italiangirl03 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Just wondering if anybody had any stories to share about the no contact rule and there exes that broke up with them coming back?
Seeker12 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 First of all the NC rule is for you, your own healing, your own development, you disappear, you go away and be independent, find yourself again, be you, do what makes you happy. The person broke up with you, not the other way around. Now there have been cases where exes have come back after breaking up with the dumpee months if not a year or two down the line, the dumpee has usually moved on by then so its pointless. For those, and from what iv read, who have got back with their ex, there are a good number who tell you to run for the hills as a second round almost never works. However, if your ex does come back and you want him or her, you have to be ready to clean the slate, start afresh, know that you both have changed, stop living in the dream of your past relationship, its hard work, but if you do it then well done. 3
Vintage79 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 There are probably a few, but the primary goal of no contact is to help yourself get over them, not get them back... 3
na49 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Yep. I went NC and she came back. and then she left again almost two years later. (today ironically enough).
Author italiangirl03 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I am sad to hear that. I have been doing the No contact rule for a week now, maybe I am just looking for some hope even though I am working on myself and trying to pick up the pieces and move on.
Invictus01 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I have a couple of real life examples where couples got together months and months later and are now married (I think even 1-2 years). In both cases, dumpers (one male and one female) pretty much broke down doors and walls to get the person they dumped back. That's the only way this can work - the dumper brings down the house to get back together and the dumpee is still there. No other way. 3
Norajess Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I have a couple of real life examples where couples got together months and months later and are now married (I think even 1-2 years). In both cases, dumpers (one male and one female) pretty much broke down doors and walls to get the person they dumped back. That's the only way this can work - the dumper brings down the house to get back together and the dumpee is still there. No other way. That's nice to hear Time really plays an important role here, allows both parties to grow. 1
fromheart Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I am sad to hear that. I have been doing the No contact rule for a week now, maybe I am just looking for some hope even though I am working on myself and trying to pick up the pieces and move on. Would you like to share more of your story? That way, we can give you more of an insight. NC isn't a guarantee that he will come back, but it does increase the chances. The dumper has all the power, and that's not a place where a new relationship can grow. Not just with th ex, but with anyone. By declaring NC, you don't some of the power back in your life. All you want to hear from him is that he loves you and wants to make it work right? You don't really give an F about how his day was, and how happy he is right now, or how he's missing you. Its all BS and breadcrumbs. You want him back, you wont settle for less. In the meantime you're working on yourself for you, and you alone.
Light Breeze Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 OP, I don't know if NC will work on him, but I know it will definitely work on you. 1
Author italiangirl03 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I have dated this guy for about 8 months, in the beginning it started off just as friends to see where things would go, in the beginning I caught him texting an ex girlfriend and thought nothing of it because we weren't even official at that point. They didn't talk after that one time though. So our relationship continued and it seemed to be going fine, he met my family (my sister and parents) and they loved them, he even bought them all Christmas gifts, brought over wine ect.. During the beginning he blew off friends for me, hung out with my other friends and we double dated for a bit so I guess we can say that things were going well. He met my distant family and there is about 20 first cousins I have plus all my aunts and uncles, he used to wait at my house until I was done work, planned trips with me and lets just say everything was perfect. My family loved him, one day I brought up the topic about marriage and kids (he is muslin, I am catholic) he said that if it wasn't how his religion wanted it then we couldn't go that far but during the months where things were going well he whispered in my ear one time that we would make the cutest babies. Anyways, there was a fight regarding the religion differences and then we didn't talk for 5 days until I approached him saying that we will go with the flow and when we cross that bridge we will cross it. After that the pieces seemed to be getting picked up where we left them. He was talking about valentines day plans, flights to Montreal in April ect.. and then a cousin of mines birthday was coming up Jan 27th, I invited my ex to come and told him to only come if he wants to and not because I am asking, so he came and everything was perfect, he was joking with my family, hugging my grandmother and even said he would go over to my uncles house at the end of the week and my aunts 60th birthday the following week after. The next day is when it all changed and i'm surprised it did considering the great time we had the day before. I went to visit him on his lunch and i'm the type of person that is affectionate, likes deep conversations and opens up. Him on the other hand doesn't, I asked him that lunch hour how his feelings for me are because on my side I am starting to fall in love and he hasn't expressed anything that deep other than saying he likes me. He avoided the question and I went home, he texted me after and I ignored him that day until the following day when I told him I just wanted to be alone and was stressed with other things in life. So i took a chance … I texted him how it was ok for him to open up and i just wanted to know how far his like for me went and I wouldn't break his heart and that I would be patient until he's read y to open up.. Then the bomb hit.. He told me that he hasn't been feeling the "spark" between us and that he has other things to worry about in his life like his career and his working out and that our arguments stress him out, long story short.
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I am sad to hear that. I have been doing the No contact rule for a week now, maybe I am just looking for some hope even though I am working on myself and trying to pick up the pieces and move on. NC is not to get them back it is to help you move forward without them so you can heal. Don't expect to get him back with NC.
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 He told me that he hasn't been feeling the "spark" between us and that he has other things to worry about in his life like his career and his working out and that our arguments stress him out, long story short. It's over for him & there is nothing you can do to change it. Normally reconciliation occurs through communication, not going silent. As others have explained to you, NC is about giving yourself space & distance so that you can heal. It's never a means to get somebody back.
JustDeadInside Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I don't know if this counts, but back when I was in high school, I suffered a very bad breakup - very similar to this one in fact, except that the relationship was much shorter. The pattern was similar - I got strung along for a few weeks, then it was callously revealed to me that I'd been strung along and I was devastated. I kept calling him and he wouldn't even talk to me - he'd yell and just hang up on me, and even threatened to call the police. This went on for maybe a week until something just clicked and I gave up. I didn't think of it as NC, I didn't know what NC even was. I just stopped. Fast forward maybe three months and I get woken up from a dead sleep by a call from him, saying that breaking up with me was the biggest mistake he ever made. Our relationship went on to have a few reprisals. There was also a guy at college who I'd hooked up with only a few times. He basically admitted to using me and we split. It was humiliating and very hurtful. Fast forward to a month or two, he starts calling me out of the blue from him home state over the summer. When he gets back, he takes me out and apologizes for treating me so poorly. Our relationship went on for a bit until I actually got bored of him. It ended and I didn't care. I'm not sure if this is a result of NC or just freak chance. I guess my point is you just never know. I have resurrected more than a handful of relationships, with or without NC, so it does happen. I just don't know what the key to it is...if there is one. 1
Crampaholic Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) Not sure if this counts either, talking from the dumper point of view. I had a relationship like 5 years ago, it lasted like year and a half. I just wasn't feeling it anymore and we broke up. Eventually she moved to Australia for like 3 years, got a bf, moved on. We didn't talk at all for like 1 year, but then her bday came and I felt bad because I thought about all the mistakes I made with her, etc.. I wished her a happy bday over a mail and she replied. She's back in the country but we didn't get back together, the feelings just weren't there for any of us, but we do stay in touch and hang out from time to time. No hard feelings and I really care about her and so does she ^_^ Edited February 3, 2015 by Crampaholic 1
Chi townD Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 NC isn't a tool to help us get our Ex's back. It's a tool to help us heal from a broken relationship and to help us move on. Very rarely does NC bring people back together. And when that happens even fewer stay together. OR! the dumpee has used NC to heal and move on and have made so many positive changes to their lives that they find that they don't want to get back into a relationship with them again. 3
erklat Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 OR! the dumpee has used NC to heal and move on and have made so many positive changes to their lives that they find that they don't want to get back into a relationship with them again. This is the most likely outcome. I can't imagine speaking to my ex ever again, and especially loving her. 2
Author italiangirl03 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) Me as being th one that got dumped have been taking up new interests, working out and kick boxing has been my new way or moving forward, it makes me feel good about myself and allows me to relieve my anger. I have also been cooking a lot lately and every night when I want to think of him I look up recipes. I have also been reading again which I haven't done since I met him so that my mind an focus and picture the book as I'm reading. I'm trying to think of other new interests enjoy as of now lol i am moving forward and it feels great to know I'm making changes but it sucks knowing he's not coming with me now. I really enjoyd that quote. Thank you Edited February 3, 2015 by italiangirl03
Invictus01 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 2.5 years ago I tried to date this woman (kinda weird calling a 32 year old a girl). She was fresh out of a relationship, tried to date me for a couple of months, walked away. I chased and chased, got her back. Dated for another few months, she walked away again. I was so emotionally drained and tired, I couldn't chase anymore and I went NC. Broke it 3 months later, exchanged a few texts. Broke again another 3 months later, exchanged a few texts. About 10 months after the second break up I text'd her something stupid because I was bored (and had a few drinks) and she immediately responded saying that she was in the area and wanted to meet up. The only reason I agreed to meet up because I was completely over her. We met up, caught up on things. She told me she went back to her ex, stayed with him for 7 months, then his old jacka$$ self showed up again, blah blah. By the end of the night, she was all over me, showing me more affection I had ever seen from her when we dated. She then proceeded to tell me that her family still asks about me (even her mother who I never met) and I should think about giving us another chance. I told her I'd think about it. I replied to her or saw her again. She tried to check on me again 5 months later. We exchanged a few texts and I dropped it. I was done. 1
Kinetica84 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 3 years after splitting up with a girl she back into my life and we got together. Strange things can happen. 1
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