NotAlex Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hey, I'll call myself Alex and her Sarah(fake names obviously) I'm a 2nd year at college, she's in her 1st.(Different colleges) We'd been going out for six months and we just spilt up nine days ago. I ended it, because I knew she wasn't happy in the relationship. She said she stopped liking me and had not for the last month. She wanted it to end, but I asked could we give it another week to see if the relationship might reignite. It didn't, but I surprised her at her house, one day, by randomly calling round to say hello when I was passing by on my way home. She really wasn't happy to see me. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was putting way more into the relationship than her and she just didn't seem to care anymore. So I ended it there and walked out. I'm still gutted. I really liked her and she was really cool, but I understand it's not fair on her to be in a relationship with me if she no longer likes me in that way. She said she still wants to be friends because she likes me and we get on, but lately I've been really down about this and between when we split up and a couple of days ago, I've been bombarding her with tons of stupid little questions that over analyse everything. I'd say that really pushed her further away. I've stopped now as I realise how silly that was, but, perhaps the most awful and ridiculous thing I did was to email her a keylogger so I could mess with her Facebook. (A Keylogger, for those who maybe don't know, is a tiny undetectable programme that records keystrokes on a persons computer and sends them to another person. You can get passwords and all that.) Fortunately, it didn't install, but she found out it was me who'd did it and she forgave me, but I feel she probably won't fully trust me ever again. I know how terrible it was of me to do that and I've learnt a serious lesson and will never do anything like that again, but I was just so angry with her. See, I got her Christmas presents, a Christmas card and even her friends cards when it was their birthdays when I was invited round for the parties, but nothing at all from her. I also occasionally bought her little random gifts. She also didn't wanna have to include me in her New Years plans, because I would get in the way of her being totally free to get ready with her girly friends and she'd then have to find lifts for me into town and all that. So in the end I went in my mates and met up with her later on. She just wouldn't put in any effort into out relationship. There's tons more examples of her lack of effort but those are a few that kinda hurt. I think I was a really good boyfriend and she didn't appreciate me. That's why I was so angry. Anyway... Do you guys think there is any way I could get her back or what's your opinion on what I've depicted so far? Cheers.
boznich Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 No i don't think there's virtually any chance of getting back together. She's seeking validation by staying friends, nothing more, if she likes you that much she'll want to stay friends 6 months from now, in the mean time, you can get over her. Your entire relationship sounds like a large amount of supplicating on your part. So i'm not surprised she would lose attraction (Sorry for the brutal honesty). Girls are attracted to dominance in an alpha male kind of way. Why do you even want her back? I mean, think about the lengths you went to, to maintain some form of control in the relationship.. a keylogger?! I strongly maintain and believe, that the best way to get over someone (NC included) is to meet other girls. Go to the gym, get a body, learn about food and working out. Raise your confidence and self esteem. Learn that you can approach women in the street at any time for a conversation, be a man. Meet 100 new girls in a month, and you'll learn a very important lesson. She's just one of hundreds of millions of females within your age and suitability. There is nothing about her that makes her special. Nothing. In fact, all the memories and experiences you shared with her, will be recreated with other women. The sooner you accept that the only reason you feel this way is because of irrational fears propagated by society and an irrational emotional system (in the 21st century), the sooner you will be free to meet a girl who is as close to perfect as it can get for you. Perfection is imperfection, and everything you feel is due to an outdated emotional system within the brain that leads to a cognitive bias, making you believe that she's the only one, when really, she's literally just one of a few hundred million. What makes her worth wasting your time with, over any number of any other potential gf's. EDIT: I forgot to say. You could literally spend the next 3 years trying to get back with her, and we arbitrarily gave it a 50% chance of working, think of the opportunity cost. Play the odds, and the odds say she's not worth wasting your time over. 1
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You have two big problems: #2 - you're at different colleges #1 - she doesn't like you anymore So for the foreseeable future, you have zero chance to get back with her. Believe it or not, your best bet is to say goodbye, live out your college life, get yourself some gainful employment after graduation, then see if you feel the same way. If you do, contact her then, after a lot of time and space. 1
Diezel Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Nope, absolutely not. And I don't really see why you would want to get her back. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 There is no chance that you can get her back. She wasn't feeling it before & now all the nagging & the keylogger she is probably thinking she dodged a bullet. Stop looking backwards. Instead look around a your college to see if you can find somebody more convenient to date 1
Holmes85 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 boznich, You are offering him horrible advice. No i don't think there's virtually any chance of getting back together.Ex'es do come back, especially if everything was fine in the relationship and you were good to them, you might hear from them at some point, mostly it's about reconcilation, but then it's your turn to stand your ground. In the meantime you do move on and expect nothing back, the odds are that you might end up not wanting her back or meet someone better. She's seeking validation by staying friends, nothing more, if she likes you that much she'll want to stay friends 6 months from now, in the mean time, you can get over her. She wants to be friends because she wants to feel less guilty and also she wants to leave a crack open for future communication. Your entire relationship sounds like a large amount of supplicating on your part. So i'm not surprised she would lose attraction (Sorry for the brutal honesty). Girls are attracted to dominance in an alpha male kind of way.So basically when he's emotional he should hide his feelings and BE A MAN? Suck it up and be the alpha male? The day he starts acting less, she's gonna leave him? You don't need a flaky girl like that in your life whose constantly on the hunt. If the commitment ain't there, she's going to be looking for alpha males all her life. strongly maintain and believe, that the best way to get over someone (NC included) is to meet other girls.I do agree with NC part, but I disagree with the rest. You are basically telling him on order to be over someone is to be under someone. You are telling him to have a rebound. He needs some time off from the relationships in general to get himself together. Meet 100 new girls in a month, and you'll learn a very important lesson.What lesson are you learning meeting with 100 girls? That they are all the same? Wrong. NotAlex, You should cut this girl off completely, remove her from every social network you have. Don't spy on her or anything. Take at least 8 months to a year to get yourself back together. Once you have yourself back and in the right state of mind, then you can decide how to proceed next. 1
coolheadal Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 She told you how she felt about you. She's out of love with you and she doesn't like you anymore. That there is gut pain filler but you have to respect her. Move on and find someone else. All your doing it making the matter worst than it is already. We men forget one thing in a relationship it's not about you only it's about both you and her. Can't make the relationship work if one is unhappy and the other one is trying to make a broken relationship simple fix. Right now you and her are not on the same page anymore. WAKE UP!
JustDeadInside Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 NotAlex, I'm going to go against the grain a bit and say, anything is possible because it really is. Life is weird. There are many things that have happened in my life that if I had posted about those things in a forum, people would have definitely said there was no hope. I have been very surprised at things more than a few times. I will say though that if you got back together with this girl, if she never put effort before, expect more of the same. And be wary of her desire to stay friends...she might just be trying to wean herself off you...that's what happened to me, pretty much. 1
Author NotAlex Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 Well thank you all very much for your replies. I have read through the advice given by you guys and am trying to formulate my own idea, but I reckon it's best to forget about it and move on. Thanks!
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