daddysgirl7 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 so this guy and i have been together intimately for over a year now. only been officially dating for about 4 months. before we started dating, we would have sex on occasion. a handful of time a month. i was never satisfied, but he said it was because we werent dating that it was so infrequent. but now that we are dating, its barely any more often than before. and he does it like he "has" to. he says if he doesnt, he feels guilty because he knows i want it, even though he doesnt. if we do it one night and i ask for it the next night, he sighs and complains and says "do i have to?!" or " no we just did it last night, im not doing it again tonight:". it really kills me. he has said he has a low sex drive. that i am just a 7 out of 10 on his scale. he doesnt lust after me, never has. he isnt sexually attracted to me. im not his type. and stuff like that. but he still looks at porn. like.. as soon as i leave the room or the house, he is looking at porn. yet he wont touch me and when he does it feels forced and like he is reluctant to do it. i've never had to deal with this!!! usually guys are all over me and usually im the one turning down sex. this is killling my self esteem, my self worth, our relationship. everything. i cant stop havign sex dreams and i am almost constantly horny, but lately it hasnt been for him. he doesnt get me off like he used to since i know he doesnt want it and isnt into me. its heart breaking. i love this man! and to make matters worse, i am pregnant with his child. so we are trying to make this work. but im an emotional basketcase and he is just selfish and would rather be with anyone sexually other than me. he said we are best friends... just not good in a relationship. i want him to want me. i want him to hold me close like he never wants to lose me. i want him to want "one more kiss". i want him to be attracted to me. i want him to look at me like im the most beautiful girl in the world. i want to know i turn him on. i want to know i satisfy him. i want him to want to have sex with me. i want love and lust. i want passion and intimacy. i want that connection!! romance would be nice too. i want to feel loved and desired. craved. i hate that i have to beg for sex or for a "real" kiss. i hate how he rolls his eyes when i mention anything sexual. i feel like he doesnt care about me. doesnt care about my needs. he only has sex with me out of guilt or when he wants it. never when i do and he RARELY wants it with me. but with his ex, he said they did it all the time. and i've heard all his stories and read things that prove he was way more attracted to and in love with his ex (that he still isnt over) than he is with me. and it KILLS me. it breaks my heart. he talks about being with other girls and says how hot all these other girls are. he nice their boobs and butts are. then picks on me for not having a big enough butt for him to like. and saying i better hurry up and lose the baby weight after this baby is born. and that i have to find him someone else to have sex with when i cant after giving birth. why am i not good enough?! what do i do?! i feel trapped. i am so scared and alone and hurt. what should i do?!
BluEyeL Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You should end this or you'll waste years on him and not going anywhere. The pregnant part is a huge problem. I will get blasted for this, but personally, I'd get an abortion if it's early enough. 4
Author daddysgirl7 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 im 18 weeks into this thing. i thought about an abortion, as did he. but after the ultrasound and stuff and now feeling the baby kick, there is no way. he really is my best friend. and if you take away the sex stuff, we are perfect together. its just the lack of intimacy, lust, attraction, sensual and sexuality of it all. he is ok with it for now, but i know he will get tired of it eventually. meanwhile it is destroying me. and he doesnt notice or care. idk which one.
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 It isn't going to work. If he doesn't desire you now it is only going to get worse when the baby arrives. What is going to happen when he finds a girl he does desire? He will cheat on you to be with her. You are setting yourself up for heartache by staying with this guy because he doesn't love you. What else does he do for you other than sex? Does he take you out to nice places and spend quality time with you other than sex? If not, you are not really in a relationship.
kaylan Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Dump this guy. Not just because your sexually incompatible...but what idiot tells his girl shes only a 7 out of 10? Jeeezus thats dumb. When a partner asks you to rate them, you dont leave room for them to believe youll find others more appealing than them. And tbh...with my ex, I was sooooo into her physically and emotionally, that she was def a 10 in my eyes. And it didnt matter to me if others didnt think so. 4
Author daddysgirl7 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Dump this guy. Not just because your sexually incompatible...but what idiot tells his girl shes only a 7 out of 10? Jeeezus thats dumb. When a partner asks you to rate them, you dont leave room for them to believe youll find others more appealing than them. And tbh...with my ex, I was sooooo into her physically and emotionally, that she was def a 10 in my eyes. And it didnt matter to me if others didnt think so. he said his ex was a 10. the most beautiful girl in the world. he says its because i have blonde hair (he likes brown) and i dont have a big butt that he likes. so im kinda SOL there. but he finds lots of other girls hot. it definitely sucks.
Author daddysgirl7 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 It isn't going to work. If he doesn't desire you now it is only going to get worse when the baby arrives. What is going to happen when he finds a girl he does desire? He will cheat on you to be with her. You are setting yourself up for heartache by staying with this guy because he doesn't love you. What else does he do for you other than sex? Does he take you out to nice places and spend quality time with you other than sex? If not, you are not really in a relationship. im so afraid of this!!!! i dont want him to leave me if a "hotter" girl comes along. and i feel like he would. i also feel like he would leave me for his ex if she came back. =/ idk what to do but he tells me he loves me. he hangs out with me and my friends. invites me with his friends. takes me out. we go out and have fun together. we watch movies together and go to comedy shows and talk all the time. he sleeps beside me every night and tells me he loves me all the time. he says he is excited about the baby. we cook together and always eat dinner together. he texts and calls during the day and any time he visits his family, he brings me too. its just the sex/physical aspect that is destroying everything. he didnt like me wearing earrings, so i have basically stopped. he doesnt like my nails painted, so i have stopped. he doesnt like me wearing low cut shirts, so i stopped. he doesnt like me being touchy in public, so i have stopped. im doing everything i can to try to do what he wants, but nothing is working. im bending over backwards and stressing myself out beyond belief just trying to win his attention/affection, but its not working and i am getting burnt out. im scared that if i get burnt out completely, i am the only one trying and if i stop, there is no hope. he wont do anything to help us stay together. he doesnt think relationships need "work" and "effort".. he wants sparks and things to just happen out of fate. he doesnt realize how much work relationships take... especially once the baby gets here! =/
Emilia Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 He has done a very good job on destroying your self esteem and you have allowed that to happen. 6
kendahke Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Please don't take my questions and observations as a slam, or a flame against you. You are "circling the drain" and I'm trying to reach out to you and the good sense I know you were born with. so this guy and i have been together intimately for over a year now. only been officially dating for about 4 months. before we started dating, we would have sex on occasion. a handful of time a month. i was never satisfied, but he said it was because we werent dating that it was so infrequent. but now that we are dating, its barely any more often than before. and he does it like he "has" to. he says if he doesnt, he feels guilty because he knows i want it, even though he doesnt. if we do it one night and i ask for it the next night, he sighs and complains and says "do i have to?!" or " no we just did it last night, im not doing it again tonight:". it really kills me. he has said he has a low sex drive. that i am just a 7 out of 10 on his scale. he doesnt lust after me, never has. he isnt sexually attracted to me. im not his type. and stuff like that. but he still looks at porn. like.. as soon as i leave the room or the house, he is looking at porn. yet he wont touch me and when he does it feels forced and like he is reluctant to do it. whose idea was it to turn a FWB into a relationship? Yours? This man has shown you all along that he wasn't into you. Entering into a relationship (or a marriage) does not change anything: if anything, it amplifies the existing problems. He's got a low sex drive as far as you are concerned. Plainly speaking: he's not attracted to you and he doesn't respect you for allowing him to continue to smash. Despite your confidence in your looks and abilities, he's not the man who appreciates what you have to offer. Why are you wasting your youth on him? i've never had to deal with this!!! usually guys are all over me and usually im the one turning down sex. this is killling my self esteem, my self worth, our relationship. everything. Well, sweetie, you are casting your pearls before a pig. He isn't going to appreciate you because he doesn't want to do that. i cant stop havign sex dreams and i am almost constantly horny, but lately it hasnt been for him. he doesnt get me off like he used to since i know he doesnt want it and isnt into me. its heart breaking. i love this man! and to make matters worse, i am pregnant with his child. so we are trying to make this work. but im an emotional basketcase and he is just selfish and would rather be with anyone sexually other than me. he said we are best friends... just not good in a relationship. Is this an "oopsy" pregnancy? Was the baby talked about and planned? Were you two using birth control? This could be him taking his anger out on you for getting pregnant. Yes, I understand that he had a role in this, but a baby has been created and it didn't sound like you had a solid relationship going even 4 months ago when you two decided to be in one. i want him to want me. i want him to hold me close like he never wants to lose me. i want him to want "one more kiss". i want him to be attracted to me. i want him to look at me like im the most beautiful girl in the world. i want to know i turn him on. i want to know i satisfy him. i want him to want to have sex with me. i want love and lust. i want passion and intimacy. i want that connection!! romance would be nice too. i want to feel loved and desired. craved. i hate that i have to beg for sex or for a "real" kiss. i hate how he rolls his eyes when i mention anything sexual. i feel like he doesnt care about me. doesnt care about my needs. he only has sex with me out of guilt or when he wants it. never when i do and he RARELY wants it with me. Now is the time for you to come to terms with "what is" and let go of "what you wished would be". For all that you want, this isn't the man who is going to deliver it. You now have a life that you, most likely, will be raising by yourself, as from the sound of things, he's not as invested in your relationship as you want him to be. Do you have the means to care for your child on your own? If not, you need to be about the business of getting that in place with a quickness. but with his ex, he said they did it all the time. and i've heard all his stories and read things that prove he was way more attracted to and in love with his ex (that he still isnt over) than he is with me. and it KILLS me. it breaks my heart. he talks about being with other girls and says how hot all these other girls are. he nice their boobs and butts are. then picks on me for not having a big enough butt for him to like. and saying i better hurry up and lose the baby weight after this baby is born. and that i have to find him someone else to have sex with when i cant after giving birth. WHY DID YOU STAY WITH/INSIST ON A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO HAD THIS CONSIDERATION OF YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE? why am i not good enough?! what do i do?! i feel trapped. i am so scared and alone and hurt. what should i do?! You are not "good enough" because YOU don't believe you deserve to be treated better, so he is going to follow your lead. You didn't exercise the discipline to leave him and be by yourself until such time as you found someone who appreciated everything there was about you and would not be able to keep his hands off of you. What is it about this particular man that made you OK it with yourself to abandon your own best interests? My dear, who you are is just fine--this man is not capable of appreciating who you are. Don't squander your precious youth behind someone who treats you with such contempt. If you don't understand your own value, you cannot expect for someone else to do that heavy lifting. 2
kendahke Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 ]he talks about being with other girls and says how hot all these other girls are. he nice their boobs and butts are. then picks on me for not having a big enough butt for him to like. and saying i better hurry up and lose the baby weight after this baby is born. and that[/b] i have to find him someone else to have sex with when i cant after giving birth. My "best friend" and lover would rather cut out his tongue than say this to me. 2
BluEyeL Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You should leave this man immediately. WTH?? 1
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 he didnt like me wearing earrings, so i have basically stopped. he doesnt like my nails painted, so i have stopped. he doesnt like me wearing low cut shirts, so i stopped. he doesnt like me being touchy in public, so i have stopped. im doing everything i can to try to do what he wants, but nothing is working. im bending over backwards and stressing myself out beyond belief just trying to win his attention/affection, but its not working and i am getting burnt out. I can't understand why he is opposed to you wearing earrings unless they are the size of a satellite dish then I understand. I don't see anything wrong with painted nails unless they are a weird color and too long. I don't see anything wrong with wearing a low cut top unless it's down to your belly button. I think this guy wants you to look homely so he can keep you to himself. Start wearing your makeup, earrings, nail polish and and low cut tops. If he doesn't want sex with you there may be others out there you can attract. 1
preraph Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Look, you know you're not the one with the problem because it's never been that way before. So just understand that guys will say anything to keep from admitting they have low sex drive or low sex capability. They will make any excuse. That he puts it on you is a bad sign. 1
BluEyeL Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Honestly, this guy sounds abusive. He will escalate the abuse in the future. Saying that stuff to her is emotional abuse, putting her down...bleah what an arse! 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Sounds like you only started an 'official relationship' because you got caught out pregnant. You are 18 weeks pregnant but only been official for four months? Yep. This guy is terrible to you, he is trying to put you down and make you feel terrible about yourself, he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. The baby is coming whether it's a good idea or not so it's important that you do what you need to do before the birth to ensure you have a stable place in which to raise it. Please end this relationship, it will be no good for the baby to be around parents where one parent treats the other so poorly, and you will never find happiness or fulfillment with this guy even as you push his child into the world. 1
Author daddysgirl7 Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 we actually didnt know i was pregnant when we started dating. he asked me out officially 10 days before my missed period. go figure. and he isnt abusive. i dont think he would ever hit me. the most is emotional and verbal and even that is limited to when he is mad. i just dont know what to do. we had a long talk yesterday and both agreed on things to work on. so we will try that and hope it works. if not. i am at a loss. =/
Diezel Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Don't you have more important things to worry about than this guy... like... oh, YOUR UNBORN BABY? 1
Author daddysgirl7 Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 well i am concerned with that. but he is the father. and my best friend. we live together and talk all the time. this is kind of a huge deal. so i am concerned with both matters at the moment.
mightycpa Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Wow, you hit the jackpot, didn't you? You're pregnant by a distant, low-libido control freak who gives you dutiful, dull sex. He loves you, even though he thinks you're not all that attractive. He holds up some ex-girlfriend as the defacto standard for excellence, and he tells you how you don't measure up. Even though you're the incubator for his baby, you're afraid he might leave you for the next big-butted skank that will have him. Did I leave anything out? Oh yeah. Make arrangements to give that baby to a loving couple that wants a baby and can't have one. That will be your contribution to humanity and to that baby. Unless you've got a lot of money, you're going to compromise both of your futures. Then get your **** together and go live a productive and useful life, right after you dump this fool. 2
soyou Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I'm sorry for the situation that you're in. I want so bad to tell you that everything will be fine as long as you're willing to work it out. I want to tell you that everything will be ok cos being pregnant is tough enough. BUT i cant. He doesnt love you. He doesnt desire you. This is going to get worse. He will eventually break your heart a big time sooner or later. If it were up to me, I'd go for an abortion and get away from this undesired relationship. I know its easier said than done but seriously reading your posts make me feel so sad. I cant believe that there are such innocient people like you out there. You just let somebody treat you like that and not even once thinking of walking away.
CarrieT Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 With all due respect, this is a lie: he really is my best friend. and if you take away the sex stuff, we are perfect together. If he says this: he talks about being with other girls and says how hot all these other girls are. he nice their boobs and butts are. then picks on me for not having a big enough butt for him to like. This is downright offensive and something a BEST FRIEND would never say: i have to find him someone else to have sex with when i cant after giving birth. Don't you really how abusive that is? Please, for your sake, leave this guy. why am i not good enough?! what do i do?! i feel trapped. i am so scared and alone and hurt. what should i do?! You shouldn't be afraid of being alone. He is hurting you now with his words so how can being alone where no one is being abusive be worse? You ARE good enough - in fact - you are better than good enough and deserve far better than this guy... 1
pteromom Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I think this guy wants you to look homely so he can keep you to himself. Start wearing your makeup, earrings, nail polish and and low cut tops. If he doesn't want sex with you there may be others out there you can attract. I think you are onto something here! The insults, the looking at porn, comparing her to his ex, calling her a 7 out of 10... yep, he's demeaning her and devaluing her on purpose. Perhaps to keep her from being attractive to others. Perhaps to start a cycle of abuse. Either way... OP, you can do SO much better for yourself! Find a man who loves you as you are, and would never want another woman.
pteromom Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 and he isnt abusive. i dont think he would ever hit me. the most is emotional and verbal and even that is limited to when he is mad. Well...yes. Nobody is going to be abusive when they are happy. i just dont know what to do. GET OUT!!!! we had a long talk yesterday and both agreed on things to work on. so we will try that and hope it works. if not. i am at a loss. =/ I hope they aren't all things you need to work on, and that they also include him no longer insulting you or making you feel unattractive.
pteromom Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 one word abortion She's 18 weeks. So I will offer another word. Adoption. OP - it is a real consideration. There are many families out there who will love your baby. You do not have to be chained to a jerk. 1
pteromom Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 i have to find him someone else to have sex with when i cant after giving birth. WAIT... WHAT? Then he needs to find you someone else to have sex with when he says no to you. What. An. Ahole.
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