RuKiddingme Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) Before I quit OLD for good, I ended up talking to someone. The messages were both very lengthy on both of our parts. I think there were around 83 of them on the site. Then we transitioned to (ugh) texting. But hey, it was just easier than chatting there. I really enjoyed talking to her. I did make a position very clear too. When I get into involved conversations with someone on the site, I tend to only talk to that person. I'm not a multi-message kind of guy. In my view, the more you communicate up front, the more you get to know them and then the more comfortable you are when you meet. I told her "I really enjoy these conversations and I honestly would love to get off the site. I'm not one to talk to someone the way we have and then jump back on the site to do more "shopping". It's just the way I am with things. By NO MEANS does this mean anything beyond that." So after I told her I disabled my account as a way of proving I'm not the player type to share what we did and turn around and go back on, she then all of the sudden told me: "I'm getting bad vibes. It seems like you're jumping the gun. I want a relationship but it takes time to earn trust. We haven't even met yet. there are so many weird people on there and I need space". This is AFTER she told me: "You're not like any guy I've talked to on there. You're very open and I really like that" "I think it's really awesome that you take these situations seriously." "I sure hope we have as much chemistry when we meet as we do here!" "I'm very excited about you." Not to mention her profile is EXACTLY what I was basing my actions on to begin with. You know "I'm looking for a relationship and don't need the small talk bullsh&t. If you want to get to know me, be serious about it and send me a message." Let me be very clear. I DID NOT ask for anything, I DID NOT remotely imply anything serious that quick. I DID NOT tell her anything about her disabling her profile, that she only should talk to me or any of that. I was only trying to show that I'm not one to play around with different people because she told me she didn't want a guy who multi-dated or had a bunch of girls lined up. And what do you know? She would text me ALL of that nonsense about needing space and BOOM, she's right back online when I went to delete my profile for good. I think I want to seriously want to get run over by a bus at this point. I told myself before, NO MORE OLD. I even made a damn topic about it. But there I went one more time. Oh this time the person is real. I also noticed that the very second we went to texting, everything faded. She tells me she's on medication the first day we talked. Two days later I ask what medication she takes. "I don't want to get into that right now". She tells me she likes long conversations. I ask how she feels about talking on the phone. "I'm not really into that". Christ, being 38 and trying to genuinely get to know someone sucks. The dumbest part is, I said nothing today. Nothing except a "hi" and "how was your day?" Last night she said "I'm so glad we are on the same page!" Today? "I need space". Whatever. I'm simply not meant for OLD and I knew it. It was my mistake for getting suckered in again. I'm lonely. All my friends live two states away. Thank God I'm moving back. In no way in hell will I ever sign up for OLD again. Edited February 3, 2015 by RuKiddingme
BeatsByDirk Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 On line dating can be hard for guys, e-game is hard to learn and easy to mess up. I think you made a mistake reading too much into what her profile says and trying to accommodate. I think, as a man, we should pursue asamy avenues as possible while single and only cease this activity when it's requested by a girl you ate positive you want to be serious with. Being desirable sparks attraction in women, usually. Just make friends, don't worry about love, love comes to some if us only wheneve are truly ready. Good luck sorry on line dating isn't working out:( 1
Author RuKiddingme Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 On line dating can be hard for guys, e-game is hard to learn and easy to mess up. I think you made a mistake reading too much into what her profile says and trying to accommodate. I think, as a man, we should pursue asamy avenues as possible while single and only cease this activity when it's requested by a girl you ate positive you want to be serious with. Being desirable sparks attraction in women, usually. Just make friends, don't worry about love, love comes to some if us only wheneve are truly ready. Good luck sorry on line dating isn't working out:( I think the majority of people on there like the idea but it stops there. Look, I've had some success. I met someone on a site two years ago that turned into a 7 month deal and we are close friends today. I've gone about it in a variety of ways. One girl I dated I still talk to. She met someone else on there and after a single date, they both disabled their profiles so they could concentrate on each other to see where it goes. I honestly think the "natural" way is better. I did some research, asking friends and going on the web. My friends who are either married or in something steady all met someone offline. And the people who have dated over and over again and are single tend to meet online. It just sucks.
Mirages Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 So after I told her I disabled my account as a way of proving I'm not the player type to share what we did and turn around and go back on, she then all of the sudden told me: It seems that you have taken a stance that is more formal and transparent than most people are comfortable with. In one case there is the sentiment "You are a commodity, I'll keep you around till I get bored." = bad/selfish Then the other extreme "You are a god, thus I am disconnecting from life until I prove to both of us how great this can be." = bad/needy The above is a spectrum, try to land in the middle and both yourself and the other party will feel best. Also avoid proving any characteristic, character shows with time, on it's own. Proof by disabling the OLD profile is not really proof, it is a claim. Claims do not prove facts, they establish opinion. Plan of action, if you feel best handling one at a time (we have something in common here), then just keep the OLD site up and running, browse occasionally, and do not message others if you prefer not to. Dude you're using a fire exinguisher on a candle, that is a recipe for discontent. 1
Author RuKiddingme Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 It seems that you have taken a stance that is more formal and transparent than most people are comfortable with. In one case there is the sentiment "You are a commodity, I'll keep you around till I get bored." = bad/selfish Then the other extreme "You are a god, thus I am disconnecting from life until I prove to both of us how great this can be." = bad/needy The above is a spectrum, try to land in the middle and both yourself and the other party will feel best. Also avoid proving any characteristic, character shows with time, on it's own. Proof by disabling the OLD profile is not really proof, it is a claim. Claims do not prove facts, they establish opinion. Plan of action, if you feel best handling one at a time (we have something in common here), then just keep the OLD site up and running, browse occasionally, and do not message others if you prefer not to. Dude you're using a fire exinguisher on a candle, that is a recipe for discontent. To be fair, there really isn't much to browse for in the area. And as I said in a another thread, its a real self-esteem downer. It just isn't meant for me because I don't know how to read others through messaging and texting.
Mirages Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Ok, my area does not have a whole lot either, the point being, keep the OLD profile in view until at least a month has passed (since beginning communication) and/or you two are exclusive. This avoids the kid in a candy store neediness which they typically do not care for. I don't know how to read others through messaging and texting. The more confident male would call on the phone and talk with voice. It is a nuisance for those of us who are not social animals by birth, but it speaks volumes toward your confidence, and clears up the "how to read others." We can like or dislike social convention, hard to change the world and the instinctive nature of millenia isn't it? I denied extroversion in my life for over a decade, I eventually have learned to handle people with confidence and respect... You can too! 1
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