lostsoul6486 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hello all. So, a few weeks ago I posted that my ex sent me a text after 5 months of no contact. I am happy to say that I didn't answer her! It felt so good to have the strength to just ignore her like that and not let it phase me. I hadn't felt that good in a long time. Fast forward to about two weeks ago and things have changed. I was out with a group of friends and this girl I've been friends with for a while and I got pretty drunk and ended up making out. In her drunkenness, this girl basically told me that she has liked me for a long while but has never told me how she feels. I swear, it was like something out of a movie. I was shocked. I actually had a crush on this girl a couple of years ago but I never really acted on it for some reason. We ended up going on a date and it went really well. We both had a great time and have gone out a couple of times since then. We have both agreed to take things slow which has been great for me, but I'm finding it hard to open up to her in any way whatsoever. Every time a conversation gets mildly serious, I cut it off with a joke or witty comment. I also find myself comparing this to what I had with my ex. I don't necessarily think that what I had with her is "better" than what I have with this girl, but it was different and I'm not quite sure what to think. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, with my ex, I knew exactly how I felt about her pretty early on. I fell in love with her fairly quickly which I guess could be attributed to the fact that she was my "first love". Also, the fact that I've been friends with this girl for a few years makes this even harder. I'm scared to continue on this road only to realize that this isn't what I want and it'll ruin the friendship we've had for the past few years. Despite our stance on "taking it slow", I feel like we're getting close to the point of no return and that scares me a bit. What if my fear of letting her in pushes her away? What if these comparisons I'm making to my ex end up in me ending something that could be special? The comparisons are what ruined my last attempt at dating and I would hate for that to happen again. I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking. I tend to do that a lot.
Nolan 93 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Look in the mirror and ask yourself.....are you over your ex. If you compare other girls to your ex naturally, then you are not over her, and therefore should not date yet. I learned first hand, and I got burned....bad. My current got out of a relationship like two months before I met her, and he left her. We dated for about eleven months, and you know what she always said you are different from my ex, and she was proud to say it. Yes I was different I was superior in ways he lacked in. But she still yearned for him I guess, in the end she acted on that and left me for him. I got burned while she finally healed from her heart break and started again with him. Saying she knows how the pain feels deeply. If she really did she wouldn't have done that to me. Can you whole heartedly say you get in another relationship, and eleven months down or more your ex try's to get back with you, you wouldn't take her back? Be careful if your not fully healed from your ex, cause if your not all you will end up doing is breaking an innocent heart for your selfish gain. Thats not cool know one should ever have to go through something like that where there lover dumps them for the ex. So tread lightly my friend. 2
Author lostsoul6486 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Posted February 5, 2015 Thank you for the response. I don't believe in rebounds as a healthy or fair way to get over a relationship. I also truly don't believe that I would ever take my ex back. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm over her, but I'm not sure if I'm over the break up itself. This girl I've dated a few times now is head over heels for me. Things she says and does remind me of how I was when I fell for my ex and that scares me a bit because I don't want to hurt her. I know that I have feelings for her, but it's not that crazy "in love" feeling I had with my ex. I think that's good in a way because I feel like a big mistake I made with my ex was always being available because I fell so hard for her and was afraid to lose her. I think that if I give it a chance, I could have something really nice with this girl, but I'm so guarded that I'm making it impossible for it to flourish.
Nolan 93 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Thank you for the response. I don't believe in rebounds as a healthy or fair way to get over a relationship. I also truly don't believe that I would ever take my ex back. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm over her, but I'm not sure if I'm over the break up itself. This girl I've dated a few times now is head over heels for me. Things she says and does remind me of how I was when I fell for my ex and that scares me a bit because I don't want to hurt her. I know that I have feelings for her, but it's not that crazy "in love" feeling I had with my ex. I think that's good in a way because I feel like a big mistake I made with my ex was always being available because I fell so hard for her and was afraid to lose her. I think that if I give it a chance, I could have something really nice with this girl, but I'm so guarded that I'm making it impossible for it to flourish. Give it a shot, make sure you give her your all, and make sure she knows what your going through. Im happy for you, treat her the best that you can, remember always strive to be the one to raise that bar oh so very high. If things don't work out that bar will be high up there, and who knows the next guy may or may not surpass that bar. I made sure I raised the bar really high in my last relationship. Good luck and I wish you all the best my friend.
Jimmyjackson Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I know exactly what you mean about knowing how you feel early on, from my first date with my ex I knew I wanted to be with her and it just all fell into place instantly. It sounds as if you're projecting your ideal relationship with your ex onto everyone else, understand that it's gone, change feel scary but it can be good if you embrace it. This new girl could be great but in a whole different way, you never know. You're going to feel a bit hesitant to talk about serious stuff, that's natural. I say keep dating and take it slow, see how it goes...one day she might just do or say something that makes you think she's amazing.
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