nyfan1992 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I met my girlfriend over the summer and had been seeing each other exclusively for a few months. After taking the time to get to know each other well, we became an official couple in late December. Things could not be going any better than I expected. She is truly an incredible person, I have my most fun when I'm with her, we have so much in common, and I truly feel like she is my best friend. I am well aware of the "honeymoon phase". I dated several girls over the past few years and admittedly got sucked into the honeymoon phase with my first girlfriend. After that experience, I learned from it and was much more aware of the flaws in my following partners in the early months of dating. For this reason, I believe I am not being blinded by my new relationship. Her and I have the same interests and thoughts on issues/topics/hobbies/etc. She is the first girlfriend of mine that my friends have liked. Many of my friends have told me that they really like her and believe I have done well for myself. When I'm with her, I truly feel like I can be myself and she always makes me feel confident in myself. I am a realist and am sure issues will come up in the future, but as of now we have not had a single fight. She hates drama and is very easygoing, just like me. Everything is just simple and fun. Not as important but a very nice bonus, she is the most attractive girl I have been with. I am sure as we date longer I will find certain flaws with her, but for now she is the complete package. She is in her final semester of college and I visited her this past weekend. We had a great time together and during my stay we had some serious discussions about our relationship. We talked deeply about how much we care about each other and how we feel like we are each other's best friends. We also talked about our optimism for the future and how important we are to one another. We have never said "I love you" yet, but it seemed imminent during these conversations. There was one moment when I really wanted to say it, but we haven't been dating long and I didn't want to rush anything. I know that I love her. I have dated several women, some in serious relationships, and the way I feel about her is beyond how I ever felt about any of them. I do truly believe I have met my perfect match. I often find myself thinking of how lucky I am to be with her. In my opinion, love has no time quota. When you know, you know. I haven't said it yet for a few reasons. First, like I said before, we are newly dating and saying "I love you" is very serious and will put our relationship to a whole new level. Our relationship has been fun and easygoing, which makes it much easier to grow closer together. I'm afraid that if I say "I love you", the fun and innocence of our new relationship will be lessened a bit. Second, I have been told and seen from my own experiences that women take longer to trust and fall in love than men do. My girlfriend has often told me how she feels about me, making it clear we are on the same page. While she may feel love for me as I do for her, I'm afraid if I say it first she won't feel like she had the time to know that for certain. I don't want her to feel rushed or thrown into anything. Piggybacking off of that, I have been told that the woman should say "I love you first." I am not one to hide my feelings or play games. If I feel a certain way about someone or something, I just say it. But she is so important to me and I don't want to jeopardize the special relationship we have together. Should I say it first or wait for her to say it? 1
neowulf Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Well, I don't tend to believe in emotional games of "chicken". If you're sure about how you feel and you feel it strongly enough to *want* to tell her. Then tell her man. Life is too. damn. short. 1
Dybbuk Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Awwww! I liked reading your story!!! I hope you guys stay happy together. The first "I love you" is a pretty big step. Actually, my BF told me he loved me for the first time this past Friday, and that's also the first time anyone's said it to me lol. I knew I had already fallen in love with him but like you...I was too afraid to say anything in case he wasn't at that point. (Btw, we were 2wks shy of our 5 month mark) He told me he had the exact same fears, but he wanted me to know because he never wanted me to have any doubts or insecurities about how he felt about me. I think we often burden ourselves with who should say what first, but I believe you sometimes have to take a risk and a chance when it comes to love. If you love her, tell her. Talk to her, and let her know she doesn't have to be there yet if she isn't. She can take more time, but you wanted her to know how you feel about her. I guarantee you if it feels right, and what you have between you is strong/good she'll appreciate your honesty and openness. I wouldn't be surprised if she loves you back. GOOD LUCK! 1
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Why not tone it down just a notch and tell her that you think you are falling in love with her?? Besides, why else would a couple date for six months THEN get together? It sounds like you're on pretty solid ground? 1
me85 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 The fact that you are putting so much time into thinking about telling her you love her is romantic as hell! Look at all the great things you've said about her and you're feelings for her IN DETAIL. I just love this post!!! Don't worry, it will slip out without you even thinking about it. Probably when you make her laugh about some silly joke or she tells you how she got a curling iron stuck in her hair. Ahhh how sweet new beginnings can be... 1
Author nyfan1992 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Thank you everyone! I really appreciate the kind words
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 She may be waiting for you to say it first. I think it would an awesome thing for her to hear & you to say on Valentine's Day. I am also a proponent of softening it to I think I'm falling in love with you if you really are nervous. 2
BluEyeL Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I'm having a problem with this as well. Around 5 months of dating I told my Bf "I more than like you" and he said "me too, but we are not allowed to say IT until 6 months in". I said "OK, we won't say it". At 6 months he goes "so...we reached 6 months..." and I gave him the wrong answer, I said "yeah haha, amazing we still like each other " and started to joke. So we never said it to each other, it's been 7 months. But we said "falling for you" and he keeps saying "you mean everything to me". Now, I wonder if we are waiting for the other one to say it. I'm a girl, so I am waiting for the man to say it because I am afraid that saying it first would mean I'm pushing him to say it and maybe he sees those words as a marriage proposal, or life commitment... Anyway, I think the guy should say it first, so I'd urge you to say it. As for me...still waiting:D
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I think anybody can say ILY first. Gender does not control the feelings or the declaration.
preraph Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I dunno. This is the same girl that told him he was too nice to her a month ago.
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I dunno. This is the same girl that told him he was too nice to her a month ago. He probably is, or maybe better stated, he's not acting confident and manly, and that is the kiss of death eventually. No woman wants to date a manservant. I've never believed you shouldn't be nice, but you also have to be confident and strong. You can't act as if your own desires will take a backseat to hers all the time. A woman knows that you can't effectively advocate for her if you won't advocate for yourself. That behavior reeks of weakness, amirite ladies? But all that's beside the point. Saying ILY first is always the bold move.
Author nyfan1992 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Really? I thought if anything saying "I love you" so soon was a sign of acting too nice. She goes to school far away so the next time I see her will be mid-March when we will be going on a five day vacation to the Dominican Republic at a resort. I was thinking that would be a good time to say it. I agree Valentines Day is a good time to say it too but I won't be with her and I want to be in person when I first say it to her. 1
Author nyfan1992 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Yes for the time being. She graduates in May and will return home where she lives 20 minutes from me.
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Well you coudl hedge your bet & sign her Valentine's Day card Love, nyfan1992 Then say it to her in person while you are on vacation together. That could be extremely romantic. 1
oberkeat Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I told my last girlfriend I loved her. That didn't stop her from dumping me a few months after we started dating. Frankly, I don't plan on saying those three words to anyone else again.
Recommended Posts