Ifonlyihadknown Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 My partner and me broke up Febuary last year, after six months we decided to get back together again and give it another try. The first 2 months were great, the arguments we used to have stopped, we were closer than ever before but slowly it went back to how it used to be. All the past problems started to come up again, the resentment towards each other became almost unreal and now we are to the point where we sleep separately and even looking at each other Sparks up frowns and snarling words. I guess break ups are pretty terrible on the whole and really do rip your heart out, but they happen because you are not compatible. In my experience going back changes nothing, it actually just becomes a whole new nightmare... We both changed in the first 2 months of getting back together, but slowly the old selves emerge and ALL issues we had as a couple before came back in a bigger and stronger force that has now left us hating each other. This is something I will never forget, and have learnt a very valuable lesson. To change yourself in any shape or form to make a relationship work is nothing more than an illusion. We both changed our ways to make it work again, that was the biggest mistake the 2 of us could of made. it didn,t become a fairytale ending, it became a bigger nightmare than it was the first time we split up!
galaxys5 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 yup i agree people break up for a reason...sure the first 2 months were great you were both on your best behavior...then the real you came out again and the same problems came out again.. 1
smellysocksuni Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 This is fascinating to me. I am such a hopeless rromantic, believing in second chances etc. But yes, there is always a reason for a break up... it's clear that unless there was an external force or reason for the break up like moving away or something... it will never work again
na49 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I'm right there with you dude. My ex and I broke up, and got back together 6 months later. We were together for almost another 2 years, but today she decided I was not the one for her. Again. I'm heartbroken as ever, but I have not cried over her loss yet. I feel a bit (just a bit) more at peace with things than the first time. I'm sorry your second chance didn't work out. Sometimes it just isn't meant to be.
Jl321 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I somewhat agree and disagree. Love is not this thing that once it's there, you're in the clear. People change, evolve, and grow everyday. Being with somebody is a 24/7 career. You get what you give and it goes both ways. In a relationship, both parties have to work EVERY SINGLE DAY to sustain a healthy one. It's the price everyone pays to feel love. You can't ever expect that somebody will love you forever just because they say they love you today. If one person doesn't agree to those terms, then they don't deserve the love you have to offer. It's loyalty, trust, commitment, communication, care, etc etc. It's hard for everybody but the ones that know how to have a healthy relationship will cry now but laugh later. The ones who are too lazy or uncaring will laugh now and cry later. My 2 cents i guess. 1
Author Ifonlyihadknown Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Your right galaxys5, the real me did come back... So I stopped shouting, kept my cool and listened to her from a different angle. So far so good, her anxiety levels are still through the roof, her life is being pulled all over the place with debt, family guilt etc, but rather than get frustrated and annoyed I,m still watching her fall to pieces!!! But we are talking nicely and I,m trying gently to get her to try it my way, you see she is a gentle soul at heart, to gentle in my eyes. She let,s adverts on the tv affect her if it,s to do with cruelty in any shape or form, she strongly believes the world should be a loving place and though I agree with her I know it is just not the case!!!
mightycpa Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 In a relationship, both parties have to work EVERY SINGLE DAY to sustain a healthy one. I have to respectfully disagree. If this were true, almost nobody would bother. Some days, most days, in fact, are fairly easy. They are not a lot of work because you're with someone who is compatible with you. Once you settle the power struggles and the way that you live, you can concentrate on the things that you love to do individually and you can also enjoy the things that you love together. Taking care of your business together is an exercise in getting along, but it doesn't have to be work-work-work. If I had to work every day, it would be way too hard, and not worth it. What's really important is that you choose wisely.
EgoJoe Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Relationships are work everyday. The best work is the most rewarding. The reality is to even think from an emotionally mature perspective is constant work.
calgary Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 i honestly believe balance is important. I think the problem with most people like me on here, is that we like to work for it, even when somebody is cruel, we try and convince them to like us by acting extra nice and that doesn't necessarily work. People like a challenge and we're all just too easy and giving. If you think about your ex that dumped you, i bet it feels like you did a lot more for them than they did for you.. and now they're probably out chasing somebody else proving to them that they're worthy whilst you're sat here left wondering why they would want that kind of person who is a ' D*ck ' etc when you're a nice person who did all this stuff for them. It's the way of the world. I'm not saying i believe nc works to get your ex back, but i think it's the best way because they realize you're not interested anymore and that's usually when they come back to see if they can still get you.. and then as soon as they realize you're still whipped they go away chasing something hard to get again. I'm sure lots of people will disagree, but this is how i'm feeling / seeing the world. even if the nicest person in the world came over to you right now and treated you kinder than your ex did, i bet you'd struggle to care, because you all still want what you can't have. 1
Author Ifonlyihadknown Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I don,t know I feel at a complete loss here. I think I need to write this down but feel a bit nervous. we met in hospital 5 years ago. Both of us were in there for the same reason. she had been admitted 4 days earlier, and I met her when I was taken in by ambulance. I don,t want to spell out the reason why but all I can say is we were both on the complete bottom in different circumstances but in the same condition. Suicidal! She was married, I was single. As you can imagine I ended up living with her and her husband, he knew nothing except his wife was on the edge... But behind the scenes we fell in love. she told him we were a couple, I lived there for another six months with his consent. And then I started thinking this was way to weird, so I moved out. But still saw her. I,ve got to take a break, this isn,t easy to write!
Hija77 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I feel your pain. I also got back with my ex only to get dumped for a second time. I tried literally everything to make it work, and he made an effort very rarely. I wouldn't necessarily say the break up was worse this time around, but I will say that the manner in which he left was MUCH worse. Take time to heal. Additionally, I don't know why you were nervous about saying you'd met in a hospital, and the circumstances surrounding it. If it's because you feel shame about it, and I don't know that that's the case, don't you dare!! You needed help, which isn't/wasn't your fault, so you got it. Facing those kinds of issues is beyond scary and difficult. Trust me, I know. Sorry to get off of topic, but that really struck me and I had to say something. If I'm off base, I apologize.
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