Phoe Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 No, I understand that, believe me. I was bullied from second grade on. Sometimes severely - including fights - but the number of physical assaults you encountered is startling. Especially by boys. That's like, way beyond bullying, that's flipping battery. Likely because I played with the boys often, I was subjected to their bullying more often. This is also a bit of a rough area... just last week at my old elementary school a little girl was assaulted by a little boy. She was choked out and was left unconscious. She's 10 years old, he's 11. 1
ascendotum Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 (edited) I find it just as interesting that you think that "my career is so-so, I'm not that attractive, I could do better" is medium! Only the final statement about "doing better" is remotely upbeat. The rest just sounds mediocre. And mediocre might aswell be "total self-deprecating loser", it amounts to the same value to most people. Like the OP I think people are going to much to the negative extreme too. There is a big cheer squad for confidence confidence confidence here, and yes it is a good thing no arguments there, but I think its a bit harder then some people here think that it will rise up in a person and transfer to dating success just because they do well in a career or get an extra qualification or learn a new skill or have a hobby they love (I'm not saying this is you btw). Any hint of lack of confidence is grabbed by some here and taken as being at the other end of the spectrum. Just like nice will gets translated as doormat by many here. I am not arguing against you, just that his number 2 can describe a lot of people out there. A lot of people are average in looks and life. Just in my own family it would cover my sisters but they had no problems whatsoever when it came to dating. Not everyone is at the top of their career or making great strides up the corporate ladder and wish they were doing better or were smarter and gotten all high distinctions or were taller/prettier/athletic/slim build whatever. Many people think they 'are okay' and just doing okay, and some hate their job and/or have a load of emotional baggage and still do fine getting into relationships. Image is a big deal in the west and there is millions of less than happy people out there who feel they don't measure up in terms of success & beauty, but it does not make them losers or not worthy of a gf/bf. As ES mentioned too here cultural background effected her upbringing in this regard as it did in my family/relatives (prusian/brit background), but as Ruby mentioned in In the US (and us media influenced west), confidence and bravado are highly favored over modesty these days, so that tends to result in modesty or being a quiet achiever as being seen in a negative light. Fake it till you make it gets said here quite a few times (more so for men than the women). Bottom line though, confidence is seen as more attractive, but more strongly so for men than for women imo. Arrogance is seen as still good for men in their 20s when it comes to dating (if you can back it up with looks or achievements) Edited February 5, 2015 by ascendotum
Gloria25 Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 For me it's a combination of confidence and modesty...cuz, that's how I am. I'm not the prettiest, smartest, or whatever in the room...shoot, sometimes I have to fake confidence...lol. But, even if you don't know how to do/be, for me confidence includes pushing past your fear and just "doing it". I can work with a person who is "willing" to learn. Not someone who cowers and cries and is scared. I get scared a lot too. Some guys intimidate me, but I muster up the courage to speak to them and at least give it a try. Modesty...yes, I don't like people who are arrogant. Yes, I have a bit of arrogance and often pat myself on the back with the ocassional "darn, I'm so good!!!" But I ask God to keep me humble and I want that in a man. Someone who isn't modest also is insecure. More than likely he will cheat on you, spend a lot of money on stuff and his looks cuz he feels he's gotta keep on proving something to the world. IMO, modesty stops that cuz he knows who he is and doesn't have to plow ten women or buy expensive clothing, car, etc to prove it. I like my men strong but silent. Makes me think of Don Draper in Mad Men. Ever see the beginning of the show? He's falling in booze, women, family...but in the end is in a lounge chair with a cigarette and a drink. And, that's him. He's falling apart at the seams, but he has a sense of confidence (sometimes faking the confidence) and people look up to him as "the man". As much as I hate Ryan Gosling, I loved his character in "Drive" (ummm, maybe that's how I had that one wet dream about that idiot years ago). His character was quiet, stoic, and handled his business. Like the scene where he kisses the girl in the elevator before he beats up some dudes (and she got scared...idiot). Then another where this guy was talking crap and he just breaks from his silence and tells the guy to shut the f up....And, the driving scenes...dude just was calm and handled business. So yeah, I like a man like me...modest, humble, stoic...but can handle his business with confidence (even if he has to fake the confidence).
Phoe Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Wow Phoe you sound almost too perfect!! Lucky! Are you being sarcastic? If so, I apologize for coming across as unpleasant. I'm about as far from perfect as you can get. But, who I am is what makes my heart happy so I do what I do...
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Are you being sarcastic? If so, I apologize for coming across as unpleasant. . No not really but I can say 100% for sure I have never met a person about my age who has never done anything more egregious than getting a b in English!! Anyway good for you, that is amazing!!
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