Brentune Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I'm 21 years old. I'm pretty young, and over the course of my life I've only had 3 relationships. Each relationship has lasted well over a year, and was very serious. My longest being 3-4 years. They always end the same way. The person is too afraid to tell me that they met someone else, give me a crap reason that seems completely fixable and hopefully for reconciliation, and then 2-3 weeks down the line I found out I was either cheated on, or they broke up with me to be with someone else.. I'm at a point where I start to think if its me. I'm torn, and I can't seem to get my mind off it. Last year I decided to go to a co-workers party that she personally invited me to. Me and my co-worker hit it off pretty much instantly. I was blown away. She was a beautiful professional model, with thousands of guys drooling over her. She was extremely fun, and smart, and even knew her way around race cars. I'm a bit of a nerd, and don't consider myself as a "hot" person but attractive the most so to me her looks alone was dream girl material. I've known of her for a while but never really talked to her. She's 32 so I was never interested due to her age, but she has a young soul, and looks a little over 19 (Japanese "cutesy" Asian). We decided to meet up 3 days later, and from there on we were pretty much glued to the hip. I saw her every single day from there on, and we did just about everything together. We continue to work together, we took trips together, and every other week we had small little weekend getaways to different states. We were a powerful couple. Many commented on how much they loved us, how they never saw us breaking up, they even often commented how they wish they had a similar relationship. We never got sick of each other company, and whenever apart we pretty much craved to be together. She was my love, she was the one that made me forget about everything else. I often thought of a future together, and she often brought up scenarios about the future. The most we had was 5 arguments our whole relationship. It was perfect. An overwhelming array of emotions would come over me just at the thought of cuddling up in bed next to her whenever we drove home, so imagine the feeling I would get whenever we had sex. Around August of last year I notice she changed. Her mood was gone, she wasn't as hyperactive as usual, and her desire to go out diminished. The sex went from 3-4 times a week, to 3-5 times a month, to twice a month. I asked her what was wrong, and she said she felt depressed about her mother. The relationship continued as it was and i made it my mission to make sure I could do my best to make her happy. I couldn't understand how she felt, but I believe that if I loved her through it all, we could make it through anything, and one day things will return to normal. Near the end she started to act strange. She hid her phone from me almost constantly, and never left it lying around which was odd because she often lost her phone around the house doing this. She would never charge it in plain sight either. I started to feel suspicious and noticed it more and more but never took any action against it. 2-3 weeks before breaking up, she asked me if I could start spending time at my house instead of hers (she lived with her mom) so she could spend time with her mom. I agreed. I didn't think much of it. Her mother has had cancer for 8 years, and although it never affected the relationship. She decided to pull the plug last month and tell me that her reason was so she can spend time with her mother, she couldn't be with me anymore because she knew she'd always want to be around me and she's afraid she'll regret not spending time with her mom. She told me she had no time for a relationship, and wanted to give 100% of it to her mom. She didn't want to be with anyone, and that she just wants to stay single and alone until she can figure out what to do after her mom passes. I asked if she ever saw us together again, she said she can't predict the future but she did love what we had so it's possible. The only thing I asked of her was to be completely honest with me about her feelings, and to tell me if there was someone else, so I could move on peacefully and not worry about it. She said no, that she promised, and kissed me goodbye. At first, I felt it was going to be okay. I would be there for her, we would be great friends. I wrote her a letter telling her I need space, and that if she ever needed me I would be there for her. I tried to keep my space but she often came to me. Talked to me for a few seconds and even bought me stuff here and there. I started to over think it and saw it as she still having feelings for me, so I confronted her. She was very cold towards me. Told me she felt nothing, that she wants to be friends. I was heartbroken yet again. A couple days later, we begin to talk. I started to notice she was on her phone way more often than usually. I felt a bit uncomfortable about it. So I decided to ask her if I could borrow her phone. I ended up going through it and it was clean. She found out, lashed at me, called me psychotic, and told me to leave her alone and never speak to her again. I did. Three days later, she sends me a text saying hello, and buys me a watch. She spends the rest of the week texting me, nothing romantic. A few days later she asks me if I want to take her dog for some days, because she knew how much I loved her dog. Which was true. I agreed to it. When I stepped into her bedroom, I felt overwhelmed. Memories came back, and I turned around and kissed her. I asked her how she felt, and she said she still felt confused by everything. I asked her what she wanted me to do, and she said she doesn't know that I have to decide that for myself. I told her I didn't want to move on, and she told me to give it time, and she'll see what happens. I left it at that. As much as I wanted to believe there wasn't anything going on, my gut just told me that she either had an affair or was in the process of talking to someone. I became obsessed with the idea, and the curiosity killed me. I went around looking for clues on Facebook. Who liked her pictures, how often , and so on. I ran into a guy that a little before Christmas claimed a friend had given him a fish tank. I recognized the fish tank and realized it was the same fish tank that was in her room that we had disposed off recently and stored in her garage. She never mention giving it to him, and she never brought him up whenever we discussed gift buying. It bothered me because this mean this guy went and picked up the fish tank shortly after she started to tell me not to spend the night at her house. I back tracked through our previous conversations and realized it was the same exact date she had told me to go home. I felt my head spin, and my heart shatter. I confronted her about it, she told me that it was her brother's friend. He also lives in the house. She then proceeded to get upset and tell me that I'm acting psychotic again and that if I continue we can't be friends anymore. She told me that I'm coming up with these crazy accusations. I backed off. I didn't buy it but I felt there wasn't much I could do and I valued our friendship. We had a trip planned to go to a skii resort that a friend had invited us to. On a day we hung out, I brought up the trip and she said she wasn't sure if she was going anymore. I left it at that. A couple days I find out she had left to the trip. I asked who she was with, and she mentioned my friends and couple other. We texted through the trip. I didn't make a big deal of the fact she didn't bring me, and saw it as a way for us to get some space. While browsing facebook, I noticed the friend that had planned the trip had became friends with the guy I accused them of seeing. The guy I had accused her of seeing was also with them. The day prior to going with them he had posted a picture of 2 snowboards, followed by a bunch of equipment and gear in his BEDroom. Which I knew belonged to my ex, and her brother. I decided to return her dog to her. I was pretty frustrated so I texted her telling her I was heading over to give back her dog. She didn't reply. When I arrived at her house, her mom had opened the door and told me she wasn't home. I handed her mom the dog and she had stated that she was surprised she wasn't with me. I confronted her about it, and only asked if she could just tell me the truth. That if she was seeing someone, I no longer wish to be friends because I can't stand the fact she lied about the reasons she broke up with me, and that she possible could of cheated on me and I can't stand the idea of being cheated on. I have completely no tolerance for someone that cheats. She again made up some lame excuse. She told me she left her house early to go the DMV and try and get her license back. That her brother had drove her in the morning. How the guy had met her up there, and he stopped by the house to get her stuff for her, that he came to hang out with her brother because they were headed to another mountain close by, that she came in a separate car(this was true, she had worked and a friend had confirmed that he had indeed came in his own vehicle). She begin to make me feel bad again. I apologized. Said I believed her, and walked away feeling ashamed and that maybe I have been acting really irrational, i let her comments get to me and started to beat myself up as to why I'm acting like a psycho, that I keep making these crazy scenarios in my head. This week we had a pretty bad snowstorm, the government declared a state of emergency that lasted 2 days. During the snowstorm she texted me, and we pretty much spent the two days texting. I often noticed if I didn't reply within a certain time frame she would send another to sort of spark the conversation up again. I was browsing tickets for a small trip, and she brought up how she was going away for her birthday and asked if i wanted to come. We spent the day looking up flight details. I didn't think much of it. The next day at work I completely went about my day. Didn't try to make contact, and only spoke to her if she talked to me and kept it very simple and short. A couple weeks ago I had agreed to drive her to a dance competition she had in Boston (We live about 40 minutes away). She brought it up and I said its fine. Upon picking her he up and making our way there, we kept it pretty simple. I tried to keep my distance. Only spoke to her about things like work, and the Superbowl. She had stated she was going to a party with a couple of dancers from a new crew she had joined. Throughout the trip, she often tried to extend the time. Asking me multiple times if I was hungry, that we could stop and grab dinner if I wanted to which I said no. On the way home, she wanted to stop for milkshakes, and had me drive her to CVS. I didn't see the harm so I agreed to it. Upon arriving at her house she sat in my car and started showing me videos on her phone. I kindly laughed them off, and made it clear I wanted her to just go inside. I gave her an awkward hug which she went and commented on how I didn't fully embrace her. She walked inside and I drove off. Minutes later she texted me telling me thank and to have a good night. I responded, and she tried to keep texting but I didn't reply. The next morning she texted me around 6:45. I called to ask how she felt. She said terrible. I asked if she wanted anything, and before I knew it I was driving to her house with a green tea, and oatmeal in my hand. Upon arriving I had to spoon feed her the oatmeal, and she asked for a massage. I gave it to her, and eventually I'm rubbing all parts of her body. Eventually I'm cuddled up with her, legs intertwined, and still giving her a massage. I begin to fall in love again... I felt really happy being this close to her again, our faces pretty much touching. I didn't say anything, but I knew this was way past the "friend" level. I left around noon time to go to work and promised I'd return with some supplies for her. As promised, after work I returned with some supplies, and she was nowhere to be found. I went upstairs to look for her, and alarmed her mom who was asleep and hadn't expected me. She told me she wasn't home, that again she hasn't seen her all day and that she believed she was with me. I explained the situation and left feeling a little angry. I returned back to her house an hour later to gather some stuff I had left there as I kind of felt in my heart that I wouldn't be coming back here anytime soon. The next morning we argued again, about where she had went. She said it was none of my business, and that we weren't together, that she didn't have to explain anything to me, and that I'm acting up again. She said never to speak to her again, and that I startled her mom to the point that she doesn't want me anywhere near her home. She told me I'm acting "disgusting crazy". I lashed back and told her how she was making me that way, that she keeps treating me unfairly, how shes the one that goes looking for me, gets my hopes up, drives me back, and then crushes my feelings. I told her to just give me space, to let me come to her and that maybe it'll work that way. She said she didn't want me in her life anymore, and blocked me. The issue now is I have to see her everyday at work, and it makes it hard to move on. The issue I don't understand is to why she kept acting this way. Was she just trying to keep me from moving on? If she is indeed seeing someone why keep lying about it, but also why try and keeping me close if she knew it would hurt me?
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