Maximboi23 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Been about 2 months since NC. Not easy. Her memories haunt me everyday. Mornings are worst feeling. I always wonder what she is doing and what is going through her mind. I havnt checked social media as tempted as I am but I don't because it will hurt me to see reality of the situation. I just still am in shock for her jumping to someone else so quickly while she was with me. I made a mistake and pushed her away and I am human I make mistakes and when I try to email her back and say I'm ready to talk and let's work us she has no interest and blames me for all of it. I take full blame for it all and blame myself everyday that she's gone. I put her Invthe arms of another man. I mean we were together for almost 3 years and engaged and I really thought she would be my wife and one Id grow old with forever. I have been trying to keep busy with going to gym and working out and I am at better place then when I was in the beggining. I listen to radio and songs come on thay trigger my emotions and I tear up and cry. I pass by places we used to eat and hang out and I get emotional and reminisce on all those nights and days doing stuff. I can't believe she is gone. I loved her and her son so much and did everything I could for them. I never wanted anything in return but just their love. I wish I can take this regret I have away from my heart and forgive myself and heal but it tears away at me just thinking of her.
Crampaholic Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Stay strong! I know things will get better over time. <keep focusing on yourself and try to improve the things you consider that are not so good about you. Time heals, and the good thing is that once you feel better, you will have discovered a new side from you! pain sucks, but sometimes... when we've hit rock bottom, it's finally when we change and turn things around! You can do it ^_^ 1
sober and dry Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Be strong, sure there were major mistakes but now you must try to learn with it and ease all that guilt. Things happened and many things will happen, the best we can do is to take the lessons and learn from it. 1
Nascarfan Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hey there, I'm in a similar situation (pretty much everything except the kid). I made mistakes sometimes too, but you shouldn't blame yourself for everything because it was not all your fault. I have a strong feeling that she's putting it all on you in order to justify her leaving. For her to not acknowledge any responsibility and put everything on you is very immature and dishonest. Here is what has helped me: 1. No contact 2. Changing the way that I was thinking (into a positive direction) 3. Dealing with the issues and keeping company with them (that's what gets rid of them). 4. Making positive changes in my life. 5. Doing what I love. I also would suggest expressing yourself here rather than trying to contact your ex (includes social media). If there is one thing you take from this post, take this. It gets better. "Why add the tension of emotion/thought to a situation which is illusion, to the extent that it is real, of a passing moment (in any event, the result of previous causes)? Do what seems wise to be done, forget it, and walk on. Walk on and see a new view. Walk on and see the birds fly. Walk on and leave behind all things that would dam up the inlet, or clog the outlet, of experience." - Bruce Lee 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Thank you for all your kind words. We broke up because I told her I couldn't be in it and needed time and she already jumped vines by then. When I tried to reach out after I had time to think she wasn't having it and said for me to leave her alone and she found someone and I am too late. I guess you guys r right and I need to be strong and focus on me but it doesn't help now. I've lost a lot of weight been working out not eating much. Everywhere I go she feels like she's next to me. She never leaves my thoughts and leaves me alone. I know all is not my fault and she made mistakes too but I always went back to her and always had open arms for her to return. I am not the type to reject someone who wants to work things out. Maybe it's my kind heart. Hope it does get better because she needs to get out of my head and get off the pedestal that I have her on. It hurts cause it feels so far away and I'm fading from her.
JustDeadInside Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Maximboi your pain is so palpable and I just wanted to say I feel you. I am sitting here crying as I type this. I too feel like this was all my fault, even though it's not. I think we believe that because it makes us feel like we had any sort of control over the situation. When really it takes two. I too am not the kind to reject someone who wants to work things out. This just evidences that we are kind, good hearted people who know what commitment means. When you think about it, it's pretty ironic that there are probably loads of people who wish we were their exes. Who that is heartbroken isn't wishing for that ex who needed space but then ultimately came back; just like if I was your ex, that's the one thing in the world I would have wanted. These people jump ship on us. Factually they don't deserve us. But believe me I know full well that we love them anyway.
Author Maximboi23 Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 I'm glad you can understand me and know we're I'm coming from I truly appreciate your words you have said. I know our hearts are big and we take back people all the time and work on relationship even if it takes a lot of work to fix we do what we can. They jump ships on us and leave us stranded when we have taken them back so many times and forgave them. I am sorry you are going through it too. As anyone here can undsrstand you and your pain it is me. I know all the emotions you have and what you are going through. But like u said we are kind hearted and forgiving people and they don't deserve us. So stay strong with me man and we will overcome this. I hope you find peace one day and meet the best person that will appreciate all the love and all the kindness u have in your heart.
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