L0nleyDude Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hey stranger, I’m probably the last person you expected or want to hear from but I’ve been thinking of you for some reason these last couple of weeks and wanted you to know that it was a great experience for me meeting you and your kids. I know things moved really quickly and that pretty much lead to the demise of everything but I don’t regret the time I spent with you. You and the kids will always have a place in my heart and hopefully our paths will cross again some day as it would be a shame if we didn’t see each other ever again. I’m not sure if you remember our second date but as I was driving you home I told you that I felt a real connection with you and that it was rare I get that feeling with anyone so I was really hopeful things would have worked out for us. I was so involved with you and your life I kind of lost my way at the end and if I have one regret it’s that we didn’t take things slow and let things happen at its own pace. I just wanted to reach out because things didn’t end on a great note but all of that is water under the bridge. I hope you had a great Christmas and you got everything you wanted. There is no need to respond to this I just wanted to wish you guys all the happiness you deserve.
Cali408 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 No, why? what's the point? Keep going forward 2
Author L0nleyDude Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Just to put me at ease and to have a little closure for myself. I'm not expecting a response more that I want to get it off my chest because of how things ended the last time we talked. It's probably a little selfish of me to do it but c'est la vie
dyna85 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Why give her that ego-boost if she dumped you? I mean, if you're the dumper, then by all means, press send to show you have a heart. However, if you were dumped, you're just once again pouring more emotions into a bottomless vessel. That last line... you may think that now, but if her response isn't what you want in the deepest recesses of your heart, you may just be setting yourself up for further disappointment. In all reality, you will most likely analyze her response or lack of response. Sadly, she will still hold all of the power since you reached out to her. Once again, you show you still care, while who knows what is really going on with her. Why continue to pour your heart out when there already was a bad reception previously? I mean, I didn't read your backstory, but if it didn't end well, and you were on the receiving end of her not caring about your feelings at the time of the breakup, why put yourself out there again? It's masochistic. Four months is a really long time to go back to that dark place. I don't mean to sway you either way, but this is the advice I'd want to be given to me, so I'm giving it here. I think sometimes, particularly in the early months of NC, our emotions can severely cloud our better judgment. 1
tikay00 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 No, why? Because it's been 4 months. You're doing this because you've been harping on this chick, and you do want a response. If you get a, "that was nice of you, thanks", you're gonna be sitting there like, "that's it? A sentence reply?" And you're probably gonna say, "no, it's not like that at all", but don't fool yourself. It's been 4 months, and you still feel the need to send something like that. C'mon. 3
Satu Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) You have no relationship with this person. You are not her husband, her lover, or her friend. Thats the reality. Adapt to it, and behave appropriately. No contact. Edited February 3, 2015 by Satu 3
JonjMie Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 NC , your not over her, work on yourself and stay NC, tomorrow you will feel different, closure comes from you not from the other person. Listen to me, amazing how much I've taken on board in 28 days of being on this site. 2
Zahara Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Just to put me at ease and to have a little closure for myself. I'm not expecting a response more that I want to get it off my chest because of how things ended the last time we talked. It's probably a little selfish of me to do it but c'est la vie Your closure was accepting that it ended. Translation: Hey Stranger, remember me? I'm still hung up on you and I was hoping this letter of emotional sentiments would maybe move you enough to respond to me just so that I can see if there is still some hope. It's also a reminder to you that I still exist and wonder if you still think of me. 1
Author L0nleyDude Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I guess you are all right, thanks for talking me off the ledge. I will burn the letter once I get home. It just really sucks that the person you are thinking of in all reality isn't or ever will be thinking of you. Time to pull up my big boy pants and soldier on 2
RedButton Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I don't know how the breakup went and all that, but I personally don't think it's a sin to send a 'Thanks for the memories' letter, just so long as it reads like that and that's all you intend. Some of the post sounded like you want to patch things up, or comes off as I want you back, but that might just be how I read it. Again, I think what it really comes down to is why it ended and how. Sometimes it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. I know I personally have been sitting on a letter since the breakup, editing it (it's very different now to what it was) and even three months later I still have the urge to send it just to say thanks and that our time together meant a lot to me. 2
tikay00 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I don't know how the breakup went and all that, but I personally don't think it's a sin to send a 'Thanks for the memories' letter, just so long as it reads like that and that's all you intend. Some of the post sounded like you want to patch things up, or comes off as I want you back, but that might just be how I read it. Again, I think what it really comes down to is why it ended and how. Sometimes it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. I know I personally have been sitting on a letter since the breakup, editing it (it's very different now to what it was) and even three months later I still have the urge to send it just to say thanks and that our time together meant a lot to me. But the thing you guys don't understand is, there is LITERALLY no connection. This is very hard for some people to grasp, but sending that only does harm, more than anything. You might feel all nostalgic now, and think to yourself, "you know what, at one point I loved this person with all my heart, and I just want them to know I have no hard feelings, and that I appreciated every moment." What's the point!? They probably already know, otherwise you wouldn't have been their GF/BF. Just leave the past as the past. Seriously think about what the point is. Do you want to be friends in the future? OK, have fun never moving on. Do you want someone that you once shared intimate moments with that you cherished every moment, but why? There is always an end goal in all this. ALWAYS. Don't be naive. 1
Author L0nleyDude Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I don't know how the breakup went and all that, but I personally don't think it's a sin to send a 'Thanks for the memories' letter, just so long as it reads like that and that's all you intend. Some of the post sounded like you want to patch things up, or comes off as I want you back, but that might just be how I read it. Again, I think what it really comes down to is why it ended and how. Sometimes it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. I know I personally have been sitting on a letter since the breakup, editing it (it's very different now to what it was) and even three months later I still have the urge to send it just to say thanks and that our time together meant a lot to me. It's more that I have come to accept that this will never be a romantic relationship but things went a bit sour at the end, nothing over the top but it left a bad taste in my mouth. I believe it ended because she lost feelings and became more distant from me. There wasn't any arguing in the relationship other than the day of the BU, we actually got along great. Things just moved too quickly especially when kids were involved.
Mi7522 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I say go for it, you'll probably end up regretting it but the worst thing that can happen is she doesn't respond or responds but not in the way you are hoping for. It may set you back a little but at the same time you'll definitely know where you stand with her and that will help you move your life along because it seems like you still hanging on to hope. Maybe when she shatters your hope you'll finally realise what you have to do to get yourself back to normal.
Ieris Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I agree with Redbutton, sometimes you just want to end things on a good note especially if it was a bad breakup. I see it as tying up loose ends as it can seem like unfinished business to some. I guess people might say that it is finished but you're still not turning the page after 4 months so I suggest you sleep on it and see how you feel in a couple of days. If sending the letter will make you feel better and help you move forward then go for it. Some people get stuck in NC because they're still waiting, wondering and secretly hoping their ex will come back but sometimes you just need to be hit with the cold, hard truth in order to move on. So you decide if it is worth sending. To be frank, it's not rejection if you're not expecting anything from her x
tikay00 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I agree with Redbutton, sometimes you just want to end things on a good note especially if it was a bad breakup. I see it as tying up loose ends as it can seem like unfinished business to some. I guess people might say that it is finished but you're still not turning the page after 4 months so I suggest you sleep on it and see how you feel in a couple of days. If sending the letter will make you feel better and help you move forward then go for it. Some people get stuck in NC because they're still waiting, wondering and secretly hoping their ex will come back but sometimes you just need to be hit with the cold, hard truth in order to move on. So you decide if it is worth sending. To be frank, it's not rejection if you're not expecting anything from her x I can agree with this. If you need that last final blow, do what you gotta do.
Mi7522 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 But the thing you guys don't understand is, there is LITERALLY no connection. This is very hard for some people to grasp, but sending that only does harm, more than anything. You might feel all nostalgic now, and think to yourself, "you know what, at one point I loved this person with all my heart, and I just want them to know I have no hard feelings, and that I appreciated every moment." What's the point!? They probably already know, otherwise you wouldn't have been their GF/BF. Just leave the past as the past. Seriously think about what the point is. Do you want to be friends in the future? OK, have fun never moving on. Do you want someone that you once shared intimate moments with that you cherished every moment, but why? There is always an end goal in all this. ALWAYS. Don't be naive. Sometimes you have to take a step back before you can move forward. It will most definitely not be the answer he's looking for but sometimes you need a kick in the a$$ before it makes sense. Send the letter and let us know how it goes. Whether good or bad the LS community will help you through everything
Jimmyjackson Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 OP, go in the bathroom, splash some cold water in your face and then slap yourself. Don't even think about sending the letter, if someone dumped you and hasn't reached out, why should you? you're doing so well, im almost 4 months NC myself and I have no urge whatsoever to contact her 1
tikay00 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 OP, go in the bathroom, splash some cold water in your face and then slap yourself. Don't even think about sending the letter, if someone dumped you and hasn't reached out, why should you? you're doing so well, im almost 4 months NC myself and I have no urge whatsoever to contact her It's already been 4 months for him, and he's still not over her. In this instance I think he needs a good kick in the butt to finally let by gones be by gones. 1
SoThatHappened Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I believe it ended because she lost feelings and became more distant from me. There wasn't any arguing in the relationship other than the day of the BU, we actually got along great. Sorry to say this, but it may prevent you from doing something that will hurt you: She met someone else. The cold distance out of the blue is textbook for that. She didn't just wake up one day and say, "I don't feel anything for Johnny anymore even though things have been going great." She met someone. You can feed her ego or find out on your own she's with someone else if you want. Not something I would do though. She dropped you. No mas. She said she doesn't want to be with you. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you're still hung up, and don't open up the potential to throw salt in your wound. She died (metaphorically) to you. Eventually you'll get over it and you'll be indifferent. No contact.
Satu Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Time plays a part in this. People look back to the glory days when the relationship was golden. Then they dream that the golden days might return in the future, if... if... if... The missing part is the present, where find ourselves now. The most important thing is to successfully adapt to the circumstances that exist now. If we do that successfully, the present is golden.
Jimmyjackson Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 It's already been 4 months for him, and he's still not over her. In this instance I think he needs a good kick in the butt to finally let by gones be by gones. Maybe, but the fact he's not means the rejection will be hard to take. He should talk to other girls, it worked for me, I realised that she wasn't anything special at all. 1
hawazin Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Hey friend, I sent a letter after 4 months of BU and about 45 days of NC. I worked my ass off on this handwritten marvel. Paper, pen, presentation, everything top notch. Sent it. no response. Only then did I feel I can move on. I think you should do it and come to the realization that you're pining for someone who does not deserve all of this. You have lots of love to give and this relationship made you realize this, you need this last blow to acknowledge this person is not the one who you should give it to. Do it. It will save you future torment. 1
RedButton Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Sometimes this site just makes me feel worse about things rather than better. Isn't it possible that L0nelyDude just wants to send the letter to tie up loose ends and say sorry that things ended badly? Throwing out theories about his ex meeting someone else doesn't help either I think. It's possible for relationships to not work without a third party getting involved. If he is trying to get back together, that's something only he can know, and my advice is to think long and hard about why you want to send it before you do. If you feel you might be doing this to try and get back together, then don't do. Wait a bit longer. 2
Author L0nleyDude Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 I have decided to hold off on sending the letter for now. I gave it some thought when I got home last night and came to the realization that I was probably going to send the letter in hopes of starting up a conversation for a chance at reconciliation. I know it's wrong to think that way and sending the letter would just set me back from the healing I have been doing for the last 4 months. I know silence speaks volumes and the fact I have not heard a word from her in 4 months means she does not want me in her life and it's time to move forward. I just hope I'm getting stronger from NC but truthfully I can't seem to shake her from my thoughts. I wonder if maybe getting that slap in the face one last time will help me get get her out of my thoughts and make me finally realize this is over for good. 2
RedButton Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 ^Kudos for being honest with yourself, I think you made the right choice to wait if you don't feel 100% that it's the right thing to do.
Recommended Posts