Heatemyheart89 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I'm 25 and have been in a relationship for 3 months (seeing each other 4 months). It is is with a guy who I liked at college when I was 16. I was really sweet on him . However , our relationship has been a nightmare from the beginning . We have argued over so many different things . But both of us can't seem to let go. My friends think his reactions aren't normal (he has never had a long term relationship). Despite all this I am still with him and ive realised it is because I fear being single . Everyone I know is coupled up and I never really get an opportunity to meet men . I have low self esteem also . I'm starting to feel a big past it . How can I get over this fear & move on ?
boznich Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Learn to be single and enjoy being single. What do you want? Don't just goto the gym and run for 20 minutes a day. Learn about diet and nutrition. Learn a lot about how to achieve what you want to achieve. If you want to boost self esteem, learn about how to get internal self esteem, don't rely on clothes or makeup, or hairstyles to make you feel good. It's all external stuff, that will fade. Learn about how to build a solid inner core of confidence. Learn and start meditating (Vipassana is my recommendation). If you don't know how to cook, start learning, cook every day. If you don't know how to be confident, read self help books (http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Chimp-Paradox-Management-Confidence/dp/009193558X - I highly recommend this to learn to control emotions etc). Make goals, do things every day to achieve them. You're approaching the solution from the wrong angle. Put it this way. Say you're extremely scared of heights, do you know how to fix this? (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is based on this). Expose yourself to high places, and eventually you will be less fearful until you are not fearing heights at all. If you truly want to get over this fear, you'll have to be single. Not only that, but you'll have to learn that being single can be great fun, and very enjoyable. Only by enjoying being single will you ever enjoy a relationship.
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 My friends think his reactions aren't normal ....Despite all this I am still with him and ive realised it is because I fear being single . I've got news for you - your reaction isn't normal. You say you fear being single. I never really get an opportunity to meet men .... I have low self esteem are both very weak excuses, and frankly the first one is unbelievable. Where do you live, at the South Pole? Your boyfriend is one of the few single scientists down there? As to the second one, are you morbidly obese? Do you have warts all over your face? Are you as dumb as a bucket of rocks? What exactly do you think is wrong with you that you feel less than others? You have friends, and if you read these forums, you'll see that a third of the people on here don't have even that. What do they see in you? Please post your precise fears for us, in the form of: I am afraid to be without a man because if I am then .... or I would rather date a guy I don't get along with and I don't like, because if I stop dating him then ... or I don't like myself because I .... and be SPECIFIC. Doing that should go a long way towards getting you to do what you need to do to face your fears. All of your irrational fears need to be addressed. You're 25. It's past time for that. 1
Ieris Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You can make excuses or you can make changes Excuses are for people who don't want to move forward, you're obviously not happy with where you are so why not work on some changes in order to move forward? You should follow mightycpa advice and be specific about what is bothering you, then hopefully people can help you with some solutions. Don't spend 100% of the time looking at the problem as that doesn't solve/change anything.
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