maryyy Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 My boyfriend told me that there's this girl at work who checks him out a lot,so I asked him "How do you know that she looks at you so many times? That's probably because you are looking at her a lot, right?", and he admitted to do so. He said it's not common for girls to look so much at him, so he likes the attention and it boosts his ego. But I don't believe this, I think his intention is to make her realize that he's looking back, to make her know that he's also interested. Then I asked who she was, he said her name, and I asked him how did he know her name, so he said he searched for her on facebook... I asked why, he said he was curious to know who was the girl that gives him so much attention, and swore he isn't interested in her and that he doesn't even think she's that attractive. This left me feeling insecure, thinking that he's interested in her. I've been really anxious because of this and I'm already thinking about leaving him before I get cheated on. Maybe he doesn't feel like I boost his ego, maybe he thinks I don't give him that much attetion (and trust me, I do, I try my best) and the fact that he ended up looking for her on FB really makes me think that he is interested. What do you think? What would you do if you were me?
Diezel Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 If I were you, I'd be making a thread about your "ex-boyfriend". 4
elaine567 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 It is a recognised entity that those who are cheating or thinking about cheating or moving on will speak about the object of their affection to the person they are with at present. They are so enamoured, that they want to speak about that person all the time to anyone who will listen. As you are at hand, he speaks to you about her. He is VERY attracted to her, whatever he tells you. 1
Author maryyy Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) Btw, he says it only happened twice and we've talked about it again and he said that after we talked about it, whenever he saw her he would completely ignore her because he didn't want to make her think he is interested in her. He says he will never look at her again, that he never talked to her (she actually tried to talk to him once but he said he ignored her), and they are not facebook friends. I don't know if I should trust him or not. Oh, and he also told me about all this because I was telling him I feel uncomfortable with one guy at work that keeps staring at me the whole time. However, it's not like I keep looking at him to check if he's paying attention to me or anything like that, it just happens that sometimes I'm doing my thing I notice that there's this guy looking at me with a creepy look. Edited February 3, 2015 by maryyy
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I use to tell ex-boyfriends when a man hit on me or checked me because I wanted him to know I was desirable to other men. Just incase he forgot what he had. I really don't see much evidence that your man is looking to cheat. He was flattered by the attention of another woman. Congratulations, your man is a human being. He was curious about who she was so he looked her up on facebook. He told you about it. If he was trying to hid something, he wouldn't be talking about it with you at all. He said he didn't find her attractive. He didn't even friend-request her. If they are not friends, there isn't much room for flirting and banter and getting to know each other. It sounds like your boyfriend was jealous because you brought up this guy that kept staring at you. I think you actually understand this hence why you have mentioned it and said he brought this up because you brought up this other guy. All you can do at this point is keep the lines of communication open. Keep talking to your boyfriend, not us. You will figure it out. If you are ready to throw in the towel at something like this, maybe you don't really want to be in this relationship.
newmoon Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 It is a recognised entity that those who are cheating or thinking about cheating or moving on will speak about the object of their affection to the person they are with at present. They are so enamoured, that they want to speak about that person all the time to anyone who will listen. As you are at hand, he speaks to you about her. He is VERY attracted to her, whatever he tells you. this is an interesting - and true - point that not many people mention a lot. it is very true that people will talk about and/or mention the person they like quite a lot either before, during, or after they have a vested interest/affair. when i look back on my relationships where cheating or emotional affairs were an issue the person always mentioned the other person, by name. i agree 100% that he's interested, but what you choose to do about that is on you.
Diezel Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I really don't see much evidence that your man is looking to cheat. He was flattered by the attention of another woman. Then I asked who she was, he said her name, and I asked him how did he know her name, so he said he searched for her on facebook... I asked why, he said he was curious to know who was the girl that gives him so much attention, and swore he isn't interested in her and that he doesn't even think she's that attractive. Wanna take another stab at this, TMQ? How flattered do you need to be to look up this person on Facebook?
kendahke Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 He says he will never look at her again, that he never talked to her (she actually tried to talk to him once but he said he ignored her) that is not going to happen. They work together. At some time in the future, they may have to talk to one another for their job, which will require them looking at each other.
Satu Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Maybe he doesn't feel like I boost his ego, maybe he thinks I don't give him that much attetion (and trust me, I do, I try my best) and the fact that he ended up looking for her on FB really makes me think that he is interested. What do you think? What would you do if you were me? It's not about you, it's about him. Wandering eyes wander. I wouldn't part company if he has genuinely and honestly responded to your concerns, but I would keep an eye on his behaviour.
Author maryyy Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Wanna take another stab at this, TMQ? How flattered do you need to be to look up this person on Facebook? He said he was "curious" to know who she was because he never saw her around there, that was the first time he saw that girl and the first time a girl was checking him out ...
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Wanna take another stab at this, TMQ? How flattered do you need to be to look up this person on Facebook? People don't check people out on facebook without it leading to hook-ups and cheating? I think for someone that never gets hit on, sees a woman checking him out, checking her out on facebook isn't a big deal. Now if he requests to be her friend, then there is a problem. And if he is visiting her page everyday, that's also a problem. But one time checking her out on FB? I don't know.
Author maryyy Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 People don't check people out on facebook without it leading to hook-ups and cheating? I think for someone that never gets hit on, sees a woman checking him out, checking her out on facebook isn't a big deal. Now if he requests to be her friend, then there is a problem. And if he is visiting her page everyday, that's also a problem. But one time checking her out on FB? I don't know. Maybe he is not actually cheating, but maybe there's an "hidden intention". There's the possibility that he checked her FB to know more about her and see if she meets his standards, maybe he sees her as an alternative... and if that's happening while he's dating me, I guess that's bad news... I don't know what to do
preraph Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 He admitted he loves the attention, so no, I would not trust it. As I just wrote on another thread, these guys who are so hungry for an ego boost are the same ones who can't stop themselves from flirting and cheating. He's already flirting, no matter what he says. They don't have great self-esteem deep down, though they may appear to on the surface, and that is why they'd like a steady stream of praise and attention and reassurance that they are attractive. I would tell you to start flattering him a little, since he's your BF and if anyone should do it, it's you, but at this time if you pumped him up, he might just decide he's all that and go bust a move on some other woman.
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