Radu Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 OP ... she is beating herself over the classification of her last relationship most likely because of other issues. The real enemy is most likely a bad home education that makes her feel worthless when faced with her last relationship. She sees her value as having been degraded by it. By arguing the classification you are in fact attacking the afterimage ... the effect. You need to go after the cause of it ... her upbringing. Somehow this way of viewing relationships has made it's way into her social programming ... that's the problem. Unfortunately you cannot change things for her ... all you can do is guide and help ... the change has to come from her facing her own programmed demons. Most likely her ethnic background has contributed to this ... in another thread you mentioned she is latino so ... Catholic ? You are trying to rationalize a woman into changing her feelings using logic and facts - STOP THAT! That is a game that can never be won. It can't be done. This in fact applies to everyone ... male or female ... emotions backed information [even bad information] can easily become fact. You are dating someone younger then you and you're complaining about them not being as mature as you? That backwards. Plus, what does it say about your own maturity that you are dating a younger girl? He has not mentioned his age. He has not mentioned her age. How about you in fact stop projecting and assuming until more information is provided ? She clearly was hurt by her last relationship. You yelling at her and telling her to get over it or grow up is only going to teach her that she can not share her emotions with you or be honest about her needs with you. You either respect her or you don't. And by "respect", I mean that you allow her to have her own thoughts and ideas of things even when you don't agree, but you give her the space to be who she is without trying to conform her to your train of thought. I read his post. He did not yell at her. He did not tell her to get over it or to grow up. Why are you projecting ? You will agree on somethings regarding sex and other things you won't. You have to be mature and confident enough to allow her the space to express what she is feeling and her own ideas about sex. And if you truly believe this is a case of maturity, her maturity vs yours, then you need to rethink why you picked someone you believe to be immature to begin with.At the end of this post of yours i have the distinct impression that you assume the girl in question is an innocent flower being savaged by a crude man ! You again assume and project. Not to mention that you forget one very important thing about relationships ... it's not his or her reality ... it's 'their' reality.
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Here is the thing about being in a relationship SG, you don't get to control how they feel about events in their life. And you don't get to yell at her and basically bully her (yeah that's what you did) because she isn't performing like the trained monkey you want her to be. This is an opportunity for you though. Let this experience help you grow. Develop your relationship skills to allow her time to process her hurt, express her feelings openly to you and share deeper parts of herself with you. And take that information and treasure it and treasure her instead of screaming at her to basically "shut up". You said "she needs to let it rest." ... Actually, you do. And you need to allow her the space to be who she is. And if you can't accept who she is, then you need to let her go. If she is 25, then you are what 30? You should know this crap already. Stop complaining about her not being as "mature" as you when you picked a younger woman to date to begin with. And start being a real partner to her, an advocate, instead of someone who just gets mad at her because she doesn't see something as you do. Sure, it's frustrating when we want our partners to see things our way. And sure, sometimes, you may have fights over it. But when you are in a relationship, you relize that your needs aren't the only ones at stake. And you certainly don't scream at them and disrespect them even when you are having an argument. (FYI, learn the art of fighting in a relationship). As if your desire and wish that women waited 6 months before putting out, do you even wait 6 months before putting out? Unlikely.
Author SG19765 Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 Here is the thing about being in a relationship SG, you don't get to control how they feel about events in their life. And you don't get to yell at her and basically bully her (yeah that's what you did) because she isn't performing like the trained monkey you want her to be. This is an opportunity for you though. Let this experience help you grow. Develop your relationship skills to allow her time to process her hurt, express her feelings openly to you and share deeper parts of herself with you. And take that information and treasure it and treasure her instead of screaming at her to basically "shut up". You said "she needs to let it rest." ... Actually, you do. And you need to allow her the space to be who she is. And if you can't accept who she is, then you need to let her go. If she is 25, then you are what 30? You should know this crap already. Stop complaining about her not being as "mature" as you when you picked a younger woman to date to begin with. And start being a real partner to her, an advocate, instead of someone who just gets mad at her because she doesn't see something as you do. Sure, it's frustrating when we want our partners to see things our way. And sure, sometimes, you may have fights over it. But when you are in a relationship, you relize that your needs aren't the only ones at stake. And you certainly don't scream at them and disrespect them even when you are having an argument. (FYI, learn the art of fighting in a relationship). As if your desire and wish that women waited 6 months before putting out, do you even wait 6 months before putting out? Unlikely. I'm 33 she is 27. You are right. Honestly she is a nice person. Takes care of me. She has her moments and so do I. I did some thinking last night and I am a very judgmental person. I judged her for the fact that she allowed herself to get played by a guy which is really crude on my part. Fact is if she tried, loved and lost then I guess thats all that matters. At least I have someone who is capable of loving. As for her background she is not latino but is catholic , I don't really think that makes a difference. And a for the reality factor she said she was lead to believe it was a dating relationship and it would become a committed relationship, which never happened after the sex, so really two different realities. You guys helped me out a lot here. Maybe I can be a better boyfriend. I found a good girl and i'm treating her like a piece of crap due to circumstances she's already embarrassed about. I probably am the one who needs to grow up. 1
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 That's awesome SG. You're going to be just fine. You're a good guy. We all mess up in relationships. The ability for us to take a deeper look into ourselves and sometimes admit to our partners that we messed up goes a long way in building trust in a relationship. She will help you grow and you'll do the same for her. Whenever you encounter a problem in your relationships, ask yourself how you can use it to make yourself a better partner or person in your own right or how you can better understand who you are. And I'm totally serious about learning the art of fighting in a relationship. Because we all fight in our relationships. It's just how you go about it that came make the difference. And don't be afraid to say "that's just not how I see it" and allowing for that in your relationship too. And don't be afraid to tell her what you told us here.
Author SG19765 Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 (edited) That's awesome SG. You're going to be just fine. You're a good guy. We all mess up in relationships. The ability for us to take a deeper look into ourselves and sometimes admit to our partners that we messed up goes a long way in building trust in a relationship. She will help you grow and you'll do the same for her. Whenever you encounter a problem in your relationships, ask yourself how you can use it to make yourself a better partner or person in your own right or how you can better understand who you are. And I'm totally serious about learning the art of fighting in a relationship. Because we all fight in our relationships. It's just how you go about it that came make the difference. And don't be afraid to say "that's just not how I see it" and allowing for that in your relationship too. And don't be afraid to tell her what you told us here. I would be a fool to let a good woman go over me over reacting to a past mistake. Is what it is. Life about learning a living. I've learned from my life, so has she. Only makes us human. She's already well aware i'm not perfect, she just let me know a little later on. lol. I guess we can be imperfect together and be content or keep looking for perfect and never find it. Edited February 4, 2015 by SG19765
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Perfection is boring and over-rated.
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