to the fire all the time but she has bipolar-2 which is by far fact worst then bipolar-1 if I'm correct.
Downtown Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I don't enjoy adding fuel to the fire all the time but she has bipolar-2 which is by far fact worst then bipolar-1 if I'm correct.No, Scooter, bipolar-2 typically is far more mild in the manic phase. Indeed, the mania may be so mild that you don't notice it much because the person The depression phase, however, can be as strong as that for bipolar-1. But, generally, bipolar-2 is considered much easier to treat than bipolar-1. Also, the incidence of co-occurring BPD is somewhat lower with bipolar-2 (27%) than with bipolar-1 (36%). 1
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