Rko28 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 A couple of years ago I got talking to this girl in a bar one night, she seemed new to town, we clicked and ended up sleeping with each other that night. Im not one for one night stands at all but it happened. We kept in touch and went on a few dates, this was when she told me she was only 17! and I was 30. I felt bad. I dont look my age at all, early 20s and presumed she was the same age. I then found out she was sisters with one of my friends girlfriend and had been living in australia for a while, hence me not knowing her. We kinda went our separate ways but have kept in touch and talked pretty much every week since, its strange but we get on, I dont know how or why but we do. Shes 20 now and ive literally just turned 33. As you are aware I became single last week, this weekend I went out to celebrate my birthday, I was, and still am, feeling positive and happy I made the right option. We got talking, and spent the night together and had sex. We've text since and shes said that she really likes me and would like something to happen. Is the age gap too much and would this be a huge mistake on my part?
gaius Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You know there's a huge jump in age gap relationships when it comes to second marriages, they end up being a lot rarer in first marriages. Because the first time around people focus more on what they're supposed to go for instead of what they actually want and what works. There's no reason not to go for it, unless you're overly concerned with what other people will think. 2
LoveRefreshed Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 nail that **** and who gives a **** what anyone else says. It is yours and hers life, and the choice is both of yours and yours alone.
compulsivedancer Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 If it works, go for it. I do imagine you'll face some challenges just based on where you are in life. I imagine she's just getting started on some things that you have more or less mastered. 4
Jessie1231 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Go for it. I once dated and was completely in love with someone 15 years older. I'm currently texting a guy who's 18 years older. He seems great and our first date is this weekend. It all has to do with being compatible, and as long as a guy has a great attitude and I'm attracted to him, his age doesn't matter to me at all. 1
Author Rko28 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 wow I wasnt really expecting such a positive response. My biggest concern would be if it didnt work and say a few years down the line it ends and im say near 40 and on the scrapheap. Although I am in good shape as it is. I can imagine it would raise a few eyes brows, 20 Year old and a 33 year old..
kaylan Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Dont expect it to last though, but have fun. And def dont delude yourself into thinking a relationship will work. Trust me...eventually youll be bothered when she wants to do the young, fun, nightlife stuff without you. And dont be surprised if she eventually fancies a guy her own age. Enjoy it while it lasts and stay loose. EDIT: based on your last post I dont see this ending well for you. Stop thinking so much into the future with that "few years down the line" stuff. Have fun NOW...and focus on NOW. 1
central Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Go for it, but be aware that she is young and her relationship preferences may change by the time she's late 20s. So, it may work for now, but in a few years it may not. Perhaps pursuing a long-term non-marital relationship is the way to go, at least for the next 6 or 7 years, and then decide if marriage is a good idea. 1
Author Rko28 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I know from talking to her these past few years shes always said she wants to settle down young (21-25) to look at a family and get married. Youre all right though, Its just I do want children but dont want to be an old father etc. Over thinking as per usual!
kaylan Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Day by day. Have good expectations, but dont get too emotionally involved just yet man. And remember: Actions > Words. Yeah she says she wants to settle down young, but doing it and sacrificing your youth is a whole different story. Especially when youre settling down with someone who lived through their youth without being tied down with a spouse and kids. Take time to screen this girl and get to know her because you give your heart up. Dont rush.
Author Rko28 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Im far away from being in a relationship with her just yet dont worry. I think we will hang out then and just see what happens.
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 @ Gaius There is a higher rate of divorce in second and third marriages. It's pretty much guaranteed. @Rko You slept with a 17 year old when you were 30? That is disturbing...like really, really disturbing. The human brain doesn't fully develop until age 25. She's still developing emotionally and mentally. Why not cohort with women closer to your own age? Do you have a hard time establishing connections with women your own age? 2
Author Rko28 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 @ Gaius There is a higher rate of divorce in second and third marriages. It's pretty much guaranteed. @Rko You slept with a 17 year old when you were 30? That is disturbing...like really, really disturbing. The human brain doesn't fully develop until age 25. She's still developing emotionally and mentally. Why not cohort with women closer to your own age? Do you have a hard time establishing connections with women your own age? I didnt know her age, she looked mid 20's was in a bar. Yes I shouldve asked. In the eyes of the law however its not illegal. I have no problems dating girls closer to my own age, this is just an example of someone ive clicked with.
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I understand that it's not illegal. But I still find it disturbing. It doesn't matter how young you look or how old she looked. The reality was that she was 17 and you were 30. It's a different story if she had been 30 and you 40. Why don't you try to find someone that's more at the same life point you are?
LoveRefreshed Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 IMO, there is nothing wrong. I have been living in Germany and 16 year olds can pretty much get into bars and it is legal for them to **** older men. At times, I have a hard time judging if they are emotionally more mature. I mean sometimes it is obvious the girl is super young (I am 30) and I am instantly unattracted. However, when they are behaving a bit more mature, you are attracted and well it is impolite to ask someone's age right? I think age differences are horse **** as long as you can establish a healthy emotional connection, then it is all good.
Author Rko28 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I understand that it's not illegal. But I still find it disturbing. It doesn't matter how young you look or how old she looked. The reality was that she was 17 and you were 30. It's a different story if she had been 30 and you 40. Why don't you try to find someone that's more at the same life point you are? Thats fair enough, I admire your opinion and see where you are coming from. I have and will meet girls at my life point, im just saying ive met a nice girl with an age gap thats all.
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I didnt know her age, she looked mid 20's was in a bar. Yes I shouldve asked. In the eyes of the law however its not illegal. I have no problems dating girls closer to my own age, this is just an example of someone ive clicked with. I can understand this. Some of these 15 year olds look like 25 year olds and if they are sitting in a BAR one certainly wouldn't think they were 17 years old. What the F was she doing in a bar in the first place at her age? I think you should date her just for fun and move on after a while.
OMC Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I am 32 years older than my SO. We have been living together for 5 years. I invited her over for a drink and she never left. There are times when the age thing comes into play but not often. :::shrug::: It will be an issue if you or she want it to be. 2
Author Rko28 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I can understand this. Some of these 15 year olds look like 25 year olds and if they are sitting in a BAR one certainly wouldn't think they were 17 years old. What the F was she doing in a bar in the first place at her age? I think you should date her just for fun and move on after a while. Not sure where about you are from but here in the UK we start going out about 16/17 getting in to clubs and bars with our fake ID's 1
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I think I may have misundstood what this thread really was about. Perhaps you're simply looking for permission around hooking up with this younger girl? Evident by your replies and your thumbs up to the guy who came in to talk about his 32 year age gap. I find it strange how many men have told you to "just have fun" - basically to just use her - better know as the pump and dump yes? Sexism is alive and well. You want permission to hook up with the young hottie. Which is why men are running in this thread in droves to encourage you onwards and talk about their own age-gap relationships with not significantly older women, but significantly younger ones. Because the only time age doesn't matter to men, is when the woman is younger then them. 2
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I can understand this. Some of these 15 year olds look like 25 year olds and if they are sitting in a BAR one certainly wouldn't think they were 17 years old. What the F was she doing in a bar in the first place at her age? I think you should date her just for fun and move on after a while. Excellent advice. Use her! She was in the bar. She's the one that's responsible for it after all. All those little teasing 17 year old girls! Grown men can't help themselves! These girls look older! What's a grown adult man to do? Use her and move on. Rince, lather and repeat. 2
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Not sure where about you are from but here in the UK we start going out about 16/17 getting in to clubs and bars with our fake ID's I am in the U.S. Yes I knew girls who would get a fake ID to go into bars but they were always 'those type of girls'. I always liked to frequent places where there were boys close to my age. Again though, I don't see anything wrong with you dating a 20 year old.
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Excellent advice. Use her! She was in the bar. She's the one that's responsible for it after all. All those little teasing 17 year old girls! Grown men can't help themselves! These girls look older! What's a grown adult man to do? Use her and move on. Rince, lather and repeat. I'm not talking about him dating a 17 year old but a 20 year old. She is legal to date at 20. Where did I say use her???? 1
LoveRefreshed Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I find it strange how many men have told you to "just have fun" - basically to just use her - better know as the pump and dump yes? Sexism is alive and well. How is this sexism? I was down with your opinion until that. As guys are the only ones who use people for sex right? I mean no girl I know has ever said to me, oh, yeah he's hot, but I wouldn't date him, only for a **** or something. I mean no girl has ever pumped and dumped me... /sarcasm. Age difference? Yeah cougars don't exist and there aren't older women flocking after young men with six packs... What a joke. With that being said, I didn't say to just do that, I said age is of no consequence if the emotional maturity is there. 1
Erised Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 @ You slept with a 17 year old when you were 30? That is disturbing...like really, really disturbing. The human brain doesn't fully develop until age 25. She's still developing emotionally and mentally. Why not cohort with women closer to your own age? Do you have a hard time establishing connections with women your own age? Relax! He's not consistently looking for much younger. He wasn't pursuing someone knowing she was 17 when he was 30. It's not disturbing without either of those things.
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