italiangirl03 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hi everyone, I appreciate all of you sharing your time and advice to others on here. Here is my situation… I have dated this guy for about 8 months, in the beginning it started off just as friends to see where things would go, in the beginning I caught him texting an ex girlfriend and thought nothing of it because we weren't even official at that point. They didn't talk after that one time though. So our relationship continued and it seemed to be going fine, he met my family (my sister and parents) and they loved them, he even bought them all Christmas gifts, brought over wine ect.. During the beginning he blew off friends for me, hung out with my other friends and we double dated for a bit so I guess we can say that things were going well. He met my distant family and there is about 20 first cousins I have plus all my aunts and uncles, he used to wait at my house until I was done work, planned trips with me and lets just say everything was perfect. My family loved him, one day I brought up the topic about marriage and kids (he is muslin, I am catholic) he said that if it wasn't how his religion wanted it then we couldn't go that far but during the months where things were going well he whispered in my ear one time that we would make the cutest babies. Anyways, there was a fight regarding the religion differences and then we didn't talk for 5 days until I approached him saying that we will go with the flow and when we cross that bridge we will cross it. After that the pieces seemed to be getting picked up where we left them. He was talking about valentines day plans, flights to Montreal in April ect.. and then a cousin of mines birthday was coming up Jan 27th, I invited my ex to come and told him to only come if he wants to and not because I am asking, so he came and everything was perfect, he was joking with my family, hugging my grandmother and even said he would go over to my uncles house at the end of the week and my aunts 60th birthday the following week after. The next day is when it all changed and i'm surprised it did considering the great time we had the day before. I went to visit him on his lunch and i'm the type of person that is affectionate, likes deep conversations and opens up. Him on the other hand doesn't, I asked him that lunch hour how his feelings for me are because on my side I am starting to fall in love and he hasn't expressed anything that deep other than saying he likes me. He avoided the question and I went home, he texted me after and I ignored him that day until the following day when I told him I just wanted to be alone and was stressed with other things in life. So i took a chance … I texted him how it was ok for him to open up and i just wanted to know how far his like for me went and I wouldn't break his heart and that I would be patient until he's read y to open up.. Then the bomb hit.. He told me that he hasn't been feeling the "spark" between us and that he has other things to worry about in his life like his career and his working out and that our arguments stress him out, long story short. I asked him after why he came to meet my family and did all the things he did for me if there was no "spark" and he said it was to see if a spark would happen. BS!! you don't date somebody for 8 months and then say that.. The day after my sister, who is a therapist, called him and they had a talk.. After he texted me saying he's sorry for hurting me and that he almost cried last night thinking about all this but he knows it won't work in the end because of the marriage and kids aspect. He also said that if we continue any longer it won't hold a purpose because feelings just aren't there. He said he doesn't make me happy enough either. But then he says that his coat still smells like me and that it's beautiful. I told him maybe one day we could be friends I am very confused.. I haven't spoke to him in a week but he is adding random girls on instagram, liking there pictures. He even liked his exes picture along with the random girls. The funny thing is that him and the ex aren't even friends on there so he went out of his way to search her and like a picture. I just want to know everyones opinion here, my friends say they think the religion part of it is what made him break up with me and he obviously still has feelings for me and just saying that as an easy way out. Other friends say he's a confused person and a loser. Which just doesn't help me at all. Sometimes I want to text him just to say hey what's up but I know I can't. What do you guys think? Would you give him a text or would you wait to text him or should I move on... He is also signed into reddit on my computer and forgot to sign out and I seen he liked a quote yesterday on heart brake that said "what is shown on the outside is nothing like the heartache on the inside" and he also wrote a forum about me 5 months ago about how he thinks he ****** up a situation with me when in reality I didn't even care about the situation he thought he messed up on? Ps. I'm sorry for the long message and if it's confusing I apologize lol I am trying to express the whole story so quickly and as short as possible as I can.
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Why won't you believe him when he tells you how he feels? He is telling you the truth that he doesn't feel a spark with you. I don't think he would tell you this just to hurt you but that is how he feels. He probably likes you alot as a person but has not fallen in love with you. It sounds like he is still in love with his ex and can't get her back. People always come here and talk about the places they went, how they met the family and friends, etc as if that is an indicaton of love. When you spend months with anyone you tend to do these things and it's not an indication of being in love. My friend spent a month with me and I took her around my family and friends. No we are not in love as I am in love with my husband. Just believe people when they tell you who they are and how they feel.
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Muslim and Catholic are very fundamentally different, and both are rooted in deep traditions. One of their traditions is that you marry a muslim girl who will give you a bunch of muslim kids. Another one of their traditions is to bang non-muslim women because they like to marry virgins and the muslim girls know it and act accordingly. That's why they get married so young. Basically, you're a sprinkler and he's a dipper, and he's done dipping into you. He knew it was time to leave when you started mentioning marriage and babies. At least he didn't lead you on about that. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but you have to believe what he's telling you. He's not trying to deny himself something that he really wants. He's telling you the truth.
Author italiangirl03 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Muslim and Catholic are very fundamentally different, and both are rooted in deep traditions. One of their traditions is that you marry a muslim girl who will give you a bunch of muslim kids. Another one of their traditions is to bang non-muslim women because they like to marry virgins and the muslim girls know it and act accordingly. That's why they get married so young. Basically, you're a sprinkler and he's a dipper, and he's done dipping into you. He knew it was time to leave when you started mentioning marriage and babies. At least he didn't lead you on about that. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but you have to believe what he's telling you. He's not trying to deny himself something that he really wants. He's telling you the truth. I lost my virginity to him.. I at least would just like to be friends one day, I don't have many friends .
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Please don' try to be his friend. It never works but just keeps you in pain wanting more. It does hurt when you lose your first love but you will get through it. Try to make more female friends for support and to have people to hang out with.
JustDeadInside Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Italiangirl, trying to just be friends is a big mistake, take it from someone who is twisting in the wind from the very same thing. You end up deluding yourself into seeing things that aren't there. It's a pain you don't want to know. 1
Author italiangirl03 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Please don' try to be his friend. It never works but just keeps you in pain wanting more. It does hurt when you lose your first love but you will get through it. Try to make more female friends for support and to have people to hang out with. Him and his ex dated for only a year and they haven't spoken to one another in 2 years! Any normal person would be over the ex.. I am slowly moving on, i'm going to start working out and doing things with my life for me.
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Even though they were only together 2 years we do not know what their connection was that could keep one of them holding on hoping to get back together. Right now you do not know how long it is going to take to get over this 8 month relationship. I do think you have the right attitude about working out and moving forward with your life.
Author italiangirl03 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Even though they were only together 2 years we do not know what their connection was that could keep one of them holding on hoping to get back together. Right now you do not know how long it is going to take to get over this 8 month relationship. I do think you have the right attitude about working out and moving forward with your life. I know that she moved away and cut him off, he thinks she was cheating on him. I think there relationship was more sexual. She is more curvy then me and he likes curves so i'm thinking it's more of a sexual thing. His penis is also very small. I'm a virgin and didn't feel it. So i'm guessing that didn't phase her much lol
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