amkxoxo Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 So I am 22 and not seeing anyone specifically. I am open to dating, flirting, but I am not scandalous at all. I will flirt occasionally or dance with a guy when I go out with friends, but at the end of the day I am a virgin. I dated one guy for a long time and we would make out, kiss, cuddle, and sometimes sleep in the same bed. He was fine with it and its one thing I miss about being with someone, is the physicalness of sleeping and waking up with someone. My ex and I got close a few times but it didn't work out for many reasons. I was diagnosed with a rare condition last year with I have been tying to deal with as a young person. Only a very few friends know about my condition. Once in a while it makes me very sick. I still go to work everyday, and try and have a fun social life. I moved in with a roommate, who is a guy friend of mine. I have been trying to be a good roommate and include him. Some times he seems receptive to this and other times he doesn't. I always have I'm include his friends who live a distance away. This weekend I was having a small get together at our place. I invited all my friends and I even called and invited his two friends to come into town as well. The first thing that made me angry was that my roommate could not confirm if they were coming or not. This isn't the first time this has happened and it makes me angry. He shows up with his friends randomly and then I have to be the host and entertainer. Or they don't show up and leave me hanging. Well this weekend they showed up as a surprise. My roommate and his two friends. One of his friends I had thought was kind of cute. I hd met him a few times before. They mentioned how they wanted to go out to some bars and they invited my friend and I. We all went out and my girlfriend and I were so excited. It wasn't as fun as we thought though. My roommate and his friends were on their phones a lot and were not very social, only caring about themselves. My friend and I stuck together and made our own fun, while drinking. Everyone was pretty drunk when we got home. My friend went home and I was with the three guys. We were all talking and drunk. I went into my room and the cute guy followed me, with his friend. We were all talking. I was sitting in my bed and the cute guy on the end of my bed, and his friend on a chair. His friend left, and me and the cute guy were still talking. Suddenly my roommate came in and was joking with us and he left, closed the door, an turned off my lights. He was setting us up. He was setting his best friend up with me. And not in a good way. The cute guy and I started cuddling. Nothing too bad. And suddenly my disease flared up and I got very sick. It was one of the worst flare ups I have ever had. I got so upset and I explained to him what it was and I kept apologizing because I was so embarrassed. He kept telling me that I was overreacting to it and to stop apologizing. He did comfort me and tried to make sure I was all wrapped up in blankets. I felt so bad. I wasn't planning on sleeping with him. I let him know this. I told him whatever he was thinking its not happening and I'm not a fool. Like my ex I didn't see a problem with him sleeping near me. But I was foolish and didn't say anything about it. I was also slightly drunk at this point. I eventually got a little better from my flare up and kept apologizing to him. I was very embarrassed and I am still trying to deal with this disease myself. What surprised me was that he started making out with me heavily when I felt a little better. Like I was just very sick and now you want to sleep with me pretty much. I ended u having another flare up and it was really bad that I was crying. How I was sick doesn't really matter. I didn't any spark with cute guy ad at this point was so sick and tired I just told him I wanted to sleep. We slept all night and then at 8am, i heard him slip out of bed. I thought he was coming back from the bathroom and he never came back. I continued to sleep since I was so sick the night before. I got up and met up with the guys in our common area. The cute guy barely looked at me. We didn't talk and it was very awkward. I was so uncomfortable. He couldn't even ask if I was okay. Hours later he knocked on my bedroom door. He told me he was leaving. He gave me a hug and we made small talk. That was it. I am mortified at what happened. Maybe I should have said something. I am made at my roommate for even setting me up for it. I am just mad in general. These guys have no respect for woman. I just don't know what to think.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 With all due respect OP, I don't understand why you're so mad at these guys. Your roommate sounds like he's just a friend, but maybe you are expecting more from him? I get that it's not considerate of him to tell you his friends are coming over and then not show up, but I do not understand why you feel you have to host and entertain his friends when they do come. That's not your job. Let him do that. Just as when you all went out and they played on their phones, you and your friend had your own fun. You're not obligated to play hostess to these guys. Also, I'm not sure why you're so angry that this other guy left your bed in the morning. He obviously understood you weren't well and you in fact told him you just wanted to sleep. So he let you. Depending on the nature of your condition, he probably didn't want to make it more awkward in the morning by asking you in front of everyone how you were feeling. He talked to you later in private. I don't get what it is you feel you should have said to him? How were you expecting him to behave?
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Agreed. I also don't see how you could be upset with the guy attempting to make out with you. You have a guy you don't know well in your bed with you with the lights out? What message were you sending? You'll have a lot less drama when your behavior and the signals you send line up with what you actually want. If you don't want things escalating don't have guys who aren't even your friends in your bedroom...keep them in the living room or some other common area...keep the lights on...engage others in the discussion... It's really not rocket science.
Diezel Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Next time, move in with a female and avoid all of this junk.
Author amkxoxo Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 What I didn't like was the fact that my roommate tried to set me up while I was drunk to sleep with his friend. In my mind thats awkward. Like have some respect for me because I live with you. This showed me he has very little. He is clearly only loyal to his friend. And secondly, I was sick, symptoms of my sickness aren't necessary, but I was in pain and I cried and it was embarrassing and I kept apologizing because I was so vulnerable and it scared me to let someone I don't know well see me like this. But as soon as I felt a little better he was hoping to get some action. Then I got a flare up again. Like who tries to sleep with someone when they are sick like I was? Its rude and disrespectful. My ex would not have done that. He would have taken care of me and made sure I was okay. He wouldn't have been trying to sleep with me. The funniest part to me was that my sickness stumped this guy. He easily thought this was going to be some easy night for him and then I got a bad flare up. He obviously wasn't expecting that. I just feel a bit taken advantage of by my roommate and by the cute guy. I was drunk which made me a little less inhibited. Then I was very vulnerable because I was sick. I do regret not asking him to leave when I got sick, I was vulnerable and he seemed like he felt bad, until all he wanted to do was makeup and stuff. I should have stopped him. That I do regret.
Jessie1231 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 It sounds like all your roommate did was turn off your lights and close your door. You already had the guy in your bedroom. If you don't want something to happen, turn the lights back on, leave the room. It doesn't sound like your roommate had very much to do with the fact that guy wanted to see if he could have sex with you. If you don't want someone to try something, don't end up in your bedroom with them. If you're drinking or worried you may be sick, go to your room alone and lock your door. 1
Omei Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) You keep mentioning your ex and comparing each person to your ex. These guys arnt your ex every guy is going to have a hard time living up to your ex if your looking for someone's behaviors to match your ex's. Doesn't sound like you're over your ex. Edited February 3, 2015 by Omei
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Your ex was in a relationship with you! He used to care. You aren't even friends with this guy. Every time you mention him, you talk about how cute he was. This guy was in your bed because you allowed it, and he thought he might get lucky that night. You were behaving as if you were open/interested in a hookup. Instead of playing victim, please take a look at your behavior and change it. Otherwise, you'll repeatedly find yourself in the same situation. Why is a guy you barely know sitting on your bed when his friends are out in the living room or wherever? That's on you! Kick him out politely. Instead you focus on how cute he is and engaged him. When your roommate came by, surveyed the situation, and turned off the light, what did you do? Carried on. Again, that's on you. Turn the lights back on, open the bedroom door, and kick his friend out into the living room with his buds. Again, what was this guy even doing on your bed in the first place. He didn't belong there. The person you should be upset with is yourself.
preraph Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) I'm mortified at what happened, too, but not for the same reason you are. You don't need to be living with a guy who puts a friend of his you just met into your bedroom and turns out the lights! Maybe your guardian angel gave you a flareup to save you from what could have been a rape scenario or even a gang rape scenario. If someone wants you to like someone, they set them up on a date -- you all go out for dinner -- NOT put them into your bed and close the door and turn the lights out. I wish your roommate was here. I'd kick his *ss. And you keep saying "cute guy," so I assume you wanted to cuddle, but once you know you're being "given" to a guy you barely know, it's time to get away from him and the one who gave you to him because that attitude that made your roommate think this was okay is a very dangerous one. Edited February 3, 2015 by preraph
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