maryça Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hi guys, I am here today because I am going through a very difficult breakup. Here is my story. I was dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years, he was my first love. I moved to another country to be with him, so I left behind me family and friends. He was the love of my life. Until an ex of him started to come in our life. He told me that he never actually had a relationship with her. The first months that we were dating he had something with her, i felt so bad and he told me that it was a mistake that he will never do it again...I decided to give him another chance. Well life was good after that, this person was gone from our life. We were happy, we had our ups and downs, but nothing crazy. In december 2013, I lost my job and I decided to take this opportunity to go to my country and spend some time with my family, So i spent xmas and new year with my family and came back for Valentine's day. It was great, our relationship was doing great. I had to leave again because my grandma was sick. So while i was gone I received a couple of emails from an unknown sender telling me to never come back again because my man didn't want to be with me anymore. I was totally in shock and i replied to that person and asked who is she. So that person told me that I was not in the country and that my man is with another woman, Even sent me pictures of letters and gifts I gave to my boyfriend for valentines day. It was the end of the world for me. I informed him and he denied and told me he had a couple of friends over and maybe someone did it. I knew it was not true. So I took a plane and went back, he didn't know that. I went to the apartment and started ringing at the door as the door was locked. He took a long time to open and was totally in shock to see me there. So i said here I am can you explain what's going on, I felt that something was not good. He told me to relax and to take a shower as I must be tired from all the trip. I refused and wanted to have a serious conversation. We were in the bedroom and he kept coming and going back from the bedroom to the living room. It was suspicious. Has he was walking to the living room I walked behind him and try to enter another bedroom. He saw me and didn't let me enter at the same moment I heard someone running out of the bedroom and living the apartment.It was the end of my life. I knew a woman was here. He told me that I was crazy that it was the wind or whatever. I knew he was lying, I left the house and came back in the morning, Then i found out 2 huge suitcase in that bedroom and i opened them. I found out that it was the stuff of a woman and not any woman but the same one I was talking about earlier. So what happened is that while I was gone he took another woman into our apartment. I was devastated and soooo hurt. This woman came from another country where he is originally from. While he went on vacation he met her again and decided to let her come while I was visiting my family. I left the apartment and went to stay with my best friend. My whole life was down. He kept saying that he was sorry that he didn't plan this, that she came to the country and he offered her to stay while she looks for a job and place. I knew it was fake excuses. Well I took another apartment because I was working I couldn't just leave the country. He was always telling me that he is going to get this person out of the house and he never did. He was just playing with me the whole time, and I don't know why I kept accepting his game. Now it's been 3 months that I left him and went back to my family, For me it's the most difficult time ever. I see failure in everything I did or still do. I did build a life and career in the country where I was living with him. When he cheated on me he broke my entire life. He kept saying that he has no relationship with her that he just can't ask her to leave and live in the streets. But I know its just excuses. Since I left he keeps on calling me and asking me to forgive him, and that he can't see his life without me. (BTW that woman still lives there). He says that he will kill himself if he doesn't have me in his life, that he regrets meeting this woman again that she ruined his life (while he ruined his life) I still have all my boxes and furnitures at the apartment, I texted him in order to plan moving my stuff back and he won't answer my questions. I just actually need him to be honest with me, but he doesn't want to even admit that he moved on. I don't know why I can't even handle this breakup, I totally hate him but I feel so bad and can't believe that our relationship is over. I have so much trouble trying to accept this situation. He keeps on telling me he loves me and blablabla. I just can't handle this situation anymore, I hope some of you can give me some advices. I am sorry for this huge story. I hope to hear from you guys soon, because I am broken. Thanks
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You don't really need too much advice, do you? You know he's unfaithful, and you are not putting up with it. It is long past the time for lying, and even now, he won't admit the truth to you. He will tell you that he's going to kill himself, but he's lying about that too. He'll do that, but he won't kick a girl out of his apartment? I don't think so. I hate to say it, but he doesn't care about you at all. He does care about himself. So that's why you don't need him to be honest with you. You just need to get your stuff, and put this sorry episode of your life behind you.
Crampaholic Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I am really sorry to hear that you're going through such tough situation. I think the best way to go is to apply NC, at least for a while... get your stuff, and then take some time to heal... away from him... no contact.. nothing. What he did was awful! Telling you that he still loves you and so on... might be just his guilt.. but remember, the girl is still there! so... his words should be meaningless. Trust me, if he does love you... he won't disappear and he will do whatever it takes to get you back and make things right, but for the time being, get some time for yourself and think about the things you need to improve as a person! you will feel better after a while. Stay strong! 1
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 if he does love you... he won't disappear and he will do whatever it takes to get you back and make things right Pray that this doesn't happen, because it will only hold you back. He's a tiger, and he's shown you his stripes. You'd be a fool to think he's going to suddenly change into a pussycat. 1
Author maryça Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I just can't handle the lies, I totally understand that the girl is still living with him and that obviously he made his choice. I just can't forgive him. What makes it harder for me is that he won't admit it. I know it sounds stupid but I don't know why I need to hear it from him. I have such a hard time trying to accept this situation. I have my life on hold and it's just terrible.
Crampaholic Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Pray that this doesn't happen, because it will only hold you back. He's a tiger, and he's shown you his stripes. You'd be a fool to think he's going to suddenly change into a pussycat. Yes, I didn't mean to give you false hope. What I meant is that I do believe is that if someone does care, nothing will stop them from getting it right. However he did screw up big time. The best is for you to be strong and stay away. Maybe with time, you will start seeing his flaws with much more clarity.
Author maryça Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I totally understood your message and I thank you for that. I do believe that some people can change and on the other hand I know that he went beyond the limits with me. I really thank you for your support, especially when I feel like I failed in this relationship
Crampaholic Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Don't be too hard on yourself. Be very objective, if you feel like you did a few things wrong, then try to improve in those aspects, not for him but for yourself. If you did your best in the relationship, don't feel bad. Sometimes it just doesn't work... remember, we are not responsible for other ppl's actions. It was his move. Use this forum as much as you can, it has helped me a lot, even when I'm also feeling anxious. You can do it!
Ieris Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Don't stay with someone who lies to your face, you will always be thinking whether he is telling the truth or not (even with little things). Someone who loves you will not do something like this. Someone ran out and he said it was the wind?! Puh-lease, does he think you're an idiot or what?! He is a fool for messing things up with you and it's too late, he made his choice so let him suffer the consequences. He is a coward for not admitting to his mistakes even when you caught him lying and trying to cover up with more lies (talk about fighting his way out of a paperbag) but I'm glad you're not buying any of his bulls**t. I know you want to hear him admit it but don't count on it. You already know the truth so don't be so stubborn in trying to get the words out of him as it will only prolong your own suffering. Ask a friend to go get your things from the apartment, he doesn't deserve to see your face or hear your voice again. You don't want to see his ugly face when crying and begging (or maybe you do?). Block and delete him once you have your things. You don't need someone who disrespects you in this way, you deserve so much better x 2
Author maryça Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Hi Ieris, thank you so much for your message, it helps a lot. I definitely know that i can't trust anything even the little things as you said. It was a really betrayal and I have a hard time accepting that I've been a fool. But thank god i know I do not deserve this kind of relationship. You are right when you say that he won't admit and I have to get use to that idea and move on. I just hate myself for having such a hard time. I am planning to get my things but I am abroad and it's so difficult, I do not want to see him at all. I just don't know how to get my stuff back 1
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hi Ieris, thank you so much for your message, it helps a lot. I definitely know that i can't trust anything even the little things as you said. It was a really betrayal and I have a hard time accepting that I've been a fool. But thank god i know I do not deserve this kind of relationship. You are right when you say that he won't admit and I have to get use to that idea and move on. I just hate myself for having such a hard time. I am planning to get my things but I am abroad and it's so difficult, I do not want to see him at all. I just don't know how to get my stuff back Maybe you can hire a local attorney to make contact for you, and get that arranged for you. They know how to do things without being confrontational unless necessary.
Kinetica84 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hi guys, I am here today because I am going through a very difficult breakup. Here is my story. I was dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years, he was my first love. I moved to another country to be with him, so I left behind me family and friends. He was the love of my life. Until an ex of him started to come in our life. He told me that he never actually had a relationship with her. The first months that we were dating he had something with her, i felt so bad and he told me that it was a mistake that he will never do it again...I decided to give him another chance. Well life was good after that, this person was gone from our life. We were happy, we had our ups and downs, but nothing crazy. In december 2013, I lost my job and I decided to take this opportunity to go to my country and spend some time with my family, So i spent xmas and new year with my family and came back for Valentine's day. It was great, our relationship was doing great. I had to leave again because my grandma was sick. So while i was gone I received a couple of emails from an unknown sender telling me to never come back again because my man didn't want to be with me anymore. I was totally in shock and i replied to that person and asked who is she. So that person told me that I was not in the country and that my man is with another woman, Even sent me pictures of letters and gifts I gave to my boyfriend for valentines day. It was the end of the world for me. I informed him and he denied and told me he had a couple of friends over and maybe someone did it. I knew it was not true. So I took a plane and went back, he didn't know that. I went to the apartment and started ringing at the door as the door was locked. He took a long time to open and was totally in shock to see me there. So i said here I am can you explain what's going on, I felt that something was not good. He told me to relax and to take a shower as I must be tired from all the trip. I refused and wanted to have a serious conversation. We were in the bedroom and he kept coming and going back from the bedroom to the living room. It was suspicious. Has he was walking to the living room I walked behind him and try to enter another bedroom. He saw me and didn't let me enter at the same moment I heard someone running out of the bedroom and living the apartment.It was the end of my life. I knew a woman was here. He told me that I was crazy that it was the wind or whatever. I knew he was lying, I left the house and came back in the morning, Then i found out 2 huge suitcase in that bedroom and i opened them. I found out that it was the stuff of a woman and not any woman but the same one I was talking about earlier. So what happened is that while I was gone he took another woman into our apartment. I was devastated and soooo hurt. This woman came from another country where he is originally from. While he went on vacation he met her again and decided to let her come while I was visiting my family. I left the apartment and went to stay with my best friend. My whole life was down. He kept saying that he was sorry that he didn't plan this, that she came to the country and he offered her to stay while she looks for a job and place. I knew it was fake excuses. Well I took another apartment because I was working I couldn't just leave the country. He was always telling me that he is going to get this person out of the house and he never did. He was just playing with me the whole time, and I don't know why I kept accepting his game. Now it's been 3 months that I left him and went back to my family, For me it's the most difficult time ever. I see failure in everything I did or still do. I did build a life and career in the country where I was living with him. When he cheated on me he broke my entire life. He kept saying that he has no relationship with her that he just can't ask her to leave and live in the streets. But I know its just excuses. Since I left he keeps on calling me and asking me to forgive him, and that he can't see his life without me. (BTW that woman still lives there). He says that he will kill himself if he doesn't have me in his life, that he regrets meeting this woman again that she ruined his life (while he ruined his life) I still have all my boxes and furnitures at the apartment, I texted him in order to plan moving my stuff back and he won't answer my questions. I just actually need him to be honest with me, but he doesn't want to even admit that he moved on. I don't know why I can't even handle this breakup, I totally hate him but I feel so bad and can't believe that our relationship is over. I have so much trouble trying to accept this situation. He keeps on telling me he loves me and blablabla. I just can't handle this situation anymore, I hope some of you can give me some advices. I am sorry for this huge story. I hope to hear from you guys soon, because I am broken. Thanks Take this coming weekend. Scream, shout, swear, cry, throw away everything he got you. Write him an email telling him exactly you think of his betrayal but leave emotion out of it. Then block his number, his emails and any for of social media. Don't allow him to live rent free in your mind. It's in the past, we only occupy this precise moment in time, so be here and now otherwise you lose the beauty of now.
Author maryça Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 Thank you for this great advice, I totally need to let go what I have inside of me, I have to much anger, hate, stress so many emotions. I will go out and have a long walk to leg go all these emotions and I hope that I will feel better. It's just so hurtful to know that the person you loved is already in another relationship. I didn't even have time to accept this situation that he is already with another person. I have such a hard time not thinking about him or what he did to me. I have to arrange the pick up of my belongings at the apartment. This will be the best thing I can do in order to move on. Thanks to all of you for your messages, it really helps !
Author maryça Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 Maybe you can hire a local attorney to make contact for you, and get that arranged for you. They know how to do things without being confrontational unless necessary. Yes that's a good idea, thank you for the advice. I will look into it, I am pretty sure I have to go back there as I still have my car and other business to take care of, I'm just so scared to see him again.
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