simon_uk Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 What I don't understand is this. Everybody here on this board is so nice, caring, loving, honest, sweet, tender and I guess romantic. So why the f*&l have we been dumped! I know it isn't the case with everybody here but a lot of people are on the receiving end of a break up. it just doesn't make sense! There is so much love and friendship here it sometimes overwhelms me, but why isnt that good enough for our SO's. it really does baffle me!!!! Take Care All Love and Respect Simon
blind_otter Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 I'm sorry simon, I know you are suffering and it sucks to be dumped. I think that all of us are working through a lot of personal issues on top of everything else, and hey, the younger you are the more likely you are to make bad mistakes...it's all about learning and the path rather than the destianation. For me, I had a lot of other personal issues to deal with and I still do. I can be a real bitch sometimes in relationships and I fully take responsibility for that. I also have REALLY SH*TTY taste in men One day, it will happen. Chin up! PS - I missed everyone yesterday when the server was down!!!
Pocky Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 What I don't understand is this. Everybody here on this board is so nice, caring, loving, honest, sweet, tender and I guess romantic. Funny stuff. Our group of people here have just as many issues as other people in the world. We've got a great group of people, we have some valuable friendships and we have a wonderful community, but let's not paint the picture too pretty. We all have our issues and our shortcomings. The difference is that many of us accept those shortcomings along with the positive attributes of a person because we value the person as a whole. None of us, especially on this board, are perfect. So why the f*&l have we been dumped! I know it isn't the case with everybody here but a lot of people are on the receiving end of a break up. Sometimes people just aren't compatible any more. Sometimes people want to go down to different paths. Ending a relationship isn't rejecting you as a human being it's just simply saying, "you're not the right person for me." it just doesn't make sense! There is so much love and friendship here it sometimes overwhelms me, but why isnt that good enough for our SO's. it really does baffle me!!!! You can't make someone love you just because you love them. Life doesn't work that way.
Author simon_uk Posted April 1, 2005 Author Posted April 1, 2005 No you are right Pocky, you cant make somebody love you just because you love them and i wouldn't want to either. But these people loved us at one time or another and if My ex loved me like she proclaimed to not too long ago it doesn't just stop no matter what you, her or anybody else says. it is a cop out because they are too lazy or too blind to see the problem and deal with it. It is like most of the people I work with. half the time they never use their common sense and rather than tryting to sort out a problem for themselves they will ring me and expect me to fix it for them. It is lazy and scooting around the issue at hand will not solve the problem when it happens again. I amy not be there to help them next time then they are fu&*ed. My ex was married and split up with her Husband just before we met. She was sick of being in a relationship with him because she got all her own way and he was over loving. what she loved about me was that I put my foot down now and again and was assertive with her. Now she sees that as lack of love and attention. She needs to deal with issues ratrher than ending a relationship everytime she has a problem I think! Otherwise she will never be happy. A loving relationship requires effort and there were times when i really couldnt deal with her moods and insecurities. How easy it would have been to end things, what is hard and shows love and commitment is accepting the faults and dealing with them. IMO And i know that nobody here is perfect but the qualities I mentioned obviously exist in most people here otherwise we wouldn't be here. We have faults yes but the qualities mentioned are a good grounding for a solid relationship. Just my opinions of course. Simon
Merin Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ We all have problems because we are not perfect!!! We're not? JK JK JK!!!! Thinking about it.. IMO sometimes it's more about finding people who Love and Accept you (us.. omg especially me ) sometimes in spite of short comings and imperfections..
moimeme Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 The difference is that many of us accept those shortcomings along with the positive attributes of a person because we value the person as a whole It's very easy to be accepting of someone you never see and don't have right in your face. One reason affairs seem heavenly is that the people don't live together. It's easy to love people. It's just darn hard to coexist with them.
cookiemunster Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 We all have problems with our relationhsips..that is why we are on this site!!! I guess this is why we all can relate someway or another and it helps us get thru it...Good luck to all!!!!!!!! may we all find happiness down the road!!!
vickimonster Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk it is a cop out because they are too lazy or too blind to see the problem and deal with it. Simon That is so true, and yet so frustrating because there is nothing you can do about it. I would give anything for my ex to talk to me about what went wrong, it probably wouldn't mean we would get back together, but I think it would do us both good. But at the end of the day the only change you can make are within yourself! Shame though
tokyo Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme It's very easy to be accepting of someone you never see and don't have right in your face. One reason affairs seem heavenly is that the people don't live together. It's easy to love people. It's just darn hard to coexist with them. I was about to say the same. I think unless you have spend lots and lots of time with someone in real life or lived with them together you don't really know this person well. And it's worse if you only know the person over the internet. Theoretically we are all great, but practically - well, let's practice on this a bit more. There are many many times I read something on this board that I find plain stupid, arrogant, annoying, etc. People who are full of themselves. I could give nasty answers, but I think it's not worth it, and whatever you post here stays. I've figured out after a while that I would like to be able to re-read my posts and not feel to embarrassed or guilty for having lost my temper. I think I behave much better than I do in real life. And even we were all truly nice, sweet, caring, etc. doesn't mean that we were the right ones for our ex-partners. Just because you see compatibility doesn't mean that he has to do the same. If you like outdoor activities and I'm a couch potato and love to cuddle and watching tv then it's not his fault or my fault that our relationship didn't work out. I would probably mourn his loss and maybe seek solace here on Loveshack, I would continue to be a nice, sweet, caring, etc. person, but it doesn't mean that my ex wasn't right to dump me. I never thought you shouldn't be allowed to break up with someone, it just should be done with honesty and enough respect. (Um, yeah, we have all these great qualities, but it doesn't mean that we are, ahem, smart or rational in our choices and wishes, that's why we cling to psycho and dumb exes. Sweetness and smartness are two different concepts.)
alphamale Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk So why the f*&l have we been dumped! just for the record, I do the dumping 80% of the time
greenhorn Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale just for the record, I do the dumping 80% of the time Dumpers are not good.
tokyo Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by sami True, except ROMANTIC. Huh?
tokyo Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by sami hehehehehehehehehehehehheehehheehhuh What's so funny, Sami?
Recommended Posts