Katie73 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) Sorry guys if this is a long one but need some advice please!! I have been single for three years now and have for the past 8 months or so been trying to find a date online. Have chatted to lots of guys none of which have come to anything, however recently started chatting to a guy. He initiated a conversation with me and is allot younger than me I'm 41 and he's only 24. We've been chatting to each other by text every single day for nearly three months now, despite the age gap we have allot in common and get on really well. When he initially contacted me he says he was working temporarily in Germany but was due to be coming here to England where he has family ( he's italian but his mother is English) he said he was going to be working in England for a while, so we were supposed to be meeting up ( at his request and suggestion). He came to England mid December and we were due to meet but then he changed plans very last minute and said that he thought he was gonna get a job easily here and couldn't and his dad had just got him a job in Italy so he had to go back and didn't want to but didn't want the stress of trying to get a job here. Said it was unfair to meet me just one time like that and then have to go away. I was annoyed but accepted it and he said he wanted to stay in touch as really liked me and it felt like I was his girlfriend and he was developing strong feelings for me. He also said is def coming back to England in few months time to get a job. He asked me if I could go and see him out in Italy but I couldn't at the time as had to get a new passport but said I would once it came through. He's been saying for ages how he can't wait to see me and meet up and wish I was with him. He also said would I wait for him, in other words not meet anyone else and be exclusive to him and he said he wouldn't want to meet anyone else either. Well the latest is his job that he went back to Italy for seems to have finished and few weeks back said he has friends in Miami who he is going to go and see ( bearing in mind I was supposed to be going to see him in Italy when my passport came) I said ok go for it then and he immediately said come with me. He said he'd get open return and I could join him when my passport arrived so I said I would. He's out there now and contacted me for first week then I said I've got my passport now and he said what are you going to do I said come and see you and he said wish you would and then I said shall I just come and see you when your back home and he said or why not when I come to England and I said but that won't be for ages and he agreed. Well anyway he's ignoring me now, haven't heard from him in nearly two weeks now, I sent him a message two days ago saying hey haven't heard from you in a long time, have I done something wrong and still nothing. Think he may have got a job and is staying out there longer than I thought he was going to. He's been on Facebook and whatsapp, where I message him but nothing! So upset I thought we had a connection and to go for months texting every day morning and night to being ignored is heartbreaking. Makes me think there's something wrong with me like why didn't he like me enough! How can he just forget so quickly. Advice what to do please, does anyone think he'll contact eventually. One of the last things he said was that he knows for sure he will see me in England when he definately comes to work but can't understand the ignoring now if he intends to do that ( Edited February 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added much needed paragraphs to make post readable, please use them
BeatsByDirk Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 He's cooling you off so that you will accept his BS and forget what you were expecting. Sounds like a catfish, internet only relationship, probably some lies on his part, either he doesn't look like he claims, has a physical/mental problem that people don't accept him for having of he's in anothe relationship and just looking for an online emotional connection. No contact for good! What's the problem with meeting guys? You should be able to if you are half way decent. There might be something you are saying or that's in your profile that scares guys off?
Yookie Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hi Katie. I'm sorry you're hurting. Sounds like you got emotionally attached to this guy who has now flaked out on you. From what you have written here is sounds like he is continually dangling a meeting date/time then snatching it away at the last minute. That means he is hiding something. No sure what it is but judging by your story he is probably has misrepresented himself and does not want to see you in person because you will see that he has lied. Or it could be that he is purposely keeping you dangling for other ulterior motives. Has he asked you for money? Did you send him any? What you should do from here try to move on. Chalk it up to experience. It's a bad idea to let yourself get emotionally attached to someone without meeting them in person. If you are unable to meet someone in reasonable period of time then let it go and find someone that doesn't have as many barriers.
BluEyeL Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 First lesson of OLD is never text with a guy for months. A lot of men do that just for fun and never intend to actually meet up. Try to meet men for dates only and cut communication if they don't ask you out within a few days to a week of chatting online. I'm sorry, this wasn't a relationship, it was just a fantasy. And the age difference would have been too big anyway. 4
Author Katie73 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Thanks guys for advice. Don't think its a catfish type of thing, we send each other pics in our phones all the time and he's on my Facebook and posts about what he's doing pics etc all seem to match up. Don't think he's in a relationship either cos things that family have put up on fb suggest he is and status is single. And he hasn't asked me for money. Maybe he is just having fun in Miami and has changed his mind and can't be bothered anymore and taking cowards way out by ignoring (
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 It's unrealistic to agree to be exclusive with a guy you've never even met, especially when he has last minute excuses for why he suddenly can't travel to your country and the flimsiest of excuses for why he doesn't want to meet you once he is purportedly in your country. Frankly he sounds like a scammer or catfish. He can't come to England from the continent because he can't find a job, but he can afford to fly across the Atlantic and party in Miami?!? He can't meet you when he comes to England because it's not fair to meet only once, but he'll spend months chit chatting virtually. Nothing about his story adds up. I know you think he's real because he has a facebook page, but any catfish worth his salt has a credible facebook page (with lots of friends) and social media for his fake identity. I would encourage you to watch the TV series, Catfish. The real shame here is that you've wasted 3+ months so far getting emotionally invested in a con artist, time you could have spent identifying guys who might actually be good dating prospects and interested in meeting in person, which this guy never will. I truly hope you ignore him when he comes back for part two of his ploy.
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 There's also the movie documentary, which led to the TV series. Real stories of people just like yourself who remained far too trusting even when things clearly weren't adding up and the excuses for not meeting dragged on for months on end. And for the record, the catfish all had facebook pages with a real person's photos...it just wasn't their photos.
Author Katie73 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Thanks angel eyes for your perspective. Why would he do this catfish thing though, what would he get out of it? What's the point in chatting to someone and pretending your someone else when you've no intention of doing anything about it. He's not asked me to send money or anything. I know things don't add up and it seems bit strange. He is young aswell which doesn't help and is free to go here there and everywhere which is what he seems to be doing. I do get the feeling that he never seems to come out with the whole truth about things and just tells me bits of what he wants me to know. It's just a shame as you've said that I've wasted three months waiting around for him, feel really stupid now!!!
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 No need to beat yourself up. That's just wasting more time and effort over someone who doesn't deserve it. People's motivation for engaging in this type of behavior vary. It's completely irrelevant why. What's relevant is moving on if the person isn't asking for a date and following through relatively quickly. Guys who want to date are focused on getting you to a date. They're progressing things to exchange phone numbers and arrange a date. I've gone on dates the same day I was contacted. Things don't really drag out more than a few days before a date is established on the calendar...because you're both actively looking to date. It's a dating site. You keep excusing his behavior because he's only 24. Is he really? What are the chances that some popular...but jobless...24-year old jetting to parties around the world that you've never met is deeply in love and exclusive with you who lives in a country other than his own? This person has more red flags than China. For all you know, it's a fifty-year old woman. We (and you) know nothing about this person other than he (or she) refuses to meet you for a date in real life. He picked a persona that was likely to get bites, and bite you did. Stop getting distracted by the non-existent fantasy. Learn from it, block him, and move on to more promising prospects while keeping an eye open for red flags. FWIW, most people on dating sites are not like this person.
fred123 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 hey. I'm sorry to hear this. i have been there. count yourself lucky he didn't come and see you and then say you are just friends. trust me that would have hurt more. learn from this.
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