creyente7 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 October 17th. The day I heard the words that forever changed my life. I hit rock bottom. Lost a full ride scholarship to a great school. Kicked off my athletic team, failed my classes, broken heart, and no where to turn. I did many things to speed up my healing process. My first instinct was to find another girl, but that didn't work out, i felt I was looking for my ex in every girl I talked to. I knew I wasnt ready then. What I did that helped was focus on myself, I went out with friends, met people, returned to a hobby that I lost touch with during the relationship. Most importantly focus on what would make me a better person. Its probably only been like 4 months but I'm ready to find love again. I still think about my ex here and there but I know I dont miss the person, I just miss the intimacy and feeling loved. There are times I get lonely, thats when I think of her. I know im not over her but im definitely not in pain like I used to. It feels good, It feels good to be happiness on my own. Im proud of what I've accomplished and I know I'm a better person for it.
Marco Valerio Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I'm happy for you =), it seems you are doing well!!! Remember, it will take you as long as you need, there's no hurry. In my case, I'm starting to feel better now, just like you, the only difference is that I am 14 months post breakup. 2
bigtrouble Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Nice to hear you are coping well... Eventually we all get there...
questionsforthenouns Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 That's great to hear man. It's nice to read stories of people who are getting better. I myself am at day 4 NC and in a lot of pain. I am having trouble getting a grip on my emotions. But I hope and know that one day I will be where you are at. I am already exhausted and it is only day 4. I just want to feel nothing for her anymore, you know?
Nolan 93 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Im right behind you brother my date was November 17th. I to get lonely once in awhile, but I can tell you I am doing much better. The pain is fading, and I am happy where I am at, even though she's not beside me Im happy for the memories we had. Every day is a step closer to certain happiness.
Author creyente7 Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 That's great to hear man. It's nice to read stories of people who are getting better. I myself am at day 4 NC and in a lot of pain. I am having trouble getting a grip on my emotions. But I hope and know that one day I will be where you are at. I am already exhausted and it is only day 4. I just want to feel nothing for her anymore, you know? Hey man, I use to read peoples messages saying at first its very slow, then things become smoother, what seems to be minutes becomes hours, then hours turns into days, then days turns into weeks. Im not going to lie to myself but Im into the days part, Ive done a whole day and not think about her. Not weeks yet but I cant wait till that time comes. Don't lose hope man and no matter what happens stay NC. Funny thing is you'll always feel their presence when you stay NC. For example, my ex still checks on my snapchat stories. They always reach out when you're finally moving on. But it gets super easy. Not too long ago right when I woke up I thought about her, I really wanted to contact her, I even wrote a small email and in the middle of typing it, i quickly got a grip of myself and deleted the draft! Haha yea not hard. Anyways I guess the reason I thought about her was cuz I just had sex with a girl yesterday, twice and you know, old feelings of guilt kicked in. But I know its just part of being human. Now im most certinely sure im not ready for love again but hooking up Is good. Plus the girl knows my situation so either she's okay with it or is waiting for me but she knows im not ready anytime soon Sorry for ranting, goodluck bro. Stay tough
Steffy1991 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Hello, I'm so sorry about what you had to go through and I'm so happy for you that you are really starting to feel better. But I just wanted to say that it comforts me so much to see, that men can also go through the same emotions as we do. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago (1.5 years relationship) and I'm a complete mess. Sometimes I'm so sad and depressed, I don't know how to pull myself out. I know he's not the one, because he could never tell or show me how he felt about me and he could also never talk about problems. Whenever I asked him, why he couldn't show me love or why he couldn't talk about serious things, he always said he didn't know, he just couldn't. I never knew if something bothered him or anything and in the end, he left without talking to me. A few days before it happened I had asked him if everything was ok and he had said: "Yes". It kills me now to know, that he is perfectly happy without me and that he probably doesn't even think about me anymore. When I read your post, there's a small part of me that's happy, that there are men out there who do feel emotions and also struggle when a relationship is ending.. Gives me hope, that I can find the right one for me!
Author creyente7 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 Hello, I'm so sorry about what you had to go through and I'm so happy for you that you are really starting to feel better. But I just wanted to say that it comforts me so much to see, that men can also go through the same emotions as we do. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago (1.5 years relationship) and I'm a complete mess. Sometimes I'm so sad and depressed, I don't know how to pull myself out. I know he's not the one, because he could never tell or show me how he felt about me and he could also never talk about problems. Whenever I asked him, why he couldn't show me love or why he couldn't talk about serious things, he always said he didn't know, he just couldn't. I never knew if something bothered him or anything and in the end, he left without talking to me. A few days before it happened I had asked him if everything was ok and he had said: "Yes". It kills me now to know, that he is perfectly happy without me and that he probably doesn't even think about me anymore. When I read your post, there's a small part of me that's happy, that there are men out there who do feel emotions and also struggle when a relationship is ending.. Gives me hope, that I can find the right one for me! Hi! First, im sorry to hear about your situation. At first Whenever id hear break up stories I'd straight away tell them to "man up" or "suck it up" I was really closed off on it. But ever since I felt what its like ive become more open and understanding of people. Second, Some people who are not open will keep things to themselves. I can give you two examples, first one is me personally. My ex acted like she never cared in the end or even thought about me. Now she's reaching out. Heres an outside point of view, my cousin was with his gf for 3 years. Their relationship ended and he's just like your ex, tough skin, he never likes to share things but let me tell you, it affects him alot. It bothers him and sometimes even gets sad because he saw so much potential in the relationship but it just wasnt meant to be. Whenever id bring it up, he will tell me that he doesnt want to talk about it, or that he feels "bummed". Even though he broke it off, he's still human, he misses her but knows better not to continue. So he might seem perfectly happy but I can tell you that its all part of a show. He's human just like everyone else, he has emotions and feelings. He just knows the best route. He's hurting too whether you believe it or not, it might not be as much as you are but if he ever truly cared for you then he is hurting. But yea some people are stubborn, they expect you to read their minds when something is wrong haha, its frustrating.
ralfgarnett Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Well if I get through today then I think that will be 3 consecutive days without crying and for me that's a real achievement considering we were together nearly 20 years, sure I miss her and yes I still love her and of course I would take her back on terms, but I just cant go on feeling so low the way I have been I need to get well for my own sake I need to keep a roof over my head and money in the bank, I need a future with or without her and the only person who can do that is me and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Steffy1991 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Even though he broke it off, he's still human, he misses her but knows better not to continue. So he might seem perfectly happy but I can tell you that its all part of a show. He's human just like everyone else, he has emotions and feelings. He just knows the best route. He's hurting too whether you believe it or not, it might not be as much as you are but if he ever truly cared for you then he is hurting. But yea some people are stubborn, they expect you to read their minds when something is wrong haha, its frustrating. I can tell you, it would make me feel so much better, if I could just believe that.. But de did break up with me in a really weird way. I didn't hear from him for 2 days and then he wrote a text saying "we need to talk". I just texted back that I knew what he had to say, so why talk? All he texted was "Yeah, still, I'm not doing this via text, so let's meet next week." I got really angry after that, because I just couldn't believe, that he would actually let me know via text what he wanted to do, but would wait officially until we would meet. I mean who does that? I guess he just wanted to be the good guy and break up in person but didn't have the balls (sorry!!) to actually do it, so he let me know beforehand via text. All I said then was that I didn't want to see him again, because I wouldn't put myself through seeing him only to hear the words "I don't want to be with you" in person. Plus, he had had so many chances to talk to me in person, but he didn't. He just said that he understood and that he just wasn't sure 2 days earlier and that's why he didn't say anything. To me, this sounds like a lame excuse. He was sure, he just didn't have the courage to tell me. So, this behavior just really makes me feel like he had dealt with everything all by himself until he was sure he didn't want me anymore and once he was - text message. And that's why I just can't see that he's now sad or thinking about me. It's like he learned to get over me while we were still together and not talking to me about our "problems" he thought we were having. And that's just so unfair. You still think he's also having a hard time? Because even though it would make me feel so much better, I just can't see it..
Author creyente7 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 I can tell you, it would make me feel so much better, if I could just believe that.. But de did break up with me in a really weird way. I didn't hear from him for 2 days and then he wrote a text saying "we need to talk". I just texted back that I knew what he had to say, so why talk? All he texted was "Yeah, still, I'm not doing this via text, so let's meet next week." I got really angry after that, because I just couldn't believe, that he would actually let me know via text what he wanted to do, but would wait officially until we would meet. I mean who does that? I guess he just wanted to be the good guy and break up in person but didn't have the balls (sorry!!) to actually do it, so he let me know beforehand via text. All I said then was that I didn't want to see him again, because I wouldn't put myself through seeing him only to hear the words "I don't want to be with you" in person. Plus, he had had so many chances to talk to me in person, but he didn't. He just said that he understood and that he just wasn't sure 2 days earlier and that's why he didn't say anything. To me, this sounds like a lame excuse. He was sure, he just didn't have the courage to tell me. So, this behavior just really makes me feel like he had dealt with everything all by himself until he was sure he didn't want me anymore and once he was - text message. And that's why I just can't see that he's now sad or thinking about me. It's like he learned to get over me while we were still together and not talking to me about our "problems" he thought we were having. And that's just so unfair. You still think he's also having a hard time? Because even though it would make me feel so much better, I just can't see it.. Haha im not trying to compare but you think what he did was bad? Hear it from me. When my ex broke up with me, she had the audacity to teach me how to "get over" her. She was literally telling me how she got over her exes. And this is the girl that I loved and cared for 2 years telling me how to get over her. She even gave me options like "well have you tried therapy?" Like wtf, im like this because I love her. So that made me feel so worthless and rejected on so many levels. Imagine your ex telling you "Look, this is how I got over my ex, First I didn't talk to her, then this, etc..." Tell me how much that would hurt. I felt like the two years meant nothing. Anyways my point is, regardless how he broke it off, it still affects him. My ex, with the way she broke it off with me, she still reached out. Lol one last thing I remembered, at one point while I was talking to her she said "So I talked to my bestfriend and asked her how to break it down to you, so im doing it exactly like she told me..." Haha thats so sad and ridiculous. But its okay, it helped me heal faster
Steffy1991 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Haha im not trying to compare but you think what he did was bad? Hear it from me. When my ex broke up with me, she had the audacity to teach me how to "get over" her. She was literally telling me how she got over her exes. And this is the girl that I loved and cared for 2 years telling me how to get over her. She even gave me options like "well have you tried therapy?" Like wtf, im like this because I love her. So that made me feel so worthless and rejected on so many levels. Imagine your ex telling you "Look, this is how I got over my ex, First I didn't talk to her, then this, etc..." Tell me how much that would hurt. I felt like the two years meant nothing. Anyways my point is, regardless how he broke it off, it still affects him. My ex, with the way she broke it off with me, she still reached out. Lol one last thing I remembered, at one point while I was talking to her she said "So I talked to my bestfriend and asked her how to break it down to you, so im doing it exactly like she told me..." Haha thats so sad and ridiculous. But its okay, it helped me heal faster Wow, it looks like she thinks very highly of herself (not in a good way!). I can only imagine what that must have been like for you. Sitting there, listening to her talking so neutral about everything and actually helping you to get over her like you have some kind of a problem. It makes me really angry actually =D. I'm really sorry, you had to go through that.. But I guess you're right. Knowing, that he's not the one and that I definitely want more in a relationship than he could ever give me (except for the first 3-4 weeks before we started the relationship and he just looooved the chase and would write me the most amazing things). I didn't even want him then, but with him being so sweet for those first few weeks, I thought I'd give it a try because you know "he's never going to hurt me!" It just had so much potential at first, because his texts were just so amazingly sweet, but once we were together, they remained just that - texts. Real words of kindness or acts of love never followed. All he ever did was writing nice things when we didn't see each other. And that's just not enough. And sometimes you just hold on to those first few moments, when you thought "wow, he really loves me". I mean, I have been in this relationship for 1.5 years almost constantly hoping to get those first few weeks back because that's the only time when I really felt loved by him. That's insane, right? And I think, we often don't want our exes back, but the people we thought they were. We keep putting them on a pedestal and only remember the good things. In our heads, it's like we always blame ourselves when the other one is acting weird and distant and doesn't love us anymore, because "it has to be me, right?". I mean, he was so amazing the first few weeks, so once that stopped and you're left with some sweet texts when you're apart, you keep thinking that it's you, why he's not so sweet anymore or showing how happy he was to be with you. I keep telling myself on a daily basis that I WANT MORE! Still, I feel sad and rejected and not good enough and all those terrible terrible feelings. I just hope, that things will get easier soon, when in my head I already know, I don't want him back and want more than he could offer. I know this, but I just can't feel it yet. Hope, I soon will.. Do you think, knowing this in my head already will make things easier? PS: It feels so good that you feel people do care and want to help you. I love this community. THANK YOU
Author creyente7 Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Wow, it looks like she thinks very highly of herself (not in a good way!). I can only imagine what that must have been like for you. Sitting there, listening to her talking so neutral about everything and actually helping you to get over her like you have some kind of a problem. It makes me really angry actually =D. I'm really sorry, you had to go through that.. But I guess you're right. Knowing, that he's not the one and that I definitely want more in a relationship than he could ever give me (except for the first 3-4 weeks before we started the relationship and he just looooved the chase and would write me the most amazing things). I didn't even want him then, but with him being so sweet for those first few weeks, I thought I'd give it a try because you know "he's never going to hurt me!" It just had so much potential at first, because his texts were just so amazingly sweet, but once we were together, they remained just that - texts. Real words of kindness or acts of love never followed. All he ever did was writing nice things when we didn't see each other. And that's just not enough. And sometimes you just hold on to those first few moments, when you thought "wow, he really loves me". I mean, I have been in this relationship for 1.5 years almost constantly hoping to get those first few weeks back because that's the only time when I really felt loved by him. That's insane, right? And I think, we often don't want our exes back, but the people we thought they were. We keep putting them on a pedestal and only remember the good things. In our heads, it's like we always blame ourselves when the other one is acting weird and distant and doesn't love us anymore, because "it has to be me, right?". I mean, he was so amazing the first few weeks, so once that stopped and you're left with some sweet texts when you're apart, you keep thinking that it's you, why he's not so sweet anymore or showing how happy he was to be with you. I keep telling myself on a daily basis that I WANT MORE! Still, I feel sad and rejected and not good enough and all those terrible terrible feelings. I just hope, that things will get easier soon, when in my head I already know, I don't want him back and want more than he could offer. I know this, but I just can't feel it yet. Hope, I soon will.. Do you think, knowing this in my head already will make things easier? PS: It feels so good that you feel people do care and want to help you. I love this community. THANK YOU Everything you said make sense. We tend to hold on to the good parts and always want it back. Its called hope and thats what slows down healing. Its not to say that we should never hope for anything. Its part of life, but we learn to go past it. Don't try to rush the healing process but rather let it flow. What helped me the most is writing on a journal. During my first few weeks, i would just write and write, whenever she crossed my mind, I let it out. Id get so emotional that id cry while writing. But soon as I finished I felt better, then I read what I wrote the next day and think of how despite the way im feeling, I was okay. I know your ex probably crosses your mind constantly, you probably think about him no less than 30 times a day! Haha I know because I did with my ex. But it will get easier, I promise! So just keep updating here, and talk about it! Also talk to the people closest to you, your mom or dad. If not your bestfriends! My relationship with my parents became stronger after the breakup because you realize that whatever happens in your life, your family will always be by your side. Your parents are the best people to talk to because they've been through it many times
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